By the Telling Eased

[Mariel Dawnrider]

Eira Pechal​

The Praxeum​

The unconsciousness was a blessing. When [member="Alden Belmont"] got her back from Lola Sayu, to the Praxeum and the infirmary there, the extent of the damage became clear. Knowing the limitations, Alden oversaw her care. Without the use of bacta, Harper's recovery would be slow and drawn out. But for the first forty eight hours, it was all done with her insensate and unable to explain just how she had come by the wounds her body held. Deprived of food and water, beaten, damage left untreated beyond the bare limits of keeping her alive. There were remnants of compounds in her blood, proprietary chemicals of the Sith Empire with no clear answer for how to safely neutralize them. The healers weren't certain at first if they would be able to save her left arm at all. Mangled, every joint left dislocated for however long it had been, numerous bones broken, tendons torn.

Alden, however, wouldn't budge.

They had to try.

Two days after arriving, Harper finally woke up.

Everything was a haze of white when she first opened her eyes. There was a weight, heavy and firm, cradling her left shoulder all the way down to her palm, but she didn't have the strength to look just yet. Her right hand curled reflexively, something there in her fingers.

Alden's hand.

It took far more effort than she expected, and that alarmed her a little, to turn her head to look over to that side. Everything was stiff, but the pain was duller, heavier than it had been before. She didn't remember anything after she had passed out in the lift, but it was clear where she was, that she was safe.

He was slumped in a chair next to her, his arms folded beneath his head where it rested on the bed. Either he was asleep or just exhausted enough that it was difficult to tell the difference.

"Al," she said, her voice quiet and cracked from from dryness and disused.

 

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Harper Kade"]

He wasn't sleeping.

Just..... resting his eyes for a little bit.

Leaning, half-slumping against the wood of the chair, while refusing to not hold her hand just a little bit at least. It was only the touch of skin that allowed him to keep drawing out her pain and pouring it into himself at this point. Even then it was difficult for him. Very difficult to keep it going. All that Alden knew was that it was necessary and that he owed it to her.

It was the least he could do.

"Ha- hmpf, I am awake!" Suddenly eyes popping open and back straightening. "Ugh-" Every bone hurt, dear force, what. "Harp!" Suddenly realizing where he was and what it meant that she was talking.

"Oh, Force. How are you? Do you need anything? Water? Anything else?"

Mind racing to figure out just how to help her in the moment, when she could finally articulate it herself.

 

[Mariel Dawnrider]

She couldn't help it. It was small and pained, tight and strained, but she smiled.

"Water," she croaked.

She didn't talk much until he'd gotten the cup (within each reach, for him at least, on the small table next to the bed) and helped her drink. Small sips, but she couldn't remember ever tasting anything so perfect in her entire life. She focused on that small act, one of his hands on the cup, the other on her good shoulder until she didn't feel as though her tongue would shatter into dust. Her head eased back again against the pillow, her eyes closing for a moment.

Moment turned longer than expected, long enough that maybe she'd fallen back asleep. But then her eyes opened, and she turned her head to look at him again.

"How long have I been out?" She asked, voice a little better but still too weak.

Even as her worst at any point in their lives, Harper had always been vibrant, full of energy, of spirit. Here she was subdued, weak, and it was entirely wrong in every way.

[member="Alden Belmont"]

 

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Harper Kade"]

He focused moment to moment.

From catching the cup to helping her drink to watching her ease back into the pillow.

For a moment Alden really thought she was gone again, until her head turned and their eyes caught. Truth to be told he didn't even notice the feel of defeat and weak in her voice. Not really. Not when his entire system was flooding with the sensation of relief that she was alive. That this wasn't some sort of coma that would keep her in bed for the rest of their years.

That she would be okay.

Right? "Two days, Harp." Except that it wasn't just physical. Once the hope dimmed again he saw it better, the lines, her eyes. "Out for two days." Holding her hand again and stroking her wrist carefully.

A habit now- she would notice that.

Anxious tick.

"Anything more you need right now?"

 

[Mariel Dawnrider]

Two days.

Only two days.

She nodded, the movement small.

"And how.... how long was..... I gone?"

Harper had no idea. She'd been taken just two days into her search. Once [member="Darth Carnifex"] had been done with her and shipped her off to Lola Sayu, she had no idea how much time had passed.

Something about the way he asked if she needed anything else- for some reason the small, animal place in her mind interpreted it as 'if not I'll leave you to rest.' Her fingers tightened around his reflexively.

"Don't- don't go," she whispered, a little strangled. "Please."

[member="Alden Belmont"]

 

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Harper Kade"]

The frown deepened at that grasp.

Made the right call not to say anything then.

