A War Between Remembering and Forgetting

[Mirien Valdier]

One singular event had changed Mirien's stars and with it her fate. In that fateful accident, tumbling with the crumbling stairs a good story down in that temple on Atrisia, the Force saving her life, but not preventing injury entirely. Her head colliding with the same stones in such a fall had wiped away her memories of who she used to be. Had it not been for that, the Lead Inquisitor at the time would have seen her executed and dead. They knew well enough she was a powerful force user and that still nearly got her killed. Losing her memories gave her another chance at another life. One where she rose above what she had previously done. Of course, the Atrisians had seen fit to hunt down what of her life they could and erase it, to keep her from ever recovering it. They wanted her as she was, a clean slate, no complications.

That day changed everything for her. Absolutely everything. And how frustrating and painful it had been to learn a new life, without knowing, she might look back on those horrible moments to see how they, in the end, had saved her life and gave her life.

Mirien only had a tiny clue of the abuses she'd gone through. Her journals from the Bando Gora hinted at the pains, suffering, and anger she'd gained from her childhood. She never gave much detail in those, but there was enough to get an idea. Now the memories were actually within her mind, pieces finally coming together for her to possibly piece together her former life. Though she certainly didn't want to remember this now. That option, in a way having no memories at all, had spared her so much. Equally taking from Mirien. All these horrible events had led her to Atrisia for some reason. There had been at least some good in that. It was here that she was caught in the middle of a war between forgetting and remembering. And that was a miserable place to be, caught between the two.

Thousands of memories and moments had piled onto the Mirien Siobhan knew. She was trapped, at the bottom of what felt like an endless pit of misery and pain she had never known before now. Who she used to be, certainly didn't help matters, keeping things just fragmented enough that Mirien could never sort it out on her own.

If Siobhan looked long enough, she would find her Mirien. She took the form of a young girl, utterly lost and alone in a corner, sobbing. She held no hope, curled into a small ball, quietly crying. Everything in her mind, in her head, she'd lost herself and her way. It seemed only natural to take the form of a child, lost in such a horrific mess of memories, and people and places. She needed someone to find her, help her and pull her out of it all.

Just like a child, she couldn't do it alone, not when she'd felt like she'd lost everything that made her strong, that made her able to face each day. Even more so when she had so much self-hatred and loathing for who and what she had been.

And while all of this was happening, outside of her mind, a few tears did slip down her cheeks. There were just so many horrors and so much pain that even she couldn't hide it for a second now. Everything hurt if truth be told. Especially her mind.

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Mirien Valdier"]


If Siobhan had any doubts about being on the right course, those who were banished when she saw sobbing, lost girl. Perhaps she was being a bleeding heart who was letting her feelings overwhelmn her good judgement, but she could not condemn her.


The Force Mistress had read Mirien's journals. The contents had been horrifying, pages upon pages of stomach-churning violence and viciousness. They had shown her evil deeds in vivid detail, but also hinted at the abuse she'd suffered in life. A part of Siobhan could not help wonder whether Kaelin might have suffered in a similar manner before she became a monster. Little did the Countess know that the late Darth Keraunos now had a clone called [member="Amara Zarides"].

Confronted by the horrible flood of memories, Mirien had fallen into the dark pit of despair. Time to help her get out and put her back together. "Mirien, it's me. Siobhan. Do...you know who I am? I'm here to help you, dear. I promise. I can get you out of here. I won't let anyone hurt you, love," Slowly, as if concerned about scaring her, Siobhan reached out with her hand to touch Mirien's shoulder.

 

[Mirien Valdier]

The little girl in Mirien's mind hadn't heard Siobhan approach. Everything else had been so loud; it masked her footsteps. Sio's words were the first thing that seemed to reach her. She nodded, keeping her head down against her knees, not looking up. She knew this Siobhan, intimately.

She did jump slightly at the touch against her shoulder, not quite expecting it. She finally brought herself to glance up to Siobhan, pushing her long locks back away from her face. "You shouldn't be here." She shook her head, "It's not safe for you," Of course it wasn't. There were all sorts of risks when it came to entering anothers' mind. Especially one as disjointed and darkened as hers. The danger of being trapped or worse was always there. Thankfully she was without her powers, for the time being, keeping things slightly safer than they would have otherwise been. Even now, Mirien was still trying to protect Siobhan from the horrors that lurked in here and laid in wait.

