Private Chaaje'vode

[Mia Monroe]

Concern washed over Mia's face and she stepped in to Elise, hand catching the girls armoured elbow. She should have noticed in their flight down, so eager to see Ijaat to be close to him again had tunnelled her vision, she'd been oblivious to the girls suffering.

"You need to close the gates, Eli'ika." she said softly, "Right now you're standing in the torrent of a flood of pain and anguish that is not yours.You can control how much comes in. Breath deep and focus, raise the flood gates, build your damns. Don't let it all in at once."

She cast a worried look at Ijaat. "If we need to take you back up to the skies and bring you down slower we can."

Mia should have been paying attention. She should have known. Elise had told her of what had happened the last time she came here. An oversight on her part that would not happen again.

Ijaat Mereel Elise Ahana-Gwyneira

 

[Elise Ahana-Gwyneira]

Elise was doing her best to stand upright, before these legends, but he nausea was getting worse. Her legs were wobbly as both Ijaat Mereel and Mia Monroe spoke to her, telling her that she had the capability to cope. How embarrassing it was, being babied the moment she stepped foot upon this new world. She was better than this! She was a fully fledged, fully powerful Mando'ade! She seethed in a tight, deep breath and closed her eyes. Her mother had trained her, and so has Siyarr Ahan-Mitharran . She shuddered, forcing internal focus on her Force Sense. The Dreamseer saw it like a literal plain, and saw heavy iron doors opened to the vile elements. She had to walk forward, against the blight, and shut the doors herself.

Arr'Huwal, preserve me!

She had no idea how long it took, struggling to reach mile tall doors with her little arm. But she managed to grab onto the hefty chain levers, cold as death, and switch them. One by one, numerous doors were closed. But every door closed made it easier to bear, and the remaining doors grew smaller. When it got to where she could handle standing, feel vigorous, she opened her eyes again.

Whatever Dreamseer secrets she had performed to turn her Force Sense down, it only took a mere second in reality's perception. And despite the ages spent in her own mind, she felt that same brief passage of time. Panting, Elise immediately felt less violated and beaten by Mandalore's hellscape. Although, she still needed to recover from what already had barraged her. It took a lot of effort as well, closing those doors. But she had succeeded.

Alas, for Elise was stubborn. The offer to take her back to the atmosphere was met with a firm shake of the head, <"I can manage.">

She was a liar.

Elise swayed from side to side for a couple moments, desiring to wipe away the floodgates of sweat beneath her buy'ce. But she held herself together, as uncomfortable as she was, and stood up straight.

<"I'm alright now.">

She cleared her throat, looking to Ijaat, <"A place to stay would be lovely, but what kind of work needs done around here?">

Straight to the point, and brutally evasive of the concept of rest. Rest she so desperately needed.

 

[Ijaat Mereel]

Stooping, Ijaat smiled softly as he grabbed Elise without much of a word. She might be strong, she might be full grown. But Ijaat had reared many children in his day, Mandalorians raised their verd'ika by the village, it was known. With an arm under the knees and another cradling her neck, the burly smith cradled her in his arms and began walking, not pausing for Mia to catch his drift, just trusting she would.

"Work can wait, vod'ika. You need rest. Without it, you're no good to me."

Turning a corner, he gently nudged a door with his foot and trod into his own chambers. It was not quite sparse, but far from opulent. Part library and part armory, a giant desk littered with dataslates, papers, and various mechanical projects dominated the most of it a heavy but rough hewn veshok wood chair behind it, carved with inlays of mytosaur bone and beskar. It was at once humble and part throne, obviously given the thin cushion on the seat a place where Ijaat spent most of his time, as the bed was still made. And neatly so.

Without preamble he sat Elise down on it, and pointed a gloved hand at her, the crushgauntlet whining at just the edge of hearing as he did so.

"You don't have to sleep, but rest."

He gestured to the walls, carven glyphs of Mando'a covering them in swirls and whorls.

"This place is safe. Warded. Your mind can wander here. Now tell me, what is a Clansmen of my friend Kranak doing at my doorstep? How fares he?"

Mia Monroe | Elise Ahana-Gwyneira

 

[Mia Monroe]

Mia breathed a sigh of relief when Ijaat stepped forward to sweep Elise off her feet, they both knew she was lying, but Ijaat was always the better one in situations like this. She watched him carry her off and took a moment to breath, rolling the tension out of her shoulders before following. She was waylaid on route by Jhi. "Al'verde, welcome back." she greeted, handing her a datapad. "Scout reports."

"Thanks Jhi." She stopped as Ijaat disappeared inside. "What of our Mand'alor?"

Jhi smiled "Well, he hasn't been hiding in the forge, if that's what you mean. He's kept busy, more vode are coming home every day." Mia breathed a sigh of relief. "We've got his back when you're not here, Mia, you know that."

"Doesn't make leaving him any easier." she gave the womans arm a squeeze, leaving her to follow after Ijaat and Elise. She found Ijaat standing over Elise having set her on his neat bed. She filed how beat it was away for later discussion, had he not slept? She pulled the door closed behind them, giving them privacy and moved to lean against the desk, keeping half an ear on the conversation while she skimmed the reports.

