Private Broken, Lost and Furious

[Tarw Rhyfelwr]

Location: Selvaris
Outfit: Armour
Equipment: Rotary Cannon, hand cannon, beskad
Tag: Efret Farr

The Galactic Empire fell and Tarw thought that something new, something better that could be created in it's place that provided his home peace. Then news hit him that a Sith Covenant group claimed Coruscant. It was news that slammed into Tarw's chest like a sledgehammer, everything that he had been attempting to organise. Attacking bases, exploding imperial recruitment centres, military bases and the like. There was no major success in his missions, he hadn't been able to find a time to coordinate a team that lasted longer than a mission or two. It was a struggle and there were always casualties. He just needed to prove that Sith, Imperials, the whole cursed bunch could be wiped out of the core. That the lives spent liberating worlds was not a waste of a sacrifice.

There was always just one more mission. Just one big break to make sure that things get sorted.

All he needed was more ammo, fuel and some other basic supplies. It had been far too long since the last supply run and if he wanted to ensure this mission worked out then he needed to get some decent supplies. Selvaris was the closest world to him and with low fuel, it was his best chance out of the worlds near to where he was. Setting course, Tarw sighed, standing and checking himself in a medbay mirror. His body was littered with scars now. His face grizzled with a rough, unkempt beard and his hair was seemingly crushed into a helmet hair style. He had stopped taking care of himself for many months now and it felt like that decision aged him ten years older than he actually was.

Splashing some water on his face, he didn't linger on the thoughts of having let himself look like a rough, homeless soldier. Ironically enough, that was how he felt. There was no home for him now, there was no aim in his life besides doing what he could where he could. Trying to take down the evil forces corrupting his home.

Arriving on Selvaris, Tarw stepped off the ship and walked out, heading towards the stores. He was in his armour but the helmet was off for now. His weapons on him since they were the most expensive and deeply important objects in his life. He stopped in his tracks, looking over to where he recognised a face. A face that he had not seen in a long time. A face that he did not think he would see again. It was strange to realise how much time had passed since the last time he had see her. How much Tarw had changed since then.

But he figured he couldn't ignore the familiar sight. Stepping into Efret's view, Tarw held his hands up to sign as he spoke. "Hey there stranger. Long time no see, how have you been?" It was a softer voice than Tarw had been used to using for many months now but it was nice to feel it for a moment.

 

[Efret Farr]

Rix wasn't at the Enclave.

Good.

And the local quartermaster reported that he had left a few days ago for Naboo.

Even better.

Efret had returned to Selvaris to see if the reformed Jedi needed any further encouragement to visit Miona. It seemed that he needed none, that he had taken her advice to heart the first time she had given it.

Tarw wasn't the only one in need of supplies. After her journey to find Malcoma, which took her from Naboo to Selvaris to Denon then throughout deep space in the Mid Rim in her worn X-wing, Efret was in need of them too—though more of the rations and fuel than the ordinance variety, though preparation in the form of a few ion torpedoes never went amiss.

She and Nirrah were engaged in conversation with a landing pad attendant and didn't notice Tarw approach at first. But when the course of her chat concluded and the attendant walked away to see to other duties, and Tarw slid into her line of sight, her eyes widened with joy.

"Tarw!" As always, the tinny voice of her vocabulator was unmodulated, but her lively facial expressions were like a tone themselves. Excited. Warm. Relieved. It had been a long time since they had seen each other, and though they had only met once, the circumstances of the encounter had allowed her to remember his name. In fact, those same circumstances were playing out in a way again: Efret was here to visit Rix, though he was a free man now.

"It's very good to see you." If Tarw would accept, she would throw her arms around him in a short embrace. When she stepped back, her eyes had lost just a bit of luster. "I've been..." she began, then shook her head. She didn't have to say a half-lie just to be pleasant. The loss of Coruscant weighed heavily enough on veterans of the Galactic Alliance, soldiers and Jedi both, to lithify their hearts.

"Alive," she corrected herself. "I'm trying to be grateful for that, but it's difficult some days." Then another correction. "Most days."

She gave him a small smile, not because she was happy beyond reuniting with him, but as a little act of defiance against the Empire and Sith and what they both had done to the Core.

Were doing to the Core.

Though it was heinous, undoubtedly, part of the misery and paralysis that it caused Efret was up to her.

And, as she had told him, she chose what little bit of gratefulness she could grasp.

"How about you?"

