Private An Intangible Guest

[Sylvia Virtos]

"Cool. I'm sure you know how to find me. I think." Kal seemed to have his ways, anyway. Sylvia was certain he could reach her when he needed her for anything. Now she just had to hope he knew better than to interrupt her at an inopportune time. Hopefully those lessons had been learned already; Sylvia did not want to be the teacher for that one.

<Your journeys, are they driven by desire or the need to sustain yourself financially?>

Sylvia opened her mouth to answer, but was stopped by her own thoughts. Instead, she swallowed, repressed reasons for doing the things she did cropping back up. Secrets she had kept from everyone, Quinn included. A vain hope that simply refused to die, no matter how much Sylvia wanted it to. As far as everyone else knew, her work was merely to keep herself afloat, but there was so much more under the surface.

"I..." the spacer let out with a sigh. "It's not just the credits that makes me go out there. I'm sure Quinn would love for me to simply stay on Eshan, but it would kill me. I just, I don't want to get into it." Leaning forward, pointed elbows digging into her legs, she rubbed her face for a second before letting her head rest on a balled fist, the other hand folded over it. She gazed towards the floor, fighting off thoughts and failing.

There was even more beyond the credits and the acquired wanderlust that made her travel the galaxy as she went from job to job. Something deep inside her soul, tethered to the Force, made her do it too. She knew why, what for, but always told herself it was pointless. While trying to convince herself that she just needed to stretch her legs every once in a while, one defiant, infuriating spark of hope continued to make her look for any sign of that one girl she once called her friend.

Nightmares kept her up at night. There never was any closure. Surely she was dead, yet as long as Sylvia didn't know for absolute certain, she involuntarily kept making excuses to keep looking. Only that way could the spacer try to right her wrongs.

"And don't you fething tell anyone."

Kal ​

 

[Kal]

Kal had expected his question might have an interesting answer, or he would not have asked it, but her reaction was not one he had foreseen. White orbs peering intently at her from within its shadowy silhouette, he seemed content to listen and observe.

<Worry not, this will remain between you and me.>

How much the Shadow had been able to glean from her reaction and roiling emotions was difficult to tell, given his lack of noteworthy physical cues, but if nothing else he was sure to have understood her reluctance at having her moment of weakness communicated to others. She had once been Sith, after all - trained in their Academies, surviving their trials. He doubted showing weakness came naturally to her.

<It may not be my place to say, but you seem to be carrying some, ah, emotional baggage.> Pausing to let that sink in and consider his approach, Kal continued without too much of a wait. <Have you considered working through that with others? I am told it often works for near-humans.>

In general, anyway; Umbarans were more likely to stab you in the back than help you move past the woes of the past.​

Sylvia Virtos​

 

[Sylvia Virtos]

Emotional baggage. If Sylvia knew how to use deadly sight, she'd probably have used it on instinct there. As far as the spacer was concerned it was most definitely not his place to say that, and considering it concerned her and her alone she was the judge of that. Bad chit happened, she messed up everything there was to mess up, and now she simply had to deal with the consequences. It was her own fault, so she'd carry the burden herself. Nobody deserved to have to put up with all of her thoughts and feelings, anyway.

"I really don't think talking about it is going to change much of anything, bud," the spacer retorted with a highly annoyed tone. Never mind the fact it was all her own doing, too many things were left unresolved that she couldn't just let fall off her shoulders. Especially not when she was plagued by nightmares on a regular basis to continuously remind her of the past.

"Let's just drop the subject, okay? I really don't need this right now." In contrast to the mood Sylvia was in now, the music continued to play. It only added to her current mindstate, however. "Spark," she called out, "kill the music." A few moments later, the ship was quiet.

With a deep sigh, the spacer reached for the guitar leaning against the couch and placed it on her lap. After running a thumb past the strings, she began the process of tuning the instrument. It had been a few days since she had last played, but considering how it often ended up being an outlet she now had plenty of motivation to practice.

Kal ​

 

[Kal]

A sensitive subject, clearly. Perhaps best not to push the point unnecessarily.

<Fair enough.> He was a student of mortal behaviours and societies, nothing more. He was most certainly no therapist. Perhaps his advice would have served her well or perhaps it was not right for her - either way, it was her choice to make. He was quite content merely to watch.

On a similar note, her choice to direct her attention towards the guitar was unexpected but not unwelcome. He was not overly familiar with music as a whole, but as ever he was eager to learn. Beyond that, the way in which she seemed drawn to it in response to his line of questioning was equally fascinating. A source of comfort, perhaps - or he might just be reading too much into the situation. That was not unlike him.

