Beneath the Ways

[Aela Talith]

[member="Jacen Voidstalker"]

She was growing tired of this.

She hated mysteries that had no real clues, she hated riddles that left things out, and she hated wandering around dark and deserted places without any directions. Ordinarily Aela loved and enjoyed digging into the deeper mysteries of things, but this place? This place left absolutely nothing to actually discover. All that was here were some symbols and ghosts. There was no sign of books, markings, or anything actually helpful.

The girl let out a frustrated groan. ”FINE! WE’LL LEAVE! “

Acting rather hastily, and brashly, Aela turned her lightsaber and thrust it into the nearest wall. Almost immediately she began to carve and slice away at the rock. Forcing her lightsaber through and slicing an exit into the heavy stone. A few seconds passed, and then suddenly she removed her saber and pushed with the force, heavy rock falling away and revealing a chamber beyond.

Almost as soon as the new doorway fell the stench of musty and rotten corpses hit her nose.

She looked to Jacen with a face of pure and utter annoyance.

”No youre right.” Her tone was flat as she gestured to what she assumed to be a tomb. ”This is completely normal.”

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

[member="Aela Talith"]

"I'm perfectly normal and I'm..." Jacen paused to retch at the smell. He took two steps back and covered his nose. "...also caught up in this."

They didn't need this. His only response to Aela's look of abject annoyance was to offer a shrug. Life had been simple for a little while. Had the Force decided he was due some suffering again?

A noise started as a low moan, then it became a whine and then a shriek. Jacen thought it sounded very much like a bomb falling towards them. The noise came to a head and the air before him shimmered. Jacen was struck so forcefully that he was thrown backwards from his feet. He'd been struck hard enough that he skidded across the ground for a few metres before coming to a halt.

"Normal..." He muttered as he reached for his lightsaber.

 

[Aela Talith]

[member="Jacen Voidstalker"]

"Jacen!" Aela let out a cry as she turned, her face contorting in a mixture of fear and anger. As soon as she saw that he was okay however the young Jedi Master whirled back around, her lightsaber slowly turning to face...herself?

Two figures now stood within the tomb, both of them a perfect reflection of the Jedi Masters.

Aela faced herself, or rather a dark reflection. The figure carried the same build, the same hair, and even the same eyes, the only difference were the deep black lines that were carved beneath the apparitions skin. Thick spider-web like construct ran through the woman's eyes and across her cheeks, reaching to the hem of her clothes and burrowing beneath them. The image was unsettling to say the least, and confusion reigned within Aela's mind as she faced the ghost. "What th-"

"Shuttup."

The figure spoke, it's hand reaching low to grasp a lightsaber much like Aela's. Her voice was curt, short, a harsher reflection of Aela's own.

Before the Jedi Master could say anything or even respond to the ghost it ignited one of it's blade, stepping forward and then falling into a quick dash. Within a single heartbeat the apparition was upon Aela, it's lightsaber swinging low and giving her almost no time to counter.

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

[member="Aela Talith"]

Fingertips found the hilt of his saber and he dragged it across the stone slabs back to his side. He placed the flat of his left hand on the ground and grunted as he lifted his shoulders off the ground. Jacen didn't activate his saber. Not until he could understand what the new threat was. Not everything could be overcome with the blade.

He heard footsteps. He saw the blurred outline of her figure walking towards him briskly.

"It's fine," he said, waving Aela away. "I can get up on my..."

The approaching figure accelerated. Jacen looked up and blinked away the haze just in time to see himself plant one foot and swing with the other. He just had time to bring up his arm but the swift kick took forearm and head and sent him rolling across the ground. Typical, he couldn't help but think to himself. Defeat the Dark Lord and be dropped into something worse. It seemed like every time he tried harder the slope just got steeper.

 

[Aela Talith]

[member="Jacen Voidstalker"]

The figure...Aela herself...whatever it was moved just as swiftly as she did.

