Private Brisk Breezes

[Colette]

So, it was time. Between the thing between her and Ariana and Shan, to the conversation with Valery, there had been some lessons learned that Colette needed to discuss with none other than Shan himself.

But with Colette being who she was, and her nerves being as they were, there was not a chance in hell that she would be able to have this talk unless she was tired enough for her overly analytical behavior had been numbed just a little.

A few hours had passed since the party and most if not all people had now left. In the courtyard there was a small space where Colette usually liked to do her exercises. The view was nice, there was a shady tree nearby, and the winds seemed just a little more brisk than usual.

"Well, you weren't wrong that people would show up." She joked as she sat opposite Shan with her legs crossed. "I know I've said that a few times already but it just feels… Really weird to see."

"... Although I assumed most of them were actually there for a chance to meet Valery or Kahlil. Friends of, uh… my family, I guess?"

"... It still feels weird to say that."

Shan Pavond

 

[Shan Pavond]

"When am I ever wrong?...Don't answer that actually. There's too many right answers." Shan gave a small chuckle at that, as he sat himself down by the tree, clearing his mind to try and relax. Meditation was a good way to try and clear the mind after all. Most of his energy had been spent whilst at the party, and now he was socially exhausted. But with Colette, he always had energy to spend.

"I can only assume how weird it is. My family never really had any...erh...friends. Just enemies. Or associates." The Mirialan rubbed the back of his neck, sighing at that thought. Family was a strange topic for him now that he had thought about it. His mother might as well have been dead now, and his father...Well, Shan was probably dead to the man. It was strange. He was an orphan without officially being one. At least he had his life sorted out. Or so he thought.

"Are you...doing okay at least? We haven't talked since Cora's knighting...and I was afraid that I upset you..." A sigh escaped his mouth at that, as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Cora spoke to me a bit about it...and said that you might have been jealous or something. But I thought that was stupid." He shook his head, struggling to actually look at Colette. "Because I mean...you're you. Colette. No-one can match you to me. I don't care if there might be someone who is prettier than you, or stronger, or smarter. Because I don't like them. I...well...erh...I like you. "

Colette

 

[Colette]

Shan Pavond

Because she was she. Colette's tongue poked out of her lips to wet them for a moment before she pursed them into a thin line.

"Yeah…" She began and rubbed at the neck. "We're going straight into it, huh?"

It made her more nervous than she probably should have. All of this felt so big with how Valery had propped up communication, and how alien the idea of jealousy had been. Colette let out an uneasy chuckle.

"Well, it's stupid but true." She admitted and looked to the ground for support. "I was jealous, and I struggled to come to terms with the fact that I had been jealous, or that something had made me feel that way."

"Ariana is pretty. Attractive even, and I felt… Scared."

"Scared that she was better than I was, and also… Pretty. Which, I am not. Not really."

 

[Shan Pavond]

"W-We don't nee to go straight into it. I just wanted to apologise in case I made you feel bad." Shan raised his hands up almost at that, as if he was trying to calm Colette down. He was worried that she was going to get upset at him again, and that was the last thing Shan would have wanted in a situation like this.

Though the Mirialan blinked when Colette admitted that she was jealous. That was something that had caught him off guard. Colette did not seem like the type to get jealous no matter what, so the fact she did...Well, it was strange for him to think about. Though the last part of it caused a scowl to spread across his face as Shan folded his arms along his front.

"And who are you to say you aren't pretty? Everyone finds different things pretty. Some people can find violence pretty. Some find Coruscant pretty. Some find nature pretty. Me? I find you pretty. You might have been scared that Ariana is better than you, but she isn't. She is pretty, but...she's not you. She's a stranger to me compared to you."

Colette

 

[Colette]

Shan Pavond

Not going straight into it would have been nice, but they were past that. It was a bandaid that was better ripped off as fast as possible at this point rather than Colette trying to reapplying it. For a moment she felt guilt as Shan began to tear into her, but as he went into what others found pretty she couldn't help but feel more and more tense. Her fingers curled into the palm of her hand to form fists, and for a moment there was nothing she would desire more than to scream back at Shan like a helpless wolf too proud to really stand up for herself.

She felt pathetic, she felt as if it would have at least given her some measure of pride or even strength back, but…

But that wasn't how she wanted her relationship with Shan to be. It wasn't a relationship she wanted to have with anyone. In an uncharacteristic move for being, well, Colette she would instead let her shoulders sink. That fear was coming right back to hit her in the face again. Maybe she should have just been quiet, and—

No, not that either. She felt her eyes burn.