The girl sniffled, wiping some of her tears away, though so many still fell. "How can you help me?" She glanced nervously around as if expecting an attack at any moment. "I can't sort it out. Everything is broken, different, strange. Shattered. And that woman is still here. I don't know her at all. She's not a part of me, not anymore. She doesn't belong here either. I don't want her here. She's horrible. Evil." Who Mirien was, long ago definitely fit the definition of evil. And even in this terrible, lost and confused state, Sio's Mirien could recognize that.

The young girl slowly got to her feet, looking past Siobhan still as she dried away more tears. "She broke everything. I got lost, buried when the walls came down and the past flooded in. Are you sure you can get me out?" Her tears were slowing as worry, fear and anxiety took their place.

"You've seen how it is in here, do you think it can ever be fixed again?" Of course, getting out, and fixing things were two separate things. Getting out, meant getting Mirien back to where she knew herself again. That meant breaking free and escaping from the depths of her mind and memories. In the process, that would bring the Mirien they knew back to the surface where she could retain control.

Getting out wasn't going to be easy. The Sith like Mirien did lurk somewhere close by, and well that part of her had it's own priorities. Selfish, dark and evil priorities. And that part of her had a good chance, with Mirien lost and confused within the broken memories, of gaining complete control and that being the dominate personality that would remain.

Now for fixing things? Nothing was ever going to be the same again. It could be repaired, yes, but it wouldn't be the same. Fixing things meant putting her memories back together piece by piece from the start, regardless of the pain they might cause both Siobhan and Mirien.

Fixing things would have to wait for a small while. For there was a monster loose in the depths of her mind, that was formidable, powerful, twisted and uncaring. And that monster like any other would have to be slain. That other side to Mirien had to die.

There were two entirely different versions of Mirien, two very different women within the same mind. There was no way for both of those versions to survive this. And killing the monstrous Mirien wouldn't remove the memories, no. No, she would have to remember those events of her past and live with them like anyone else, with all the pains and everything that came with retaining a lifetime of memories. She just would never have to fear the old Mirien taking control again, that was if they succeeded.

Remembering was equally a curse as it was a blessing, and that was something Mirien would have to come to understand better than anyone before this was over. That was going to have to be something she accepted, whether she liked it or not.

"If you're sure you want to help ... that you want to be here regardless of the cost, I do need it to find my way again. And I need help to do something about that other woman before she takes over everything. I don't want her to hurt anyone else. She's done that enough. I don't want her hurting me, either. I'm not strong enough here to fight her." Only now did the little girl look to Siobhan, "If you are sure, I do need your help." This might have been one of the seldom few times Mirien knew she needed help, and could voice it to another. "I can't do this on my own."

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]

 

[Naamah Aesham]

[member="Mirien Valdier"]


While Mirien fought her internal battle and Siobhan descended into her mind to grip her tight and raise her from perdition, Naamah was left outside in the real world. The Clawdite felt frustrated, concerned and deeply afraid for Mirien.


However, the only thing she could do was wait and hope things turned out for the best. Seeing that tears were slipping down Mirien's cheek, she reached out and stroked it, brushing it away. The gesture was more than a little awkward, but she was trying.


"Be strong, Mirien. We'll...get you back," her tone sounded almost desperate. As messed up and confusing as their relationship was, the former Grand Inquisitor was only family she had left. She took a deep breath...and then did something she had not done for a very long time. For the first time in more than a decade, Naamah prayed to the God her parents had raised her.


"Maker...we haven't talked much. I'm...probably not someone who's got any right to make demands but...feth it, I'm a horrible person and will go to Chaos...but if you're out there, help Mirien. She's a good woman...deep down. She can do good."

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Mirien Valdier"]


"You know me well enough to realise abandoning you isn't an option, no matter what horrors we face," Siobhan spoke firmly. Even now Mirien was trying to be noble and shield her. The dark woman probably didn't realise just how selfless she was.


"You've spent so much time protecting me. Now it's time for me. We will get out again and we will set things right. I won't give up on you, you hear me? I will help you. Come on. We shall beat her together. It will be a painful, difficult road, but you can do this. I believe in you," at that she took Mirien's hand into hers. It was time to face the darkness and find their way out of the abyss. "I've always believed in you, love."

 

[Mirien Valdier]

That was something the movies didn't tell you about spies. They had to be selfless to jump into the types of situations they did, literally laying their lives on the line every single day for a cause they believed in. The stories of self-indulgent spies were out there, but they were just that stories to attempt to bring in new recruits. It was after, in training that those kind of people got a wake-up call, or simply washed out. There wasn't room for the selfish types in intelligence.

