Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Approved Species Afriel

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Afriel
Images:

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The Godslayers clad in their iconic armor
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Utero Hominis
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A Reiman scout steals the infant Afriel children in the night
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A small tribe hunts the local game of Utero Hominis


Name: Afriel
Designation: Sentient
Homeworld: Utero Hominis (Originally, prior to planet destruction); Currently Dispersed across the Galaxy at large.
Language: Afrialis
Average height of adults: 1.7
Skin color:
  • Pale, No Peach Tones: 77% of Population
  • Tan, Peach Toned: 23% of Population
Hair color: Ranging from shades of light pink to dark red.
Breathes: Type I, type II, in some cases type III (Depending on the existence of nitrogen)

Strengths:
  • Myostatin: The Afriel have a noticeably higher count of Myostatin in their cells. This was discovered by the scientific examination/dissection of the species. Myostatin (also known as growth differentiation factor 8, abbreviated GDF-8) is a myokine, a protein produced and released by myocytes that acts on the muscle cells' autocrine function to inhibit myogenesis: muscle cell growth and differentiation. It is encoded by the MSTN gene.Myostatin is a secreted growth differentiation factor that is a member of the TGF beta protein family, noted originally by the first republic. Afriel have evolved with a significantly greater muscle mass due to the Myostatin which grows in their densely compacted muscle cells. Which, because of the density of their muscles mass, allows their muscles to not expand and grow excessively large. Like it would in other humanoids. Furthermore, individuals who have mutations in both copies of the myostatin gene have significantly more muscle mass and are stronger than the average Afriel. They display strength up to three times the average human. Being able to lift 250 kg with little struggle. Which could equate to the weight and size of the 614-AvA speeder bike. This could vary according to each one, though averagely it was noted that stronger Afriel were seen being capable to lift small one-manned spacecrafts. Such as the Eta Actis class-light interceptor. Blocking the activity of myostatin, otherwise stated as not 'working out', will eventually cause applications in muscle wasting diseases such as muscular dystrophy.
  • Heightened Senses: (Hearing): The average species has two muscles that regulate "how" they hear. One is the Musculus stapedius, which can increase the "stiffness" of the stapes (the bone that bangs your oval window, which leads to your inner ear) and thus reduces their sensitivity to sound and the other is the Musculus tensor tympani, which increases the tension of the eardrums (this leads to more sound being reflected back outside instead of being channeled onto your ossicles - thus it also decreases you sensitivity to sound). The Afriel have another mechanism located outside of the processing pathway, which is the so called olivocochlear tract, which is able to control outer hair-cells located in their organ of corti (which is the actual hearing-organ in their inner ear). Outer hair-cells function as amplifiers and increases the frequency-resolution. So the olivocochlear tract is another pathway that modulates the intensity (and even the spectrum) of sound, before it is processed. Therefor the Afriel have modified all three membranes (or at least the basilar and reisner-membrane). While it does result in a wider frequency band, there is a lower frequency resolution hearing that is much worse than the average humans, i.e. they cannot discern different frequencies as good, since the number of heard-frequencies would be overwhelming to process. Because of this slight modification their hearing is amplified by about 70,000 hertz, ranging from each one. This compares to the average human’s hertz of 15,000. (Smell): When an Afriel smells, just like humanoids, tiny molecules made up of tens of atoms drift through the air up the nose, travel through a thin layer of mucus and are detected by a set of about 400 receptors high up in the nose. These receptors are expressed on nerve cells which have a direct link to the olfactory bulb which is in turn linked to a primitive part of the brain associated with emotions and memory, giving us strong memories linked with smells. However for most humanoids that is it. The biology of an Afriel operates under a lock-and-key method. They have a specific-shaped molecule fit into a specific-shaped receptor. And that would fire off the receptor. Such mechanisms are well established for processes that involve enzymes, but there are some differences between smell and enzymes. By triggering a combination of the 400 smell receptors our brain interprets that signal as a smell. But the lock-and-key method creates a much more potent smell and allows for their nose to detect even the slightest memory of a scent from much further than the typical humanoid could.
  • Uzuur: The unique biological trait of the Afriel, same as the Alua’an’s, is the uzuur. The uzuur is a small organ, similar in size to the appendix found in humans, with varying sizes depending on the overall size of the subject, which works to convert nitrogen atoms into an essential form of sustenance, capable of breaking the nitrogen-nitrogen bond found abundantly in most Type I and II atmospheres. An Afriel’s entire biology requires the uzuur to function, as its muscle fibers to its internal organs and so on all require nitrogen intake, it allows the species to adapt to less welcoming atmospheres, such as planets with low levels of oxygen that humans might require a breathe-mask to respire. Due to the nature of the filtering and conversion found in the uzuur, the side-effect is a higher tolerance to gaseous toxins and poisons that other carbon-based lifeforms might be intolerable to due to their reaction and bonding with oxygen - so long as a high enough amount of nitrogen in the air is present for conversion to take place. Their resilience to toxins are only applicable to inhaled toxins, while ingested and injected toxins would affect them as normal.
  • Afriel Cry: The Afriel Cry dubbed it's name when an Afriel would cry in battle or when being taken into slavery, though, it was no 'cry' at all. In fact it was no sound at all, at least not a hearable one. The scream sent out a frequency of vibrations that was capable of an immensely loud pitch, how much depending on the Afriel creating it. It would cause the subject to be dazed at it's weakest, and at it's strongest causing painful headaches and momentarily impairment of the senses. In it's simplest form it was the loudest 'sound' the Afriel were capable of emitting from their vocal chords. What made it so loud though was that the scream wasn't characterized by volume or pitch like most sounds. The real key is an acoustic feature called roughness. When the frequency of a sound modulates more quickly than humanoid ears can differentiate. it is considered “rough” and we perceive it as extremely unpleasant. Hearing very rough sounds is correlated with activity in the brain's amygdala, a region associated with feelings of fear. Screams, along with dissonant chords and artificial alarm sounds, all fell within the roughness domain. The more such roughness modulation a sound has, the more scary it seems – and the more effectively it activates the amygdala, which in turn can strike fear into the hearts of a Afriels enemy. The sound was depicted as like being exposed to nothing, but everything at the same time.

