What's New
Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Approved Planet Asop

Status
Not open for further replies.

Gna Grimwasp

Bad ass space fairy
Gna Grimwasp
Character Bio
Images:
Gotha.png


Credit goes to Bioware
http://masseffect.wikia.com/wiki/Gotha


Name: Asop

Region: Outer rim
System: Asol system
Suns: 1 Asol
Orbital Position: 3rd
Moons: none
System Features: 2 planets orbiting Asol. Askar, Vito and Asop. none of which support life
Coordinates: 7 / 26
Rotational Period: 123 hours
Orbital Period: 453 days

Class: terestrial
Diameter: 756 km in diameter
Atmosphere: Oxygen ethanol mix type III
Climate: moderate
Gravity: standard
Primary Terrain: rocky

Native Species: none.
Immigrated Species: none
Primary Languages: none
Government: none
Population: none
Demonym: none
Major Imports: na
Major Exports: Alcohol



Affiliation: Mandalorian / independant

Major Locations: Asop cave.
A small hidden cave just under the Jedi outpost what housed khyber crystals.
Pirates nest.
a small sealed bolt hole secluded in a small cave.
this is a often used smugglers den and moonshiners rat hole used to create drinkable booze from the outside alcohol.
it also acts as a stop off and bolt hole for any mandos in need of it.

the Alcohol ocean.
This is a pure chemical ocean of pure alcohol.
the surface of Asop may be rock but its core is a chemical vat of boiling alcohol kept under pressure buy its basalt casing. fissures caused massive amounts of this to escape in a gas form only to cool and liquefy as a giant 50 mile pool of pure alcohol.
microbes left from the temple have made there way to the core of the planetoid creating a natural distillery.


And
Long lost Jedi outpost. a small outpost that barely classes as a ruin.
http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/dragonage/images/5/5d/Regions_in_the_Approach_Quest_Banner.png/revision/latest?cb=20150726061422

A long forgotten temple that had seen its fare share of wars and intrigue the temple was built by beings unknown as it was not the Jedi nor the Sith who made it it was ancient when the Jedi were first formed. it had seen many owners but has since fallen into disuse and ruin long before the old republic.


Culture: none
Technology: none
History: The planet Asop was a long lost minor source for lightsaber additional crystals.
​Its location was lost over the span of time and as a result it was left abandoned.
Later its bizarre Alcohol ocean drew the attention of Smugglers and Pirates. while 100% proof its ocean is hyper concentrated drinking a thimble full enough to cause alcohol poisoning.
this lead to the place becoming a stop over for Some small groups setting up a small station as a bolt hole.

During the clone wars the micro planet was rediscovered by the Shard Jedi Rhamba.
but it's location was lost not long after as she was killed during the act of Order 66.

Recently the world had been re discovered die to the kidnapping of Ruby and the destruction of Salllkar Villings ship.
the planet has come into a small amount of limelight.
it's alcohol ripe for the taking and the introduction of microbes to it's surface

Notable PCs: none
Intent: to create a back water planet that housed Khyber crystals. and as a small pirate nest.
 

Liliane

Guest
L
[member="Anaki Sann"]

Hello, I'm Liliane and I will judge your submissions this time. :) It is a simple submission, but there are things which need to be fixed before it goes through.

First of all, please include the coordinates of the planet according to this map.

Second, do any of the other planets in the system support life? It would be nice if you clarified that in the System Features.

Third, please add in the atmosphere type number. It is one of the most essential pieces of information when using a planet, so that has to be filled in.



Anaki Sann said:
standard slightly below at best
Click to expand...
What do you mean with that? If it is always below standard, just write 'Slightly below standard'. If the gravity varies, please elaborate.



Anaki Sann said:
Affiliation: Force users
Click to expand...
This field is for clarifying which faction, existing or not, the planet would lean towards and is usually dependent on the location of the planet.

In the Major Locations section, I am going to ask for a little bit more information. According to the planet creation template, you need to include at least a paragraph of information about every major location on the planet.



Anaki Sann said:
Khyber crystals.
Click to expand...
*Kyber crystals. ;)

Also, even though it is a lifeless planet, I am going to need you to add more information to History. Please elaborate on how it was found, who used the planet's resources, why it was abandoned, etc. About a paragraph or two more should be fine.

According to Wookieepedia,
Kyber crystals could be found in Ilum's Crystal Caves, in the crust of the Outer Rim world Lothal, and a few other planets.
Click to expand...
meaning there are many worlds to gather kyber crystals from, so I am going to ask you to add more to the Intent. I wouldn't really want the kyber crystals to be the only reason for this world's creation. ;)
 

Liliane

Guest
L
Some things are better now, but there's still a lot to fix.

The coordinates don't match at the moment. If you want to keep the first coordinate the same, you can change the second one to either 16 or 18. However, if you want the second number to be same, you can change the first number to either 18 or 20. That's because the coordinate combination of 19;17 is impossible with our current map.

You didn't add in any mention about if the other planets in the system support life or not. Please add that information into System Features field.

The same goes with atmosphere type number and the faction which the planet would be affiliated with. If the faction wouldn't be affiliated with one certain faction, just change it to 'Independent'.

I am still going to need you to expand the Major Locations and History sections. I repeat, every major location needs at least a paragraph of information/description. History section needs at least one-two solid paragraphs.

However, the addition of an alcohol ocean makes me a little bit confused. How did such a thing even form and what percentage of the planet is filled with said ocean, as well as what alcohol is this? You also need to add the ocean to the Major Locations section.

Getting scientific with the alcohol ocean. For this to work out, the planet practically needs to have alcohol in the place of water, meaning it rains alcohol, all bodies of water consist of alcohol instead of water, etc. As well as that, for more complex kinds of alcohol to form, you require biochemical reactions which can't take place if there are no life forms on the planet or no glucose. If it is a simpler type of alcohol, methanol for example, you don't need that complexity.

However, I am OK with ignoring some of the science if there is work put into the description and history of the alcohol oceans. Some creative ideas don't always need to be explained scientifically.

Also, I know there's a lot of dyslexic people and those who don't speak English as a native language, and I have no idea if you are one of these people, but I am asking you to spell/grammar check the submission, either doing it manually or using a program or whatever.

:)

[member="Anaki Sann"]
 

Liliane

Guest
L
[member="Anaki Sann"]

That's alright, you're doing great. :)

Please add in that the atmosphere type number is Type III. That's because in a normal atmosphere, we breathe in nitrogen, oxygen, carbon dioxide and several other gases. So breathing in only oxygen and ethanol (both vapor and liquid) would cause extreme damage and malfunction in human body, hence why a breathing mask is required.
 

Liliane

Guest
L
[member="Anaki Sann"]

As it is a lifeless rock planet, it doesn't require as much detail and information as I would normally expect, so I am going to approve this.

However, a second judge will now take a look at this.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Users who are viewing this thread

Total: 2 (members: 0, guests: 2)
Top Bottom