Lightsabers clashed together, two violet blades pressing against one another and sparking incessantly as the young Jedi Master tried to figure out what the feth was actually happening. Her gaze briefly shot towards Jacen, attempting to figure out what the hell was going on before suddenly the being in front of her lashed out with a second lightsaber. The weapon sprang to life, immediately demanding Aela's attention. A small bubble of protection formed, pushing the other saber away.

A moment later her knee flew up and smacked against the figures stomach. "What th-"

Again she found herself cut off.

"SHUT! UP!"

The butt of a lightsaber hilt found its way directly into Aela's face, hard metal crashing against her nose with a loud crunch that seemed to echo slightly. The girl let out a cry of pain, taking half a step back and trying to catch herself just long enough to do anything, but all she had time for was raising her lightsabers in defense.

She deflected blow after blow, the figure assaulting her almost faster than she could defend herself.

"YOU STUPID! SELFISH!"

The figure screeched as she attacked, her voice echoing down the halls.

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

[member="Aela Talith"]

The world stopped spinning as Jacen brought himself to a halt. With a sharp snort he braced himself, every muscle coiled to prepare to strike back. The pain in his head was reduced to a dull throb with a simple trick of mental discipline.

No second attack was forthcoming. Jacen drew himself up and squared off with his new opponent. The knock to the head made him question what he had thought he'd seen. Standing tall and with everything returning to focus he realised he had not been wrong. He was faced with himself. Not quite himself. The man who faced him was clearly shaven and with tightly cropped hair. He wore the robes of a Republic Jedi. Grand Master robes. Robes with a clear scorch marks in front of the heart.

"Why even bother to get back up?" The apparition asked.

"Didn't fancy getting kicked in the head again."

The apparition started to circle. He didn't attack, but there was an ornate lightsaber in his right hand. "It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you for everything wrong..." The left hand was held out towards Jacen, "...or everything right..." The apparition pointed at itself. "...it's all just a waste. And you know it. You know where the end comes. The Sith will never go away. Some battlefield somewhere you'll slip up and that's it."

Jacen could feel the tug at the back of his mind. It was a weight drawing him down. He returned within his own mind and raised barrier after barrier. Yet they did nothing. It was as if his entire mental fortress was sinking on treacherous ground and no amount of walls would help.

Jacen stood firm. "Even making mistakes, a lot more people wouldn't be here if I just 'stayed down.'"

 

[Aela Talith]

[member="Jacen Voidstalker"]

Aela found herself driven down the hall that they had come from, the apparition stepping between herself and Jacen. She caught brief flicking flashes of lightsabers, but beyond that the Jedi Master caught sight of almost nothing. Her lips thinned and with every step backwards she let out a curse. Her blade bounded up and down, meeting every slash and catching every thrust, yet she was slowing down. Every attack she made, every counter she attempted was met with a quick riposte.

Finally the figure pressed her back into the open chamber, the two of them now standing over a dozen meters away from Jacen and his counter-part. Aela opened her mouth to speak, to question, but the ghost once again silenced her.

"Do you think you're brother is dead by now?"

The question caught her unaware, a lightsaber swinging high and catching her on the ribs. Aela let out a cry of pain, backing up another few steps as the apparition kept up it's assault. Their blades clashed against one another, Aela's second saber catching the ghost's own blade. "I-"

"No that's right you don't care. You didn't want to sit by his side. You wanted to go home, you wanted to be with your precious younglings. You wanted to take care of yourself!"

"No!" Her hand pressed out, the force catching the ghost and pressing it back for just a second before the two women crashed together once more.

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

[member="Aela Talith"]

"Do you know that? Take Trextan's mother. Take all those displaced in every world turned into a battleground. Take Atrisia. Can you say that everything you have done has saved lives."

The other Jacen ignited a blue lightsaber. The ornate hilt was brought up in a two-handed grip. Jacen activated his but have two steps. This wasn't right, he told himself. This wasn't...

