Beneficial Company

[Nate Phantoms]

Watching as a tight smile formed across her face,he scoffed. Mainly due to the fact that he knew he had done the same facial expression earlier. Looking back up her words, he would wave a hand dismissively, not really wanting to here such a statement. "Don't worry yourself over such a trivial matter, would've happened sooner or later anyhow. Assume what you want, I may prove you right later in time," The corner of his lip pulled up slightly, amused by the fact. "Or horribly wrong."

Leaning against the wall, his gaze hardened at her words, did she think he wanted to be like this? Raising an eyebrow he spoke out. "Ahem...Do you think, that I want to be having this conversation with you?" Seeing where his words could be mistook, he continued. "Don't get me wrong, I love your company, and am extremely grateful that you decided to actually talk to me. unlike many others."

"But you seem to think that I like constantly worrying about possibly causing the death of my friends."

[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

“That’s not exactly what I meant, Nate.” She corrected gently. “Not an addiction in the sense that it’s enjoyable, but inevitable. Like it’s difficult to know any other way to act or feel.” She patted his shoulder, chancing the movement before squeezing softly.

“So no, I don’t think that you actually like worrying about being a ticking time bomb. You’re strong enough to recognize that isolating is probably the best course of action right now—and I don’t blame you. What are your plans beyond that? Wallow in misery for the rest of your life?”

She shrugged, hand still on his shoulder if he’d allow it. “I won’t force you to open up to me, since you seem intent on pushing me out. But I’ve dealt with the nitty gritty, the murder, the torture. Now, I’m going to stop trying to impress my experiences on you.” Her hand fell from his shoulder. “But I will not help you if you are not willing to try to rid yourself of this…poisonous anger.”

[member="Nate the Bounty Hunter"]

 

[Nate Phantoms]

Neither negatively or positively affected by the touch, he just inclined his head slightly, actually comprehending her words for once, taking in their meaning and running them through the process centers in the back of his mind.

"Wallow in misery for the rest of my life?” A grim smile stretched across his face, though he wasn't very amused. "You are joking, right? After isolation, as you put it, I'm going to try and salvage what's left of my chitty life, either by eliminating any and all of my problems or removing myself from the equation."

"Pushing you out? Joza, you think because I'm a friend it's off limits to probe my thoughts?" Chuckling softly, he pulled out a chair from behind him, the back facing out as he sat, looking up at her. "I don't communicate very well, so under the circumstances I'd say go ahead, you'd have a much better understanding and wouldn't have to assume anything."

[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

The anger and tension between them both was beginning to wear on her.

“Uh, yes?” She arched a brow. “I know I wouldn’t want someone probing my thoughts. It’s rude, so I don’t like doing it to people I care about.” She shrugged, feeling a bit of the anxiety melt away when he sat down. The initial outbursts over, a strange calm settled over the pair. Perhaps temporary, but she’d make the most of it while she could. “Well if you’re giving me an invitation, then I’ll go ahead.”

Despite all of this, Nate was her friend and she didn’t want anything to be permanently soured between them. It wasn’t as if Joza had never come across difficult times in her life, and she had to consciously remind herself that these sorts of emotions often shift and change.

Grabbing a nearby chair in kind, she perched on it in so that she was in front of Nate. The Zeltron was sitting on her crossed legs, giving her a few added inches of height to make up for Nate’s towering size.

Slowly, she leaned forward, eyes fluttering closed as her forehead made contact with his. She remained still.

[member="Nate the Bounty Hunter"]

 

[Nate Phantoms]

A soft shrug was accompanied by a soft groan as the man moved his arm, his shoulder aching. Apparently, the regenerative abilities he'd received could not stop a previous wound from hindering him practically useless. Time had taken it's toll, whether it be in something physical, or something more emotional.

"Ah, yes... care... such a grand idea..." Muttered words must have fallen on deaf ears, his pink friend now sitting only a few inches away from him. Mouth opened to speak, only to close as her forehead touched his. It wasn't exactly what he was expecting, he had figured that she would have him hold her hand or something similar. Of course, she would have probably noticed his thoughts on the matter, but they would not be her immediate concern.

