First Reply Bruised and Beaten

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tag: Open to a Jedi

Gatz stepped off the ramp of his ship with a pained groan. As far as days went, he'd certainly had better: his simple assignment to get an old secret listening post up and running on Tatooine had gone sour when a Sithspawn showed up. Now the hidden base's generator was destroyed, the Sith knew of it's location, he'd gotten his ass kicked and needed medical attention, and he'd been forced to return to the Jedi Temple with his tail between his legs.

At least with the order to evacuate to other temples, the Coruscanti Temple was mostly empty. Technically, as a Padawan, he too had been ordered into hiding, but Gatz refused to cower away with the children. And he hated how the Senate and the Jedi had both decided to abandon the people of Coruscant. This was the planet the Dark Empire was most likely to invade, and they just decided to up and leave the people to their fate? There were only a handful of Jedi on Coruscant now, and a handful couldn't save the people from a fleet of warships.

Not for the first time, Gatz found himself disillusioned with the Order. But it was still the place where he could have the most impact, for now, and so he kept his mouth shut and attended to his duties. Except for the order to run away. He wasn't doing that.

With another pained groan, Gatz came to a stop and leaned up against a wall to catch his breath. His intended destination was the Healing Halls, but Gatz wasn't even sure if it was worth trying to get to. Were there any Jedi Healers on Coruscant anymore? Aside from him? He'd bandaged the worst of his wounds, but it was hard to tend to yourself. He knew at least two ribs were broken, and he was pretty sure he had a hairline fracture somewhere in his lower leg. And he'd definitely torn a muscle in his groin. Plus all the bruises and lacerations he'd mostly patched up, but were still in need of fresh linen.

Basically: he'd been beaten to a pulp.

"Oh well, Derrevar," Gatz grumbled to himself, "no one said being a Jedi was glamorous."

 

[Efret Farr]

Gatz was right to wonder. There weren't many healers in the Halls, at least not at this hour. That was partially the reason that Efret found herself there today. She was a consular before she was an archeologist after all, and her mastery of the Force made her a damn good healer.

Within the Healing Halls, she had found over the last few days that is wasn't too late for her to help in the foregone battles of Tython and Empress Teta. Obviously, the time for active fighting or defensiveness had passed, but the opportunities to mend the peoples the operation had broken were still rife. A great deal of them could not be moved like the padawans and their wards until they were in better shape physically and mentally. Even still, most of the wounded Jedi and soldiers that Efret treated radiated similar disillusionment and desire to stay to fight the inevitable to Gatz.

Even if they didn't talk about it, she felt their sentiments. She couldn't rightly fault them, or disagree with them for she was discontent with the situation as well.

Sensing another wounded presence down the entryway and around a few corners, Efret started out to meet it. Gatz would see her convor before he saw her, but she soon after came into view. "Oh goodness!" a voice coming from the translation unit clipped to her tunic exclaimed as it scanned her hand movements. "Let's get you off your feet."

She drew closer to Gatz and, if he'd let her, put an arm over the back of his shoulders in preparation of helping him up.

Outfit + equipment; lapel translation clip (currently switched on); lightsaber (green blade color)

Gatz Derrevar

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tag: Efret Farr

Gatz heard the voice before he saw who was behind it. It was ever so slightly off—too perfect and without enough inflection. There was an artificial quality to it, not unlike the vocoder his friend Rayne Lo'to used. It wasn't until Gatz looked up at the woman in front of him—who definitely wasn't Rayne—that he realized it had come from another Jedi. Or, rather, from the thing clipped to her belt.

Was she mute too? Or maybe deaf? Usually, Gatz would have been interested, but he was too tired and in too much pain to figure out how to ask.

While Gatz was usually of the stubborn sort, he decided things would just go easier if he let this Jedi help him. Clearly just walking was taking its toll on him, considering that he had to stop, and that was before he factored in the pain. So he let the woman take his arm and help him along. Almost immediately, Gatz let out an easy sigh. Just taking some of the weight off his bad leg practically cut the pain of his fractured whatever in half.

"Thank you," Gatz wheezed out, "Master....?"

This woman wasn't familiar to him. Whether she was a Knight or Master, he didn't know. But as a lowly Padawan, the distinction really didn't matter. She was above him, and therefore, should be shown respect by him. Also, she was carrying his sorry ass to the Healing Halls, so he figured it wouldn't hurt to be polite to her. He was a rebel and often difficult, but he wasn't ungrateful. That'd just be rude.

 

[Efret Farr]

As she walked with Gatz, Nirrah took flight again and soared ahead of the two Jedi. When Gatz spoke, she watched his lips rather than the way ahead. Perhaps the answered his unvoiced curiosity.

That and her continuing to sign one-handed. "Master Farr," she offered as an introduction. "And you are, my dear?"