She prepared for a difficult answer, just as hers had been.

Tarw Rhyfelwr​

 

[Tarw Rhyfelwr]

Location: Selvaris
Outfit: Armour
Equipment: Rotary Cannon, hand cannon, beskad
Tag: Efret Farr

Tarw accepted the hug and it felt strange to have a moment of humanity, Tarw had been pushing himself hard in a very different direction since the last time he saw Efret. There was less hope in his heart for a bright future in the galaxy and more an understanding that oppression was going to exist until every person accepting of it had been eliminated. A pursuit that was long, aggressive and there were times where Tarw felt it was not possible for him to succeed.

"I am sorry that I didn't reach out sooner. I lost contact with many people during the initial fall of the Galactic Alliance." Tarw stated as he continued to sign, there was some sadness in his eyes. There were many that had been lost in the rise of the empire, more as it became clear that the Galactic Alliance could not recover. Tarw wondered what would be happening with the galaxy moving forward since every corner seemed to have some level of darkness building within it.

When Efret stated that she was just alive, there was a lot of weight that was not being discussed and Tarw nodded his head. "Broken in a way that I don't think I could go back to the person I once was." Death was too frequent in his line of work now, it had been prominent before the fall but it was only built upon. Tarw was colder and distance himself more with those working with him. He couldn't form attachments since they were never guaranteed another day. "I hope that some day that you feel more than alive some day soon."

"You deserve to feel excited and so happy." Tarw stated.

 

[Efret Farr]

She shook her head. "Thank you, but I don't, at least not now. The loss of the Core is too heavy. Feeling happy would seem...very inappropriate.

"I haven't been in contact with many people myself," she admitted, then hesitated shortly. Should she confide in him the reason?

Yes. Absolutely. He deserved that.

"Was I on the Council when we last met?" She couldn't remember that bit. Most of what she recalled when she looked back was her interaction with Rix and her deep concern for him—and hope for his eventual rehabilitation from the Lightsworn extremism that he clung to. "Service was an honor, perhaps the greatest of my life, but it was also difficult. In the end, I felt it had changed me for the worse."

She sighed. Even as she signed, she felt the contradictoriness of what she was saying stain her decorated fingertips like another layer of henna.

"I resigned from my position months before the Empire took Coruscant. Part of me feels like all that's happened since is my fault." That was ridiculous. Tarw didn't know Efret well, but he probably recognized that she didn't seem like a fighter, even if he didn't remember that she had done archeology for the New Jedi Order. One archeologist wouldn't, couldn't, have kept the Core in the hands of the Jedi.

Tarw Rhyfelwr​

 

[Tarw Rhyfelwr]

Location: Selvaris
Outfit: Armour
Equipment: Rotary Cannon, hand cannon, beskad
Tag: Efret Farr

Taking Efret's hand, he gave a gentle squeeze and looked into her eyes. There was a heavy amount of wordless pain in his eyes. The horrors that he had seen while fighting in the core. "You deserve to find any level of happiness you can." Tarw continued to sign as he spoke, his one hand still holding hers as he let out a sad sigh. "It is not a bad thing to have moments of happiness with what is going on. If we live in constant despair and drown ourselves in the guilt, why even fight? Seeing people like you in my life, seeing you happy, that is why I fight."

He chuckled and shook his head, letting go of her hand, "not as far as I am aware of last time. But I am not surprised. You are a smart and pretty cool person so makes sense that you were on that Jedi Council." He gave a frown when she mentioned it changing her for the worst. "I don't think so, I think you just ended up caring more for those around you and that can make things tough." Having the emotional ties to everyone around you and then seeing your home going through a massive shift, it can be distressing and wearing on the soul.

"It is never one person's fault for the events that happened in the core. People left because there was a fast shift in how things were going. The Empire was an aggressive force right from the start. They sprung out of nowhere and then were able to push the Alliance back repeatedly." Tarw had watched as nothing was changed from the Alliance's side to the increasing threats and pressures of the Empire. "The Alliance was too set in their ways, they didn't have the time to adjust and reorganise themselves to fight back. Then the Empire burned itself out and allowed the Sith Covenant to take over the territory without much resistance at all."

It seemed like a cycle of violence in the core that was never ending. "One person cannot change the fate of what happened. Don't linger on the what ifs, what could have been. Focus on what you can do now and what can be done now to improve things." While this was advice Tarw gave to others, anyone who knew the soldier as he was now, knew it was hypocritical and advice he refused to accept himself.

