Private Awakening

[Colette]

The leather of the booth puffed up as they sat down, one woman in front of the other. Colette had eased up just a little but that didn't say much. She felt off, weird, as if something was being done to her against her will and she didn't know what to do. In truth there was even a small hint of fear mixed into it. She enjoyed self-control, she enjoyed being aware of her actions and what she was doing, and this was none of that.

"What's up?" She asked and began to shift in her seat. "I mean, I know what's up but do you know what's up?"

There was a little shift in her seat, a look out into the crowd beyond the booth. A vacant stare, a clear case of the thoughtsies before she turned back to look towards Lily again. Not so much at her, but towards her.

Eye contact felt difficult, the shame was all hers to own but she had no idea why just that it was.

Lily Decoria

 

[Lily Decoria]

Location: Rodia - Nightclub
Outfit: Party Dress
Tag: Colette

Reaching out to Colette, Lily offered a warm, sympathetic smile. Lily had never felt surprised or confused about herself when with others, she always just was herself with no apologies and expected people to enjoy that. "So, I think it might be good for you to know why you might be feeling the way that you are." Lily stated, knowing that her friend was a slight control freak but in the best of ways so having new feelings was likely as scary as it was confusing.

"I think, when I moved in close and invaded your personal space... I think your body reacted the way it did because you found me attractive." Lily paused to let that sink in, but then realised she might need to follow up, and how she was never going to be the best at this. "More than just how you find someone platonically attractive, I think it was something deeper, more intimate. A physical attraction."

Frowning as she thought about how poorly she was saying all this, "Colette, I think you found me sexually attractive and you might be bisexual. Which is totally normal, I'm bisexual, I think you are really hot too." Lily finally blurted out everything in as blunt of a manner as she could, hoping that would be the most helpful approach to her friend. Subtly was not Lily's strongest suit.

She just hoped it made sense to Colette.

 

[Colette]

Lily Decoria

Oh?

Colette's eyes set on Lily properly, the focus evident in the slight shift of her glance.

… Oh.

She couldn't help but look at Lily in a new light, one that she hadn't really seen her in before. Not as a friend but as a potential… More. A lover? It felt weird to even think about it. She didn't exactly mind others being into it, but that was how others were, y'know? If Colette was this… Bi-thing, then how come she hadn't noticed it before?

She had hugged Lily, and Everest, and many others before plenty of times but never felt quite like this. Hell, she had even been in a relationship with Shan but that had felt more…

More…

Colette frowned.

I find you hot too.

Her eyes darted up from the table and over towards Lily's blue eyes only to find herself at the receiving end of another shot of awkward. Colette opened her mouth to speak, either to defend herself or to agree but despite her lips forming words her voice just didn't carry.

Nothing but the most open-ended question of them all:

"Why?"

 

[Lily Decoria]

Location: Rodia - Nightclub
Outfit: Party Dress
Tag: Colette

Lily watched as Colette absorbed all the information that she had provided and gestured to the bar for them to get drinks since she figured that Colette might enjoy a drink as something to distract. When Colette finally spoke it was a singular word, just a question that was probably the more interesting question but the toughest to ask.

"Hmmmm... That's a tricky one." Lily admitted, not because it was impossible to ask or that Lily had lied about the attraction, it was more her trying to figure out what could be the reasons now after having felt the attraction for so long. It just seemed like everything but that wouldn't be helpful as an answer. "Well, let's start with the obvious, you are beautiful, strong and very physically attractive. At least to me." Lily stated, deciding to mention that as the first thing.

She then smiled, "but it is more than that, you are stubborn, singularly focused and loyal. I know stubborn might seem like a bad thing but I think that can be good, you don't give up easily and when you set your mind on something, nothing will throw you off course. I admire that in you and it is a very attractive trait for me." Lily knew that what appealed to her in a person was never going to be universal. "I can't concrete say everything I find attractive, mostly because so much of attraction and bonding I find through fighting. Sparring to express our emotions and open ourselves up to one another."

"However, there is an attraction and there has been for a while. It's why it hurt so much when you were so upset with me over my reluctance to help with Quinn..." Lily admitted, chewing on her bottom lip.

 

[Colette]

Lily Decoria

There Colette sat, listening to the compliments as they fell upon her with a troubled look on her face. She grabbed her drink when it arrived and softly cradled it for comfort. The bottle's contents were cold, her skin warm, and the condensation slick between each surface a welcome sensation from the uncertainty weighing on her shoulders in the moment.