Weaknesses:
  • Slavery: Similar to Wookiees and Fanalis, the Afriel are considered great slaves, their pure strength makes them extremely valuable alone. Simply owning one is a great way to raise the status in a society, or a death threat, as this is how rare they are. In fact most do not even know what they are as they are so rare, that when a slaver sees them or hears about them they are immediately willing to pay immensely for such a prize. Entire clans have been captured by famed slavers and sold for huge profits. At an estimated 3,000,000 million credits for a single Afriel. Any Afriel should be weary of slavers when in the public eye.
  • Winded: Due to the nature of requiring nitrogen to breathe, rather than oxygen, this species suffers a delay in the vital delivery of nitrogen molecules to muscles and organs which means an Afriel requires more breathing to perform a strenuous task than a human would - one breath perhaps powering a human to lift something heavy, in proportion to their own physiology, while two or three might be the case for an Afriel. This is comparable to a non-smoking human athlete to a smoking human athlete, in which the non-smoker, or in this case the human, is likely to have more stamina and endure longer trials than the Afriel. Due to the delayed delivery of their oxygen-substitute, Afriel muscle tissue undergoes lactic acid fermentation at a faster rate than most other species that breathe in oxygen. This can also be attributed to the density of muscles in their biology. The main reason behind this delay is not the lack of nitrogen in the air, as it out-numbers Oxygen almost three-to-one, but because nitrogen atoms bond to each other in such a strong ionic bond that the uzuur is not able to work as quickly as human lungs to break apart nitrogen bonds as a human lung would break apart oxygen bonds. Wearing heavy armor, although possible due to such naturally denser muscle fibers, makes movement for Afriel especially difficult. Running or performing especially nimble feats of athletics while wearing heavy armor is relatively hard for Afriel to do naturally, without the assistance of cybernetics or other forms of aid.
  • Shorter Average Lifespan: The average Afriel only lives to around sixty years, thirty years less than the current average human life expectancy. This can vary, depending on the amount of negative-mass that their body has been subjected to, but only by around five to ten years at best without outside intervention.
  • Medical specifications: Simply put, operating on the Afriel is nearly impossible. Basic medical attention like cleaning wounds and giving shots, without expensive and professional care, is just not not feasible, especially not in quick time. This is due to their non-Newtonian skin. Akin to its strengths, attempting to cut into the custard-like skin is very diffucult. Even if a doctor was to cut open the Afriel's skin once inside most doctors wouldn’t know how to operate on their body as the layout of vital organs is different from most species.
  • Force Sensitivity: Similar to the Yuuzhan Vong's, the Afriel possessed an absence of being sensed through the Force. In other words, they are not force sensitive. However they aren't force dead, and can still be sensed through the force. There was never a force sensitive Afriel, and there never will be. The species has no connection to the living force.
  • Nitrogen Dependency: Due to the required intake of nitrogen, the primary element that the uzuur requires to carry nutrients and such to the rest of the body after initial intake through the lungs, and several other issues with the species' biology, an Afriel, just as an Alunrovaan, is unable to breathe while in an area without sufficient amounts of nitrogen, comparable to humans and oxygen. Removing the uzuur would immediately kill the subject, and a lack of nitrogen would cause a sensation identical to asphyxiation.
  • Breeding: Desire and arousal are controlled by brain chemicals called neurotransmitters. Afriel have a increased amount of neurotransmitters due to evolving in lower numbers and in extreme environments. This raises their drive to mate greatly, so much so that their hormones will cause them to act wild, reckless, brash, and just more aggressive in general. While this may seem a strength as much a weakness, their aggressive ways can often overload their body and impair the senses. A good example is how most Afriel consider themselves invincible, in some senses.
  • Energy drain: Because of their strength and heavy mass, the Afriel felt a serious amount of pain and lack of endurance after only a few strong acts of power. Having the Uzuur organ was no help either. Many Afriel would kill themselves by pushing it too far. Due to their heavy amount of neurotransmitters and how erratic and impaired they would become in battle, when overdoing it some wouldn't even notice, and then like a heat stroke just fall over dead. Especially depending on the amount of mass that they were using. While an Afriel had no limits in the amount of strength they could use, they were seriously limited in how long they could use it, and overloading was a big problem as well. Their hearts can only take so much, as well as their body's.
  • Sensitive: While the Afriel have heightened senses, and this is very much a strength, with heightened senses also comes many drawbacks. Afriel are capable of focusing their hearing on certain sounds with some training. However, this does little to prevent against an enemy purposely trying to overload them with excessive sound, causing extreme cases of pain. Although the Afriel are able to increase their pain threshold, having it broken results in them experiencing an even more excessive sensitivity to the pain. With it making some go so crazy to the point that they will begin to try and hurt themselves to stop the pain in their ears. To put it simply, sound related attacks and even highly loud casual areas (like cities) will cause the Afriel to become impaired or dizzy minded at a light sound, and go mad if prolonged exposure in more extreme cases.
  • Spiritually minded: Spiritual ties are actually so great to their gods that not only do they not widely use advanced technology, but they shun things like blasters and lightsabers thinking such things to be evil magicks or spells and wielded by daemons and evil sorcerers. While this lessons as the Afriel are exposed to the outside galaxy, it is still a problem as many, more than half of the population, still view the force as an evil use of dark magick.