 

[Efret Farr]

"Seeing people like you in my life, seeing you happy, that is why I fight."

She gave a small but sincere smile and signed with one hand as well. "I'm glad that energizes you." Even knowing that, she couldn't bring herself to wish happiness for herself. She had been miserable for so long beneath her sunny disposition that she honestly didn't know who she'd be if she was any other way. And a large part of her didn't want to find out, even if the change would be good for her.

It seemed better—safer, easier—to stay the same. To continue to walk with her demons than try to leave them behind. At least they held her hand. At least the fire smoldering in them warmed her somewhat.

She listened to the rest that he had to say. He didn't think that she should blame herself. She nodded, a motion made out of acceptance of his point of view, not agreement with it. The Jedi way was not to argue, especially not about something like this. She ushered the conversation on.

"Improve," she repeated. "Yes. Is that why you're here?"

Tarw Rhyfelwr​

 

[Tarw Rhyfelwr]

Location: Selvaris
Outfit: Armour
Equipment: Rotary Cannon, hand cannon, beskad
Tag: Efret Farr

There was an acknowledgement from Tarw that what he was saying was not necessarily resonating with Efret, but it was something that took time to sink into the mind. Battles with grief, depression and heartbreak, they were all battles that took time. They were never won through a single speech, a single uplifting moment. And you had to be in the mind to desire the changes otherwise you just end up spiralling around and around. Tarw knew this from the fact that he was in that exact spiral but it was his rage and his grief that drove Tarw to keep living in the misery.

Shrugging his shoulders when asked if he was here to improve things. "Maybe... Some call me a terrorist. I prefer freedom fighter, but it means I am in need of supplies and letting some of the others recharge before we jump right into the middle of things once again." Tarw mentioned, there was a shift in his voice and a darkness in his eyes, the kind soldier that Efret knew lost for a moment due to the horrors that Tarw had not only seen but done. Believing himself justified in order to eradicate the Sith from his home.

Pausing, he looked over to Efret, his hands still signing for her, "what has you here today?"

 

[Efret Farr]

Efret's lips pressed together sorrowfully. She extended a hand to put on the side of Tarw's upper arm, seeking a gap between the plates of his armor. If he let her, he would find her touch soft through the fabric of his blacks. An unnatural but comforting heat radiated from her palm, both in temperature and emotion. Tapas and Empathy.

She withdrew to answer him. "I was here about two weeks ago," she explained. "I came for information and saw..." As she trailed off, a smile rose to her face. "It's funny. The timing, I mean. I saw the man who I was visiting in prison before first meeting you.

"He's a friend. He's always been a friend. He just lost his way for a while. I suggested he go to Naboo."

She left it at that. The likelihood that Tarw would ever meet Rix was low, but if they did meet she didn't want to have already told her fellow Jedi's story for him.

"Maybe he'll join the High Republic," she mused hopefully. With that idea came one that she didn't speak. Maybe she should reach back out to Ala to ask her to accept Rix into her Order should he seek admission. But no, she had already petitioned and vouched for him twice—once through Pipma to commute his sentence with an invasion of Coruscant on the horizon and again personally to secure him safe haven in the enclave here. She was very willing to do so again, but she had to step back for his sake.

Rix had been a resourceful man when Efret had known him outside of his Coruscanti cell. There was no reason to believe that he couldn't make it on his own.

Her hazel eyes began to regain their shine as she thought about him. At the same time, another smile brightened her face.

"I've always been a strong believer in second chances. Even third, sometimes." She said that last bit lightly, but not as a joke.

Then she realized that she hadn't answered Tarw's question yet.

"I came back to make sure he went. I think it's very important."

Tarw Rhyfelwr​

 

[Tarw Rhyfelwr]

Location: Selvaris
Outfit: Armour
Equipment: Rotary Cannon, hand cannon, beskad
Tag: Efret Farr

There was a slight stiffening as Tarw felt the gentle touches of Efret's hands under the plates of his armour, the hand would feel the hardened muscles of a working soldier, a warrior in combat but also sense and feel the scars. The pain suffered in physical ways. How the cost of his aggressive rebellion cost his body. He was once a young, fresh faced warrior, now his body was littered in scars, burn marks and the like. He was not the young man that had met Efret that fateful day years ago. And it could be sensed under the armour.