It's why it hurt so much when you were so upset with me over my reluctance to help with Quinn…

"I… Get that." Colette said and rubbed her hand against her neck. "But I meant more… I don't know."

It didn't feel natural in a way. Yet at the same time it felt like the most natural thing of them all. Colette knew of these things. Not from home but rather through exposure since she left home. Love growing up had always been a secondary thing to it all and procreation the inevitable and primary aspect. It was to ensure the continued survival of a species and making sure that the incorrect genelines didn't intersect one time too many.

At least these were the — to her — very real aspects of anything related to 'love' even if these concepts had no holding in a galactic society. To 'tumble around' with a lover was a fortuitous blessing for a child to be had, but with two women or two men it didn't exactly work like that, at least not to her understanding of things. It was a genetic dead-end, a part of the tree from where nothing could be grown.

Needless to say, these 'things' weren't uncommon amongst her people but still seen as a bit more taboo than it had any reason to be — if the Galactic community was anything to go by at the very least, and it would seem that once more Colette was faced with another situation in which the things she had been taught and the things that she had seen out in the greater world were at odds again.

She took a sip from her drink and stared into it with a thoughtful frown.

"I…" Colette felt stupid, she wanted to ask a stupid question. "Never mind."

"I just don't understand why it hasn't happened before."

 

[Lily Decoria]

Location: Rodia - Nightclub
Outfit: Party Dress
Tag: Colette

Lily took a sip of her glass of red wine, not as cold as the beer but for Lily it was deeply refreshing and much more her palate in terms of alcoholic beverages. There was a lot going on in the mind of Colette, Lily let her friend think her thoughts through. It was only fair that she got the time to think of how to respond and what she thought about things. But it also gave Lily some time as well, to think about how to approach this. It hadn't been something she considered past the friendly teasing, flirting. She had simply assumed up until now that Colette was not interested in other women, since she had seen no signs of it before.

"Don't worry about asking questions, nothing you can say will be stupid to me Colette, I want to help you as much as I can. Only way I can do that is if you are completely honest with me." Lily reached out and placed her hand on top of Colette's, offering a reassuring squeeze. Hoping that she will know that Lily has her back.

Shrugging her shoulders, "I sadly can't explain how attraction works. Sometimes, a person can come across as terribly obnoxious, rude and unattractive but then you get to know them more and then suddenly you are in love with all the traits you used to find frustrating." Lily commented as she leaned back into the seat a little more. "How about this, why don't you tell me what you find attractive about me? Maybe that will help you understand why it happened now, tonight and not before."

It wasn't a guaranteed solution but Lily really couldn't offer anything else, and she would be lying if she didn't admit the idea of being given compliments and her best traits being highlighted did not appeal to her.

 

[Colette]

Lily Decoria

Then again, love and attraction were things she had been taught to try and not feel or act on given the circumstances of her existence. It didn't mean that these emotions weren't there, just that she wouldn't understand them once they showed up. Conceal them, deflate them, ignore them. With Shan it had been easy since she had already done it so many other times, seen so many examples from many different people and clans.

Had she gone this far only to realize there was some part of her she suppressed harder than others? Memories she had buried because of her confusion? Colette thought back to her days with her clan and the way she had acted as a child and teenager growing up in a dustbowl out in the rear-end of the galaxy. Maybe she had always been like this, or maybe it was something new dawning on her in this very moment.

In that regard, perhaps Lily was right. If she just tried to think of reasons she felt this way then maybe she could better understand it. Colette felt something brush against her hand and she pulled away on instinct. It took her a moment to realize what had happened and she softly, guarded as she was about these things, let her hand fall down into Lily's again.

"I don't like being touched," Colette began. "It's… Intimate. Not something that I was meant to feel or accept. Too dangerous. A good way to spread the plague and disease."

"But your hands are… Firm, and also soft. Worn, weary, but not without hope." She tried to explain without lifting her eyes from staring down upon the way her thumb brushed against said hand. "They are the hands of a skilled fighter, and a good friend. Someone I can trust, and mostly rely on."

There was no grin at that 'mostly' even though she wanted to make it a joke. Instead it was as matter-of-fact as the rest of it was as if she was just reading statements off of a list.

