Beneficial Company

[Nate Phantoms]

Lianna ​

​

​

Apparently, his new 'mood swing' brought forth some attention, with the majority of it being unwanted. There were some people however, who cared, or at least acted like they did, but as dark as he may have become, he wouldn't ignore those who purposely tried to have a influence on his life, be it good or bad.

One of those people would be pink, reliable and now a mother. She too, was either upset or interested in his new mindset, and only way to resolve anything was to talk it out. So what better to do than show up on her doorstep?

The urban setting was fitting, but he wasn't really in the mood for a social gathering, he was only there to see a friend, and he'd be leaving once he did just that. Nearly everyone he passed gave him a wide berth, one even said a prayer, warding of evil. That killed all 'good' vibes, and his scowl was proof. Luckily, he was at her door, his tall frame blocking most the light as he knocked almost ​ too loud.

[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

In light of recent events, many of Joza’s friends and acquaintances seemed to be growing a shade or two darker. First Connor, then Aria, and now she’d heard whispers of Nate’s shadier demeanor from her contacts in the Outback. Darkness seemed to follow her like an inky black cloud—first Haytham, then Connor. Nikias, who she’d considered to be a brother, had Darker tendencies before he’d been slain. Perhaps she was trying to draw connections that weren’t quite there, but Joza was exhausted. Exhausted from raising her child, exhausted from managing her business, exhausted from a life constantly in motion. Most of all, she’d been exhausted after her heated conversation with Connor before he’d left the Silvers.

She was getting tired of talking—it seemed like whoever she spoke to had already made up their mind about alignment—but Joza would be damned if she didn’t have a word with Nate to try and figure out what was going on. He was her friend, after all.

The knock at the door came suddenly, causing Joza to look up from her task. She’d been feeding Alan, now roughly six months old as he sat in his highchair. “Coming!” She announced, settling the baby and making sure that his bowl of mashed veggies was well out of reach. The last thing she needed when having a guest was a messy baby!

There was no hesitation when she opened the door, likely because she could tell who it was. His aura was familiar, albeit Darker and trouble. Still, she smiled, clearly happy to see him though there was a twinge of carefully placed concern in her eyes. “Nate!” She greeted him, ushering the large man inside. While his figure was certainly imposing, the Zeltron had little to fear from him especially given how her combat instincts did not flare at the first sign of him. “Can I get you anything?” Ushering him into the kitchen, she motioned for him to sit. Baby Perl looked at the newcomer, uncertain of who this tall man was.

[member="Nate the Bounty Hunter"]

 

[Nate Phantoms]

Senses were greeted by the familiar aroma of her perfume instantly, but faint, which was even better as now it had to be sought out. Her smile brought forth a slight twinge of homesickness, and the longing that he had tried so hard to keep down. Of course, years of practice would keep the feelings hidden, but he knew from experience that if she deemed it necessary to find out what he was hiding from her, shed get it out of him, Zeltron charms or not.

Upon being practically pushed into the kitchen, he would shake his head, removing his cloak and letting it hover in the air for a brief moment as he spoke softly, his burning gaze flickering with curiosity and a bit of sorrow as he smiled at Baby Perl. "No, all I'd ask for is your time and honest opinion." Approaching the child gently, he would make sure to not give off any of the wrong vibes, as a crying baby was not fun at all, but he appeared to be doing fine as he kneeled beside the Baby's high chair. "Well hello there, little one... You certainly are handsome, and have her hair too." Smiling faintly, he would rise, turning back to face Joza, his v-neck showing off the assortment of his most recent scars, and the pair of dog tags that dangled from his neck, the name glowing faintly.

Arms crossed, his gaze would bore into hers, the silence dragging out for a few seconds, before speaking softly, his words probably not what she was expecting. "Joza, tell me... what do you think of me?"

