Aethien

[Lord Ajihad]

Name: Aethien
Designation: Sentient
Homeworld: Voss (Nightmare lands)
Language: Basic, Huttese, Sith
Average height of adults: 1.73 meters
Skin color: Normal human skin colors
Hair color: Normal human hair colors
Breathes: Type 1
Strengths:
(+) Enlightened- this species' brain can process almost three times as fast than the average human's
(+) Mystical- this species has an aptitude for all things mystical, giving them more power while wielding magick
(+) Shrouded- this species is highly resistant to mediocre mental manipulation
Weaknesses:
(-) Demonic- allergic to Demonsbane, which will cause them to often go into a state similar to humans having abnormally high fevers. Sweating, vomiting, nausea, incapacitation, etc.
(-) Cyclops- this species is born without a right eye
(-) Fertility- this species' females are highly infertile, making the chances of them having a child very small
Distinctions: All human distinctions, except eye may glow gold when experiencing any emotion in abundance
Average Lifespan: 1,250 GSY
Races: N/A
Estimated Population: 250,000
Diet: Omnivore, Allergic to Demonsbane.
Communication: Vocal, Telepathy, Dreams
Culture: This species is considered to be highly mystical and mysterious on their home planet of Voss. They are generally nomadic, comparable almost to gypsies. They move around in caravans, each one numbering up to about 500 Aethiens. They are in fact the origin of the Voss mystics, the native members of the planet becoming seers to mimic the action of the Aethiens. They travel the giant planet performing occult rituals and telling futures before moving on to the next town. They congregate after the caravan is through for the year to a hidden city in the heart of the nightmare lands where they live.
Technology level: Advanced. They are known to make innovative magical artifacts and objects. They have an uncanny ability to craft talismans, artifacts, and other such things with greater efficiency than normal races. However, this also means that their normal tech is a little behind the power curb.
General behavior: They travel in caravans, selling their artifacts and trinkets for gold to the native Voss. During the winter, the all travel back to their city to wait out the cold season before resuming their activities once again.
History: A long time ago, this species lived on their homeworld of Voss. They dwelled in the nightmare lands, where many dared not venture. They would occasionally be approached by the local Voss for mystical advice and so on and so forth. When a force demon appeared in a local village, they came to subdue it. When an incantation muutered by a novice Voss mystic brought horrendous consequences, the Aethiens came to prepare a counter-curse ritual. The catch was that for every deed they performed, the natives had to pay them handsomely.

There were originally an estimated 50,000 of these creatures in existence on Voss. However, the natives grew irritated with their practical highway robbery , amassing a large force of their kind to invade the nightmare lands and take back their wrongfully solicited wealth. Though the Aethiens were superior combatants, they were taken by surprise. After a long battle, they were eventually defeated and massacred. An unknown amount survived, their dwindled numbers venturing out into the galaxy. Given their mystical powers, many became soothsayers and sorcerers. Others chose factions, becoming Jedi or Sith fighting for control of the galaxy. More were likely killed along the way, though records don't specify how many and who died. Modern day, they are still a mystery to most of the galaxy. Some that were there for the beginning of the Voss civilization are supposedly still alive today, leading many to believe they are eternal... (But they aren't)
Notable Player-Characters: SoonTM
Intent: To create a unique and fitting species for a new character.

 

[KeCholo]

Under Review

 

[KeCholo]

Homeworld: Typically the Aether Realm

Looked this up on Google, here, and Wookiepedia and found nothing on it. Link to it?

Skin color: White or Black

If these are to be indistinguishable from humans than this needs to be changed as there are more than two colors for human skin.

Breathes: Can breathe most atmospheres

Very, very, very OP. Having lungs that can breath any atmosphere is extremely uncommon.

Strengths: (+) Shrouded- immune to any form of mental manipulation (mind control, telepathy, etc.) (+) Mystical- exceptionally skilled at any and all forms of magick, capable of casting spells and achieving magical feats others species can not

Immune to ANY form of mental manipulation at any level and fantastic at all forms of magic is very, very, powerful. Even the Toydarians were just resistant to mental force powers, not immune.

Weaknesses: (-) Demonic- allergic to Demonsbane, which will cause it to often go into a state similar to humans having abnormally high fevers. Sweating, vomiting, nausea, incapacitation, etc.

Have no idea what 'demonsbane' is. Googled it, searched our forum, and searched Wookiepedia for it. Please provide a link.

Average Lifespan: Does not die from natural causes (Ageless but by no means immortal)

Definition for immortal is: living forever; never dying or decaying. This describes your species, please put a reasonable age cap on.

Estimated Population: 1

So your character/NPC (don't know what you intend for this to be for) is the only one of this species alive? Bulk this up, it has the appearance of you trying to skirt around the character creation/force user rules by making a crazy species.

Language: Can communicate in all known general forms of communication, though not entirely fluent in all of them.

Impossible.