The small girl sighed, "I know. I had hoped you might have answered differently, so you'd be safe. Free. So you didn't have to see this." She motioned to the general mess of her mind. "I told you, it isn't pretty in here." There was a small tiny part of her that didn't want to do this at all, to give up and let whatever happened to her, happen. Thankfully that part was insignificant compared with the rest. Mirien was just overwhelmed, and that was something she'd rarely had to deal with.

She squeezed Siobhan's hand tightly for reassurance. "I hope you are right." She nodded, though, "I know you have, Sio. You always believed in me, perhaps more so in the moments when I held no belief in myself. Times like now."

Her mind seemed to shift, and take on a different form around them. Darkness descended upon them both, and a dense fog rolled in among the trees in what seemed like a thick and endless forest. Mirien tensed, and looked about quickly, wondering when the woman would return for another attack. She felt like they were both being watched, and they were.

In that forest, the Sith Mirien was laying traps and positioning creatures, and monstrosities of all sorts in their way. They were going to have a lot to deal with before they could get to the evil Mirien. And of course, that same evil woman was also taking parts of the most painful memories she had, to use at the right moments to disable this weak Jedi like Mirien. Well, what she perceived as Jedi like. Which was anything less than pure evil itself, was light sided to her.

A hissing sound could be heard echo through the area around them. And rustling could be heard in the forest around them. Mirien held on tighter to Siobhan, fearing what would be out there this time. Unfortunately, what appeared was quite the group of Cthon. A creature Mirien had stumbled upon in her years in the lowest levels of Coruscant on the hunt. In her childlike state, unarmed and rather powerless, she had little defense against these creatures of nightmares. "Oh, this is going to be bad." She whispered, glancing around to find them decently surrounded.

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Mirien Valdier"]


Contrary to the picture the holovids painted, a self-indulgent, hedonistic spy of the James Bond variety would not last long in the business. Presumably his superiors would not tolerate his indisrections for long before they decided to cut him out. In truth, a spook's life was a fairly thankless job. You had to risk your life daily, hide your work from your friends and loved ones and often live the life of an entirely different person if you were in deep cover. If things went wrong, you would probably be disavowed.


"I'm with you, love. All the way," Siobhan promised and meant it. Then the landscape seemed to shift before her eyes. Darkness descended upon both of them. Suddenly they were in a dense forest, but Siobhan could barely see anything because a thick, dark fog clouded her vision. In the distance, she could feel a dark presence that oozed cruelty and malevolence.


The other Mirien. Siobhan heard hisses and screeches out there in the bushes, then Cthon surrounded them.The ghouls resembled decaying corpses, with loose flaps of flesh, dirty hair, lipless mouths and sharp teeths. They preyed upon the downtrodden in the bowels of Lower Coruscant. Somehow, the Jedi and the authorities never got around to exterminating them.


"Stay close to me if you want to live," she spoke commandingly, holding on tightly to Mirien's hand. The beasts pounced, coming at them from multiple directions. They happened to face an enraged lioness. Scalding Lightning shrieked from the fingertips of Siobhan's free hand.


Pain, screams and spasms ensued as ghouls were electrocuted. The smell of charred flesh filled the air. Gripping two with her telekinetic power, Siobhan lifted them into the air and slammed them against one another with enough force to break bones.


A ghoul tackled her from behind, another beast slashed at her face with its claws, drawing blood. With an angry howl, she threw the Chthon holding her in place and when the second launched itself at her, she froze it, grabbed its throat with strength enhanced by the Force and snapped its neck. "Get down," Siobhan yelled to the young, child-like Mirien when she saw a ghoul leap at her. Forcing the girl down, she tossed her lightsabre at the beast, thrusting it into the creature's black heart and ending it.

 

[Mirien Valdier]

It was always easier to blame the spook for being a rogue agent, and a government could cleanly wash their hands of said spy and the damage they did with ease. A fact Mirien knew well, and like every spy, it was a simple fact of life that they all had to live with. There was nothing you could do if your government ditched you out in the cold. You were on your own, with the Galaxy against you. Facts of life that those movies failed to tell you about.

Mirien glanced about, looking at the numbers they were against. She had no weapons, no real strength, and unfortunately was going to have to rely almost entirely on Siobhan to get her out of this. It wasn't an idea she liked, but there was little other option at all. "Planned to." She whispered back. She only held on tighter as the attack began.