"The hand is, uh…" Colette looked up from the hand she held in her own, gazed upon the body it was so firmly and naturally attached to before she panickedly glanced back down at the hand again. "It's a good hand. Attached to a, uhhh…"

Her entire face started to turn red as she thought it over. All of this felt wrong to her as if it made her wrong for saying it. But Lily was a friend, and a close one that she trusted too, there was no need for that, right?

"You're beautiful, and I can't explain it." She blurted through the warmth under her skin. "Like an ocean, or an open plain. You speak to me, and I don't know how or why but you do."

"It's not… Love. Not that kind of love. It feels more… Selfish. Shallow. Not who you are but what you are. And it feels wrong. Like having these thoughts are wrong. I want to—"

And that, that was where the limit was reached. The otherwise blunt girl who spoke her mind had bent herself out of shape. She lifted her hand from Lily's to block her lips from uttering anything more than she already had, her face as red as a tomato, her skin ablaze in shame.

"I can't say." She mumbled into her fist.

 

[Lily Decoria]

Location: Rodia - Nightclub
Outfit: Party Dress
Tag: Colette

When Colette flinched at her touch, Lily feared she had crossed a line or upset Colette in some manner. That she had pushed too far, which was terrifying since she had wanted to be a comforting presence for her friend as they discussed all this. "I'm sorry. I should have realised that it was not something you were comfortable with." Lily spoke softly, regretful for crossing the line. "Best that I can offer is that my hands are very clean, probably washed too often." She laughed a little too much at the comment to break the tension.

Then Colette began to caress her hands, even though it was a simple touch. A touch that wouldn't seem like a lot to others, Lily felt her heart flutter. A warmth spreading through her as this touch held more significance and pushed past the boundaries of them merely being friends. When Colette described her hands, there was a blush formed on her cheeks as the careful words and considerate meanings were well formed. Then the comments about her overall appearance were described akin to environments she knew were important to Colette.

"What thoughts?" Lily shifted closer, ensuring that Colette did not have to speak her thoughts loudly, the Echani made concerted efforts not to place her hands on Colette. Her friend had told her it was something too intimate, too much. Which Lily was going to respect, no matter how much she enjoyed small touches and intimate moments herself. "You can say anything, everything to me. I want to hear it all and I will never judge you for what you say." Lily stated to Colette.

There was a deep level of care and compassion in Lily's steel gaze, a soft smile on her lips as positioned herself to be as close to Colette as she could be. To make sure that her friend could be open and honest without having to be loud. But she was also being selfish, wanting to be close, wanting the intimacy but respecting the boundaries that Colette was establishing with how she felt.

 

[Colette]

Lily Decoria

Colette snickered at the joke. Yeah, what thoughts? Colette shifted a little in her seat and took a big sip of her drink and put it back down again. This was the part she didn't know how to explain with Shan either in the end. That as much as she wanted to explore this, there was something much more important to her that got in the way: her oath.

"I…" Colette struggled. "I want to map those plains, explore the ocean."

"But I— I can't." She frowned. "I can't do that. It'd be selfish of me. I wasn't—"

She wasn't meant to feel that.

"It's a—" She fumbled again. "I'm not ready to deal with that right now."

"I loved being with Shan, but I can't do that again, not for a while. I need…"

It dawned on her, like an unexpected revelation.

"Time."

"I need time. To figure this out."

 

[Lily Decoria]

Location: Rodia - Nightclub
Outfit: Party Dress
Tag: Colette

Her silver eyes took in everything that Colette was showing in her body language, in her words. There were things being said. There were things being unsaid. There was something beyond the two of them that Colette was needing to face, to deal with. It was nothing that Lily could do or handle for her friend which was hard since Lily wanted to be there and show Colette how ready she was to help.

"I understand needing time. You can take all the time you need to sort things out and learn your thoughts and feelings."

There was a little disappointment that Colette was still needing to overcome something in her life.

"I will say, that I would like to explore all that with you. When you feel able to." Lily stated, with a small flirtatious grin on her lips. Lily wanted to offer some fun to her friend or at least show that it was not all one sided in this.

 

[Colette]

Lily Decoria

A small smile tugged on Colette's lips, even she could see the slight disappointment in Lily's eyes but much like Colette usually did she didn't put much thought to it. The intent was good but the unspoken obstacles immense. To break her own habit she reached out to Lily and grabbed her hand again.