Making no move to interrupt her, he watched curiously as she tuned the instrument. An entirely manual affair, it seemed, in stark contrast to the technology that surrounded her in other areas of her life. A deliberate choice? <Do you play often?>​

Sylvia Virtos​

 

[Sylvia Virtos]

Sylvia kept her focus on the instrument in her lap while Kal asked her another question, delaying her answer until she turned the peg and was satisfied by how the string now sounded when hit. "Not daily, but often enough," she then replied as she moved to the next and final peg. After going through the process of hitting the string, turning the peg, then repeating it a few times, the spacer nodded. "I had two of them taken away from me back in the day. Couldn't have me finding an outlet for my feelings, I guess."

The woman had forgotten about the instrument for a while, but had recently gotten her hands on a new guitar. There was something so simple, yet so soothing about it. She hit a few notes in a seemingly specific order, though not in any way rhythmically. "Yup," she muttered under her breath before using that same pattern of notes to play a melody. With eyes still affixed to the guitar, she softly began singing.

"Won't you come over... Dying to know where you came from..."

While Sylvia's voice was slightly rough around the edges at times, there certainly would've been people who'd argue it had its charm.

Kal ​

 

[Kal]

Little tolerance for emotional outlets - a strange concept, at first, but it made sense in its own twisted way. There were many paths to the powers of the Force, but the Sith often favoured darker emotions, spikes of passion, a general lack of emotional restraint. Healthy coping mechanisms did not fit into that picture, not if the goal was producing a new generation of pent-up murderers to cast into the charnel pit of war.

Those that emerged would have to learn restraint and cold logic, of course, but the Sith had never shied away from sacrificing their lessers.

Making no motion to interrupt as she transitioned from tuning to music proper, Kal simply... stood there, umbral silhouette completely still but for the gentle shifting of what passed for a head and the waxing and waning intensify of the luminous white sparks that served as eyes.

It was less professional than the music he normally heard - which made sense, given that she was an amateur - but not unpleasant. In fact, the very nature of the impromptu performance-of-sorts, her personal involvement in it all, made it all the more enjoyable for one such as him.

One to whom novel experiences and new feelings was the sweetest of melodies.​

Sylvia Virtos​

 

[Sylvia Virtos]

While technically Sylvia was giving an impromptu performance, it didn't feel that way to her at all. The attention she had to place on her guitar distracted her not only from the demons she had been struggling with minutes earlier. Even the fact someone was watching and listening slowly escaped her. Ever the perfectionist, the spacer put all of her effort into it.

"Let's run away together, on our own- just lead me into your world..."

With a deep sigh, Sylvia set the guitar back down. Kal entered her vision again, reminding her of the visitor. Cheeks ran red for a moment, slightly embarrassed at the realization.

"Right. Sorry. About that. I tend to just kind of lose myself in it. I-I know I'm not that good, it's just a thing I dabble in," she quickly went to explain. Rarely did anyone get to give her criticism before she criticized herself. The habit got on her own nerves sometimes, but it was a tough one to break. "It's just fun, you know?"

Kal ​

 

[Kal]

Eying Sylvia curiously as she lapsed into self-doubt and embarrassment, Kal seemed determined to continue studying her in that odd way of his.

<Understandable. I quite liked it, mind you.> Was his tastes in music in any way reflective of the average listener? Hard to say, he paid attention to rather different things than most. Still, her little melody was harmonic enough, the emotion that went into the music quite fascinating.

If he was not mistaken, there were even a few unspoken parallels to her own life, her own struggles. It sounded like it, at least.

<Why be self-conscious about practice? If perfection is even possible, it is the end of a very, very long journey. I have not a single skill that I have fully mastered but many in which I've dabbled.> There were things for which he had quite the talent, skills where he far exceeded the average being, but the same could likely be said of her. He was quite comfortable playing with technology even though his understanding was cursory at best.​

Sylvia Virtos​

 

[Sylvia Virtos]

"Heh, thanks," was all Sylvia would do with the compliment while instinctively avoiding eye contact. What constituted as Kal's eyes, anyway. She had never been particularly keen on playing before others, but this was a step forward in getting over that hurdle. If actually performing in front of a crowd was actually in the cards, though, seemed unlikely.

The spacer slouched back into the sofa and pulled a small metal part towards her person with the Force. It was kept afloat as it spun and moved around her fingers absent-mindedly.