Another surge from the depths as his mind was tugged down. That debilitating, draining apathy that he hadn't felt in so long was threatening to smother every thought. The lightsaber felt heavy in his hands, the wounds he'd suffered were magnified.

"I can't stand by," Jacen countered. "And let the worst..."

"No so you make things worse." The apparition stepped forwards. It threw out an almost last thrust that Jacen parried. His reposted was followed by a quick routine but every stroke was effortless deflected.

"You don't understand do you?" Asked the apparition. "I am you. Just a better you. And it was still for nothing. Listen now before you make the greatest mistake that comes with an untold cost."

 

[Aela Talith]

[member="Jacen Voidstalker"]

Aela's lightsaber sliced low, then high, then low again. She tried again and again to catch the ghost somehow, some way. Yet each time she was met with a perfect defense, a perfect counter.

"You don't care!"

The ghost shouted at her, her voice echoing within the hallway even as they clashed again and again. Everything happened so fast, so quickly, the young Jedi Master struggled to keep up with it all. Her lips thinned and her movements began to slow, but the ghost didn't move to strike her down. Instead it kept speaking, kept taunting.

"You don't care about the Jedi, about your family, about anything at all! You care about you, about what you want!"

Aela was about to speak but suddenly the apparition swung high.

The ghostly lightsaber sliced over Aela, the Jedi Master dodging back but her shoulder catching against the heated plasma. She screamed in pain, falling and dropping one of her blades to the floor. The hilt went clattering, it's purple blade erased from life.

"You're selfish. Everything you've done, everything you'll ever do. It wasn't for others. It wasn't for good. It was for you. You only care about yourself."

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

[member="Aela Talith"]

"You are not real," Jacen grunted defiantly. He cut low for the shin then changed his angle upwards. That blue blade was a blur as it hissed back and forth to counter any attempt to breach the defensive routine.

Jacen gave ground. With every passing second and every step backwards he could feel his resistance failing. The dark clouds hung low, the urge to crawl away and hide from the world started to grow.

The apparition blocked hard. It forced Jacen's own blade out wide then cut inside. The vertical slash from low to high came inches from Jacen's chin. Up close Jacen could see the difference more clearly. No scar across the eye from one of Qorbin Fal's minions. He was broader across the shoulders yet his weathered expression suggested they had been carrying a greater weight over the years.

His hands started to tremble as his defence became desperate. Instead of fluid and controlled his footwork felt stiff, deliberate and awkward. It was all in his mind. But in the end the mind was where everything ended up, real or not.

One weak counter and that blue blade snapped down viciously. His own saber span away through the air, the blade extinguishing before the hilt rattled across the floor to rest against a column.

Jacen was done. It was all for nothing anyway. He felt the darkness if this place dragging him down. Just as he had dragged himself down into despair over and over through the years. He dropped to his knees and looked at the floor.

 

[Aela Talith]

[member="Jacen Voidstalker"]

”NO!” Aela’s voice rang out with a thundering boom.

The apparition had been standing before her, bright violet lightsaber held high, plasma blade ready to execute the Jedi Master. The woman had spoken curtly, quickly, and she had broken through to Aelas greatest fear. Shed always held it back hid it as best she could, but it was there.

The thought that she truly did not care, that to her everything was just a path to greater glory. Every time shed fought the Sith, every time she'd faced an enemy, every time she’d done anything at all. Had it been for herself? Had it been for the glory she could reap for herself? She questioned, she reflected, and she did not know. The stark fear that she wasn't as righteous as she claimed, the terror that she wasn't the person that she thought she was.

That very fear had driven her to Wroosti.

It was why shed pulled away from the Order, why shed abandoned her fellow Jedi and sought to do nothing but teachm she wanted to prove to herself she didn't need the glory, the limelight, that she wasn't in this for herself but the others around her. Yet here she was again on this planet, fighting the Dark Lord and winning. The horror of what might be the truth struck her, but it wasn't that which made her scream. Out of the corner of her eye, passed the apparition and in the hall beyond she saw Jacen fall. She saw her fellow Jedi, her friend fall. Anger and fear welled up within her and in an instant she felt a powerful burn upon her thigh.