Soon enough, they entered the Halls' lobby. "This way." She swept her arm in the direction she had meant and led him on. They continued down one hallway and then another after a bend in the first. Each recovery room they passed was occupied. It must have not been more than five minutes altogether but Efret began to panic with each step they took. Her hand on his shoulder, and the other now bracing on his chest, were suddenly pleasantly warm as she pushed a bit of pain reliving energy through her palms.

One hand then drew back. "This one here."

Inside the room, Nirrah was already perched atop the bed, pulling down the bed linens with her beak.

Gatz Derrevar

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tag: Efret Farr

Was Master Farr looking at his face? She was looking at his face and—oh! She was reading his lips. So, deaf, not mute. Gatz supposed that was probably the last thing he should be thinking about while he was being dragged to the Healing Halls, but if nothing else, it was nice to have his curiosity sated. It would save him an awkward conversation later on, when he was drugged up and not in an intense amount of pain.

"Gatz Derrevar," he answered the Jedi Master's question, "one of the shameful few adult Padawan learners."

There was more mirth in his statement than actual shame, though. Even when beaten to shit, with bone fractures and pulled muscles, Gatz still made an attempt at poor humor. Really, that was a good thing. He only stopped making jokes when he'd finally given up. And really, he'd been hurt a lot worse than this, several times. So he was no where near that line.

Master Farr led him through the Healing Halls, a wing he was very familiar with for a variety of reasons. More rooms were full up than he expected: with the Jedi having all but abandoned Coruscant and its people, he'd figured there wouldn't be any healers around to apply medical treatment. He's thought this wing would just straight up be empty—

Gatz felt a flux of energy suddenly course through his body. In seconds, much of his pain faded away. It took him a moment to realize that Master Farr must have been the source. There was palpable relief in knowing that a true Jedi Healer was still here on Coruscant, even if the Council had decided to order them to tuck tail and run.

She finally led him to an empty room, with... was that a bird pulling the sheets back for him? Gatz had many questions, but he figured he'd save them for later.

"Thank you, Master Farr," Gatz breathed out a sigh, and attempted to pull his boots and his jacket off, "for your help... and for staying in the Temple. I thought most of the Jedi had given up on Coruscant, and gone into hiding."

 

[Efret Farr]

The mirth would have been lost on her if there had been no hint of it in his facial expression. If that was the case, she would knit her brow at his statement but not respond. Part of her wanted to offer words of comfort, affirming that there was nothing shameful at all about taking one's time with the trials, though she recognized that he didn't need a lesson right now of all times.

Instead, she only began signing again once he was in bed. Nirrah jumped to the footboard, looking at Gatz with a strange gentleness. "You're very welcome, Gatz," said Efret as she opened up one of the room's many cabinets. She squinted at a white, slightly blurred form that could be a clean, wound ball of gauze. as if it would help her eyesight. She felt it next, the plush texture confirming her suspicion, and took it down from the shelf. It left her to sign with her unoccupied hand. "And thank you too. Staying available to interact with the galaxy is brave for both of us. Can you pick out the scissors for me from there?"

She had no idea if he could call on the Force in the state he was in to accommodate her but she hoped that he could, for she would appreciate the help greatly. She stepped aside so that Gatz could see the utensil holder she was pointing to on the counter from his vantage point. The tops of various medical implements extended past the opening of the holder—from forceps to a pen to a needleless syringe plunger—so it was possible to distinguish them from each other. At least, in theory it was; Efret's eyes merged the unique shapes into one similarly-colored mass.

Gatz Derrevar

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tag: Efret Farr

Gatz sagged into the medical cot with a sigh. Just being off his feet diminished his pain greatly. Which, considering he'd pulled something and cracked or fractured other things, made a whole lot of sense. He was curious, though, when he'd finally get to the point where he didn't get his ass kicked every other time he went out on an assignment. 'Every other time' was better than 'every time,' but it was still happening too frequently.

Not for the first time, he wondered if he was really cut out to be a Jedi. Especially since, this time, he had utterly failed in his duties.

"Can you pick out the scissors for me from there?"

Pick out the... scissors? Was this some kind of test of his lucidity? It wasn't a procedure he was particularly familiar with, but Gatz figured that the Jedi Master in front of him knew best. So, if she wanted scissors, then he would dig out the scissors.

"Of course, Master Farr."

Gatz shrugged, and then immediately winced as pain shot through his ribs. With a groan, he plucked the medical scissors from the utensil holder Master Farr had pointed him at, and handed them over. Considering she was holding gauze in her occupied hand, he had a pretty good idea of what she needed to cut.

"...Can I ask?" Gatz had a question, "what, uh, what's with the bird?"

 

[Efret Farr]

"Thank you again."