A smile caught his lips as he nodded his head, "how fate likes to play games with us." Tarw commented, as he nodded his head. "I have heard that the High Republic have been accepting many old Galactic Alliance members, perhaps that is where you could go, continue your studies once again?" Tarw suggested, he held doubts that he could ever find his way there himself. The battles he had been in, the personal wars that he waged, there was no way he would feel comfortable operating in more legal, acceptable ways.

"I still believe in the work that you were doing, the archaeology and studying our pasts." Tarw stated, while Efret might have found less comfort in such studies after the fall of the Galactic Alliance, Tarw knew that for a lot of people. Having that knowledge, seeing people pursue that line of work. It made things feel safer, that their lives were more secure. Being in constant war, it could be far too draining, mentally debilitating in a manner that could break a society. Tarw could save lives, but he believed people like Efret could save souls.

Breathing in deeply, "it is good that you have such faith in people. There needs to be more hopeful people like you and less cynicism like I have." Tarw gave a dry self depreciating laugh. "Hopefully you find some good news with your friend. Any small positives should always feel like a big win nowadays."

 

[Efret Farr]

Efret noticed the stiffening, slight as it was. The urge to pull away sparked through her mind, not for her sake but for his. His physical and emotional pain flooded through her too—up her arm, down her torso, and out of her feet into Selvaris where it would transmute into a warmth that would nurture the grass and trees.

She only pulled her hand away when she replied to his question. "I have be living in Lake Country for about two years," she explained. "Thank you, but I have no desire to return to my studies. Maybe in the future." It wasn't an empty musing. She hoped that she could be an archeologist again. She had loved it more than anything or anyone, perhaps even more than herself in a selfless kind of way, not a self-belittling one. She still believed in the importance, the power, of ethical archeology and etymology as well, but felt strongly that she wasn't meant to be involved in it for the foreseeable future.

Additionally, right now, there were other, more pressing things for her to do.

"In the meantime, I've started training convorees to do what Nirrah does for me." Another smile, this one tinged with the smallest bit of pride, befitting a Jedi master. "Someday, I hope to help improve to lives of the galaxy's Blind."

Then she went back to listening, crossing her arms at the wrists in front of herself.

"Cynicism can be healthy in small amounts," she offered once he was finished speaking. Her clairsentience told her that Tarw was engaging in much more than small doses, but she still wanted to say so. Even so-considered negative emotions had their places. "And hope in large amounts can be delusional."

She, well, she hoped that she hadn't been delusional with Rix. After all the time and effort she had spent with him after what transpired on Taris, it really did seem like he was more or less back to the man he had been before taking any of the Lightsworn's tenets seriously. Still, it was possible that he was playing her and that she couldn't see it even with aid from the Force.

She chose as she always did to believe in his, and anyone's, capacity to change for the better.

"I agree. We lose enough people, Force users and not, to the Darkside." Rix hadn't fallen, of course, but Efret considered the Lightsworn ideology a stepping stone in that direction despite their name. Deep hatred and fear led them.

"If we can reclaim one or two of those losses every so often, I think we'd be foolish not to at least try."

Tarw Rhyfelwr​

 

[Tarw Rhyfelwr]

Location: Selvaris
Outfit: Armour
Equipment: Rotary Cannon, hand cannon, beskad
Tag: Efret Farr

Nodding his head, he understood where Efret was coming from. Going back to work, going back to the lives they had before the fall of the Galactic Alliance, it was tough to think possible. Instead, Tarw found himself fixated on the mission, the mission came before anything else. "I get you there." Tarw stated, "but the Lake Country sounds very pleasant and therapeutic." Perhaps that was important. Surrounding yourself in a positive environment so that you did not linger on the negatives that lingered in the mind. Something that Tarw deep within knew he needed, but resisted that concept so much. There was too much he could be doing.

Too much that he should be doing.

Tarw nodded his head, "that's amazing, I am really impressed and that should hopefully do so much good!" Tarw stated, it was a major step in helping others feel less isolated and alone in the galaxy. A beautiful way to develop things, instead of technology only being developed for military use.

"Only delusional if you don't have the skills to back up the amount of hope that you put out there in the universe." Tarw chuckled, he knew that it was never good to have anything in too high of a quantity. But Tarw also doubted that people would want him around or the amount of cynicism that he brought to the table.