"That might be a while." Colette said with complete honesty and slowly nodded. "I don't expect you to wait that long, and it's not fair to expect it either."

"It's… A personal thing." She said and tilted her head over towards the exit. "Wanna get some fresh air? I'll tell you about it."

"Maybe… A quick bite from the local food stands?"

 

[Lily Decoria]

Location: Rodia - Nightclub
Outfit: Party Dress
Tag: Colette

When Colette reached out and held her hand, Lily gave it a squeeze. Firm but gentle as she wanted to reassure Colette, she didn't mind the decision her friend was making, wanting to support Colette no matter what. "That's fine, I am happy being your platonic friend as much as I am happy to be more than that. It is whatever you need or what."

"Sure, we can do that." Lily slide out of the booth, adjusting her dress as it had hitched up a little. Looking over to Colette, "should have figured that you were going to want food." She remembered their first proper hang out was at a food market, where they tried various foods to Colette's delight. Lily walked close beside Colette as they walked out of the club.

The air was a comfortable chillier temperature than it had been, she enjoyed the feel of the night air. "What food are you in the mood for tonight then?" Lily asked, figuring that the discussion on the personal matter should start from Colette.

 

[Colette]

Lily Decoria

Platonic was one of those weird words. It felt too grand, as if love had to be separated into two different things. It made sense, it helped people be clear and all that but Colette would never be shy about simply calling it love the same as she loved Valery or Shan. It was an intense feeling of attachment to someone. Platonic or not it was beautiful.

She looked at Lily as she corrected her dress, eyes lifting to meet her friend's for a second before she smiled and turned around towards the exit.

"Well, you know me." Colette shrugged. "I always enjoy sushi, but really I'm fine with anything when it comes to eating out."

She looked Lily over again in a slightly different light once more.

"That dress looks great on you, by the way." Colette said and turned to look back towards the exit again. She felt flush again. "I mean, most things do."


Quick, change the topic!

"What- uh, what are you wanting— what do you want to eat?"

 

[Lily Decoria]

Location: Rodia - Nightclub
Outfit: Party Dress
Tag: Colette

Being platonic for Lily did not prevent her from showing love and affection for Colette, nothing was ever going to stop Lily from wanting to show how important Colette was to her. How close she wished to be as friends, whether there was something more between them or not. Hearing Colette mentioning sushi, Lily grinned, "sushi it is then. Very fancy, I remember you loving grilled meats on a skewer when we went to food courts on Coruscant." Lily smirked to her friend.

A smile, with a slight blush to her cheeks, "thank you, I think your outfit looks amazing as well." Lily gracefully moved through the crowd towards the outside. Wandering in the cooler airs of the night, breathing in deeply, Lily was glad to be able to cool down a little from how warm it had been in the club.

"You... you don't need to panic or jump topics when giving a compliment Colette, I will always take a compliment from you." Lily was not going to let Colette get nervous or shy away from giving compliments, especially not the ones towards Lily. "I think there is a good sushi place around the corner. Should be a solid place to eat."

Looking over to Colette, "don't feel like you have to explain anything to me, Colette." Her eyes studied Colette, concerned and wanting to take care of her friend.

 

[Colette]

Lily Decoria

"Thanks." Colette blushed as she endured the embarrassment coursing through her veins. "And hey, sushi isn't fancy. It's rice and fish, just mixed together in a nice way."

They stepped outside and her ears were still ringing. Colette closed her eyes for a moment to get herself through the worst of it. At the very least she could finally hear herself think again, or find some measure of peace in the act.

"I find that if you want good food you'll stay away from the main street." She continued once she got her senses back. "The closer to the big streets we are, the more fake the people who make the food are. More concerned with reviews than satisfaction."

"... I guess you could say the richer they are, the poorer the food."

 

[Lily Decoria]

Location: Rodia - Nightclub
Outfit: Party Dress
Tag: Colette

Lily chuckled deeply, "it isn't the ingredients that make a dish fancy, it is the skills of the chef. To make good sushi, it can take years of training and knowing how to use the knife precise in order to cut the fish best." While Lily was a far cry from becoming any good at cooking, she knew the processes it took and how dedicated some chefs had to be when making cook.