"I'm sorry." She pleaded and looked back up at Shan. "It- it- it…"

"It wasn't a rational thing, it was a—..." She swallowed her words and glanced away again, there was no way she could look at him right now without feeling ashamed of herself. "I don't know. "

"I'm sorry."

 

[Shan Pavond]

...She was sorry? That caught Shan off guard for a moment as he tilted his head to the side. He was the one who was worried that he had upset her. So why was she the one apologising to him? It was just another thing to add to the growing list of why women were confusing he supposed. Though Shan just shook his head, trying not to focus on that thought as he moved over towards Colette, throwing his arms around Colette to pull her in for a hug.

"You don't need to apologise. It's fine. Just breathe Colette. It's okay. Focus on that. In through your mouth and out through your nose...or is it the other way around?" Shan frowned at that thought, trying to figure out which order it was meant to be. No. That didn't matter. What mattered was trying to reassure Colette. She was upset over her jealousy but...Shan didn't see it as something she had to be sorry about. It was irrational. So it wasn't something she needed to be sorry for. If it was a rational reason, then...well, that might have been a different story. But in his mind, irrational things weren't something you had to be sorry for. Sometimes, you just couldn't control it.

Colette

 

[Colette]

Shan Pavond

The girl prided herself on control and her ability to show anyone she came across the respect they deserved, but with Ariana it was as if both of those things had been thrown out the window. Of course it would cause her to feel afraid, jealousy had turned her into something she never wished to be against her better judgment.

And it was in through the nose, out through the mouth. She chuckled at Shan's comment, fully believing it was a joke to make her feel better.

"I do need to apologize, though." She sniveled and wiped the tears from the corner of her eyes before any of them would be able to make a run for it. "I treated you with disrespect, and that's not to mention Ariana who I treated even worse."

"I was really scared that I would do it again, and that I would have no idea how to control it. I don't want to be that kind of person, and it just—"

"You'd never deserve that kind of mistrust." She exhaled with a chuckle and looked over at Shan. "You're practically an angel with how you treat me, and I just—"

"I hope I can treat you the same."

 

[Shan Pavond]

"Then it's Ariana who needs the apology. Not me Colette." Did it hurt that Colette had mistrusted him? Of course. But he at least somewhat felt like it was karma, for his mistrust in Cora when they had been captured by the Sith. Ironically, the mistrust had came for similar reasons as well. Shan knew the dark side was enticing, and Colette seemed to think that Ariana was enticing. So...it was around the same in his eyes at the end of the day.

"I'm an angel with how I treat you just because...well...I can't imagine another way of treating you. I'm sure you'll be able to treat me the same. But just...don't worry about it. Okay? If I didn't like you, I wouldn't spend time with you." Which was true...in some way. He had spent plenty of time with his family, even though he didn't exactly like them. But that wasn't important right now. What was important was him trying to reassure Colette. She was stressed and upset, and Shan didn't want her to feel like that.

"It's always fine to get upset over things like this Colette. But we always need to talk it out, alright? I won't assume things about you, and you won't assume things about me, alright? Assumptions are what causes issues at the end of the day."

Colette

 

[Colette]

Shan Pavond

"I know," Colette exhaled with a nervous chuckle. "I just need to work up the courage to say it."

"And, I know what you mean. Valery said the same thing when I talked to her about all of this. I just… Panicked, and then panicked some more. I don't want to not talk, it was just the idea that I ruined everything that made me too scared to find out if I had."

"And, I guess… That's what I'm really apologizing for."

"Won't happen again, you have my word."

 

[Shan Pavond]

"Work up courage? You're one of the bravest people I know." Shan chuckled at that, leaning forward to give Colette's shoulder a soft punch before he leaned back again, staring up towards the sky, frowning in his own thoughts right now.

"I can understand you panicking. Just...don't do it again okay? I'm always willing to talk to you, about anything. If you need help, if you want ot talk things out. Anything like that. Now, you have my word about that." With that, the Mirialan gave Colette a small thumbs up...before he just flopped onto his back, letting out a small sigh. This talk was a lot less stressful than he had expected.

Colette

 

[Colette]

Shan Pavond

"I don't know about thaaaat…" Colette chuckled. She felt like she was far from the bravest person she could think of. "But thank you, it means a lot."

"I will do my best to not panic." She then nodded before she scooted on over to lie down next to Shan and just stare up at the skies, imagining what the different shapes of clouds could be interpreted to look like.

"We're both kind of special like that, huh?" Colette asked and looked to Shan. "You never really know what something is until it's in the rear view mirror."