She tucked the scissors into her belt before turning to Gatz. "Nirrah helps me see," the master replied. "I have limited vision and no hearing. When my own eyes can't see enough, I ask to see though hers." Efret gave an easy smile. "Telepathy is traditionally subverbal, but for both of us it's subvisual.

"I apologize if my healing is not as effective as possible," she added, changing the topic. "I heal our understanding of Jedi history more often than I heal wounds of the physical nature." With that disclaimer out of the way, she turned her attention to one of Gatz' bandages that needed replacing. She unwrapped the old linen strips as carefully as she could then sent them floating over to another countertop across the room.

The state of the injury that had been hidden from view moments before make her brow knit with concern. "Now may I ask what happened?"

There was no need to let him steep in pain as he answered. Efret hovered a hand over the wound and focused, the torn skin drawing further closed as she breathed slowly out. She knew that she didn't have enough energy to heal him in entirety, but she was determined to examine all of his wounds and do something for each of them.

She learned forward next and began rewrapping the injury. Once she had trimmed the gauze, she secured the loose end.

Gatz Derrevar

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tag: Efret Farr

Gatz blinked at her, mouth agape but unable to form words. He'd never heard of using the Force in such a way before. Oh, he shouldn't have been surprised, he knew. All things were possible through the Force, after all. But he couldn't imagine the amount of focus and control it must have taken Master Farr to continuously keep that connection with her bird.

"I... huh," he breathed out a sigh as the Jedi Master tended to his wounds, "I guess there's always more to learn when it comes to the Force."

There was something inspiring about that: she was able to recognize the limits imposed upon her by her disabilities, and had found a way to overcome them with the Force. How could anyone not be in awe of that? But it was disheartening to Gatz as well: because for all his attempts, for all his studies, and for all his practice, he was still entirely hindered by his own limits. They weren't going away anytime soon. And... no matter what he tried, he couldn't seem to find a way to subvert them.

It was an odd feeling, to be both encouraged yet discouraged by what Master Farr had managed to accomplish for herself.

"Now may I ask what happened?"

"It was supposed to be a simple assignment: get an old listening station up and running, to spy on the Sith," Gatz answered easily, "turns out, it wasn't so simple. The Sith knew it was there, knew we were interested in restoring it, and sent a Sithspawn to kill whoever tried. Lucky me."

 

[Efret Farr]

She began to her process on another of his wounds, then diverted her attention back to his lips when she felt the vibration of speech in his body. She listened, then turned back to her work. Once she had finished redressing, she smiled and said, "Don't be so hard on yourself." The sarcasm was also lost on her, but she could feel disappointment edging on embarrassment in his aura. Her empathy was perhaps too strong, but the feelings she supposed he had drew on similar ones that she still held of herself from as early as her padawan days.

"You did much better than I would have."

She didn't elaborate, instead simply continuing to work on healing Gatz. However, there was something to her sudden silence—an emotional undertone that, if Gatz picked up on it, suggested that she hadn't said that simply for his benefit.

She, a Jedi Master, meant it.

Gatz Derrevar

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tag: Efret Farr

"Don't be so hard on yourself."

"It's hard not to be," Gatz sighed, "I came back because Masters Amani Serys and Valery Noble somehow tricked me into believing there was more to me than just some criminal. But all I've done in the time I've been back with the Order is flounder, fuck up, and fail. Every second they've spent on me has been a waste."

He blew out a long, frustrated breath, which turned into a slight wince as Master Farr moved onto the next injury. Still, he kept quiet—which was funny, because she wouldn't have heard him if he'd cried out in pain anyways. He supposed he was too stubborn, and his ego too fragile, to allow himself to verbalize his discomfort.

"When I first came back, a lot of Jedi turned their noses up at me, because of what I used to be. Some even downright refused to help me. Even a good friend of mine thought I was no better than the dirt beneath her feet, and she only came around because I helped save her sister." It was hard not to feel bitter about that, even months later, "I remember feeling so frustrated and disheartened because of that... but I'm starting to think they were correct to write me off. Everything I touch is ruined in some way. And it's not that I don't try... it's just never enough."

It was then that Gatz realized he'd been awfully chatty. A bit embarrassing, really. But it was nice to be able to get it off his chest. If he'd bottled that up any longer... well, he didn't want to know how he would have exploded.

Master Farr's words were kind, and seemed genuine, but Gatz found that he couldn't accept them as truth. She, a Jedi Master, certainly would have handled the Sithspawn better than he did. Hell, maybe she'd have stopped the damn monster from destroying the generator. Or maybe not. Maybe going through 'what ifs' in his head were pointless, and would only serve to upset him.

All he knew was that he didn't feel like a Jedi today. Most days he didn't.

Gatz let out a sigh, "the masters I respect the most keep putting their faith in me, and I just keep failing them. And it feels like there isn't an end in sight."

 

[Efret Farr]

Efret's smile grew taut with condolence. She had caught enough of what he said as she was healing him to understand.