Nodding his head, "you can always reach out to me and talk if you ever feel alone or in need of a friend to vent. I might not always be the best at offering comfort, but I will always make an effort to try with you." Tarw offered a small smile to Efret in hopes she found some comfort in that. "I am sure that your friend will be so thankful for your help as well, you have nothing to worry there."

 

[Efret Farr]

"Only delusional if you don't have the skills to back up the amount of hope that you put out there in the universe."

Efret chuckled back, somewhat sheepish. She wasn't about to deny the truth in he statement, but it also wasn't all true. She had gambled a lot on Rix initially after his arrest by forgiving him of a violent act so quickly when she had no real reason beyond her hope to believe that he could change. That he would even if he could. It had paid off, of course; her deprogramming efforts were successful and now he was on his way to be a Jedi again in practice rather that just title.

That success took skill on Efret's part.

"Oh, thank you," she replied after he mentioned that he was willing to stay in contact. "I can't believe I didn't ask for your frequency when we first met. Forgive me. I haven't used my comm often since leaving the NJO, but I'm starting to again." Her smile brightened sincerely. "I'd like you to be my first new contact."

She reached down to a drawstring bag hanging from her belt and produced a personal communicator. She opened it, tapped on the screen a few time, and then looked up at Tarw. Her thumbpad hovered over the keys, poised to enter his number it as he called it out. "I'm ready when you are."

Tarw Rhyfelwr​

 

[Tarw Rhyfelwr]

Location: Selvaris
Outfit: Armour
Equipment: Rotary Cannon, hand cannon, beskad
Tag: Efret Farr

Nodding his head, Tarw chuckled, "it is all fine. I came off a little strong the first time we met, trying to impress you in some foolish romantic ways." Tarw laughed a little sheepishly as he remembered what a flirtatious fool he had been back before the fall of the GA. He hadn't found the distance he found himself in now where the mission took priority over everything else. Tarw was unable to think about romance, love and settling down for any length of time because he needed to jump from one fight to the next. There was no time to relax anymore. Too much needed to be surrendered to pursuing the cause. Attempting to commit the downfall of the Sith Covenant.

Tarw gave his contact information for Efret, making sure she had a direct line to him. "With that line, you will be able to reach me no matter what and I will be wherever you need me to be asap." Tarw mentioned, he wanted to make sure that his friend knew that he was not going to just disappear on her again. That he was going to be there and he was going to be ready to help no matter what. "Even if it just wanting to talk about a tough day or vent about how frustrating things are with the Jedi, don't feel like you can't talk to me about it."

Sometimes it was important to mention that while big, world changing events were going on and there was a depressive air looming over them. It was okay to chat about sillier things. It was okay to have issues and needing to share them, even if they seemed minor in the grand scheme. "Hopefully our next encounter won't be so long."

 

[Efret Farr]

The understanding in her smile overflowed into her eyes. She had been distracted in the prison, preoccupied by Rix, but still hadn't been oblivious to Tarw's attempted advances. "It's quite alright," she replied. "I was flattered, truly."

Gatz Derrevar came to mind. He had flirted with her too, in a bar on Mandalore, first because he hadn't known it was her and then because he knew it was. She had flirted back. It had seemed innocent enough at the beginning. Though they had had a professional relationship up until that point and he was a knight while she was a master, they were also both adults and he had approached her. But then her heart had begun to ache. Even if it truly hadn't been inappropriate between her and Gatz, she had realized partway through the encounter that if anything came of that night her chances with Elias might have evaporated completely.

But it seems like they had very likely evaporated completely anyway.

Regardless, she and Gatz hadn't worked together since. Maybe it was just a coincidence. She had heard something about him getting involved with a Jedi enclave on Dantooine. Good for him. She hoped he was well wherever he was.

"Wonderful," she said after stowing her comm. "I appreciate you very much. Thank you."

"Hopefully our next encounter won't be so long."

"Likewise." She sincerely hoped that they'd see each other soon, or at least sooner rather than later. "I'm sorry, but I must go. I can't stay away from Naboo for long nowadays." Though it was unlikely due to his treatment plan, Efret wanted to be reasonably near Theed in case Elias or his care team needed her support. Dejection darkened the hue of her eyes like a cloud pulling over the sun. Then it flickered away when she refocused on the person before her rather than who waited at home, but who she would have to remain away from as she had over the last months.

"Please stay safe." The monotone of her interpretation unit didn't waver, but the look in her eyes made her plea clear. "And remember that the sun always exists somewhere past the horizon."

Tarw Rhyfelwr
Exit thread​