Blaotera

[Vee Toa(Hutt Rep)]

Unknown Region

OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION:

Intent: To create a planet to be under Jurisdiction by Vee Toa

Image Credit: https://tetriarch.deviantart.com/art/Ice-planet-297767132

Canon: N/A

GENERAL INFORMATION:

Planet Name: Blaotera

Demonym: Blaoterians

Region: Unknown Region

System Name: The Blaoterian System

System Features: Ner is the sun | Mymenos is the moon | 48 hour rotational period | 705 Day Orbital Period |

Coordinates: 18-AC

Major Imports: Durasteel, equipment for mining, oil rigs

Major Exports: Uranium, Nuclear weapons and bombs

GEOGRAPHIC INFORMATION

Gravity: Standard

Climate: Icy, Artic

Primary Terrain: Iceland's, Snowlands, Plains

Major Locations:

Mirfield: This town is the most populated, it's where Vee Toa's Office is located, along with the other politicians

Dungannon: This town is the iciest in Blaotera

Snowmelt: This is a town and a county in Blaotera

Toa's Mining Corp: This is the largest business corp in Blaotera

Rungarork Repair Shop: This repair shop is a very wealthy corporation

Icelands: The icelands take up about 25 percent of Blaotera.

Snowlands: The Snowlands take up around 20 percent of Blaotera.

Plains: The Plains take up around 60 percent of Blaotera. Only a small part of it is populated

POPULATION:

Native Species: None

Immigrated Species: Humans, Mesa Goats, Jawas, Banthas, Clawbirds, Moogans, Twi'lek, Wookiees, Talzians

Population: Around 1,000 - 2,000

Demographics: 5 percent Humans, 25 percent Jawas, 15 percent Moogans, 10 percent Twi'lek, 25 percent Wookiee, 17 percent Talzian, 1 percent Aramandi, 2 percent Rodian

Primary Language: Basic

Cultures: The people Of Blaotera love the outdoors even when it is cold. They really love watching the Galactic Games. They love whenever there are new visitors to their country. The people of Blaotera never want war on their planet
GOVERNMENT & ECONOMY

Government: None, just Jurisdiction from Vee Toa. Civilian Dictatorship is given when Toa isn't in Blaotera.

Affiliations: http://starwarsrp.net/topic/123439-vee-toa/

Wealth: Really Wealthy

Stability: High

Freedom: Medium

MILITARY AND TECHNOLOGY:

Military: The Military is really strong and stable. What Toa orders, it's done!

Technology: Galactic Standard

HISTORICAL INFORMATION:

Blaotera has quite a bit of history for being a small planet.

Blaotera, formerly known as Shiri 3, was made around 2,000 years ago. It was founded by an exploration team of Coruscant. Because of it's fertile nature, it was progressed quickly. The inhabitants renamed it Blaotera around 100 years later on because of the confusion of then planet Shiri.

Life was good in Blaotera, until the first clone war occurred. It turned out clones wanted more rights than what they were given. They armed themselves and started attacking settlement. As a result, the clones invaded Blaotera. As a result, other planets tried to stop the clones from invading Blaotera. They wouldn't listen, so they had to push the clones out of Blaotera. It took around 1 year, for the clones to be Finally pushed out of Blaotera.

The Blaoterians were glad that they were out of war. Because of that, the government elected a leader for Blaotera, Chi Chak. He was a pantoran male, who helped Blaotera settle and progress quickly. After serving around 10 years of leadership, Chi Chak died unexpectedly. After around a day or so, the doctors found out that Chi Chak was poisoned. After this tragedy, the people of Blaotera elected a new Leader by the name of Vee Toa. Some people disapproved of Vee Toa being the leader of Blaotera because of his former life of being a crime lord and smuggler. Vee Toa helped the planet build stability.

Present day Blaotera is in an economical issue, Vee Toa helped the economic issues when he first was elected but hasn't done anything recently. Vee Toa gives all species far treatment. The Blaoterian Government has tried to overthrow Toa, but he refuses to do so. He hopes to build an alliance with other planets. Blaotera currently has only 2 allies, Kashyyyk and Ryloth, which have been allies every since Blaotera was founded.

 

[Kuzo]

[member="Vee Toa"]

Under review

 

[Kuzo]

[member="Vee Toa"]

Okay so there's a lot to work on here. Going to take this from top to bottom.

First, minor thing:

Links: https://tetriarch.de...lanet-297767132

You already linked this in image credits, the link here is redundant and you can remove it.

Demonym: 75% Moogans, 25% Talzs

Demonym is, as it says in the template, what the people of this planet would be called. Would they be 'Blaoteran'? 'Blaoterian'? 'Blaots'? Remove the species info, that doesn't go here, and pick a thing the citizens would call themselves to denote where they live.

Region: Mid-Rim, also basically in the Middle of Nowhere

Mid-Rim is not the middle of nowhere. You get one. Either it's Mid-Rim, or it's the middle of nowhere and you should pick something outer rim, wild space, unknown region, etc.