"I think you may have the wrong idea of failure," she said. "You were convinced. You came back. You tried. You did not succumb to the Sithspawn's Darkness. I see a lot of success." She pat gently on one of his shoulders, if one was uninjured.

"One of the reasons I am an archeologist is because fighting is too much for me." She shrugged. "Deep in my mind, I know I can do it, but it takes a lot of focus asking the Force to fill in for two senses rather than just one. I particularly don't do well when taken by surprise.

"So I say again, you did much better than I would have." Namely, she might not have even made it back.

Gatz Derrevar

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tag: Efret Farr

"You were convinced. You came back. You tried. You did not succumb to the Sithspawn's Darkness. I see a lot of success."

Gatz opened his mouth to refute her once again, but close it as he thought on her words. He could have chosen to stay embroiled in a criminal lifestyle, but instead he'd chosen to help others. Yeah, the often didn't pan out very well, but he tried where others would look the other way. That was worth something, right? That a man like him could still choose good meant something, right?

And... the Sith clearly had known about the listening post. That meant the mission had been a failure before he'd even taken it on. Even if the Sithspawn hadn't destroyed the generator, a listening post that the enemy knew about was useless. Even Gatz could find a way to blame that one on himself.

"Maybe you have a point," Gatz admitted quietly, "but I just... I can't seem to be of use. It's frustrating."

The pat on his shoulder was a nice little bit of reassurance, but it didn't chase away the cloud hanging over his head. Most things couldn't. He hadn't come back to the Order to be the next Battlemaster or Chief Healer, but he'd like to actually be useful for once. To be competent and confident. Gatz understood that failure was a part of life and learning, but he was practically drowning in it.

Doubt would hold him back, he knew. But Gatz didn't know how to believe in himself when everything he was involved in fell to pieces.

"I just ran from the Sithspawn," Gatz shrugged, "I hit her with a rock, and ran away. I mean, I'm not ashamed of that—there was no point in fighting her, not when the generator was ruined and the Sith already knew about the outpost. But it's not like I did anything worth commending."

 

[Efret Farr]

The master's smile became almost joyous, like something was funny. While other Jedi, even other masters, might have found continuing to share their optimism with Gatz to be pointless for both parties, Efret thought it a meaningful challenge. Perhaps it would show her ways in which to be a better teacher on the seldom opportunities she got to guide students.

"And what if you didn't go?" she asked rhetorically. "You say the Sith knew about that outpost." She shrugged. "They might have staged a repair and fed us misinformation had you not found out it was compromised."

She stepped away and turned her back, both to throw out the old wrappings and let her words hang in the air above him.

Gatz Derrevar

 

[Gatz Derrevar]

Ship: The Red Night
Weapons: Lightsaber
Tag: Efret Farr

"They might have staged a repair and fed us misinformation had you not found out it was compromised."

Once again, Gatz opened his mouth to speak, only to close it when he found he couldn't refute her. She was right. The mission had failed before he'd ever taken it on. But if he hadn't, they never would have known that it was already a failure. And Sith Intelligence absolutely could have fed them false reports, and maybe even baited the Alliance into an operation that would turn out to be a trap.

"I guess you're right," Gatz said slowly, "maybe there's success, even in failure."

It wasn't a concept he'd thought on before. Failure was failure. And on Nar Shaddaa, that usually meant death, or at least a severe beating. Plus thousands of credits of forcibly accrued debt. But he didn't work for the Hutts anymore. And maybe, even when things didn't go as planned, there was still a silver lining to be taken from it—even if that was only a lesson.

Gatz had thought he'd screwed up, and potentially costs the Galactic Alliance lives by not having their listening post up and running. He supposed that, even though it wasn't the desired outcome, he'd actually saved lives by reporting that the Sith knew what they were trying to get up to.

"Thank you, Master Farr," Gatz dipped his head at her respectfully, but not so much that his lips were out of her sight, "for patching me up... and for the lesson."

 

[Efret Farr]

She saw what he said first with Nirrah's help as she put the remaining gauze back up on the shelf and replaced the scissors into their holder. The thank you she saw with her own eyes after she turned back to him. "I don't need thanks for either of those things, my dear," she said with another smile, this one gentle to portray her nonverbal tone. "Only a promise will do. Please do your best to be kind to yourself. I know that sometimes it seems impossibly hard, but, if you manage it, you might just find that you can do all other sorts of impossible things." Though Gatz might not believe it, she was speaking from an experience she was still struggling through.

The mechanized female voice of her translation unit momentarily clashed with the flapping of wings as Nirrah flew onto Efret's right shoulder. "Feel free to stay here as long as you need. I, however, am needed elsewhere."

She bowed her head back to him. "I hope we meet each other again." And, with that, she left the recovery room.

Gatz Derrevar