She froze when the ghoul tackled Siobhan from behind. Everything played out so much like a lioness protecting her cub from a pack of hyenas. And all Mirien could do was duck and dodge as best she could with her small and awkward body. Hearing Siobhan shout, Mirien hit the ground laying as flat as she could narrowly avoiding the ghoulish creature as Sio ended it.

The numbers were thinning out, and less of the hissing and screeching could be heard. It was then that Mirien cried out in pain as she felt claws dig into her ankles as one of the monsters had snuck in behind the others, seeking to separate Mirien from Siobhan and end her. Mirien rolled to her back as best she could. On the ground, she managed to grab a couple of stones to lob at the creature in an attempt to slow it down and discourage it. "Sio help!" She screamed above the noise.

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Mirien Valdier"]


It was a truism that you should never get between a lioness and her cubs. It...almost never went well. Siobhan winced, as if feeling Mirien's pain when one of the loathsome ghouls clawd her ankle. Then she heard the girl's frightened scream...and suddenly nothing else mattered.


Unleashing hideous power, she grabbed the ghoul with her mind and broke every single bone in its body. That's what happened when you messed with her Mirien. However, this gave the remaining ghouls the chance to try and corner her. Siobhan swung her lightsabre, trying to hold them at bay, but she was a poor duellist and hissed through gritted teeth when a ghoul clawed across her back and another sliced across her upper leg. The woman stumbled and fell to the ground, cartwheeling away from the horde. The monsters were trying to separate the two so that they could get to Mirien. She could not allow this to happen.


"Miri, hold your ears and take cover!" she yelled at her. Then she roared. The Force Scream brought forth a powerful shockwave that tore through the grass, ripping through foliage and tearing apart ghouls, splattering the trees with blood and foul smelling body parts.

 

[Mirien Valdier]

Mirien could feel the claws penetrate her ankle, tearing at her skin and muscles beneath. She screamed louder, her pain growing as she struggled with everything she had to escape the creature. She dug her fingers into the dirt and soil, trying to keep the monster from pulling her away and ending her. Kicking and thrashing she fought trying to make it let her go. But her strength in this body wasn't what it should have been.

With Siobhan's power, Miri finally felt the creature's grip fade from her legs as it released her in the throws of death. Her legs were battered, bloodied and throbbed horrifically, as the little girl scrambled upon hearing Sio's command. In the nick of time, she ducked behind a boulder and covered her ears tightly.

It was after the scream, the terrible smell, that Mirien relaxed slightly. Panting heavily she drew her wounded legs up to her chest holding them with all her strength. Silence filled the forest now, with Siobhan and Mirien getting a brief reprieve. "Siobhan?" She called out, just wanting to be held, to have her wounds soothed. "Siobhan, please tell me you're alright!" She cried, peering around the edge of the boulder trying to see the redhead through the fog.

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Mirien Valdier"]


"I'm here, Miri! I'm coming!" Was she alright? That did not matter. They were ghouls, she could deal. What mattered was that Mirien needed her now. She was not the fearsome Grand Inquisitor now, but as vulnerable as Siobhan had been after the assassin's bullet struck her during that soiree on Kaeshana. Ergo she would get everything Siobhan could give her. Though still bleeding, the Force Mistress hastened towards her. Both were getting a brief reprieve, but it could not last for long. She saw Mirien, with her bloodied legs drawn up to her chest. The sight made her angry.


"You'll get through this. I promise. Let me look at that. We're gonna get out of here and beat the queen, ok?" she knelt before the woman and touched her ankle. It was difficult to see much in the light, but she tried to examine it.


The wound looked nasty, but thankfully not grievous. Drawing upon the strength of the Force, Siobhan sought to stifle the pain. It was possible to heal using the Dark Side, just difficult and taxing. Usually, it involved draining someone else. In this case, Siobhan was feeding Mirien some of her energy. She bandaged the wound with a piece of cloth. "We need to keep moving. Take this," at that she passed a blaster pistol over.

 

[Mirien Valdier]

Mirien only looked up to see Siobhan come around the side of the boulder to kneel down with her. She took a deep breath and shifted her arms to let the redhead see the brutal wounds that had been left behind by the ghoul's claws. She bit her lip hard and nodded, "Yeah, we will." Mirien didn't sound certain of her own words, at all.

She did feel some relief radiate through Siobhan's hands and into her legs, melting away some of the pain. At this point, Mirien's hands were trembling a symptom of her fears. Even her body outside of this mental world began to shake, only slightly at first, growing worse by the minute. Undoubtedly Naamah would notice such.