Distinctions: The majority of the Afriel population have muscular builds, in that muscular tone is usually more visible or noticeable due to the higher density of muscle. Men appear more effeminate, being more slender with narrower shoulders, and generally having a faster growing head of hair than most humans. Women generally are more inclined to be more slender in bust and posterior, as well as shorter in stature than their male counterparts. The Afriel are most noted in appearance for their deep and desirable scarlet locks. So much so that slavers owning an Afriel encourage the growth of their red hair as to show off their slaves like a treasure. While some Afriel grow their hair long and see it as a sign of their pride and heritage, others shave it or dye it in a hope to not draw attention to themselves. As far as eye color is concerned, the Afriel all possess the eye color of red, the tone varying slightly from a dark pink to a blood red, and light blue. Though it should be noted that finding an Afriel with the blue eye trait is rare. Afriel also have noticeable markings on their skin, usually seeming in patterns around the eyes or cheeks. It is not known if they are born with these markings or if they are carved into the skin. Another trait, which various from each one, is piercings. Afriel were seen with many piercings on their body, this has followed with the culture even to current times. Afriel living in the Reiman empire have a signature piercing directly underneath the bottom lip. It is speculated that the tribe the original godslayers were taken from had them as well, and it was simply passed down. Reiman historians suspected that distinct characteristics on the skin; like markings and piercings were tribally influenced. This proved to be true, and helped them to trace back many Afriel tribes.