The force lashed out from within her, a powerful wave erupting in an instant as she bellowed. The tattoo within her skin scorched, and Aela screamed.

The apparition in front of her tried to flee and back away, tried to run, but the force was upon it. In an instant the wave struck it and the ghost exploded into a wisp of smoke, its ghostly visage twisting into a state of shock and horror. The burst of power then continued, striking the walls and cracking stone, the earth around the temple shaking and shattering as the tomb began to crumble from her call.

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

Jacen knelt in a world of shattered glass. The broken fragments of the walls he had built surrounded him. They had not been breached from the outside. They had crumbled from within. The little sanctuary he had learned to create seemed so very fragile. A shard of glass he picked up crumbled to sand and trickled through his fingers.

There was nothing now but the dark at the end of the tunnel. The final rush of despair before it swallowed him up. Better to spend his last moments opening up to it than to watch the relatively boring reality of his fate. He let every moment of failure assail him at once. If he had breathed here then he would have stopped. Lungs tight, head crushed, body weak.

Jacen had always been his own worst enemy. More than anyone knew. So many things had been ruined by his own hand. His training, his career, his relationship with his wife. People ruined. People dead. How many had died on Atrisia because he took too long to do what was right? How many One Sith atrocities had he failed to stop. And then there was Trextan.

Trextan

A cry cut through into his mental solitude. The ground shook.

Aela

Trextan

There were those who had the hardest time looking for guidance but who needed it the most. Many who hadn't made the same mistakes he had, but could. That he was here after making them all only meant he had a duty to ensure others didn't. Those who never made mistakes of their own or were not trained to avoid them would walk right into them.

Jacen gave an almost reluctant sigh. His final thought as he left the crumbling remains of his mental fortitude was that it would have been quite peaceful to just lie down and let it end this time.



Jacen opened his eyes. He looked up at the face of his undoing: himself.

“It is better this way. To end it now,” the apparition whispered. The tip of the blade was just inches from Jacen's neck.

“I just can't afford to,” Jacen replied, looking up defiantly. He sounded almost sad at that truth.

The apparition mostly ignored his words. “At least it is an honourable way to go.” The tip of the blade backed away a few inches, ready for the strike.

“About that…” Jacen murmured. There was a blue flash. The handcannon at his hip had been drawn and fired with the Force. The apparition raised its blade but deflected just two of the bolts harmlessly towards the ceiling. The rest nearly cut it in two. It faded into the shadows, nothing more than an angry, impotent whisper in the air.

“Aela!” Jacen called as he drew himself up. “What happened?” He had heard her scream, could still feel the remnants of that expulsion as a tremble in the Force.

 

[Aela Talith]

[member="Jacen Voidstalker"]

Her fingers flexed against themselves, her eyes were closed, tears slowly dripped down her face. She didn't say anything as Jacen called to her, she didn't even move. The chamber around them began to rumble slightly, the ancient stonework disturbed by the burst of force that had escaped her.

She could feel the ache within her thigh, the agony that her tattoo had left behind as it scorched from her flesh. The ink there was all but gone, the burst of power that erupted from it had torched the cloth just above it. Her skin sat exposed, gnarled and bright red with just traces of the bright blue ink. Slowly Aela opened her eyes, glancing down at the wound as she sat upon her knees. A darkness hungover her, a sad wailing despair that couldn't be put into words.

Her fingers curled.

"I..." The Jedi Master trailed off quietly, not even speaking loud enough for Jacen to hear.

She'd never thought in a million years she'd ever need the Tattoo, she never thou-she never thought she'd need it. The ink had been developed, created for exactly this purpose, but she'd only placed it upon her skin as an example. She wanted to show others that it was safe, that it could be used, she'd never...her mind raced, her lip quivered, her fingers curled again and slowly she wrapped her arms around herself.