[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

Even though Nate had declined her offer, Joza set about pouring them each a fresh cup of caf anyway. Setting the mug in front of him, she had to smile as he cooed at the baby. Alan responded to the praise by pushing his lips together and blowing a sort of raspberry, spit bubbling from his mouth as he repeatedly slammed his tiny hands on the tray of his high chair. “Oh, he likes you.” Joza seemed amused, moving to wipe the spit from the baby’s mouth with the cloth that had been slung over her shoulder.

When her guest straightened out, Joza turned her attention back towards the imposing figure of Nate. Her eyes landed on the smattering of visible scars across his chest, and her expression firmed, though not in an unkind way. Leaning against the counter, she returned his intense stare with a passive slightly-lidded gaze and took a sip of her caf.

“I think you’re a good friend, Nate. Strong, passionate, and fiercely protective of your friends and whatever else you hold important to you. At least, from what I’ve seen.” Swirling her cup, she didn’t bother to idly look down at the dark liquid with a contemplative gaze. Instead, her eyes would remain focused on Nate—bright and analytical this time. “But right now you seem conflicted.” With a tilt of her head, she questioned softly, voice holding an edge of concern for her friend. “Did something happen, Nate?”

[member="Nate the Bounty Hunter"]

 

[Nate Phantoms]

Noticing that she decided to ignore him and instead proceed to pour a cup for him, he would take it graciously, not wanting to be rude. even though it did smell rather good. Reaching forward, he would take the glass, the warm contents steaming slightly as he took a sip, savoring the rich flavor. "Hmm, not gonna lie J, you make some rather good coffee."

Looking up as she spoke about him, his gaze would flicker, his focus now on keeping his calm demeanor. ​Strong. Passionate... those were some qualities to describe himself, but wasn't exactly what he was looking for. Setting down his cup, he would cross his arms behind his back, pacing around before coming to stop in front of the window. "No no, not that way... though I do appreciate it," turning back around, his flaming gaze would burn brightly as he continued.

"Yes, I guess you could say that... but what exactly drives you Joza?" Moving back, he would stand a few paces from her, waving a hand dismissively. "Is it Alan? That special man in your life?" Unintentionally, those feeling that were shoved down managed to crawl their way out, negative emotions rolling off of him. "Now imagine that everything you held dear, everything you lived for; snatched away. Leaving you with nothing but pain and sorrow." Managing to get his emotions back under control, he would speak softly, anger visible within his eyes. "That's where I am right now; I have nothing."

[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

“I know.” Her tone was light and teasing in response to his comment about her coffee. But she didn’t say anything else, continuing to lean against the counter and sip her drink while watching him intently. Not just watching—feeling, too. Being an empath had its ups and downs, but Joza’s lifelong skill had been refined to a level where she could separate her own emotions from those of others. Nevertheless, she stood there and drank in the sparks of anger and negativity that flickered from him before dying down.

Even if she couldn’t read people innately, it was obvious that not all was well with Nate Phantoms.

Her gut twisted in realization that she’d had a conversation similar to this recently with Connor Harrison. The Rogue Master had helped her find her way back to the Silvers, and had offered comfort and guidance when she discovered herself to be pregnant by an abusive lover. But he’d cracked under the tremendous weight of anti-Silver sentiment that wrought a wave of attacks and invasions in Silver space. His own personal issues had a part to play in it as well, and ultimately he’d given himself to the Dark and turned away from the Order he’d loved so much. Their last meeting had been painful, and still weighed heavily on her heart as a failure to a friend.

“Why do you have nothing, Nate? What was taken away?” Her eyes glossed over with sympathy. She could feel the cold hallow of Darkness in him, the very same that had writhed within her years ago. At that time, she’d truly believed that she’d lost everything including herself. Granted, it was more akin to going insane. Pushing off from the counter with her hip, she approached him as a friend—soft steps, nonthreatening.

“What happened.”

More of a gentle demand than a question.

