Private After Every Battle

[Miri Nimdok]

Aboard one of the Alliance’s hospital ships, Miri sat by Kyell’s bed. She had stayed with him ever since she found him beaten and broken on New Aldera, refusing to leave his side.

Aside from short bursts of rest, sleep had evaded her. She kept waiting for him to wake up. It was silly, she knew—the doctors had all assured her that his injuries, while extensive and severe, were not life-threatening.

She saw his eyelids twitch every now and then, only for him to slip back into a deep, heavily medicated sleep. But this time, she felt him beginning to stir. She leaned toward him instinctively, faltering in a moment of doubt.

So what if he falls back asleep again, she thought. Let it echo in his dreams.

Leaning over him, she planted a soft kiss against his mouth, gentle as the brush of a feather. When he didn’t open his eyes, she whispered, “I love you, too,” figuring that he couldn’t hear her hypocrisy.

Kyell Laysel​

 

[Kyell Laysel]

Location: Alliance Medical ship
Tag: Miri Nimdok

"I love you, too,"

While his eyes didn't open, the corners of his lips seemed to twitch into a faint smile that lingered for several seconds. But once it faded, he was passed out for several more hours that probably felt like an eternity. He was stable, sure, and his arm was going to be cybernetically replaced soon, but it was never a comfortable thing to see someone hooked up to so many monitors and medical equipment.

Eventually, though, all things came to an end, and the subtle movements of his head and body showed he was slowly but surely waking up. His eyes fluttered open and after looking around for a few seconds, he began to understand where he was, and all the memories of the battle rushed back into his mind.

It caused a quick spike in his heart rate, but the medication kept him slow and down in his bed.

<T> "Miri?" he asked as he turned his head to look at her, <T> "It's good to see you."

 

[Miri Nimdok]

At some point during that eternity, Miri fell asleep in her chair. The spike of the heart monitor woke her up; she was already leaning over him by the time she heard his voice in her head.

<Kyell…> Hours of pain and worry were poured into her saying his name. Putting her weight on the bed rather than him, she rested her head lightly against his chest, careful to mind the wires.

<Who did this to you? Give me a name so I can hunt them down and administer justice.>

All that would be later, of course. Right now she was focused completely on Kyell.

<Do you need anything?> she asked, in a tone that suggested she would do the impossible if he would but request it of her.

Kyell Laysel​

 

[Kyell Laysel]

Location: Alliance Medical ship
Tag: Miri Nimdok

When she gently rested her head on his chest, he made the motion to bring up a hand to hold her, only to realize quickly that it wasn't a good idea. He winced but tried to quickly hide any discomfort behind a smile. There was a good chance she could see right through it, but he didn't want to worry her more than she already was.

<T> "I don't know her name, but it'll be alright," he tried to assure her. From earlier interactions, he knew she had a protective side to her, but he also knew that she'd actually go out there for revenge. The gesture was sweet, and it showed how caring she was, but he didn't want to have her risk her life even more for him.

<Do you need anything?>

He looked at her and smiled, <T> "Well, I want to get out of here, but I think just rest and having you close..." he paused and seemed to shift his thoughts elsewhere for a moment.

<T> "I'm sorry, Miri," he said, his tone without his usual personal touch to it. He sounded defeated. <T> "I'm starting to think I'm not cut out for this Jedi thing."

 

[Miri Nimdok]

A woman did this to him? Miri thought, but did not voice. What kind of vicious harpy…?

<Oh, I’ll make sure you get out of here as soon as possible,> she assured Kyell. Her touch against his chest and later his face was perhaps too gentle, but the tenderness of it was motivated by a paradoxical need both to comfort him and avoid aggravating his injuries.

<T> "I'm sorry, Miri," he said, his tone without his usual personal touch to it. He sounded defeated. <T> "I'm starting to think I'm not cut out for this Jedi thing."

Her brow furrowed. <You survived. That makes you more qualified than a lot of people…>

Miri surprised herself with her response. She had more or less turned away from the Jedi life—so why was she trying to convince him to stay? No, he needed to make the decision for himself. She just didn't like seeing him look so defeated.

<What are you apologizing for? Getting hurt? You can’t apologize for that.> Her face hovered before his, not quite touching, but the tension of her body made it clear she wanted to. <Do what you want to do. But if you do go to war again, beloved, you must take me with you.>

Kyell Laysel​

 

[Kyell Laysel]

Location: Alliance Medical ship
Tag: Miri Nimdok

<You survived. That makes you more qualified than a lot of people…>

His brows furrowed and he seemed to withdraw into his own mind a little. Surviving is all he had been able to do whenever he went out on missions, and more often than not, it wasn't really that he survived, but that other people helped him survive. He knew thinking like this was giving in to defeatism too much, but it was happening more frequently, and now he sat in a hospital bed with one arm less and a messed-up hand.