Average Lifespan: Sixty galactic standard years
Races: Just one.
Estimated Population: The Afriel number in the low 50,000s.
Diet: Because of their intense strength and elevated workings of the heart and other important organs; the Afriel require more food than the most humanoids.The average male adult needs approximately 4,500 calories per day to keep his weight constant, while the average adult female needs 4,000.
Communication: Other than a thick accent over their speech, the Afriel speak galactic standard normally. Their native language however, the Afrialis, is known only by them. With the exception of past Reiman historians and philosophers.

Culture:
Traditionally, men take care of livestock. They migrate by following the natural cycle of grazing, and seeking water and shelter. They are thus assured with an abundance of wool, cotton and plants used for dyeing. For their part, women look after the family and handicrafts - first for their personal use, and secondly for sale in the souqs in their locality. The Afriel tribes traditionally weave kilims. The tapestry maintains the traditional appearance and distinctiveness of the region of origin of each tribe, which has in effect its own repertoire of drawings. The textile of plain weave is represented by a wide variety of stripes, and more rarely by geometrical patterns such as triangles and diamonds. Additional decorations such as sequins or fringes, are typical of Afriel weave. The nomadic and semi-nomadic lifestyle of the Afriel is very suitable for weaving kilims. The customs and traditions differing from one region to another. The social structure of the Berbers is tribal. A leader is appointed to command the tribe. In the golden ages, women had the power to govern, such as Kahina and Tazoughert Fatma in Aurès, Tin Hinan in Hoggar, Chemci in Aït Iraten, Fatma Tazoughert in the Aurès. Lalla Fatma N'Soumer was a Afriel woman in Kabylie who fought against the Reim. The majority of Afriel tribes currently have men as heads of the tribe. In Algeria, the el Kseur platform in Kabylie gives tribes the right to fine criminal offenders. In areas of Chaoui, tribal leaders enact sanctions against criminals. The Tuareg have a king who decides the fate of the tribe and is known as Amenokal. It is a very hierarchical society. The Mozabites are governed by the spiritual leaders of Ibadism. The Mozabites lead communal lives. During the crisis of Berriane, the heads of each tribe resolved the problem and began talks to end the crisis between the Maliki and Ibadite movements. In marriages, the man selects the woman, and depending on the tribe, the family often makes the decision. In comparison, in the Tuareg culture, the woman chooses her future husband. The rites of marriage are different for each tribe. Families are either patriarchal or matriarchal, according to the tribe

Technology level: Below galactic standard
General behavior: While normally very calm and peaceful people, Afriel are prone to intense mood-swings and changes in personality without much warning. In battle, the Afriel would grow a much more sinister, and wild side. Of course the personality would differ from each one, however most Afriel were intelligent and logical thinkers. There was the opinion that the Afriel were warlords across the galaxy for a large amount of their known history. This would prove to be very wrong as when the species was approached by those outside their home world the Afriel displayed a civilized society of peaceful nomads. It was only until they were approached in war by the Reim Empire that the rest of the galaxy learned to call them Godslayers.


History:
The species existed in secret for the majority of it’s existence. Living in small numbers on a jungle planet which was far off the outer rim and never inhabited by any species other than themselves and the native non-sentient life that existed there. This was partly because the gravity of the planet was so heavy that for most species living there would be too stressful on the body. The gravity field was the reason for the Afriel’s possessing such high negative mass in their biology.

For most of Afriel history they lived in peace, practicing tribal lifestyles. They spent most of their time, hunting, gathering, and worshiping their gods.

It was only until many years after their initial discovery, that the Reim Empire came into contact with one of the tribes on this planet. One of the great Imperium emperors, his name lost to history, and his fleet had came across a small tribe of Myron’s Aquila’s ancestors. The imperator only saw them as a distraction and immediately went to purge them for living on his conquered territories. With this the tribe was wiped out almost entirely, yet not without Reim causalities. In the battle a tribe of only 100 warriors was able to kill roughly 13,000 Reiman auxiliary. The imperator wasn’t just shocked, he was mesmerized.