[member="Nate the Bounty Hunter"]

 

[Nate Phantoms]

"Look at me Joza... I can feel you trying to understand." Gazing down at her, he would instinctively take a half step back, before moving back to where he was, his hand gripping the counter tightly, the veins in his bicep and forearm visible. "Did I never tell you?" That was surprising, he could've sworn everyone knew what had happened to him, but then again, he never communicated with people, because then they tend to become sympathetic, and grow attached.

Crossing his arms, he would tap his finger against his forearm, trying not to literally explode from all the emotions coursing through his being. "Well, to be completely honest, everyone I've ever cared about is either dead or very close to it. First my family, then my master, my past wife-to-be, and now I'm fearing that Ki will leave once she sees," Waving his hand in front of him, he continued. "this."

Clearly agitated, he would start moving, his ADHD kicking in at the worst of times. "You and I both know that she made it her job to keep me from falling, and she'll take it as a personal failure...much like you have with Conner." No longer pacing, his foot steps would echo in the deathly silent room, even Alan was quiet, as he was possibly asleep. A little afraid that he had struck a nerve, he would move closer to her, placing a hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently. He knew how it felt, but it didn't fall on her to make sure her friends stayed in line. It was his choice, and that choice would either have its 'benefits' or consequences. "These are tough times, I hope that he see's the error of his ways so the good people like you wont have to pick up the pieces."

[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

Nate was doing a good job at restraining his emotions, she had to give him that. Sore subjects often brought forth a rush of negative feelings and right now they were bubbling beneath the surface, threatening to spill over. To an empath trained with such precision, Nate’s anger was felt clear as day. It was a clichéd blessing as much as it was a curse, given that one must be careful so that they’re not overwhelmed with emotions. It was all too easy for an inexperienced empath to drown in someone else’s sorrows. An eyebrow cocked at his words. Trying to understand. Trying. She’d lost too much to try and understand, but rather empathize with his pain. Stop that. Drawing in a slow, imperceptible breath, she let her lungs swell just slightly as she took ahold of herself. All pain is not the same. You know this.

Again, the woes of being able to feel feelings.

“...much like you have with Conner."

There was a stake through the heart if she’d ever felt one.

Inwardly, Joza flinched, then seethed as a roll of anger thundered against her chest. Outwardly she appeared passive, albeit guarded. Still, she registered the hand on her shoulder and brought her gaze up to meet with Nate’s—cool olive green would meet with smoldering embers. Then, she smiled softly. “I appreciate the sentiment, I really do. But that’s something for another day, and I almost want to ask how you know about my more private affairs.” Whatever it was between her and Connor, Joza had refrained from discussing with anyone. They’d been a bit more publicly involved prior to Alan’s birth, but their recent dealings had been…less than proper.

Speaking of Alan, the tyke began to whine and rub his eyes, shifting in his high chair. Dispelling the thoughts of her train wreck of a romantic life, Joza lifted the baby out of his seat, settling him in her arms so that his head could come to rest on her shoulder. Out of all the horrible things that had happened, Alan was the one constant light in her life.

“When did this happen?” Rubbing the child’s back softly, she gestured with a tilt of her chin towards Nate, referencing his earlier gesture. “Did something trigger it? A specific event? Or has everything just been weighing down on you so heavily that you reached a breaking point?” She spoke to him softly, soothing her child as she prompted Nate. There was nothing accusatory about her tone, but she spoke with point blank honesty.

[member="Nate the Bounty Hunter"]

 

[Nate Phantoms]

A raised eyebrow was never good when talking to women, he learned that from his father. Then, it was like shutting a door, he could feel it. Most wouldn't know how keen of an observer he was, noticing the small things had saved his life before... yet, it never seemed to benefit the well being of anyone else. Clenching his jaw, things would die down, even to such an experienced Empath, nothing would be detectable. Not even his fiery temper, the sorrow. All of it dispersed without a trace.

Shrugging off her smile, he would wave his hand in-front of him, his original answer of Oh yeah, I just keep tabs on all my friends. was pushed aside, nothing else could really sum up how he knew about her...situation. Instead, he watched as she picked up Alan, his head resting on her shoulder, his fiery red hair blending in with hers.