Hearing that Colette wanted to go deep diving the dark streets for places to eat, Lily shook her head, "perhaps. But you also need to consider the time of day and what will be opened this late into the night. Also, I don't think wandering dark alleys in the middle of the night is the safest plan." Lily chuckled, she knew that they could both handle anything that dared to cross their paths in that regard. But it was more a principal of avoiding situations like it so the night was not then ruined by that.

"You could, but you would be wrong as well. Some flavours come with a big price tag because people correctly evaluate their skill's price and their worth when making a meal. Establishments that have lasted generations, but hold an expensive price should be just as worthy of your time and money as a street vendor." Lily mentioned, while she was someone who would spend a lot on a single meal, her taste was always very critical in what was good and what did not hold up to her judgement.

As they walked, Lily was keen to make sure that Colette was okay and moving in a manner that demonstrated comfort.

 

[Colette]

Lily Decoria

"-but you would be wrong as well."

Bold strategy to call Colette wrong. She raised her brow to question what Lily was saying as to challenge her opinion and show it to her friend plain that she didn't agree. Credits didn't mean a thing, the constant chase after status and wealth soured every waking hour of the majority of the people in the galaxy.

"Nah. You're wrong." Colette said rather plainly. "Buuuut… We don't need to argue about the meaninglessness of the credit system and how it is meant to kill the many for the few." She shrugged. "Mostly because I'm right and the rest of the galaxy is wrong."

The smell of food began to fill the air as they ventured closer to a nearby plaza.

"A-ha!" Colette exclaimed happily. Either to cut Lily off from arguing back or to make sure her friend had noticed it too. "Feel that?"

"Fish." She sniffed and pointed to the road ahead. "That way."

 

[Lily Decoria]

Location: Rodia - Nightclub
Outfit: Party Dress
Tag: Colette

"I am content being wrong, but hard to be wrong on something subjective, such as taste." Lily countered, she knew that it was more useful to attempt to convince a brick wall of her point but Lily refused to let that stop attempting to push Colette to concede some truth in what Lily was saying.

But the Echani wasn't going to hold her breathe over that matter.

"Seems you need to write a book on what you know you are write on and the galaxy is wrong on. Call it the Colette Rules." Lily teased playfully.

When Colette used her nose to guide them, Lily raised an eyebrow to her friend, "I get food poisoning from this, you have to take care of me." Lily stated with a smirk, she doubted that Colette would take her somewhere that dodgy in terms of a food shop, but she couldn't help the teasing comment to ensure Colette didn't get too much of a big head.

 

[Colette]

Lily Decoria

Taste? No. Capitalist mind programming? Yes. It was wrong to charge based on the individual that made it since it elevated them above others which was an inherently dangerous thing to do, same as it was in any other - even the Jedi Order. Officially Colette was a Jedi Knight but she still preferred to simply be a Jedi.

Nonetheless, a chuckle split her lips with a toothy grin.

"You get food poisoning from this, you need a better stomach." She fired back. "Can't all eat liver paste and hash browns, m'lady."

Colette led them into the restaurant. It was a strong mix of cultures, but the smell of fish was most certainly undeniable. Not quite fish market levels, but most certainly not as 'clean aired' as some fancy main street attraction would have it.

They took a seat and Colette looked around with a satisfied smile.

"See?" She asked and raised her brow to challenge Lily. "This is a place with a story to it."

 

[Lily Decoria]

Location: Rodia - Nightclub
Outfit: Party Dress
Tag: Colette

Rolling her eyes, "you are allowed to accept that people can have differing tastes and preferences. As well as the fact they will hold more concerns with establishments such as these." Lily gestured around her. It was something that niggled at Lily, she had shown a willingness to explore what Colette wished and desired. But Colette never thought about trying the meals and places that she wanted to try.

It felt a little sad that things are one sided in their friendship but Lily just had to hope that things would not always be this way.

"I don't eat just that. We both know that I have a wide and varied palate. Ate enough from stores you wished to visit in the past." Lily nudged Colette, pointing out that she was not as restrictive in her tastes as Colette was attempting to make out.

Sniffing the smell of fish, Lily wrinkled her nose, "you do know that if you can smell a fishy smell then the fish is not good..." Lily pointed out and sighed when Colette threw a challenge towards Lily.

"Are you saying only back alley restaurants that reek of fish are the only ones with story? Because the store I was suggesting was main street, has been there 5 generations and community staple establishment." Lily countered once again.