"This is gonna sound stupid, but I'm a bit of a perfectionist and very self-conscious. Like, logically I know that mistakes are a part of learning, but at the same time I still beat myself up over the slightest things. It feels like if I grasp the concept of something, I should be able to do it perfectly." Sylvia explained in a slightly ranty way. She always found it difficult to put the feeling into words. "That emotional side just gets to me, I guess."

The metal part was flicked upwards and gravity took hold of it once more, but before it could fall down all the way Sylvia regained her telekinetic grasp and returned it to her.

"I don't have it when I just mess around with ideas, though. I don't have any expectations when experimenting, which helps. It's a weird pressure to always do well at things you've practiced. You get what I mean?"

Kal ​

 

[Kal]

Allowing her to speak her mind without interruption, Kal bobbed what passed for a head as if in understanding.

<I can certainly see where you are coming from. I have known obsessively perfectionistic people before, but you seem far more well-adjusted than the worst of them.> The late Adrian Vandiir, for one. A man who at times spent years compulsively perfecting a project only to abandon it in favour of the next thing to catch his interest. Not the sanest man Kal had ever met, but at least he had been reasonable enough most of the time.

<I imagine it's quite natural, really. The desire to do well, to meet one's own expectations. I feel the same way sometimes.> There was a good chance the biggest difference between them was confidence, not perfectionism. She seemed like she had something to prove - to herself and to others.

It was no wonder, given what he knew of her upbringing. The Sith were not known for their cultivation of healthy self-images.

<Oh, and I quite like playing around with ideas just to see what works, too.> A bit obvious, that, given the hair gel.​

Sylvia Virtos​

 

[Sylvia Virtos]

There was something about the way Kal spoke of less well-adjusted people that made Sylvia scoff amusedly. Back in the academy days she knew of someone who was perhaps a little too obsessed with alchemy, something that ended up cutting his own life short as he indulged himself into his craft a little too much one day. She had shared a number of classes with him, and then out of nowhere he was just... gone. The two had never been friends, even if she wanted to be everyone knew better than to associate themselves with the 'Rat'.

Except for Ellie, but that was a different story altogether. The only one who actually cared about her.

"I guess so, yeah," Sylvia conceded as she continued toying with the piece of metal. "It's just that I didn't always have that luxury, just messing around. I remember back in the day, I thought I could fit in if I just showed everyone I was good enough. I still believed I could make them stop picking on me," she explained. Only now was she slowly beginning to let go of the nickname 'Rat' that her loudest and most arrogant peers had given to her. She had taken it in stride back then, despite how much it hurt sometimes, trying to see the positive traits such an animal had. Quick, clever, hard to pin down. When they said it, though, it felt nothing but degrading.

"I never saw them make a mistake, so I couldn't make any either. Of course, I only saw their high points, not the entire process. I held myself to an impossible standard, so I gave up on everything but merely passing courses when I couldn't meet it."

The defeated perfectionist. The spacer let out a deep, saddened sigh. She let the metal part fall into her hand before closing it into a fist around it.

"I had no motivation at all. The only reason I didn't get kicked out was my friend-"

In her thoughtless rambling, Sylvia brought her up. She paused, trying to find enough strength to keep talking. It was too late to back out now.

"She was always there for me, despite being a standout student. She could've made friends with anyone she wanted. Instead she'd cancel plans just to help me study for an exam or sneak out of a class to watch a duel. I was the outcast, the loner, but she still wanted to be my friend. She was... all I had worth caring about."

With a weak grumble, Sylvia limply tossed the piece of metal away. "Sorry. I shouldn't have unloaded that on you."

Kal ​

 

[Kal]

Her time at the Academy had been difficult, as he had already suspected. Full of strife and turmoil, battered by the mockery of her peers. Just about what he had come to expect from the educational institutions of the Sith if he was being honest - it was the sort of thing Overseers encouraged.

Then, the exception. Someone who helped her weather the experience, someone for whom she no doubt deeply cared, someone whose identity was unknown to Kal. That last part rankled him, obsessed with information as he was, but there was no way around it - asking would be rude and he was dubious that she would even answer. Whatever had happened in their relationship, it was clear enough that it had not gone exactly as planned.

<Oh, I don't mind. I'm always willing to listen.> Especially when what was being said was useful in forming an understanding of the speaker.