Reaffirmed that for himself, before squeezing back. "I won't, Harp, gonna stay right here with you until you are better." In truth Alden meant that literally. If possible he would stay with her for as long as it was necessary. Part of him knew that was silly, sighing at himself internally. All of this... all of this was so karked up, so complicated and difficult and he was exhausted.

He knew that if he just flopped down?

Sleepy time.

"Two weeks. You were gone for two weeks." Too long, Alden shouldn't have ignored his gut there. Should have done something. "How is your arm? Anything that specifically hurts right now?"

 

[Mariel Dawnrider]

Just two weeks.

It had felt like a lifetime. Not the first part- that had been too full of trying so hard at every turn. No, it had been when she had been left, maimed and ignored in the depths of the prison on Lola Sayu that time had hung at a stand still. Every minute an hour. She'd spent over a week in darkness, she estimated, give or take a few days. Only a week.

Forever.

Her eyes closed in exhaustion, too much welling up for a moment.

"Everything," she admitted a moment later, opening her eyes and giving him a small, tremulous smile. "But it's better than it was. Do... do they think it'll heal right?"

Her question was guarded, hesitant. Harper wasn't a healer but she wasn't an idiot either. She knew exactly what had been done to her arm. She'd seen it, felt it. And then it had been left for a week without attention. There was part of her that was surprised she'd woken up with it intact at all. Harper had always relied on her physicality, her strength, her endurance. She was trying very hard not to get her hopes up that she'd just be normal after all of this, but she couldn't help it.

[member="Alden Belmont"]

 

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Harper Kade"]

'They' would have cut her arm off and replaced it with a cybernetic prosthetic, if it hadn't been for him.

But Alden didn't say so.

Even if it still infuriated him -- walking into the room and coming across that discussion without him... it made sense? In truth Alden wasn't anyone to Harper (oh, a friend, maybe best friends, but certainly not a relationship in the space of family), but that hadn't helped. It had taken him a lot of effort to get them to push off. "It was push-and-pull for the first few days," Alden said truthfully there.

He felt uncomfortable not just saying how it was.

But somehow Al didn't think that would be helpful here.

"I have poured as much as I could into your arm, Harp, I think it will be okay. You will need to work with it a lot- keep the joints and muscles in movement, so it doesn't lock up, but-"

A sigh, rubbing his jaw and closing his eyes for a moment. Tired.

"I have hope."

How bitter did that sentence feel right now.

 

[Mariel Dawnrider]

She listened, expression serious. Because what he wasn't saying was as clear as what he was. There was a lot he was leaving out. Someone else might have missed it. But Harper knew him too well.

Not to mention that surge of bitterness at the last left an almost tangible bad taste in her mouth.

The fingers of her left hand squeezed his.

"It's okay, Al," she said softly, looking up at him. She smiled- even if it didn't reach her eyes, she smiled.

"I.... thank you." For everything. For getting her out of there. For helping now. The way he'd said 'poured everything' gave her some idea of just how much time he'd actually spent there in the last two days. She could feel his exhaustion. But it was more than that, wasn't it?

She didn't ask him right now how bad it really was. She left it alone for now.

"How are you holding up?" Maybe a strange question, given the circumstances. But she could feel that the answer was 'not particularly well'. "When was the last time you slept?"

[member="Alden Belmont"]

 

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Harper Kade"]

It wasn't okay.

This was the farthest from okay as far as Alden was concerned. "Hm?" Al blinked, realizing she was asking about him in that moment and sighed softly. "You always worried too much about others, while you were hurting yourself, Harp." That much hadn't changed over the years. Not even the likes of the Sith could beat that out of her, it seemed, no much how much pain they delivered.

Wasn't that hope in some way?

The remaining hand palmed the one squeezing his hand.

A nod at her thanks. What to reply to that? When Alden thought he hadn't done enough, barely the minimum of what she deserved? "I wish I could do more, but I will do my best. Always." Then he relaxed a bit, one hand still squeezing, but other than that slumping a bit against the chair. Groaning a bit as her question caused his body to protest in the wildest forms.

"I uh. Closed my eyes a couple of times?"

Translation: not since Lola Sayu."

 

[Mariel Dawnrider]

She started to shrug then winced, immediately regretting it.

"Can't help it," she said a with wane chuckle.

Of course when he answered her question she frowned. "Oh Al."

She'd been unconscious the whole time- he should have slept, should have rested.

"You can't help anyone else if you don't take care of yourself first," she pointed out. Paused, scrunched up her face a little, and winced again where it pulled on the bruised parts of her face. "And yes, I see the hypocrisy there, but I'm going to stand by a weak 'it's different' and ignore it for now since there's nothing I can do to change it anyway."