System Features: It's the only place in the Mid-Rim that doesn't have favor towards the Alliance or any Alliance for the matter

First off, this section is for the features that are details in the template:
System Features: [Here you may list suns, moons, other planets, important asteroid belts, spatial anomalies, or other features of the star system. You may also include moons, suns, orbital position, rotational period (length of day), and orbital period (days in a year) in this section.]
Those are the features you should include in this section.
Second, the statement itself is patently false- there are a myriad of systems in the midrim that are not allied with other groups, so this statement belongs no where in your sub. You can put in your history that it does not favor galactic governments, but it is far from the *only* one, and it would not prevent a major faction from domming this planet in the future.

Major Imports: Durasteel, equipment for mining, oil rigs, 95 percent no Technology it's only used when necessary

Remove the strike-through section. It has nothing to do with imports and will be addressed elsewhere in the sub.

Gravity: None

No.
This is a planet, not a tiny asteroid. Of course it has gravity. If it is like earth put simply 'Standard'.

Climate: Icy, Humid

Cold air holds *less* humidity than warm air, there's literally nothing in this sub to support that the planet is humid. You may want to put "Arctic" here instead as a better description of your climate as described.

Major Locations:

Icelands: The icelands take up about 25 percent of Blaotera. The icelands are the most known attraction of Blaotera, along with Snowlands

Snowlands: The Snowlands take up around 20 percent of Blaotera. The snowlands are the coldest area in the Mid-Rim

Plains: The Plains take up around 10 percent of Blaotera. The Plains are really hard to find in Blaotera, it will take you around 2 hours of hiking to find the plains. The other 50 percent of Blaotera is unexplored, or unhabitated.

Couple of things:
- Are there any cities? Towns? Mining locations? If there are any that are important, add them here.
-Submissions are about the objective, not the subjective. Just because it is not explored, does not mean it doesn't exist. Include the other 50% and simply note somewhere that it is unexplored, but it's not 'unknown' in the context of a submission.
-It takes two hours of hiking to each the plains- what is to stop someone from simply landing there with a ship?

Going to pause here and let you sort out all of that before continuing.

 

[Vee Toa(Hutt Rep)]

I fixed it

 

[Kuzo]

[member="Vee Toa"]

Region: Middle of Nowhere

You still need to pick a region. Outer Rim. Wild Space. Unknown Regions. One of these would match your 'middle of nowhere' desire.

Coordinates: 34-AC

This hex is still in the mid-rim. If this is where you want the planet that's fine, but then the above should still be 'mid-rim.' You cannot have a planet in the mid-rim and have it also be the middle of nowhere.

System Features: It's one of the coldest planets in the Galaxy

This is still not system features, this is climate which is covered elsewhere. Read the examples in the template (that I repeated in my last post) to see what belongs here.

Toa's Mining Corp: This is the largest business corp in Blaotera

Rungarork Repair Shop: This repair shop is a very wealthy corporation

Link to these company subs please.

Snowlands: The Snowlands take up around 20 percent of Blaotera. The snowlands are the coldest area in the Mid-Rim

Mid-rim or not? Make up your mind and fix the references throughout your sub once you settle on a location. Also, as this is an inhabited/inhabitable planet it's probably *not* the coldest area in the whole of any particular area this large. If you want change it to the coldest area on the planet and/or *one* of the coldest areas in the mid-rim.

Plains: The Plains take up around 10 percent of Blaotera. The Plains are really hard to find in Blaotera, it will take you around 20 miles of hiking or 10 miles in a ship to find.

It makes no sense that the distance would be different. It's the same distance whether you are on foot or in a ship. The amount of *time* it takes to traverse would be the only difference.

The other 50 percent of Blaotera is unexplored, or unhabitated.

I already told you that this was not going to fly. Include the other 50 percent in your sub- it can be listed as unexplored sure, but exists and needs to be included.

 

[Vee Toa(Hutt Rep)]

deleted

 

[Kuzo]

[member="Vee Toa"]

You mention two wealthy corporations. Vee Toa's and what I assume is an NPC's company. If you have subbed them to the factory, you can link them there. If they have not been subbed to the factory, that's fine, but they'll largely go unrecognized by other PCs, and you won't be able to sub technologies with them if that is your intention. This sub can be passed once the issues have been addressed if those companies have *not* been subbed, but if they exist they should be linked.

 

[Vee Toa(Hutt Rep)]

deleted

 

[Kuzo]

[member="Vee Toa"]

No you didn't.

Until the current edits are done correctly I *cannot* move forward with helping you get this planet to a passable submission. My comments above are *not* suggestions.

Region: Middle of Nowhere

You must pick a region of space. Mid Rim is what it says throughout the sub. If you want that then put that and remove middle of nowhere. If you want this planet to be 'middle of nowhere' you still must put a region. Good choices are Wild Space, Outer Rim, or Unknown Regions. This is the *third* time I am telling you to fix this.