Culture: Generally nomadic, never staying in one place. It sees the force in a full spectrum of colors like the Aing-Tii, rather than Light and Dark. Pretty much always stays force-neutral, though it can use both "Light" and "Dark" powers. Technology level: Highly advanced, though not in the conventional sense. It has developed many diverse ways to use magick, helping it understand its working much better. General behavior: Like previously mentioned, the species is totally nomadic. It doesn't typically like to bind itself to cause, mostly just fulfilling its own personal agenda. It shows a profound interest in all things supernatural, spending hours studying into oddities and such.

Bulk all these up to a paragraph or two a piece. With a paragraph being at least 3 sentences.

History: Nobody quite knows where the Aethiens came from (Though those that know of it say it came from the Aetherrealm).. Technically, nobody knows anything about this mysterious species. Its existence has never even been verified by the Galactic Council of Tangible Beings. This creature has journeyed throughout the galaxy and beyond, spending its days as a traveller. Some people on the holonet have created conspiracies surrounding its existence, making many false claims about it. Some say it's an angel, other say it's a demon. Some say it doesn't exist, some say it's an ancient mystical deity. Nothing is certain, and anything is possible...

Make this concrete, give a definite answer. You also speak as if there are many of these species, however you mentioned there was only one.

Overall, this species is so over-powered I'm going to deny it unless you want to majorly reform it by 'dumbing down' these guys. I'll give your a week to make the edits.

 

[Lord Ajihad]

[member="KeCholo"]

Hello!

First off, just a bit of clarification, I made a bit of a mistake. I copy+pasted this species from a pre-codex I made, not the microsoft word document I had made as a final draft. Therefore, there are some grievous mistakes in this so sorry about that. I edited some stuff in from the word document, now I'll address the issues in the order you presented them in.

1. "Aether Realm" is basically another way of saying the afterlife. Granted, this is where the species originates from but not where it lives. This DOES NOT give the species any additional powers, just meant to give it a unique feel.
2. Fixed
3. Fixed
4. I'm going to have to respectfully disagree here. See Epicanthix.
5. "Demonsbane" is a plant that I'm going to sub. It's basically a vine that a poison can be extracted from. Would you like me to sub it now?
6. Immortal means you can't die. Ageless means that you won't die from old age. Would you like me to word it differently?
7. I looked through the rules, and couldn't find a rule that I could circumvent by making a species with supposedly one member. Could you please clarify? And this is "Estimated Population." I'm not saying that there aren't necessarily any more out there, just that there is only one for sure. This is because I'm trying to create a unique species here, and don't want a bunch of people to make characters out of it and have a bunch of these guys floating around.
8. Fixed
9. I'll get to it after we resolve these other issues first real quick
10. ^

Also, I'm a bit concerned about my strengths be better than my weaknesses. Do you have any ideas for other weaknesses I could add to even it out a bit? Contrary to what you might think, I don't want to make this all OP and I quite frankly am terrible at making weaknesses. Thanks!

 

[KeCholo]

"Aether Realm" is basically another way of saying the afterlife. Granted, this is where the species originates from but not where it lives. This DOES NOT give the species any additional powers, just meant to give it a unique feel.

Please get this submitted and approved in the Codex.

I'm going to have to respectfully disagree here. See Epicanthix.

The mind defense in and of itself is borderline broken, pair this with the fantastic magic abilites and it makes your species OP

"Demonsbane" is a plant that I'm going to sub. It's basically a vine that a poison can be extracted from. Would you like me to sub it now?

Please get this submitted and approved in the Codex

Immortal means you can't die. Ageless means that you won't die from old age. Would you like me to word it differently?

With all due respect, I do not want this worded diffrently, I would like it removed. Even Yoda, a powerful force user and long living creature died to natural causes or was at least brought close to death before he became one with the force.

I looked through the rules, and couldn't find a rule that I could circumvent by making a species with supposedly one member. Could you please clarify? And this is "Estimated Population." I'm not saying that there aren't necessarily any more out there, just that there is only one for sure. This is because I'm trying to create a unique species here, and don't want a bunch of people to make characters out of it and have a bunch of these guys floating around.

I get what you mean by saying you don't want other people playing as your species, however having only one of these is plain ridiculous. Bulk this up so it doesn't seem like the only reason you're making this species is to give your character all these cool powers without having to train with a force master.

Also, I'm a bit concerned about my strengths be better than my weaknesses. Do you have any ideas for other weaknesses I could add to even it out a bit? Contrary to what you might think, I don't want to make this all OP and I quite frankly am terrible at making weaknesses. Thanks!

Poor eyesight, bad sense of direction, naturally clumsy, slow.

My initial requests still stand, please majorly reform this species or it will be denied.

 

[Lord Ajihad]

[member="KeCholo"]

Alright, I imported all of the species details from my word file, sorry about the screw-up. Demonsbane subbed and linked, that should be almost everything except for the agelessness. It's not impossible for a species not to die of natural causes, as a few species approved on CHAOS have shared the same attribute.