A small whimper left her throat.

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

[member="Aela Talith"]

“Come on,” spoke a voice softly from behind her. One hand came to settle on her shoulder whilst the other took the opposite elbow. There was strength, but delicacy to that touch as he tried to urge her back to her feet. “We need to leave this place.”

Jacen had once lost control. He’d touched the mind of a man who had seen the worst experiments carried out by Qorbin Fal and it had been too much. Anger had overwhelmed him and Aela had tackled him to the ground in righteous action. Tackling the spent and broken girl across the broken flagstones would have served no purpose. He didn’t understand the implications of the singed clothing and burned skin where the tattoo was, but right now it was just another wound that would have to be treated on the way home.

Had Jacen been alone the urge to just lie down, perhaps even curl into a ball and hide from the world would have been too great. But he wasn’t alone. The ghost had been correct: he often made the wrong decisions. He made mistakes time and again. Yet rarely had he been able to see someone and need and not had to act. For all that he had gone wrong he hoped that when he finally made that final error that some would be left who remembered him and were glad of the things he had done. He might not have saved everyone on Atrisia, but in the end stepping up had brought the violence to an end. Of course he’d been shot in the back for his trouble.

The baritone voice was close to her ear as he tried to ease her up. “Come on now. It’ll be alright.” He didn’t know if it would, but he couldn’t leave her here. Dust billowed out from one of the pillars as something started to give. He certainly couldn’t leave her now.

 

[Aela Talith]

[member="Jacen Voidstalker"]

Aela remembered exactly what had happened when Jacen had lost control.

She had remembered how she'd acted, how she'd judged him, what had happened almost to the second. Her lip quivered, her eyes were wet with tears, and her entire body seemed to be shaking violently. Her body hung around itself, arms holding tight. She tried to breath but was finding it more and more difficult as thoughts swirled around in her head. "I'm..."

The Jedi Master trailed off as Jacen gently pulled her to her feet.

She looked around them, glancing at the chamber and trying to figure out where they were. She saw the cracks in the collumns, the broken fragments of stone, everything. Aela glanced at Jacen through watery eyes, her hand coming up to wipe away tears. They had to get out still, they had to leave. She looked around for a moment, spotting the small cylinder half a room away.

"M-my lightsaber." She couldn't leave it behind.

It had been a gift from her father. The weapon was more than just an object from war, it was an heirloom, one that Aela had always intended to pass to her own children. "I can't leave it."

Despair filled her voice and slowly she pulled away from Jacen, crossing the room and quickly scooping up the weapon in her hands. As soon as she picked it up a small twang pulled through her, but it wasn't the usual calm the weapon brought, it wasn't the sense of peace she should have had. Instead it felt...forced, almost as if the lightsaber were trying to subdue her instead of aiding her. She frowned for a moment, looking at the weapon with a small sniffle before slowly sliding it into it's holster.

The roll of emotions still tore through her, and slowly she made her way back towards Jacen. Shame clung to her, her downcast eyes looking ahead without giving a single glance to Jacen.

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

[member="Aela Talith"]

It broke Jacen a little bit more to see Aela this way. Her head bowed, collecting the saber as if salvaging it from ruin instead of collecting it in victory. They had not won this one. They had survived. Taking in a deep breath, as if that could galvanise his resolve on its own, he turned and too the passage out of the hall. If there was anything left of the spirits which had assailed them they had retreated from the area to recover their strength. With any luck they would haunt the sith for a time before being exorcised.

The path started to angle upwards until it met a set of worn stairs. The centre of each was worn out so far as to look like it had been carved to be a chair. Still, going upwards was encouraging. Each step seemed to lift a weight.

"What happened Aela?" He asked when he felt they had put some distance behind them. Each of them had been challenged in their own way and Jacen had been deep within his own mind, on the precipice of surrender when she had lashed out.

 

[Aela Talith]

[member="Jacen Voidstalker"]

What had happened?