He kept many alive, and attempted to train them. Though the unwavering loyalty of the ten or so Afriel’s was what led them to their deaths. The imperator eventually killed them as keeping just one was costing him the death of too many troops in a day, and was putting a strain on his armies soldiers.

After some time while still occupying the planet, for unknown reasons, the Reim imperium fleet was attacked by a much larger tribe of over 400 Afriel. It had seemed word had gotten out, and the people would not stand for such raiding and pillaging of their kin.

It was only with great effort that the Imperator was able to subdue this attack.

And now, he declared war or the Afriel.

Once the Reiman Empire began to battle the species their numbers slowly feel, until in less than ten years they had lost almost half of their numbers. Now, the imperator proud of his accomplishments, began a plan he had for a long time now. He pillaged remaining tribes, looking for only infant Afriel.

Eventually he had gathered the children, he re named them with names of the empire. Julianus, Ramirus, Herius Verecundius Ligur, Julianus Fadius Leon, Augustus Lucius Vonones, Flavius Ausonius Maro, Kaeso Victricius Gracchus, Muron Sepunius Paetus, Decimus, Volumnius Marsus, Potitus Lafrenius Caelianus, and Alluvia Gellius Octavianus was what would become known in Afriel history as the chosen. And later, be dubbed the Godslayers.

The rest of the Afriel population was mostly scattered tribes.

Come two centuries later with the destruction of their home planet, the species would be wiped mostly extinct; cept for Afriel slaves dispersed in wide across the galaxy, and those raised in the Reim Empire as Godslayers.


Notable Player-Characters: @Myron
Intent: To create a proper species for the Godslayers of the Reim Imperium, and for myself and others to role-play as.

OOC: A big thanks to my friend [member="Marius Severus"] for helping me out in the creation of the Afriel!
 
[member="Myron"]

There are numerous concerns with this submission, so I'll just start from the biggest ones. Frankly, this species is extremely powerful by all standards. Physically, they'd be among the most powerful species in the whole galaxy.

I'll make a short list of what needs changed:
  • Their physical strength and the whole negative mass thing has to be played down greatly. I understand that submissions using theoretical science do exist, their whole negative mass strength is far too powerful for me to approve. That doesn't mean they can't be stronger than the average human, but being able to balance a starship on their nose is not going to be accepted.
  • The non-newtonian -- although creative and clever -- is biologically difficult to accept, although my greatest concern is that you're adding blaster resistance to the pile of its already many superior strengths.
  • Heightened senses are more than commonly found in the non-human species of Star Wars, but again, you're adding many strengths. I'd suggest toning this down greatly.
  • Having a cry with destructive powers greater than force scream is not acceptable. Having one that can daze, shock, or be painfully loud? That's fine.

I have to be very honest here, I don't see myself being able to approve a species with this many strengths of such caliber. Not to mention force dead is hardly a weakness; the species lacks substantial weaknesses to offset their many strengths. So please rewrite the species' strengths, tone it down greatly, and tag me so I can continue to review this submission. Pretty much once we get through that portion, the rest of the concerns are pretty minor and easily handled.
 
I'd like to thank you in advance for working with me on this, I know they are powerful and I will try to work with you so we can get this approved and both parties happy with the outcome. However before I tell you what I addressed and how I changed things I'd like to explain when in creating this species the goal I had in mind and why I made them so strong. Like you said, I wanted to make them a tribal race that were small in populous and among the most physically powerful in the galaxy. But the main reason for my creating them was to combat some of the immense powers of the force. It is hard for a NFU character to feel as.. 'cool' per say. I just wanted to create a tough species which can go toe to toe with a force user on the power level. Whatever I need to change to try and keep their strength as I have it now I'll do it. I would really apprechiate it, whether it is adding new weaknesses or just finding ways to nerf the other aspects.

Alright, let's get into this.



Boethiah said:
Their physical strength and the whole negative mass thing has to be played down greatly. I understand that submissions using theoretical science do exist, their whole negative mass strength is far too powerful for me to approve. That doesn't mean they can't be stronger than the average human, but being able to balance a starship on their nose is not going to be accepted.