"... But… We turned out alright, didn't we?"

There was a brief pause before Colette clearly seemed disgruntled at herself for asking the question. She knew the answer already, but part of her wanted to hear Shan say it for whatever reason.

"Right?"

 

[Shan Pavond]

"Well. I guess you just don't know." Shan smirked, flicking Colette's forehead gently in an attempt to tease her before looking back up towards the sky, listening to his fellow Padawan...As much as he could. He was partly daydreaming about the clouds. That one looked like a Bantha...If it was fluffier.

"I mean even looking out the rear view mirror might not work. Sometimes things look bigger or smaller than they actually are. Especiall when it comes to problems. Sometimes we look back at a problem and think it was bigger than it actually was." Shan shrugged his shoulders again at that, rubbing the back of his neck before turning his head to look over towards Colette, shaking his head at her question.

"No. We didn't turn out alright." He waited, leaving Colette in suspense before the Mirialan carried on talking. "We're both great. As much as I won't admit it sometimes, we're better than alright...Now you'll never hear me say that again. I'd rather not sound like I have an ego."

Colette

 

[Colette]

Shan Pavond

That little thwap on her forehead was certainly not something she had foreseen. Colette blinked for a moment before she laughed at it and went back to cloudgazing. True enough she would most likely look back at some of her recent mistakes and see them as nothing major, but that didn't mean they didn't feel big when they were still happening.

As for the idea of growing an ego…

"Shame…" Colette murmured and teased him back as she looked at Shan. "It suits you."

"It's having too much of one that is the real danger, you know. I'm pretty great at running, which is kinda silly to say when you have the force, but I can probably outrun or keep pace with some of the more athletic members of the Order."

Speaking of having too much of an ego, right? Colette shuffled to lie on her side and prop her head up with her hand.

"You are most likely one of the most experienced kinda-doctors in the Order too, you know." She said and smiled, it was genuine praise. "One of the most green, too!"

 

[Shan Pavond]

"An ego doesn't suit me. I wouldn't be who I was, if I had an ego." Shan nudged Colette with his elbow at that, sighing gently as a smile spread across his face. Turning his head to face Colette when she praised him and he shrugged his shoulders at it. He was naturally modest but...he was trying his hardest to go against that right now.

"I mean, I'm not just kinda a doctor. I have a proper medical certificate and everything. Once I'm knighted, I plan on...taking a break from the Order to focus on getting my actual doctor's license though." That was a way off in his eyes though. Shan becoming a knight? That wasn't something he could see in his future anytime soon. But he was just going to relax for now, enjoy his padawanship whilst he could before it was over.

"Also, being good at running isn't something that's silly. Even with the Force. Sometimes there'll be times when we can't use the Force, and being able to rely on our muscles and body as opposed to the Force is something important." The Mirialan kept a smile on his face and just nudged Colette again, before leainng forward to give her a peck on the cheek.

Colette

 

[Colette]

Shan Pavond

He was wrong, but Colette wasn't about to argue the fact. Shan with an ego might just have been a little more assertive, which Colette would have been all for. That was not to say he wasn't able to assert himself, but he could always do it a little bit more.

The rest of her thoughts died down with the quick peck on her cheek.

"You're free to leave," Colette began and leaned back into the ground with a small laugh. "As long as you regularly come visit."

"... Not that I feel like my own knighting is particularly close. I haven't been around for as long as some others. I'm not quite there yet. I think you'll get there before me either way."

 

[Shan Pavond]

"Oh. If you think I'm staying away from you for long? No way." Shan shook his head at that, breaking out into his own little smirk as he reached out to gently try and take Colette's hand in his as the Mirialan turned his attention back towards the clouds.

"I'll still probably stay near the Temple. Just...I'll be focusing on furthering my education. That's one of the things that's always been important to me. Learning. Learning about people. Cultures. Healing." He frowned to himself at that thought, shaking his head afterwards once again. "It's...interesting. Learning used to be the most important thing for me. But I realised there's people who are important to me. You. Master Valery, Master Kahlil. Ko. Cora. There's a lot more..."

Either way, that wasn't what Shan wanted to focus on. Instead turning his attention back over towards Colette, and giving her a small smile. "It's not a race to get knighted. And even so, we'll both be there for each other when we do reach there."

Colette

 

[Colette]

Shan Pavond

With his hand in hers there was nothing Colette wanted to do more than just continue to lie down in the grass until all the clouds on New Cov had passed them by. She listened as Shan spoke, tilted her head a little to look at him and then back at the clouds as she thought about what he was saying. That there was no race, that there would be a time for both of them eventually.