May as well hit that uncomfortable truth head on.

"I....."

A pause, struggling with something.

"I need you Al. But I need you at your best. Because.... I need to explain. What happened. You need to know. You and Ember."

There was guilt there. The skin around her mouth and eyes white with the tension of it. She hadn't been awake for five minutes yet but she felt like it couldn't wait another five. She'd put them, those two in particular, in danger. The sooner they knew the better. But if he hadn't slept, she needed him to do that more.

"Please, I'm not going anywhere," she tried for a joke, but it fell a little flat. "Get some sleep?"

[member="Alden Belmont"]

 

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Harper Kade"]

Alden had never been an empath.

Emotions, feelings- he barely understood his own and wasn't gonna try to pretend he understand others. There were things playing just underneath the surface that was Harper Kade, but Al couldn't quite... grab at it. Part of him was concerned about it. The other part? Was just happy that she was awaken again. Feeling lively enough to actually make a joke or two.

"Hey, look, I am fine, okay?" He didn't look fine.

DIdn't feel fine either, but that was besides the point.

He scratched the line of his jaw when her eyes got that quality to it. Not quite the same strength... still there. "Harp, I ain't leaving your side, so that is the end of that." A shrug followed after that.

"I will stretch out a bit and can catch some sleep here. The chair is comfortable enough."

As for that happened-

"You just need to focus on healing up right now. Anything else can wait as far as I am concerned."

 

[Mariel Dawnrider]

Her hand tightened on his. She kept back a sharp no, but only just. If she did that, here and now, there was no way he was going to get any sleep at all until after she'd explained whatever it was that had her that worked up.

The guilt of it was like acid in her throat but she needed him to be rested to explain it- more than she needed to get it off of her chest? She wasn't sure.

"I know Al," she said instead, offering a smile that strayed no where near her eyes.

"I'll rest, I promise. But you need some sleep too. So. Try? For me? Even if it's just in that chair."

She didn't want him to leave, truth be told. She'd been alone through her entire ordeal. It hadn't been thoughts of him perse that had gotten her through it, but knowing there were people who cared, who she was trying to protect? It had helped.

Not much, but it had.

In the end it hadn't stopped her from failing however.

Her stomach flip flopped and she closed her eyes for a moment, willing it to wait.

"You rest and I'll rest. Deal?"

[member="Alden Belmont"]

 

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Harper Kade"]

He could feel the exhaustion in his bones.

Lola had been brutal on him as is and the next two days were a blur at this point. Harp was right- she needed him, but she needed him at a hundred percent. Not fifty, forty or even ten.

Hundred.

That couldn't be done while he was half-asleep and everything seemed to just get slower around him. Definitely not. A nod, small. "Deal then." He sighed, but then pushed himself off the chair and leaned down. Pressing against her softly and carefully. Still holding her hand and increasing the proximity. "I was so afraid, Harp," Al murmured against her. "Heal up, rest, I won't leave you again."

Unless she said something more or kept him, he would (tentatively) pull back.

 

[Mariel Dawnrider]

Harper closed her eyes as he hugged her. He was careful- oh so careful. She couldn't remember a time when he had treated her this delicately. But then, she couldn't think of a time when he'd ever needed to either. She breathed in deeply, chest hitching slightly, then again, the side of her face resting against his hair.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, eyes closed tight. "It's okay now, okay?"

It wasn't though, was it?

She'd put them all in danger.

Harper felt her throat tighten, fighting back tears again. Why? Where was that coming from? It welled up out of nowhere. Guilt, a feeling not that far divorced from panic. She fought it down and back, swallowing hard.

"Come on, rest now," she said, her voice strained. "I'll rest too, okay?"

As he sat back down, she slipped her hand out of his. But only so she could rest it against his hair. As his head came down, pillowed by his arms against the bed beside her legs, she stroked his hair gently. Closing her eyes and trying to focus there instead of on the nebulous sense of danger. Of panic. She wanted to tell him to run, but she swallowed it back.

What was wrong with her?

"Rest," she whispered, her throat tight. "I'll be here when you wake up."

[member="Alden Belmont"]

 

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Harper Kade"]

"You keep apologizing, Harp, this isn't on you- not your fault." Al firmly said against her, before pulling back and settling himself on the chair.

Arms coming up and serving as some sort of cushion.

Eyes closed, her hand brushing his head. Later Alden would have liked to say it took him time to get sleep. That he didn't immediately fold into two and passed out the moment the lids closed. Sadly that wasn't the truth- on the tune of the stroke and her soft voice Alden drifted. "Mhmm, I will be here tooo." Voice haggard and slooowly dragging out the syllable sleepily.

Then Alden was gone.