<Do you still feel like you have to prove yourself, even now? Even when no one is watching?> With an idle gesture, he caught the piece of metal in a telekinetic grasp, dragging it towards him before it could hit the ground and causing it to slowly orbit his extended hand.​

Sylvia Virtos​

 

[Sylvia Virtos]

At least Kal did not seem to be too bothered by the sudden heavy turn Sylvia had thoughtlessly taken. Even then, however, the pang of guilt she felt over it did not lessen. There was no need to burden another with her own issues, regardless of whether it helped getting her own thoughts in order. Especially not someone who was a few steps away from a stranger.

"I'm not sure 'prove' is the right word," Sylvia replied a bit dejectedly, the thunderclouds of the past still very much present. "But yeah, I guess the feeling is still there. I still struggle with allowing myself to make mistakes. Only when I'm working on projects, though."

Sylvia's way of dealing with the problem was to minimize the chance of it happening. By tunneling herself into multiple hobbies she wasn't particularly good at and having room to experiment without expectations, she was able to run from that perfectionism. The only exception was also her greatest passion, however. Messing up when mechu deru was involved often led to the spacer scolding herself for hours.

"Mechu deru's like, the one thing I am genuinely proud of. It's the one thing I can't convince myself I'm bad at. But when I get stuck while working on one thing or another... my thoughts can get ugly. I'm slowly getting better at taking a step back and taking a break when that happens, at least." Forcing the issue never worked, even when it felt so compelling in the moment.

"Lots of old bad habits I gotta shake," Sylvia added following a sigh. "Do, uh... Shadows even have habits? Actually- stupid question. My bad. Never mind."

Kal ​

 

[Kal]

Nodding in fascination as she explained the workings of his mind, Kal was left with the distinct impression that she had more than a few issues to work through. Seeing as humans were social creatures and her insecurities social in origin, he would have recommended a social solution, but that seemed unfeasible. Not a thought she was eager to embrace - unsurprising, really, given the context.

Besides, it wasn't as if his solutions were flawless. He had observed humanoids for a while, true, but his was a limited outside perspective.

<I see. You recognise that your own self-criticism tends towards the excessively harsh, yet can't quite shake the feelings?> He may have phrased it as something strange, but the tone (or rather, the impressions relayed alongside the words) made it clear that it seemed quite normal to him.

Sentients were rarely completely logical creatures, himself included - that was the domain of the mechanical.

<Hah, no, it's not the worst question, actually. Spirits are a diverse lot, some are certainly too arbitrary for true habits to form while others are slaves to eternally repeating patterns of behaviour. My kind aren't all that different from most sentients, however. At least in behaviour.> There were more than a few notable quirks compared to humans, but they were not too different from the broader norm for humanoids as a whole.

A sense of self-mocking amusement accompanied his follow-up. <I myself have gotten into the habit of introducing myself by name, despite the fact that I could easily hide behind a plethora of masks and false monikers, as many of my kin do. Probably not the best idea, at times.>​

Sylvia Virtos​

 

[Sylvia Virtos]

Sylvia looked on in mild curiosity while asking his somewhat rhetorical question, watching as Kal had taken up the act of fidgeting with the metal part through telekinesis. It was nothing special, she was far from surprised he was able to do such a thing, but any distraction from the negativity in her mind was more than welcome.

"Huh, fair enough," Sylvia said with an air of mild surprise. "But yeah, what you said about the self-criticism thing is accurate. It's like a, a disconnect between my rational side and my emotional side. Depending on how I'm feeling, one's stronger than the other, if that makes sense," She then explained further. She was aware of it, but simply did not know how to properly handle the moments when emotions clouded her judgment. It became too easy to forget what logical thought told her. Still, it was not nearly as bad as it used to be.

"Especially back in the day, I had, like, no grip on my emotions. I've gotten better at that, at least. Things are looking up, it just gets difficult. At times." The spacer shrugged at her own concession that not everything was all doom and gloom.

"But I'm completely ignoring your answer, my bad." Sylvia could not help but scoff at her own behavior, shaking her head while she did. "I probably should be a little more careful with giving out my name myself, though. I've got connections, but maybe I'm being a little too careless with the fact I'm still a Sith defector." Only one piece could fall away, and suddenly she was not protected from the various Sith that would gladly end her life any longer.

"But, I mean I could do things like dye my hair and use disguises. How... would you mask your identity? You're incorporeal, it's not like you can put on a pair of sunglasses or whatever."