Of course, he would hear her speak, but it gave the saying "in one ear and out the other" a more tangible meaning as he literally didn't comprehend a single word, just an incoherent mess.

I should answer her...

Like talking about it ever helped.

​It is her specialty, she helps people all the time.

But you're not a normal person.

Outward appearances could be deceiving, as there wasn't sign of what was going on within him. This was the first time he had a clashing mentality, albeit two of all things. Generally, it confused him into agreeing that he really wasn't normal, but then again, when your life goes to hell, you tend to follow with it.

"Good question..." Finally, he spoke, examining the almost cryptic scar that ran up his forearm and bicep, a more physical reminder of his time on the Purgatory, the sound of the doctor's cackle ringing in his ears. Shaking of the thoughts, he would glance back up at her. "I just gave up, nothing significant, it's.. just me." Of course, there would be much more to that story, but whether she agreed with him or not, he didn't have any idea on how to fix it, and he was still dreading the day [member="Kimiko"] would ask the same question.

[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

Like the tide receding in preparation for a wave, Nate’s emotional structure disappeared. Sealed off. Undetectable. The sudden absence of emotion she’d been feeling so strongly from the man was enough to cause her to furrow her brow in confusion. Unlike many non-Zeltron empaths, she’d been trained to control and hone her ability since a young age. The effects only amplified during her Force training, and even Masters who outclassed her in mentalism would have to work consciously to conceal their emotions from an empath at work. This was not only vexing, but troubling. Had his feelings simply disappeared? That would only make things worse.

Still, those things were private. She was loathe to pick the mind of an ally, which is why she kept herself out of his head and settled with feeling what he natural exuded.

She tabled the Connor thing for now. As far as the public eye was concerned, things had fizzed between them and their private conversations were kept private. Hopefully.

Nate didn’t seem particularly concerned with what she had to say, and this made her outwardly sigh, though the reason for it would be unclear. Joza was particularly used to going unheard at a time like this. She’d come to learn that in situations like this, gentle probing and understanding didn’t work. What people did respond to were aggressive taunts and heated yelling. Maybe it allowed them to work out their frustrations easier, but Joza had spent a good portion of her life yelling. She was tired of it. A surge of anger pounded against her chest before receding like the tide, and Alan squirmed with a cry of discomfort. Perhaps he inherited his mother’s knack for reading emotions. “I know baby, I know.” Muttering softly, she pressed a kiss to his head before turning to exit the room, tilting her chin as a signal for Nate to follow her.

“So what are you doing now that you’ve given up?” Murmuring so that she wouldn’t disturb the groggy child, she moved into the baby’s room and slowly settled him into his crib.

It was a simple question. Things didn’t always have to be difficult.

[member="Nate the Bounty Hunter"]

 

[Nate Phantoms]

Hearing her sigh made him look up, he knew very well that she was getting tired of talking, especially if he wasn't listening. Nah... maybe she's just frustrated. Almost in sync with his thoughts, he would feel the influx of anger within her, the baby instantly reacting. If she was indeed watching his emotions, would she also notice the fact that he had zeroed in on her?

The question dissipated, she was rather smart, and he had blankly told her that he kept tabs on all his close friends. Of course, as she was on his list of importance, she would be the only thing that he would be focusing on. On the outside, it would probably look he didn't give a damn, but just the fact that she was talking to him was enough to mildly brighten up his day. Following behind her, a nagging thought called his attention, not allowing him to answer her immediately.

Just leave...she clearly doesn't need your mess of a life interfering with hers.

You'll just end up getting her killed too...that's all your good for.

Stopping dead in his tracks, the emotions no longer hidden, pouring forth out of the imaginary prison that he had worked so hard to build evaporated. Fists would clench as he struggled to remain calm, knowing very well that if he didn't contain himself, he could literally explode, most likely killing both Joza and her new child.