 

[KeCholo]

[member="Lord Ajihad"]

I will ask you for the last and final time to please remove the 'ageless' part of your application. I am not aware of any Star Wars canon species that have that ability, if there is a species that is ageless please link to it. Also, the estimated population needs to be higher than 30. Should you refuse these edits I will deny your application.

 

[Lord Ajihad]

[member="KeCholo"]

Edited population to 200.

And links:

http://starwarsrp.net/topic/63882-insulian-colossal-crab/- Agless but can still die

http://starwarsrp.net/topic/59068-the-garguanta/- Here's one where lifespan is unknown. Would you rather me put that?

 

[KeCholo]

[member="Lord Ajihad"]

Please note that the writer of the crab made it clear that they do die and that they also their immune system gets weaker as they die (natural causes). Also, that is a non-sentient species meaning it's not nearly close to the intelligence level of any other, sentient, species. I think having an ageless, sentient species would break the RP system. Also please up the estimated population again to something reasonable, having only 300 of these in the galaxy is crazy small, even having 300 of something on earth makes them ultra rare. Raise the population level to something along the lines of another species (i.e. population in the millions)

 

[Lord Ajihad]

[member="KeCholo"]

Point taken. I made their lives long but lowered their fertility rate as well. Therefore, the galaxy doesn't become flooded as the birth ratio exceeds the death ratio. I realize this is a long lifespan but after researching other approved species as well, I found this is within reason.

Also raised the population to 50,000

 

[KeCholo]

[member="Lord Ajihad"]

Please raise the estimated population to ~1,000,000

Also lower the Life span to somewhere between 1,000 to 1,250

 

[Lord Ajihad]

http://starwarsrp.net/topic/78075-grancha-mutants/page-1
http://starwarsrp.net/topic/76213-afriel/
http://starwarsrp.net/topic/72745-tsawa/
http://starwarsrp.net/topic/73204-anefilt/
http://starwarsrp.net/topic/71466-nibbles-the-jedispawn/
http://starwarsrp.net/topic/69451-alunrovaan/
http://starwarsrp.net/topic/69057-guardian-vens-sithspawn-body/
http://starwarsrp.net/topic/68590-nang-hul-worm/
http://starwarsrp.net/topic/68499-project-kratos-super-soldiers/
http://starwarsrp.net/topic/67673-nom-nom-bonsai-tree/

[member="KeCholo"]

I put together a list of species under one million population from the first page of the "Approved Species" section of the Codex. I just wanted to say while In see the reason behind you wanting me to raise the population of the species, I believe 1,000,000 to be a bit excessive. This is supposed to be more of a nomadic species that exists really in one part of the world, not a population scattered across Voss. They're supposed to mysterious and mystic-like, but a lot of the mystery is taken away when there's a million of them. Plus, do you really want a million guys roaming around who are really good at magic and have a really long lifespan?

Otherwise, lifespan lowered to your specifications

 

[KeCholo]

(+) Shrouded- this species is highly resistant to mental manipulation

Change this to 'can resist all novice, basic, and mediocre attacks' or something along those lines.

Estimated Population: 50,000

Bump this up to 250,000

Technology level: Advanced. They are known to make innovative magical artifacts and objects.

Make this a paragraph

 

[Lord Ajihad]

[member="KeCholo"]

Done

 

[KeCholo]

Breathes: Normal

Change this to Type 1

 

[KeCholo]

[member="Lord Ajihad"] What is the status of this submission?

 

[Lord Ajihad]

[member="KeCholo"]

Done

 

[KeCholo]

Approved, [member="Valiens Nantaris"] look over this twice.

 

[Valiens Nantaris]

Under final review.

 

[Valiens Nantaris]

OK. Firstly I would like to thank you for being so understanding and compliant with my judge. This submission has come a long way.

Whilst [member="KeCholo"] has done a great job, there are some things here which I feel needs further explanation.

• Language – Why can they speak Sith? The Sith language has been dead for millennia.
• Demonsbane – How are they allergic? Taste, touch, smell?
• Culture – You write this as though they still live on Voss, but in the history they do not. Explain.
• Behaviour – I want to know more about them. I don’t need a thesis, but I want to understand this species better.
• Cyclopean – Does this mean they have one eye in the middle of their head? If not, why is the left eye missing? This doesn’t seem very evolutionarily viable.
• History – Considering they would have been driven from Voss centuries before, what’s happened since? Where do they live now?
• History 2 – “Some that were there for the beginning of the Voss civilization are supposedly still alive today” that’s not true as it was many thousands of years before the present.
• History 3 – I don’t like that you’re inserting this species into Voss and not only that, making them the ones responsible for the mystics. That pretty clearly goes against what TOR tells us, and I think it’s a bit cheap too.

And finally the big one.

• Magic – Star Wars and magic is not something which really goes together. Even Sith magic is merely another manifestation of the Force. I want to know what their ‘magic’ is. I’m not allowing some D&D Asemir races in to SWRP, especially if they start flinging around Summon Monster IX and Bigby’s Crushing Hand!

Please let me know your thoughts. [member="Lord Ajihad"]