<T> "I..." What was he really apologizing for?

<T> "Jedi are supposed to help people, save them. But I feel I'm the one who needs help all the time," he frowned and where he'd usually look her in the eyes and welcome the touch, he struggled with it now and looked down at himself for a moment. When he looked back up at her, he forced a smile and let out a shaky breath.

Her offer to go to war with him was heart-warming, but it sparked some tension as well. Having her risk her life because he can't protect it himself felt... hard to accept. <T> "I don't know if I can pull you into all that. What if something happens to you because of me?"

 

[Miri Nimdok]

Miri sensed him retreating into himself. She sat up, giving him some space, and fell silent, listening to him. Eventually she lowered her head, her hair falling forward like a dark curtain screening her face from view.

There were lessons every defender of the helpless had to learn. Hard lessons that left scars upon the learner. Miri had already come to terms with the realities of being a Jedi a long time ago. She had left because of it, trying to forge her own independent path.

Her decision had been rooted in feelings of inadequacy. She ran away from her problems, telling herself that she wasn’t good enough to face them.

Right when she was trying to stop running, Kyell had evidently decided he should start.

<Not all the time,> she said, lifting her head again to meet his eyes. <You saved me from those mermaids, remember?>

She gave him a small smile, though it faded as he spoke of his fear that she would get hurt because of him. <I risk my life too often anyway—you don’t know the kind of trouble I get myself into when I’m not with you. But we’re both stronger together, I think. And… I want to go with you, wherever you go.>

Her cheeks turned as pink as her dress.

Kyell Laysel​

 

[Kyell Laysel]

Location: Alliance Medical ship
Tag: Miri Nimdok

He still felt conflicted with himself and he knew there was a long road of recovery and self-discovery ahead of him. But it was hard not to smile at her encouragement. Looking into her eyes when she lifted her head again, he really understood that no matter what happened, he'd always have her. Someone who cared about him even if he wasn't happy with himself.

<You're right. I do feel stronger with you and...> despite his situation, he lifted up his, well, only hand and tugged aside some of her beautiful hair, <I want you to be with me as well.>

He plopped back down and took a few breaths while he adjusted himself. Having so much equipment hooked up to your body really was annoying after all, <And you better not get yourself into too much danger when I'm not around> he added, and finally, a brief smirk flashed through his broken confidence again.

<So...>" he started a few seconds later, <About getting me out of here. How soon do you think this is possible?>

 

[Miri Nimdok]

Moved by his words, Miri winced upon seeing him struggle just to push aside her hair. He really had been beaten to a pulp by that… argh. No, she wasn’t going to allow herself to get angry. Not yet…

<And you better not get yourself into too much danger when I'm not around.>

She smiled innocently at him.

<Well, you’re due to get a new arm.> She glanced toward the bandaged stump. <I’d at least stick around for that. Cybernetics aren’t cheap, but for a hero of the Alliance, it’s free. Until then…>

There was just enough space in the hospital bed for her to lay down on her side next to him.

<I need to get some sleep. I suggest you rest some more, too. You’ll heal faster, and if you want we can practice dreamwalking. It’ll help to pass the time, at least.>

Her tone was a lot more suggestive than her words let on. Because that sort of thing was totally what dreamwalking should be used for…

Kyell Laysel​

 

[Kyell Laysel]

Location: Alliance Medical ship
Tag: Miri Nimdok

There was a slight grumble when she called him a hero of the alliance, but he knew she meant well so he just smiled at her <Fine, I guess I'll wait until the cybernetics are installed>he joked before he scooted to the side and let her join him in his bed. It wasn't exactly something he expected her to do, but he wasn't going to complain.

<You think the nurses will get angry with us for being in the same bed?> His grin hopefully made it clear that it wasn't going to stop him either way.

<Dreamwalking huh? I could practice it some more but if you'd rather go into my dreams this time, I could open my mind to it. You know, so you get some practice too...>

 

[Miri Nimdok]

“Kyell Laysel, you’re my hero,” she said in a silly voice, teasing him.

Genuinely tired, she just grumbled when he asked if the nurses would be angry. <Let them get mad, I don’t care. I’m sleeping here.>

His suggestion made her open one eye. <Mm, I haven’t seen your dreams yet, have I? Sounds like fun.>

Watch him drop her into a warzone. Whatever, she could take it. Turn their blasters into water guns and lightsabers into pool noodles...