I am just a burden... unwanted and volatile.

My presence alone has caused the death of so many... when I am undeniably the only one who should have died.

Heat rolled off him, his shirt soon smoldering due to the mix of negative emotions coursing through him, now much more profound. It was like engine failure to a plane, everything would come crashing down soon enough. He only prayed that no one would be near the crash site. Tears would rush to his eyes, confusion, hate, and sorrow filling him. This would probably be the first time anyone had seen him cry, but he didn't care enough to try and hide it. Naturally, he turned so his back was towards her, furiously trying to regain his composure, but failing miserably.

[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

Thankfully they were closing in on nap time, and Alan slept like a rock when he was truly tired—a rock that liked to wake up every 15 to 45 minutes, but a rock nonetheless. As Joza finished settling him and crept softly out of the room, she could feel the precipice of Nate’s emotional flood—it hit her just as she’d closed the door, and would have sent her back against the wall if she hadn’t managed to brace herself. Everything about his posture spoke of agitation and discomfort, the balled fists, the tensed muscles…it didn’t take an empath to discern that something was very wrong.

It didn’t take much more for her to step forward, once, then twice, covering the distance between them. She touched his shoulder, the raised heat of his body gone unnoticed by the phrik of her hand. “Nate.” She said his name, closing her eyes and releasing a rush of pheromones. Like a soft, powerful wave, they’d blanket the pair of sentients and at least take the edge off. It would be a shame if her apartment were to go up in flames due to his smoldering shirt, but this wasn’t about that. “I wouldn’t have asked you here if I didn’t care. You’ve suffered a tremendous loss and you’re reacting to it. The pain you’re feeling is very normal and natural.” She spoke softly, keeping any sort of harshness out of her voice.

Carefully, she’d walk around him so that they’d be face to face, hand still on his shoulder. In his face, she saw traces of her former self. Angry, confused, torn apart by the wrongs that had been done. Helpless to the emotion. Without speaking again, she wrapped both arms—cybernetic and organic—around his shoulders and pulled him into a hug, letting the idle silence fall between them.

[member="Nate the Bounty Hunter"]

 

[Nate Phantoms]

"Yes, and that's exactly what worries me Joza," No longer crying, he was just a literal hot mess. "It's because you care that you're more inclined to help me, which can be very dangerous." Shaking his head slowly, he would have moved to stand, only to met her gaze and feel her arms wrap around him. Instinct took hold, and he stiffened slightly, placing his hand on her arm, only to feel surprisingly relaxed.

Sighing, he pried himself from her grasp, his sadness evident. "Truth is; I'm a danger to any whom are close. Hell, I nearly exploded a few moment ago." Realizing just how incapacitating he was to everyone he cared about was like a punch to the gut. One step between them became two, stopping at three. "Is that really what you want around, honestly?"

[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

Emotions were exhilarating, yet exhausting. Right now Nate was on a dizzying rollercoaster of feelings, beginning with a white-hot anger that dropped quickly into a heavy sadness. His fear was evident, given that he’d already lost so much and didn’t want to alienate anyone else. It made sense.

“I understand. You’re aware of how volatile you are and you don’t want to take anyone you care about down with you if you were to explode.” Watching him carefully, Joza didn’t move forward with him, allowing Nate his space for the time being. Smothering or overstimulating an unstable person could, in her mind, only make things worse. “But what you need to understand, Nate, is that I’m used to taking risks. Especially when they involve someone that I’m close to.” She took a step closer, all gentle movements and open palms—but her back was straight, her posture lifted and her eyes open. “I’m more than capable of defending myself against you in the event that you do, quite literally, explode.” Shields, bubbles, stunning…there were a number of ways she could absorb his blows or otherwise incapacitate him. Joza was no sacred warrior or chosen one, but she was a Master of the Force that specialized in defensive and supplementary techniques.