Kal ​

 

[Kal]

A sense of amusement rolled off the Shadow in waves, the telepathic equivalent of a merry chuckle. Shaking his head, his mental "voice", as it were, continued to be tinged by the feeling. <Yes, yes I imagine being a Sith defector would likely close more doors than it would open. Not to mention motivate the opportunistic to bother you.> Not that the Sith Empire could afford to spend resources on hunting down rogue Acolytes.

Briefly altering his visage to resemble a vague silhouette of a man wearing sunglasses, Kal sort-of-chuckled again. <No? I suppose not. I can put on a body as readily as you would a wig, however - assuming I have one available. It's not like I'm in the habit of stealing bodies.>

Not that he wouldn't do so if they had it coming or the need was great enough. There was also the option of riding second in someone unaware of his presence, hiding within the corners of their mind, patiently listening; best keep some of his more obscure tricks a secret, however.

<Perhaps most importantly, simply not being seen is often an option.> As if to prove a point, he briefly flickered out of the visible spectrum.​

Sylvia Virtos​

 

[Sylvia Virtos]

Sylvia was well aware that her time spent actively avoiding the contacts she once had would have gone much differently in a galaxy where the Sith Empire was not fighting a war on multiple fronts. Stories of defectors being hunted down almost for sport were all too common in the past, a clear warning to those who had similar intentions to think again. Back then Sylvia saw no reason to run, though. While the overseer made life miserable, the ideals she was indoctrinated to believe in very much still seemed worth fighting for. It was only because of Elle that she saw the Sith for who they really were before it was too late.

Kal's remark was a strong reminder of that.

The shadow's visual joke elicited a chuckle from the spacer, though when he continued speaking a mildly unsettling feeling overcame her. Possession was not something Sylvia was a fan of, to say the least. She rather enjoyed her bodily autonomy, and assumed most people thought that way. So when Kal flickered out and back in, it was given little attention.

"You... possess people? Not gonna lie, that sounds pretty, uh... suspect," Sylvia remarked as she sat up straight. She was not immediately concerned for her own wellbeing, but it did make her just a tad bit hesitant.

Kal ​

 

[Kal]

She found the idea of possession quite disturbing, but then most organics did - and he did not blame them.

<It really does, doesn't it? I can possess the unwilling, assuming they lack the strength of will to respect, but it is not something I do but for the rarest of occasions. I've hijacked the bodies of a few particularly despicable criminals - and, in one case, that of a soldier. To avoid lethal force.>

Or so he had intended. Unfortunately, the Sith he had accompanied had been determined to cut her way through anything in her path.

<My associates and I frequently make use of clones and the like, mind you. Purpose-grown for that function, of course - no minds of their own, that would be wrong. I am not one to violate someone's free will like that unless strictly necessary.> He was somewhat less restrictive as far as mind tricks and persuasion was concerned, however. That was hardly unique to him, of course - even Jedi made frequent use of such methods.​

Sylvia Virtos​

 

[Sylvia Virtos]

"I guess... that makes sense, yeah," Sylvia thought out loud as she listened on. It still felt a little wrong, but as long as Kal was telling the truth it was not as bad as it sounded. She herself had done things in self-defense before, so there was little room for her to talk regardless. Besides, there were some really deplorable people out there, and anything bad that happened to them was really not something the spacer was concerned with.

"That's pretty smart, though. Like a wardrobe, but for bodies. I'm assuming your 'associates' are fellow Shadows?" Kal had already talked about the existence of others of his kind, so it seemed like a redundant question. Still, at this point there was little that could truly surprise Sylvia when it came to him. For all she knew, there were other kinds of beings born from the Netherworld that could possess people all the same.

"I do hope you got the DNA from willing subjects, at least," she quickly added, semi-jokingly.

Kal ​

​

 

[Kal]

<For the most part, yes. We work with organics too, but they tend to need fewer spare bodies.> Normally, anyway. Mortals were oh-so-fragile, however, and so Kal and some of his peers were doing their best to figure out ways to give second chances at life, so to speak. So far they'd had little luck, life and death were complicated matters.

There were other spirits too, but they rarely rose too highly among his peers.

<Oh, we use altered genomes for our clones - even with permission it would be a bit odd to be running around in someone else's bodies, no? At least without good reason.> On occasion it was beneficial to adopt the identity of another, perhaps as part of some deal, but in general a body wholly his own was ideal.

<As for the not inconsiderable genetic material required, we source it from legitimate sources, it's all very above-board even if the contracts themselves are confidential, for obvious reasons.> For a moment, his eyes glowed brighter, radiating amusement.

<Imagine that headline - an inside look in the habits of body-hopping spirits!>

Sylvia Virtos​