Harper would have felt that better than most what with her empathy.

Once Alden woke up it was night. Lights dark, the entire room was bathing in shadows. Her hand was still on him so he was careful as he pulled back a bit. Groaning against the ache of his muscles.

"Oh, feth me."

 

[Mariel Dawnrider]

She had plenty of time to sit alone with her thoughts.

At Lola Sayu there had been more of that than a soul could stand. But there had also been pain. Terror. There was no room for real introspection. Now when every sound of a foot step could be the end.

Here, in safety and comfort, away from the sheer moment to moment panic of survive, there was so much room for it all to replay. Over and over again in agonizing detail. For doubts to creep, for the mind to feed them in the ways that only the mind can.

Harper didn't sleep while Alden did. She dozed occasionally, the sheer needs of the body overcoming the burning wheels of the mind. When he woke up, her hand was still on him. But she was not asleep. In the silent darkness, she had been unable to rest, the fear of darkness new. She knew it was irrational. Knew it meant nothing. But that didn't stop the feeling in her chest, tightening to the point of choking. Her logic kept her from waking him up, from calling out for someone, anyone, to turn on a light.

Her fear brought the tears tracking down her face. The tremor in her hand as she drew it away from him when he stood. It brought the very quiet sound, not a sob, too soft for that. The shaky breath as she finally spoke.

"C-can you turn on a light, Alden? Please?"

[member="Alden Belmont"]

 

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Harper Kade"]

Bleary eyes.

How was it that he had slept and still felt like he had been rolled over by a ship or something?

A blink.

"Harp? Yeah, of course." He searched a bit, before flicking the lights on and turning around. Tears. Another blink, slower this time. "Harp? Hey, what is wrong?" What wasn't wrong now? Harper didn't feel like Harper, Alden felt completely out of his depth and everything was broken. He carefully picked his way back, settling himself on the edge of the bed and just as carefully took her hand in his. "You are safe, Harp. I know it might not feel that way right now?"

He didn't know.

How could Alden ever experience the same fear and terror that Harper had felt at the hands of the Sith without going through it himself? Not an empath either, so he couldn't just share the experience. Squeezing her hand just a bit.

"Is there anything I can do? Anything at all?"

Maybe trying to come up with an idea was the wrong course of action. Maybe she knew already what she needed. That was what Alden hoped.

 

[Mariel Dawnrider]

She managed to hold it together while he turned on the light. Harper had never, even as a child, been afraid of the dark.

She managed to hold it together while he returned. As his hand slid back into hers.

She managed to hold it together.

Until suddenly she couldn't any longer. Her fingers tightened in his hand. She wanted to curl up, curl in on herself, fill the hollowness she was feeling inside with something, anything other than fear. Other than guilt. But there was too much pain. There was no moving without stabs of agony so she ended up bowing her head and closing her eyes because there was no place else to go.

"I'm sorry."

She kept saying that. Because he didn't understand yet. Didn't know.

"Harp don-"

"NO!" Her voice was edged, on the border of frantic, her hand twitching in his.

"Alden please listen."

She drew in a deep breath, the air that came out again shaky and heavy. Her voice was choked, the sobs strangled in her chest but not entirely. Not enough.

"I told him."

A heavy pause.

"About you. About Ember. I'm sorry, Al. I couldn't help it. I- I tried. I tried. I couldn't.... he was...." She couldn't say it. The words stuck, hard and hot in her throat. "I put everyone here at r-risk. I tried. It's my fault. I-I don't remember.... everything I said. He was.... Alden I tried to be strong..... I wasn't. Not enough."

[member="Alden Belmont"]

 

[Jairus Starvald]

[member="Harper Kade"]

She interrupted him and Alden listened.

The hand tightening around hers for support as word for word a picture was painted for him.

The first question had been- Who did you tell? But... in truth Alden didn't need to ask it to know. The Sith, Kaine Zambrano or one of his minions more like (why would the Dark Lord of the Sith be personally involved here?) and now they knew. Who they were, their names, identities and presumably their connection to the Jedi Praxeum and Dellalt. His brows furrowed in concern at that reveal. At what it could potentially mean to them all, if she had shared where they were too.

Throughout it all Harper would not feel anger, indignation or blame from him.

Just concern and sadness. Al leaned in, kissing her head softly and his hand resting on her shoulder. "They put you through hell, Harp. You are not a soldier, not a Jedi. You are just a human, a living person like the rest of us all. You did what you could and I don't blame you." Murmuring softly as he stroked her shoulder. "Thank you for telling me. We will figure out a way to handle this, I promise."

What was there to do?

Evacuate? Abandon the world they had just discovered and started setting bonds here?

"Do... do they know where we are?"