Kyell Laysel​

 

[Kyell Laysel]

Location: Alliance Medical ship
Tag: Miri Nimdok

<And you're definitely mine> He replied, and while it could come across as cheesy, it was very literally the truth. He'd have been dead at least five or six times now if it wasn't for her.

Hearing her grumble, he tilted his head to watch her and chuckled <It's cute when you're like this. Feisty~> He had seen it a few times before now, and it was definitely something he liked about her, as it came from a very caring side of her.

<Alright, buckle up and dive right in...>

Kyell relaxed in the bed, closed his eyes, and slowly but surely fell asleep. If Miri were to focus and enter his dreams, she'd suddenly find herself in a gigantic city. much like Coruscant, but set ablaze. Ships were battling in the skies above them, the entire world around them was a warzone and she was standing on top of a massive walker that moved through the city to spread death and destruction everywhere.

The pain, the desperation, it echoed everywhere through the Force.

But she wasn't alone — Kyell stood with his lightsaber in his hands and his chest revealed and burned from lightning against a masked, Ubese Sith Lord. They had been fighting on top, and it wasn't looking good for the mute Padawan. The staredown continued like this for a few more seconds, before the Sith finally charged to end him.

 

[Miri Nimdok]

Soon Miri had dissolved into Kyell’s dream, and sure enough she found herself in a warzone. Riding on top of a walker, no less.

“Ah, I remember you mentioned something like this!” she exclaimed, looking down at the ground far below fearlessly. Turning her head, she spotted the Ubese Sith waiting at the other end of the vehicle, poised to charge at Kyell.

In a realm of virtually limitless possibilities, there was a wide variety of solutions to this situation. She could alter the dream in such a way that the battlefield would become a festival and the walker a giant nuna, or cause the Sith threat to simply vanish into thin air. But sometimes, the simplest option is the best one.

As the Sith ran toward Kyell, Miri stuck out her fist and clocked him in the face.

“Do you mind?” she asked her boyfriend. “Or did you want to get him yourself?”

Like footage being reversed, the Sith darted back onto his feet, stepped backwards, and froze in mid-lunge.

Kyell Laysel​

 

[Kyell Laysel]

Location: Alliance Medical ship
Tag: Miri Nimdok

<When I thought the view up here couldn't get any better,> He playfully smirked through bloodied teeth and turned his body, so she wouldn't have to see the fresh burns along his chest. The Ubese was frozen but still very much ready to kill. Kyell, however, suddenly felt a flash of confidence.

<All yours, belov->

He paused as the world around them darkened, and large clouds began to form above. The sound of shattering glass echoed all around them, but there was no source of this destruction anywhere. It was loud, and Kyell visibly began to shake from it. Smoke then wrapped around the Ubese Sith, transforming him into a woman with short, raven-black hair and a different kind of hatred in her eyes.

The dream was transforming and Sahar now stood ready to hurt him once again.

<It... it's her> Kyell seemed filled with fear while Miri finally would be able to put a face to the woman who had taken his arm and put him in that hospital bed.

 

[Miri Nimdok]

The dream began to warp and shift. The walker became a ruined shop filled with broken glass, and the Ubese Sith was replaced by a tall woman in black armor.

“This is the one who attacked you on New Aldera?” Miri asked, eyeing the woman up and down, committing her face to memory. She had a cruel smirk and ruthless gaze.

Despite her best efforts, Miri couldn’t even alter the location of the dream. Kyell’s trauma must’ve been stronger than she thought, his emotions tying him down to this place, in this moment. Well, she would have to help him get through it and hopefully find some respite from his terror.

Miri stood at Kyell’s side. “I should’ve been here with you. At least I can do it in dreams.”

Pulling her pistols, she took aim at Sahar and fired.

Kyell Laysel​

 

[Kyell Laysel]

Location: Alliance Medical ship
Tag: Miri Nimdok

No matter how hard he tried, Kyell couldn't look away from Sahar and just nodded in response to Miri. <She's the one,> he said, and there was briefly that shame in his voice again. Not because Sahar looked like a pushover he should have been able to take out, but because of what they had talked about in the hospital.

Miri then stepped forward and fired off several slugthrower rounds, and perhaps to their surprise, all of them connected. Bullet holes were blown into Sahar, who was sent flying back against the stone floor of the shop. But the very second her now seemingly lifeless body hit the ground, the dream warped again.

Suddenly, Miri found herself still standing next to Kyell, but he was inches above the ground and badly bloodied while Sahar held him up by the throat. It was as if the dream passed through each scene he vividly remembered, and judging by the familiar shard of glass in the woman's hand, Miri could likely guess where this was going.