System Features: It has never been favored towards a galactic government

I asked you to fix this and you did not. As per the original template:

• System Features: [Here you may list suns, moons, other planets, important asteroid belts, spatial anomalies, or other features of the star system. You may also include moons, suns, orbital position, rotational period (length of day), and orbital period (days in a year) in this section.]

I will continue with your sub once these problem you have been asked multiple times to fix, are taken care of.

 

[Vee Toa(Hutt Rep)]

I have fixed the mistake that I made!

 

[Kuzo]

[member="Vee Toa"]

Thank you, let's proceed.

Coordinates: 34-AC

Now that I know what region you picked, you'll need to pick a hex for this to go in that is within the Unknown regions. To make it easier for you, can I suggest M-18 *or* N-11? They are empty hexes, away from from current Major Faction clouds- M-18 is slightly more central within the unknown regions, while N-11 is at the very edge of the galaxy. Both would hit your idea for this planet of being in the middle of no where and away from other planets.

System Features: Ner | Mymenos | 48 hour rotational period | 705 Day Orbital Period |

What are Ner and Mymenos? Is one the sun the other a moon? Both moons? Other planets? Can you clarify this so others reading the sub will know as well?

Plains: The Plains take up around 10 percent of Blaotera. The Plains are really hard to find in Blaotera, it will take you around 20 miles to find. The other 50 percent of unhabitated, it still exists but no one lives there.

Since the plains seem to make up the rest of the uninhabited part of Blaotera based on your edit, the first number (10 percent) should be 60, and you can clarify that only a small portion of that is populated.

Native Species: Moogans, Twi'lek, Wookiees, Talzians

Native species are species that evolved and have always lived on this planet. The sub makes it sounds like this place would be otherwise uninhabitable if it weren't for your character- perhaps these belong in 'Immigrated' species rather than native?

Demographics: 45-50 percent of Blaotera is a icy, snowy area. There is probably more icy, snowy regions but they're unexplored or unhabitated

Demographics is about the species that live here, not the planet itself. This is a place to put the relative percentages of the population. Is it 50% Moogan then an even mix of the other species for instance? Approximately the same percentage for all of them? etc.

 

[Vee Toa(Hutt Rep)]

Yes, Ner is the sun. Mymenos is the moon.

 

[Kuzo]

[member="Vee Toa"]

Right I need you to add that to the sub.

 

[Vee Toa(Hutt Rep)]

Done

 

[Kuzo]

[member="Vee Toa"]

Okay, first off- stop deleting your messages here in the comments. Do it again and I will deny this sub and you face potential suspension from the Codex. The whole point of what we do here, and why it is done in public is for transparency. If you are unwilling to do that, then I cannot keep helping you and the sub will get denied. There will not be multiple warnings on this.

Demographics: 5 percent Humans, 2 percent Mesa Goats, 5 percent Jawas, 3 percent Banthas, 4 percent Clawbirds, 10 percent Moogans, 10 percent Twi'lek, 10 percent Wookiee, 8 percent Talzian, 1 percent Aramandi, 2 percent Rodian

It is entirely not necessary to list out every single percent and demographics is for the sentient species. Banthas, clawbirds, Mesa goats have no place in demographics. If you *want* to list out percentages like this (which is not even remotely required) it should at least equal 100%. Your current numbers equal 60%, leaving a 40% gap unaccounted for.
You can put a general idea here like "More Moogans, Twileks and Wookies than anything else, with the other races represented equally." Or "10% each Moogans, Twi'lek, and Wookie, the remaining mixed races" or details it out like this- but if you are going to detail it out, make it actually equal 100%

Cultures: Moogans, Twi'lek, Wookiees, Talzians

You can include this here, but what is the culture *of this world* like? Individual races will for certain bring their own, but this section needs at least a paragraph describing what this melting pot of a planet's culture is. Are they hard workers, do they have unique art, what do they do in their free time, etc.

 

[Vee Toa(Hutt Rep)]

Fixed! [member="Irajah Ven"]

 

[Kuzo]

[member="Vee Toa"]

Thank you, next section.

Government: None, just Jurisdiction from Vee Toa

This is fine but what is in place for when Vee Toa isn't around? I assume he does not stay here 24/7 so how are problems handled when he is not there? What kind of governing body, if any, handles things in his absence.

Affiliations: None

The affiliation would be your character, so you can put that with a link to your character bio here.

 

[Vee Toa(Hutt Rep)]

Done [member="Irajah Ven"]

 

[Kuzo]

[member="Vee Toa"]

Government: None, just Jurisdiction from Vee Toa. When toa isn't there the politicians rule by order of succession

If there are politicians then by definition there is a government of *some* sort. Are they appointed? Voted on? How are they organized? Can I recommend checking out this list and picking something that makes sense based on the way you view this set up? Something like Autotocracy, Corporatocracy, Plutocracy, Civilian Dictatorship, etc- all of those have different details but may be a place for you to start looking.

 

[Vee Toa(Hutt Rep)]

[member="Irajah Ven"] Finished!