Countless thoughts and dreams would be visible to the Empath, the locations and the people involved dancing around his jumbled mind. Not knowing exactly what she'd be looking for, he leave it all out on the table; pulling forth some of his most cherished memories out for her to analyze. Emotions were next, having to go much deeper to try and wrangle the more positive ones out of their confines.

[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

The groan did not go unnoticed, nor did his mumbled comment.

“You wouldn’t have shown up here if you didn’t care at least a little.”

Her words were soft, murmured and devoid and any judgment or scolding tone as her focus was elsewhere. She left it at that.

Empathy was something that always came naturally to Joza given her species. She had a bit of an advantage over non-Zeltron empaths given that she’d been taught to control it at an early age. Time only refined her ability, but handling raw emotions was tricky regardless of skill level.

She drifted through his mind, glimpses of people and places, good and bad. It was rare that she got the opportunity to work through someone’s mind so intricately, moreso with their permission.

[member="Nate the Bounty Hunter"]

 

[Nate Phantoms]

A soft scoff would be the last thing she heard from the man, as his soft steady breathing soon replaced any words. Whatever.... you're the one that opened the door.

Steadily, his memories became clearer and clearer, his family and their deaths appearing in vivid color, anger and sorrow soon following. The previous mentioned prompted a reaction from the man; hands would clench together in his lap, his veins becoming raising in his forearm, his mind now a dark place.

Numerous dark encounters would fly by, the next few years of his life as a thief, the first time he killed someone, and his career as a bounty hunter. Brotherhood and credits were the few upliftings in those dark days. Abruptly, a break. A recognizable face, red hair and bright green eyes would appear, a pair of welding goggles on the young boy's face. BB, Nate's first taste of the Kathol Outback, Sithspawns and unfortunately, the Dark side. Then, a few more encounters, more scars, and a ball dance, where he had a not-so-formal introduction to his Pink friend. It was after that when more pain and suffering arose, the death of yet another loved one bringing down his defenses.

Yet once again, his freind Bryce came to the rescue, this time bringing someone rather important along. Kimiko. Ultimately saving the young woman and many others from a slave owner, the two slowly grew closer after BB went after Zetha.

Soon, the happiness and anger both faded away in turn, only to come together and make up a single thought;

I need to get better.

[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

Painful dealings were unfortunately not rare in the galaxy.

Everyone lived through them differently. Joza did not fear Nate’s feelings, letting them come as they were. At points her brow would furrow and her lips would firm into a thinner line, barely perceptible but still there. Part of being an empath was leaning to control your own feelings, your responses to other people’s feelings, as strong as they were right now with the both of them concentrating like this. Nate had live through a lot, his mind was a cocktail of emotions and memories with each part stronger than the last. Nate’s feelings were raw and gritty; they were real. It gave her a rush like no other, like a rare emotional high. Not necessarily a good feeling, but exhilarating nonetheless.

And then the memories disappeared back into the annals of his mind, focus narrowing onto the desire to change.

Slowly her eyes opened as she pulled away, one hand coming up to brush a strap wisp of hair from her face before moving back to fold with the other in her lap. Her face was complacent but not calm, a lively spark dancing in those eyes behind a docile curtain.

She would not claim to understand everyone and everything—how could she?—but now at least she had a decent grasp on some of the things that Nate had been though. What made Nate Nate, what lead up to him at this very moment.

“You’ve been through chit Phantoms, no doubt about that.” She contemplated lighting a cigarette before remembering that smoking indoors was strictly a no-no now with the baby. “And you want to change.” She flicked the nail of her thumb and forefinger together idly. That much had been apparent from her little empathy excursion. “Into what, though?”

[member="Nate the Bounty Hunter"]

 

[Nate Phantoms]

Smoldering embers became visible once again, locking onto bright green ones. Silence would greet her for a few moments, before a soft rumble answered. She wasn't wrong, everything was for sure not rainbows and sparkles, quite the opposite rather.