Another half step closer, and she extended a hand. Not as an aggressor, a superior, or a teacher for she was none of those things when it came to Nate. She was, first and foremost, his friend. “Let me in. Let me help you.”

[member="Nate the Bounty Hunter"]

 

[Nate Phantoms]

"Aware is an understatement..." Sighing, feeling some anger dissipate, he stood stock still, meeting her gaze as he spoke. "I've caused so much pain and loss... I've killed countless men and women in my blind quest for revenge. I'm no better than those whom we defend the helpless from." Cracking his knuckles in a clenched fist, resisting the instinctive urge to step back from her as she approached.

"Practically having a nuke in your house? That takes some balls Joza..." Scoffing and mentally slapping himself he would hold up a hand with a faint smile. "No offense of course. But I've had my share of risks as well, and have learnt that such thing don't only put yourself in danger," Smile gone, the fire withing his eye would flicker, a sign that the gears within his head were spinning. "but also loved ones."

Knowing very well how capable his pink friend was of defending herself, he would at least relax... somewhat. The outstretched hands and soft words caused a mental stall. How was he supposed to let her in? She'd probably drop him immediately, no longer wanting him around. Surprisingly the tremendous weight he felt on his shoulders and mind didn't feel as heavy, but what more could she do?

She could just kill you, stab you through the chest and end all this chit.

"How?"

[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

“If I didn’t care about you and your wellbeing, you would have been kicked to the curb by now. I’m not going to turn away from a friend who’s having difficulties.” Never had, never will—or so she liked to think. Joza was no stranger to becoming unhinged and distancing herself from those who wanted to help her. It had taken time for her to realize what she had and how powerful self-doubt could be. That being said, healing was far more complicated than having a “Just believe in yourself!” pep talk.

“Danger sense and reaction time are a remarkable thing. Less ballsy, more intuitive.” Moving over towards the couch, she motioned for him to sit with her. “The first—and only—man I’d ever given my heart to was a mysterious traveler I met on Zeltros. We fell in love viciously that neither of us really stopped to think about what we were doing. Mistakes were made, and he turned cruel. Eventually, we crashed and burned after he revealed that he was Sith.” She paused, catching his eyes with her own. Her gaze was much firmer now, but not scolding. Urging, though. She wanted him to know this. “I don’t know what it was that kept us together…familiarity? A need to have someone? Whatever it was, it wasn’t a good enough reason, but it dragged on for far longer than it should have.” It was bittersweet, in a way. If she hadn’t gone through all of that, she wouldn’t have Alan, her Little Prince. But the child’s paternal heritage was hidden. Only one person other than herself knew who’d fathered Alan.

“I don’t want that for you, Nate. I don’t want you to turn cruel and lash out at those you care for. You may think that you’ll never hurt Kimiko, but you’re only a man. You can be blinded by hate and rage and pain. We all can.” Crossing her legs at the knee, she exhaled after a few moments of thought before turning and looking at Nate, letting her eyes linger. “I’ve been experimenting with Force imbuement. I can try my hand at enchanting something, an item you’d wear, that might help take the edge off.”

A pause, and her lips twisted into a thoughtful smile. “But I want you to try and sort out your feelings. It probably feels like nothing can ever get better and nothing will help—trust me, I’ve been there. I asked one of the Jedi Masters on Voss to kill me because I was so sure that I was beyond help. But, ah, that’s another story for another day. Point is, this pain doesn’t have to be a permanent thing if you don’t want it to be.”

[member="Nate the Bounty Hunter"]

 

[Nate Phantoms]

Scoffing he sat beside her, no longer smoking, fortunately. Not knowing what to really do with his hands, or whether or not he should try to calm down. In all honesty, he wasn't angry, or confused, well at least not anymore. Now he was just sitting there, not feeling anything anymore, just listening to his pink friend.

"No, I know that I could severely hurt Ki, why do you think I'm not phased by the fact that she may very well leave me? Sure, it'll hurt as I know that's it's mostly my fault, but..." Smiling, he could feel his heart wrench at the words, the flames within his eyes flickering. Hopefully, she couldn't feel that, but if she did, oh well. At least she would know that he wasn't just being a douchebag.