Ijaat Mereel Elise Ahana-Gwyneira

 

[Elise Ahana-Gwyneira]

With her fear of physical touch being the way it was, Elise internally panicked when she was scooped up like a little kid. Thankfully, her psychometry did not activate. But Elise was still most embarrassed! Beneath her buy'ce, her cheeks were crimson. But as Ijaat set her on the bed and told her to rest, Elise felt the effects of merely not being on her feet sinking in. Maybe... just for a couple minutes. She was not about to disobey the new Mand'Alor after all!

She reached up a yanked her buy'ce off her head. Her long, blonde hair fell into place on her shoulders and back. The Ajayid set her helmet aside, an exhausted look engraved in her red eyes. She flopped back, landing on the bed. She realized how much she was panting, laying there. Her tired eyes gazed around the room. It was... rich with detail. Mandalorian culture was engraved in the walls, etched in the furniture, and adorned like crowned jewels over the furnishings. Her mother would have loved this! The Mythosaur bones, she only recognized from her grandfather's memories.

The mention of her grandfather snapped her attention back to Ijaat Mereel , as he asked how Kranak Vizsla was doing. A somber, disappointed expression crossed her face. She sighed from her despairing feelings and looked up at the ceiling. More Mando'a glyphs covered the ceiling. These glyphs... they reminded Elise of Archais. Wistful, she looked back to Ijaat.

"Kranak is my ba'buir."

Tears flooded her eyes as she looked back, on so many memories of him growing up.

"I wanted to be like him as a child. He trained me, mentored me, was always there for me. I really looked up to him, still do... even though..."

She clenched her fist, "He's the War Master of the Enclave. He's the one who initiated the Crusade..."

Her hand weakly loosened, her fingers shaking. She reached up with her other hand and wiped away her tears. She was trying so hard to keep it together, in front of this legend. And she sensed Mia Monroe just outside the room too. Elise's insecurities kept mocking her, telling her that a Mandalorian should not be weak like this.

Elise fopped her arm from her face, and to the bed's cushions again. Haunted, she remembered fighting her own sister, fighting the Enclave, and fighting her grandfather's wishes.

Elise was disappointed in Kranak... but he must have been disappointed too.

And the granddaughter in her, admiring and looking up to him, could not handle the shame.

Elise looked up to the ceiling, tears slipping down her face.

"I came to help rebuild my people's home. I came to do something good for a change."

She sat up, looking indirectly at Ijaat with fear in her eyes, "But am I ever Mando'ade anymore? I fought my own people, when they ravaged Lwekk. I fought my own vod'ika."

She looked down at her hands. Shaking and numb beneath her gloves, she could see the blood on her hands. "I got my fellow vode killed."

She winced her eyes shut, looking away. "You... have the power... to pronounce someone Dar'manda. You... could damn me with the words..."

She looked up to Ijaat, panic and woe in her eyes, but also, defense. "I've done what I had to do! I couldn't stand to see the Enclave do to other worlds what the Sith have done to us! Bloodthirsty, craving to prove their strength! Forcibly taking worlds that never wanted their control, and getting people hurt in the process! Abandoning old allies, and resorting to a road of bloodshed and destruction!"

She shouted, determination found in her voice for the first time, "I had to stop it."

But as soon as that determination came, it left. She looked down at her hand again. It had needles and tingling, and she gazed at it with disbelief and guilt in her eyes. "I would never regret fighting bullies... but I despise myself for battling my own vode. I abandoned my mother, dishonored my auntie's death, and earned the ire of my sister. I directly defied my grandfather's wishes. I made a choice. I can't say I'd choose differently, if I had the chance, but..."

She slumped, covered in shame. "Am I even Mandalorian anymore? When I boarded Mia's ship, I thought I was... but look, look how it took the mere mention of my grandfather to tear my verdict down again. Look at me falling apart, when my would be Mand'Alor needs strong willed Mando'ade at his calling. I must be pitiful to you, and I don't blame you if you think that."

Elise really talked too much. Ijaat probably had not expected to hear Elise blurt out all her problems like that. But Elise had not expected it either. Perhaps, looking back, she may have not even come out of duty, honor, or a desire to prove herself. Perhaps... she had merely wanted to be judged.

And that judgement, well... it terrified her.

 

[Ijaat Mereel]

Ijaat let the pent up venom spew and the younger Mandalorian ramble as he took a seat behind his desk. The news of Kranak being behind the Crusade both amused and saddened him. But Mandalorians could change, just like anyone. And sometimes for good reason, they went against what others outside and even inside their own vode thought was right. Regardless, unless they met, he doubted that he and Kranak Vizsla would be chatting about the philosophy behind his call to crusade.

As she finished, Ijaat leaned forward, idly swirling the cup of caf he had brewed and taking a sip before he answered her, in a plain but honest and as kind a fashion as the smith could manage. He had never minced words, but he did recognize when a softer tone would benefit.