For strength- what I did was add another weakness called Energy drain, and I also took it down from spaceship, to a one manned craft. No larger than the eta-2 actis class, and even at this size I noted how daunting it is. I added how the amount they take on must be able to match their mass, so they could end up overloading themselves. Do you think the ability to lift a speeder as if it was a heavy box to us would be fair? I'm not talking anything huge. Just something of this weight, force users are capable of this through force so it seems fair to me for a species to have this ability pure strength wise. Especially considering it is their main strength. One of the main reasons I made the Afriel was to combat all of the many powerful force users out there. Like I said above, I am willing to tone down other areas in the submission a lot to keep this at at least this level.



Boethiah said:
The non-newtonian -- although creative and clever -- is biologically difficult to accept, although my greatest concern is that you're adding blaster resistance to the pile of its already many superior strengths.
With this I added the fact that their skin never heals on its own. Which alone I think is a huge weakness to the non-newtonian skin. Also I changed the way I mentioned the blaster fire. As well on my weaknesses, the medical one is a direct combatant to this so I feel like I am okay here, though I get it if you still feel it's a little over powered and I am willing to change it more if you desire.



Boethiah said:
Heightened senses are more than commonly found in the non-human species of Star Wars, but again, you're adding many strengths. I'd suggest toning this down greatly.
I took out sight entirely as I only really wanted hearing and smell.



Boethiah said:
Having a cry with destructive powers greater than force scream is not acceptable. Having one that can daze, shock, or be painfully loud? That's fine.
I went into this and toned down quite a bit. Now it is only capable of headaches at its strongest.


Alright, just let me know what else we can fix. And again if there is anyway I can keep the strength as it is that would be great.

Thank you [member="Boethiah"] !
 
Myron said:
Do you think the ability to lift a speeder as if it was a heavy box to us would be fair?
Alright, here's my thought on this. An average speeder likely weighs around 1,500kg. In comparison to this, the most someone's ever lifted was 457.5kg. If were to have called this man, "the strongest human," in that regard this species on average would be able to confidently lift three times more weight than the strongest human.

To be honest, that means this species could potentially hip toss a rancor...

I'm going to still need their strength downplayed. The whole concept of negative-mass probably needs to be removed, honestly, as I do not see how that is explained biologically. My suggestion would be to make them simply stronger than the average human.



Myron said:
With this I added the fact that their skin never heals on its own. Which alone I think is a huge weakness to the non-newtonian skin. Also I changed the way I mentioned the blaster fire. As well on my weaknesses, the medical one is a direct combatant to this so I feel like I am okay here, though I get it if you still feel it's a little over powered and I am willing to change it more if you desire.
I'd really like you to find an alternative. I am finding it difficult to wrap my head around how it makes biological sense to have a non-newtonian structure for your body.

Those are the two biggest concerns I have with their strengths as of now. I'm still a bit iffy on the senses, but if you're able to balance out everything else I think it's fine. Once we get through the strengths, we can discuss everything else. Please let me know when you've made changes.
 
[member="Boethiah"]

I got rid of non-newtonian fluid. I really liked the concept and I thought it made them unique but I get what you're saying about it being a hard concept to grasp, if that was the case in our world then the skin would just melt off. So I get it.

I didn't change the strength because of this, and like I said as powerful as some of the force users are on here I really feel like this is already pretty weak compared to the force and so many other species in star wars canon. Look at the Gen'Dai, they have no bones at all and are basically invincible. I get this is not canon, this is chaos but I feel like It is okay as it is. Especially now that I got rid of the newtonian skin. I would just ask that you consider me keeping it. If asked again I will change it. But please let me keep the Negative-mass concept as that and the non-newtonian were really the unique things about the Afriel. Without it they are just strong humanoids. I feel like it is very fair and it does make sense biologically, I understand it is hard to grasp as I did a lot of research on it and I don't fully understand it. But all living beings, in our physics, have negative mass. All I am doing here is just increasing theirs due to the heavy gravity where they evolved. This makes sense to me, and since I took out newtonian fluid I feel like it is very fair. Then again, you are the judge! If you ask me to change it I will, but keep in mind that is what is keeping them unique, to me at least. But I get you need to make sure this is fair.

As for other aspects, I don't mind changing them.
 