But it also meant something else — they were getting closer to the moment of dismemberment.

<Miri, please... help> he almost cried out, as these images hit him hard. Without any control over the dream or what would happen next, he just feared having to relive it all so vividly again, and with his girlfriend by his side.

 

[Miri Nimdok]

The shots connected, pulverizing the woman. But then the dream folded, and suddenly she had the upper hand again, standing upright and grabbing Kyell by the throat.

Miri didn’t have to be told to act. Activating her lightsaber, she sliced through the arm Sahar was using to grip Kyell. With Kyell freed from her chokehold, Miri tried again to change reality—but while certain portions of their surroundings melted and reshaped, the core of the memory remained unchanged. The confined space, the shards of glass, and the overwhelming destructive force Sahar represented wouldn’t be defeated that easily.

“Kyell, you have to help me help you!” Miri exclaimed, helping him to his feet. “I can’t save you by myself—it’s your dream, not mine!”

Sahar was advancing upon them. One final time, Miri reached deep into Kyell’s mind, trying to pull them elsewhere. Somewhere safe and peaceful…

Kyell Laysel​

 

[Kyell Laysel]

Location: Alliance Medical ship
Tag: Miri Nimdok

With a flash of her lightsaber, he found himself down on his knees, trying to catch his breath while Miri stood between him and Sahar, who was transforming along with the dream. Miri was trying her best to reshape it into something better or pull them out entirely, but the fresh trauma of the still hospitalized Padawan was overwhelming.

<I... I can't...> he blinked and while Miri worked to get him up to his feet, he looked down as he felt a sharp pain in his hand. <Miri.> He held up the hand and showed the fragment was there, pierced all the way through and causing him to bleed onto the ground.

"Young lovers, ever so sweet and hopeful, tragic still that you'd let her live with the knowledge her Jedi could return in a metal coffin or worse."

Sahar paused for dramatic effect.

"Return a broken man."
​

Hearing those words again as Sahar approached, Kyell only began to panic even more and looked up at Miri with pleading eyes. He wasn't sure what to do. In this darkness, he didn't know how to force the pain out and open himself to the better feelings in life that could bring them both out of this.

But Sahar was still approaching, now with a lightsaber drawn.

"You'll learn, in time."​

 

[Miri Nimdok]

That was the trouble with memories. While the Force could be used to alter a memory, you couldn’t change what had actually occurred.

Even though Miri had cut off Sahar’s arm, Kyell’s palm still wound up pierced by glass. Miri felt his pain as if her own hand had been stabbed. Soon he would relive losing his arm, too—and as frustrating as it was, there was nothing she could do about it.

“Oh, be quiet,” Miri snapped at Sahar in response to her taunting, and for a few moments, the woman was silent. But she'd only stay that way for so long. The memory would inevitably play back the same way Kyell remembered it.

Turning back to Kyell, Miri spoke frankly, but with compassion. “I can’t change what happened. But I’m right here with you. If you want me to erase the pain like I did with your memory of the mask in the Sanctum, I will. If you just want me to stay with you through it all, I'll do that too.”

She plucked the shard of glass from his palm, taking away the pain of the injury.

Sahar was already starting to come around. Soon she would have Kyell’s arm.

Miri pulled Kyell into an embrace, wishing that she could’ve protected him. Just like she wished she could’ve been there to save her father…

Kyell Laysel​

 

[Kyell Laysel]

Location: Alliance Medical ship
Tag: Miri Nimdok

Whether it was the way she defended him or the way she talked to him, Kyell didn't know, but as he looked into her eyes, he felt himself relaxing despite the traumatic scene around him being as vivid as the real thing he remembered. The shard of glass was then removed from his hand and Sahar was frozen near the entrance of the shop, her lightsaber humming and ready to take his arm all over again.

But nothing about this event or how it could be altered would help him get out of this moment, and while the idea of her taking away the pain was tempting, perhaps it was best to leave it there as a reminder.

What did help, however, was the embrace that followed. He didn't need the pain to be removed or the darker memories to fade out of his life — he just needed something bright and happy as well. Something, or someone to keep him going. <Miri...> he hummed her name, closed his eyes, and tightened the hug while the entire dream around them began to change again.

Not into a different dream this time, but back to the real world, where he woke up in a cold sweat and quickly turned to her, <I'm so sorry, this was a mistake.> he said with an apologetic tone, <I shouldn't have brought you in, not so soon after what happened.> In hindsight, it really had not been a great proposal.

<I'm sorry.>