It was a good question, one that she didn't really know or want to answer. Her lips thinned, her eyes flicked across the floor. She wanted to give some excuse, she wanted to lie, she wanted to say something that would make it all better. There was only one answer though, there was only one thing she could really tell him.

Did she dare?

What would happen to her? What would they think? What would her mother, father, siblings..what would Jamie and Adder say? She hadn't fallen, but she had gotten so close. She had sensed the darkside of the force reached for it, surged with its power. The Tattoo had stopped her, blocked her and frozen her in place the moment shed needed it. The ink had worked just as it had been designed, but the fact that it needed to, that she had...it was pathetic. Aela felt tears slowly roll down her cheeks, her hair falling forward to hide her face within the darkness.

She breathed quietly, then answered. ”I turned out to be a hypocrite.”

Shed always carried herself as better, as righteous and a staunch defender of the light. Turned out she was none of those things.

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

[member="Aela Talith"]

Jacen slowed his pace until he eventually came to a stop. He turned to face Aela. Every step was difficult now. Those barriers had filtered the worst I'd the pain from his body. Now his nerves clamoured for attention as they screamed at him. The point where the Dark Lord's lightsaber had seared through his armour was the worst.

Aela had always presented this image of absolute control. Little by little he'd seen cracks open in that as the young woman was pushed further and further. She didn't have to explain the circumstances of what had happened, he decided. Whatever had forced her to make that mistake was behind them.

"To err is human." Eugh what an awful thing to say. "It's normal, Aela. Those who go the longest without fething up get hit the hardest when they do. The Dark Side calls to all of us, especially when we're at our most vulnerable."

Jacen sighed, looking for Aela to the route ahead and back again. She probably didn't want this conversation now. He wouldn't have wanted it. He would have wanted to curl into a ball in a room away from everyone for a few days.

"I've always admired your determination. Not how strong you are. If I said tomorrow will be better that would probably be a lie. This is going to hurt for a while but it will be better. You'll push through and be in a better place for it. Especially...if we survive long enough for you to deal with it."

 

[Aela Talith]

[member="Jacen Voidstalker"]

He was right, she didn't want to talk about this.

Every word that he said grated on her, every single sentence pierced her very soul. She knew exactly what he meant, what he was trying to do, but it all fell so flat. She knew that it was ordinary, that it happened, that even the most powerful Jedi in history had brushes with the darkside, but she wasn't them.

Aela had always thought of herself as different, not better, not by any means, but her father had taught her control. She was supposed to have been able to sense it, to stop it. She had the knowledge to understand what had been happening, what had been going on...so why didn't she see it coming? Had she lost herself within the image of herself? Had she succumbed because she was simply too weak?

Or was it because the Ghost had been right?

Was she selfish? Driving herself forward only because she wanted glory.

"Let's just get out of here." She said finally, her voice not harsh, but curt. It was clear she didn't have any interest in continuing the conversation.

 

[Jacen Voidstalker]

[member="Aela Talith"]

Perhaps it was easier to deal with other people than himself. When everything had gone wrong with his wife he had thrown himself further into his military career. Domestic problems were difficult. Talking to Aela was easier than thinking about how easily the apparition and influence of dark forces had reduced him to a helpless wretch, but she clearly didn't care for the sound if his voice.

For the rest of his life Jacen would struggle to recall what the rest of the passage back to the surface had looked like. They had continued in awkward silence. Jacen wanted to do something to help. Aela had been struck hard but she wasn't sinking under yet. She needed some time to process. He just needed to keep her in his sight.

The passage came out at a small stone structure built into the side if a hill. Long ago it had been reclaimed by the undergrowth but he managed to push through without giving them away with his lightsaber. Overhead in the night sky he could see ships still clashing. A shuttle thrummed overhead and landed not far from sight through the treeline. He didn't know which side of the war it was on.

"Hold here a moment, I'm just going to check this out." The first words in some time, they were almost difficult to form.