Leaning back to rest his back against the couch, folding his arms and meeting her gaze, his interest would be piqued at her mention of Force imbuement. He couldn't turn down the offer, and he couldn't really accept it either. "Could you now? Huh..." Upon hearing he talk about pain, his gaze would flick back up to hold there. The next few words that came out his mouth surprised even himself.

"What if... maybe I greet pain with open arms?" Hands met together as he leaned forward again, elbows propped up on his knees. "Pain is the foundation for my entire life Joza, perhaps it's fate, maybe I just attract bad luck. I have gone and sorted through my feelings a very long time ago, weren't many to begin with, but... try as I may, I can't seem to change anything." Still no visible emotions, however his voice and eyes would tell a different story. "Meeting great people, chasing revenge, not even love could help."

[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

There it was again—the pulsation of his emotion. One moment he was devoid of feelings, the next his heart wrenched. It was concerning and spoke of an instability within him.

“I don’t believe that.” A scarlet brow arched softly. “You care for Ki, and it affects you. But you try to shove those feelings deep down, don’t you?” Her tone was not accusatory, as she was coming to him as a friend. A concerned friend. “And I could,” She brushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “But only if you want to learn to deal with your pain in a constructive manner. And by that, I don’t mean turning to the Sith and their ways.”

A beat passed.

“This revenge you’re chasing—what caused it?”

[member="Nate the Bounty Hunter"]

 

[Nate Phantoms]

"Matter of fact, I do. How would you feel about someone if you knew that you very well be the cause of their death?" Looking up expectantly, he waved a hand in front of him, his knife flipping from it's sheath into the open palm. "Would you not stay away as far as possible to prevent it?"

After cutting a few loose strings protruding from the hem of of his shirt, he sheathed his knife, eye's flicking up at her words, narrowed slightly. "Excuse me? I've dealt with my pain much better than I have in the past, thank you very much. And who said I practice Sith ways? It's rather difficult to be neutral if you channel your power through The Dark, Joza."

"Many things, some worst than others. The list ranges from death, to torture at the hands of a madman, why?"

[member="Joza Perl"]

 

[Joza Perl]

Oh.

Frustration bubbled beneath the surface—her surface—as if it were simmering her skin. But it remained just like that: beneath the layers of control she’d worked hard over the years to build and maintain. In him, she saw pieces of herself the caused her to nearly spiral out years ago. A fragile anger. But at what, exactly? At whom? She couldn’t exactly pinpoint where this came from. Her expression faltered, a highly unamused and deadpan gaze as he brandished the knife. Was he trying to intimidate her? Impress upon her how serious he was about this?

A soft, almost forced smile settled onto her lips. “Nate,” Her words were careful and controlled. “I find that we often only see glimpses of who we think people are on the surface, and assume the rest.” A pause, and a meaningful look to say that this went both ways, quickly turning apologetic for a tic. “Maybe I’ve assumed too much about you, Nate. But I’ve asked you for a reason. I want to know. You’ve been through shet, that’s for sure. I won’t think any less of you for it. We’re buddies, after all.”

Joza had a soft heart, but little phased her in the way galactic horrors anymore. She’d been enslaved twice, sexually abused in different venues for a startling percentage of her life, brutalized at the hands of slave masters, Sith and others of such ilk. She’d seen war, burned bridges, rebuilt them again and torpedoed others. She’d drowned in her own pain and pulled herself back to the surface. It hadn’t been easy, and she still bore signs of it today. Hard experiences don’t leave anyone unscathed.

“Perhaps it is good that you stay away from Ki for the time being. Pain is not the only fuel—but it feels satisfying to burn. Sometimes our own suffering is like an addiction.” She shrugged. That sounded too introspective for even her.

[member="Nate the Bounty Hunter"]