"You recognize the weakness. You seek to overcome and improve upon it. That is the first step to strength, and the one most never take. So no, I don't think you pitiful. I think you young, and still finding yourself and your purpose. And that is something I would not willingly go back to myself. I'll take another stint in a Vong laboratory first, thank you."

Here he smiled at her, a genuine craggy and crooked grin as he shook his head.

"You will find that way. I will help, as I can. That is my job. Your job is to find your peace and strength, and stand beside your vode in united purpose. Whatever that purpose and standing will be or look like, only you can decide. But you best get to it. Cold iron shatters when you wait too long, and the longer you wait the colder the iron will be."

Elise Ahana-Gwyneira | Mia Monroe

 

[Mia Monroe]

Ijaat was gentle where Mia could not have been, Elise's melt down had arched an eyebrow and torn her attention away from the report she gave an imperceptible shake of her head, and lowered the dataslate to fix Elise with a calm and steady expression as Ijaat said his piece. Slowly she set the slate in front of Ijaat, pointing at the mention of flock of sithspawn that had been spotted encroaching ever closer to the edges of Keldabe.

"Elise," she said her voice low "Do you really think, for one second that the crimes you think you have committed are unique?" she rested her palms against the desk, steadying herself against the dark emotion that threatened to escape her. That she should sit there and weep, for defending people against an seemingly unjust crusade, elicited a cold hard anger.

She knew nothing of what it meant, to truly bear the blood of Mando'ade on her hands.

Katlayadyr

The whisper across the back of her mind made her eyes flash orange. She took a breath, eyes downcast, wrestling to push her anger back down. She was just a child. After a moment, she looked up, and the orange was gone, her expression calm.

"Vode have been fighting and killing each other for centuries, standing on opposite sides of what they believe it is right. You killed them in a fair fight. I never did. The blood of our kin is so deeply ingrained in palms of my hands its stained them. I will never be free of it. So dry your tears, and hold fast to your why. In time you will find it easier to live with."

She pushed off the desk, plucking the slate back from Ijaat. "I'll speak to Jhi and get a hunt organised. She's all yours." Without another word, Mia left.

Ijaat Mereel Elise Ahana-Gwyneira

 

[Elise Ahana-Gwyneira]

Ijaat's words came first, then Mia's. Ijaat's sympathy was something she had not expected, but his words gave her the reassurance that her story was just beginning, and she needed to seize it. Then, it was Mia who stepped in with far firmer words for her. But those words cut even deeper than Ijaat's. Elise knew, fully well, from history that Mandalorians were always at each other's throats. And hearing it from the fallen Mandalore, she realized that she had been so focused on her strife with the Enclave, that the greater history she knew so well evaded her.

If she had been there, when Mand'Alor the Liberator went mad, what would she had done? Ra Vizsla had been a terror and a wretch himself. Would she have chosen any side?

Both had the blood of their people on their hands. Far worse than Elise did.

But Mia and Ra both had their justifications. They both fought for what they thought was best for their people, no matter how misguided. It was just like the Enclave... and just like Elise.

Perhaps, it was not as much of a who was wrong or right issue as she thought. Elise had her sins now, but she had made the choice. She did what she thought was best. She would not be perfect in it. Celt Saxon had called her a misguided b!t€h. But she had to believe, even with the pitfalls, that it was the best step forward.

Ijaat Mereel called her to her united purpose.

Mia Monroe called her to dry her tears and cling to her why.

She looked back on the advice she had been given by her Dreamseer mentor. Siyarr Ahan-Mitharran called her beyond her guilt, pointed out the faults of those she fought, and encouraged her to strive to be the hero she knew she wanted to be. He encouraged her for the greater galaxy's future. Ijaat and Mia encouraged her as a vod. Elise's guilt still clung to her, but two Mand'Alors told her to push beyond her guilt, pointed out the faults within themselves, and encouraged her to be the vod she knew she wanted to be. They encouraged her for the Mando'ade's future.

And suddenly, it all came together, breaking through.

Elise reached up, wiping her tears away. Her back stopped throbbing, as her old drive returned to her. The guilt ached, but she knew now that she would simply have to live with it. It would be easier in time. She was a failure at times, and a traitor. And yet, she no longer felt the need to run from it. If the Mandalorian leaders who bombed their own planet's core could move on, live on, and rebuild their broken world... Elise could do the same.

She lowered her hands, eyes puffy from the irritation. And yet, those eyes had a fire within as well.

"My greater purpose, was always to be a hero. To save as many people as I could, vode and aruetii alike. To build a better galaxy, where freedom and life prevail. I have to believe that even if I make mistakes in that, I can still do my best. And as a Mandalorian, I am required by the Resol'nare to act in the best interests of my people as well. The Mand'Alor has called for his people to rebuild their home. I must answer."

She looked down at her hand, her arm. The vambrace and crushgaunts were weapons of war, but also defenses of life.

"And so I will. Regardless of what it takes."