[member="Myron"]

I see where you're trying to go with Gen'Dai, but they're essentially pure muscle mass with little else. That in itself was a doubled edged sword because they required armour to keep their humanoid form and thus would be unable to properly utilize most technologies when that armour was not equipped or got destroyed. So a clear difference exists between why the Gen'Dai are strong, and why this species is strong. Not to mention their strengths are quite significantly different -- as are the weaknesses.

My issue with the negative mass is that as of today, it's still purely hypothetical, and as a concept could easily lead to being abused no matter how downplayed it is within this species. Plus I feel as if this concept is pushing the boundaries of what is conforming to the general idea of Star Wars.

The strength needs to be simplified, and rewritten as something more along the lines of defining the species as being stronger than humans or other humanoids. I'd suggest taking a look at species of a similar build/nature and using one of those to judge how you may justify their strength. It could be as simple as saying they have more muscle fibers that are densely packed to together, or something like that.
 
[member="Boethiah"]

Alright, I will definitely work on simplifying the way they are strong. I'll tag you soon, I just need to sit down and rethink the way they utilize their strength. I appreciate how kind you have been and explaining why I need to change it vs just saying no.
 
[member="Myron"]

I am glad you were able to find a better biological explanation for their strength, but I wasn't using 1500kg as an example of what was okay... I don't mind if they're stronger than humans, as there's many species out there that are, but it can't be that significant. I would say at most this species should only be on average a third stronger than the average human. Just to clarify those points in bold.

You're gonna have one hell of a species regardless, so I need to make sure the balancing is there...

I feel like we've made enough progress where I can move onto other areas, so I'll start listing off a few other concerns.



Myron said:
Force dead: Similar to the Yuuzhan Vong's, the Afriel possessed an absence of being sensed through the Force. In other words, they are force dead. There was never a force sensitive Afriel, and there never will be. The species has no connection to the living force.
Although force dead may seem like a weakness because one cannot be force sensitive; it is also very much a strength. Sources vary but pretty much this means they cannot be sensed in the force. Unless I'm wrong, I also believe this means they cannot be directly manipulated by the force, either. So if you want them to be force dead, you'll have to add other substantial weaknesses to allow this. As this honestly makes them considerably more powerful, especially since your goal is to have a powerful NFU.



Myron said:
Breeding: The mechanisms by which a healthy libido is fostered, including desire and arousal, are controlled by brain chemicals called neurotransmitters. Afriel have a larger amount of neurotransmitters. This increases their drive to mate greatly, so much so that their hormones will cause them to act wild and reckless.
I am also a bit puzzled by how this is a weakness, and it honestly seems more like a fan service trait than one which makes sense biologically; especially as a weakness. I can see that you are trying to say that they may have less inhibition and are more aggressive by nature, but you could honestly just plainly say they're more aggressive by nature. Although that in itself wouldn't be counted as a very substantial weakness.

Everything else is more or less okay, but you do have a mention of negative mass that needs to be removed.
 
[member="Boethiah"]

Alright, I added some stuff and changed a few things here and there.



Boethiah said:
I would say at most this species should only be on average a third stronger than the average human
I brought it down from 1500 kg, to 1000 kg. The average human (...okay well intermediate ) can deadlift a weight of 331 kg, so I just tripled it and dropped some to even it out at 1000 kg.



Boethiah said:
Although force dead may seem like a weakness because one cannot be force sensitive; it is also very much a strength. Sources vary but pretty much this means they cannot be sensed in the force. Unless I'm wrong, I also believe this means they cannot be directly manipulated by the force, either. So if you want them to be force dead, you'll have to add other substantial weaknesses to allow this. As this honestly makes them considerably more powerful, especially since your goal is to have a powerful NFU.
I added two more weaknesses to allow this to stay. Including sensitivity- and then Spiritually minded.



Boethiah said:
I am also a bit puzzled by how this is a weakness, and it honestly seems more like a fan service trait than one which makes sense biologically; especially as a weakness. I can see that you are trying to say that they may have less inhibition and are more aggressive by nature, but you could honestly just plainly say they're more aggressive by nature. Although that in itself wouldn't be counted as a very substantial weakness.
It isn't exactly for fan service, I mainly wanted to give a biological reason for their being aggressive other than just saying, aggressive. And this made enough sense to me. Plus I thought it was pretty interesting, as mating drives aggression in all species.