Shan listed the things and the people that mattered to him and she turned to look at him.

"In that order, I assume?" She teased and gently brushed her thumb across his hand. "Would hate to be second to Kahlil after all this."

She let out a small chuckle to make it clear that she was joking and turned her attention back to the stars.

"Growing up, I always wondered where the ships went when they left the spaceport." She said and let out a wistful sigh. "The things they saw, the people that they met. I wondered if all clans out there were as small as mine or if there were bigger ones."

"Turns out there are some that are quite big after all, and some that are small. Even turns out that clans, or, uh… Families are what you make of them and I…" Oh gods, it was time to be a dork again. "I'm really glad that you're part of my life, Shan."

She turned her head to look him in the eyes. The palm of her hand seemed to grow just a little more sweaty as she chose her next few words very carefully.

"I'm not sure I've said it before, but I…" Oh god. "I love you, Shan. A lot."

 

[Shan Pavond]

Shan blinked when Colette said she was glad that he was part of her life. That wasn't something he had expected to come out of her mouth. It was...too dorky. But he supposed this was a dorky moment for the both of them. A chance to be vulnerable for once. Normally he'd tease her, or say something as a joke but he was just going to listen, thinking to himself about the concept of families and clans.

He didn't really have his own family now that he thought about it. He had a mother and a father of course...but that didn't necessarily make a family anymore. But he did have people who were important to him. And that was all he needed. He didn't have to worry about anything else. Of course, there was a part of him that felt bad about that thought but it was quickly silenced when Colette said the last part. As Shan blinked. And then blinked again. Did he hear her right? Yes. Yes he did. Wow. How...Well, he knew how he should reply but...

"I love you too, Colette. I've been...nervous about saying it before. Nervous that I'd scare you away by saying it..." Gah. It was getting all dorky and sappy now...He had to think of something to try and make himself seem cool again. 'Cause he totally wasn't a dork. Not at all. "...Though it makes sense why you're so good at running now. Since you're always running in my mind...Wait. No. That doesn't work...Erh...Just...You're special. I could explore the entire Galaxy and never find someone like you."

Colette

 

[Colette]

Shan Pavond

There he went, stumbling over his words again, and Colette could do little but laugh as she laid down on the ground next to him. It was part of Shan's charm, the thing that made him who he was. Colette knew to let him ramble for a moment to find his feet again. Especially given what she had just told him.

"Oh shut up." She laughed and playfully nudged him despite his best effort at charm. "But… Yeah… I feel that the same is true for you. A thousand stars with a thousand planets, and there is only one of you."

"I don't know if these feelings will last or not, if what we have is just a small thing or the start of something that lasts for a while in the big picture of things, but I want to find out if it is — together."

"Like aaaaa… Errr," She snickered at herself as she felt the way her cheeks reddened in embarrassment. "Like a coup- partners. Like partners would."

"Al- although slow." She clarified almost in a hurry. "There are still parts of being romantically attached to someone that I don't feel comfortable with yet. I am…" She exhaled. "It's about my upbringing, and it will take some time to sort that out, and— and— well, you know, but…"

Colette took a deep breath and looked up at the clouds again.

"I kind of want to sort that out with you, if you are willing to take that trip with me. Slowly."

 

[Shan Pavond]

"As partners. Yeah...That sounds nice. I like the sound of it. Part...ners...It sounds more...mature than just boyfriend and girlfriend. And we're both mature. Super. Yeah." Shan mumbled to himself, mostly going into his own little world out of nerves. Debating everything in his head. Finding things out together seemed nice. Even if this was just going to be a small thing, it was still something that was going to be important to him..

"Of course I'm willing to take the trip with you Colette. I've always been more of a...fan of going slow, than taking things fast. When I first met Vera, I told her I didn't want to learn how to pilot a ship because they're too fast for me...and then Master Kahlil ended up teaching me how to fly..." Yeah. That was a bit ironic in Shan's mind though he shook his head at that, trying to keep his focus on the topic at hand, instead of letting his mind wander.

"Just take your time, okay Colette? I...love you, for who you are. Flaws and all. Patience is a virtue I have right now. Alongside being humble...but being humble isn't exactly a good thing for me right now." Shan chuckled at that, trying to make an attempt at humour. He was at least being a bit more...egotistical than he normally would be but he still had quite a way to go. "Either way though, I just know we'll be able to get through any problem we have, as long as we do it together."

Colette