"...Yeah, but I'm not the only one, you've had your share." A sigh escaped the man, as he slowly stood, placing the chair back in its perspective place. The question made him pause for a moment, time slowing down for him as his thoughts formed. Minutes felt like seconds, something irregular taking place.

"Anything else, I don't know yet. A hollow figure... or at least something that doesn't feel, as feelings are why I'm here before you today. If I cant change the way I feel, it'd be better to just get rid them all together..."

[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

A soft, almost tired laugh slipped from her lips. Her head cocked back slightly as her gaze went up and above Nate’s head, finding the ceiling in contemplation.

“If only it were that easy, Nate.”

Her voice was honest, at least. Her eyes would drop down until she found his. “Why do you shun your feelings?”

There was still a certain gentleness to her, but no longer did she extend it outwards with kind smiles and soft touches. Things shifted into a more clinical setting, as Joza slipped into a familiar situation. Rehabilitation of slaves made up a good slice of her work, and she’d encountered some victims who had nasty issues from a life of abuse and belittlement. It manifested itself in different ways, just as Nate was a culmination of his experiences. They all were.

Her gaze bore into him, unobtrusive but unflinching. She intended to get an honest answer.

[member="Nate the Bounty Hunter"]

 

[Nate Phantoms]

Naturally, he thought that she was looking at his hair, which made him run a hand through its short tresses, not wanting to have it messy.

"If only it were easy to begin with."

As their eyes met, he grimaced at her question, crossing his arms. "Why do you embrace yours?" He didn't want his voice to sound so harsh, and it softened afterwards. "I... apologize, but, if my feelings never existed I would be practically invincible. Not only in a physical sense but mentally and emotionally; everything would be a thousand times easier."

Moving past her he sighed, that same question was asked every day by none other by himself. "If I didn't feel, we wouldn't be here, I wouldn't have to fear the unknown, and..." Stopping as his hand went up to tap against the wall, the light thump being the only noise before he spoke again. "none would have to worry about me, not you, not Ki... I'm just a burden."

[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

“I embrace, I understand, and I control.” A pause. “It hasn’t always been this way, and it doesn’t always work that way, but you might say that it’s in my blood. It's different for everybody.”

A brow arched at the mention of becoming invincible by silencing his emotions, but she did not interrupt him, letting him express and work through what was going on in his head. “And you’d be nothing but a cold, cold slab of stone with no ambition.” Her eyes flickered over to the wall where his hand had gently bumped against the duraplast, at odds with himself. “Emotions give us our drive. They’re our greatest source of pain and joy—they’re what fuels us. And of course, sometimes they feth us up and make us feel like chit for a long time. For a long time.” There was a pause as her voice drifted off, as if reflecting on something herself before she regained her focus.

[SIZE=11pt]“You’re not a burden, Nate.” She stood now, facing him as he lingered near the wall. “Everyone stumbles sometimes. But we’ve got your back, and we’ll help you until you can walk on your own again, so to speak. But numbing yourself is the same as giving up—and if there’s one thing I know about you, it’s that you’ve got an iron will.”[/SIZE]

[member="Nate the Bounty Hunter"]

 

[Nate Phantoms]

"...Perhaps. And my ambition revolves solely around surviving; nothing else pushes me to strive for greatness. From the beginning, I was seen as nothing but a burden to my father and family, I was the reason the were always fighting," His fingers increased their soft words, soon beating against the wall rapidly in order; from his pinkie to his index, rising and falling like a wave.

Stuffing his hand in the pocket of his jeans to prevent the antic, he spoke again, eyes burning brightly. "They fought over me because I was always causing trouble, when I was only trying to help. Because I let my emotions take the reins, and they only came back to bite me in the ass."

"You worry about me, yes? You're concerned about my health when there are so many other things to think about. How will anyone succeed if they're being weighed down?" The things he said were only a fragment of what was being repeated inside his mind, the words not coming out as they were displayed. That was for the better, some things were not meant to be said. "They don't."


[member="Joza Perl"]