EDIT: I think I got the mention!
 
Myron said:
I brought it down from 1500 kg, to 1000 kg. The average human (...okay well intermediate ) can deadlift a weight of 331 kg, so I just tripled it and dropped some to even it out at 1000 kg.
I believe you may have read some facts wrong. The world record set for a deadlift (set less than a year ago) was 462kg. I'd believe a human with a good amount of training IRL could deadlift 331lbs, which is about 150kg; not 331. Many of the best deadlifters in the world can only deadlift on average 225kg. It takes a lot of training and strength to be able to do that as an 'intermediately trained' lifter.

If you want to set something reasonable, I'd say the average member of your species could deadlift 150kg like one would a very heavy box. That is still considerably strong, especially for the size, and would make any punch they pack stronger than the average human by far. It'd also make a well trained and developed character of this race potentially stronger. Anymore than that though and this species would begin sounding a bit too powerful.

As for your two added weaknesses, the sensitivity is actually a pretty good one. But the spirituality is not something people are gonna be forced to roleplay since it's not a biological weakness. One could simply state their character grew up in a position where they lost their faith. Not to mention, I'm still iffy on how to deal with the force dead trait regardless. It's something that's been accepted a few times in the past, and I'm worried about the potential abuse it might cause. I'll actually consult that with other CJs, so please just focus on fixing the other above mentions.
 
[member="Boethiah"]

Alright, with the strength, I nerfed it all the way down to 250 kg. I mean, seeing that I started this with the idea that they were capable of huge amounts of strength like lifting spaceships with no ease, I think that bringing it down to them just slightly being stronger than a strong human is fair. If we agreed that they could be three times the strength of an average human (or even trained) is 150kg. Then that would make me believe, according to what we previously said would make them be able to lift 450 kg. Which you said even a human was capable of in our world. This is star wars, where beings can lift spaceships with a magical essence called the force, and also a list of one hundred other things like brainwashing, teleporting, floating, lightning, et cetera. I think that this is very fair, especially considering I started out with them being able to lift in my mind over ten times what I'm settling for at 250 kg. Please just let me keep this number, any further and I've nerfed the entire reason I wanted to create the Afriel. Seeing as I already got rid of their skin (which I was really proud of, but I didn't mind getting rid of it) And seeing how I've nerfed all of their strengths as well.

That turned out a lot longer than I intended! And I will change it just for the sake of not having this denied if you bring it up again, that said I think if we stopped here (with the strength) that would be super fair and a fine compromise.

Boethiah said:
Not to mention, I'm still iffy on how to deal with the force dead trait regardless. It's something that's been accepted a few times in the past, and I'm worried about the potential abuse it might cause. I'll actually consult that with other CJs, so please just focus on fixing the other above mentions.
Bringing up the past, I know each judge is different (Which is a good thing!) and that things have become a bit more strict, but still I'd like to link to this species: http://starwarsrp.net/topic/40124-arenzebite/?hl=arenzebite
Which was noted to lifting spaceships as well, and hasn't been overused or abused.

On consulting with the other CJ's, yeah sure- go teamwork!
 
[member="Myron"]

250kg is fine. As for the Force Dead trait, an alternative was brought up. If all you want them to be is unable to use the force, then add a weakness stating they're not a force-sensitive species rather than force dead. That way they simply cannot use the force, but don't get the benefits of being force dead as a strength.



Myron said:
Bringing up the past, I know each judge is different (Which is a good thing!) and that things have become a bit more strict, but still I'd like to link to this species: http://starwarsrp.ne.../?hl=arenzebiteWhich was noted to lifting spaceships as well, and hasn't been overused or abused.
In the submission it states that the species rivaled that of the Houk, which were not known for their feats of lifting spaceships or anything like that. I believe -- and it is written this way -- that the spaceship mention was merely an exaggeration to add some mystery to the species.

With that said, make these edits and the sub is pretty much good to go.
 
[member="Myron"]

Alright, with the updates made this species is honestly quite balanced, despite their otherwise significance in physical strength. That said I feel you put a lot of work and thought into this submission; which is what we look for in a species submission.

This species is approved, use their strengths wisely.

[member="Valiens Nantaris"]
 
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