Back in the mind, the young girl reached up and clutched the blaster tightly. "Thank you." Her words seemed equally unsteady as her hands as she spoke. She wasn't sure she actually could even aim worth anything, but she'd have to try. She nodded to Siobhan but hesitated before she slowly and carefully got to her feet. For the moment, she shifted her weight and kept as much as she possibly could off her injured ankle. She grabbed for Siobhan, in an attempt to be able to move a little quicker while relieving some of her discomfort.

Siobhan and the young girl would get a few moments of quiet in the forest and fog. It was just another moment of the calm before the storm. Unfortunately, that peace wouldn't last. And the Sith within sought this time to try something else. It seemed as good a time as any to play with her memories and remind her of the most painful ones she had.

A voice would call out of a man. One that Mirien knew well. "Mirien, I do so hope you are ready to play."

Mirien felt her heart race, her uncle. This, she didn't want to face in the least. It was too painful, hurt her too badly to be reminded. "No! Not him. Please, not him." She had whispered before she turned to Siobhan to try and hide against the woman she loved.

A smirk came to the evil lady's lips as she sensed the ripples of pain from the young representation of Mirien. This seemed a promising start to end her once and for all. Still, there was some distance between the women, and many many dangers between. Perhaps with some measure of luck, she could distract the girl long enough to allow for the monsters between to get in their killing blow.

And already she was laying out the next trap. The next set of monsters she could pull from Mirien's memories and bring to life. Events on Csilla with the shadowy creatures seemed an easy pick. They were invisible until their choice moment of attack, giant sized and a queen to kill. About the only thing that gave a clue of what was lying in wait ahead in the forest was a chittering noise and their claws met with stones on the forest floor.

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Mirien Valdier"]


"It's just an illusion, Mirien! You can beat her. You can beat him," Siobhan's fury blossomed into a telekinetic shockwave the moment she beheld the shade of Mirien's evil uncle. Having taken a trip down the memory lane, she knew how much the monster had hurt her lover.


It hurt so much it was visceral. The least she could do was return the favour. A massive explosion of Force energy shrieked from her fingertips towards the evil lady. There could be no mercy for the evil Mirien. Siobhan could not cast illusions, but she could perceive the dark woman's presence. The trees shook and bent, wood splintered, foliage was ripped apart.


The shockwave would hit with the force of a bomb blast. She doubted that it would kill the Sith, but it would sure hurt a lot and ideally make it more difficult for her to torment her good self. However, in her rage, Siobhan realised too late that the next trap had already been sprung.


Soon a shape was upon her, that of a giant sized spider. "Miri, get down," she yelled when she perceived a sense of impending danger, pulling the girl down. Too late, for the arachnid was already moving with a speed faster than its large size would make you expect.


The Dark Jedi cried out in pain when the monstrosity pounded across her leg and sent her flying. She winced as a feeling of anguish shot through her. It felt like she'd broken her ankle. As the beast charged her, she tried to cartwheel away. The spider screeched in pain and recoiled when she fired her pistol, hitting its chest and one of its immense black legs, then she summoned a massive telekinetic hammer, smashing into the beast's skull with such force she blew it up, splattering ichor and grey brain matter all over the grass.


Her senses prickled when she perceived danger for Mirien. "You'll not have her, while I breathe!" she yelled so loudly that her scream caused a shockwave. Drawing upon the tangled web of power that was the Force, she summoned a protective bubble to shield the woman she loved. As the decloaking spider tried in vain to pummel it, she summoned a very large branch of wood and hurled it like a javelin, impaling the beast.


Forcing herself to stand, though pain surged through her, she was about to run towards Mirien, but then suddenly a Klaxxi pounced at her from behind, decloaking in the same moment as it thrust its leg through her back, impaling her. She was slung to the ground with a sickening crunch, with the spider's spike still embedded inside her. Forcing her to roll around, it opened its massive maw full of sharp teeth. << Dinner! >>

 

[Naamah Aesham]

[member="Mirien Valdier"]


It was Csilla all over again. A dark, gloomy forest crawling with giant sized, invisible spiders that were bloody tough and hungered for human flesh. The only thing that gave them away were the chittering noises and the sound of their claws when they met the stone floor.


Suddenly emerging in this place after taking a trip through the mental maze that were Mirien's memories was more than a little disorientating for the Clawdite. She shuddered when she heard these oh very familiar sounds as she tried to centre herself and regain her bearings. Images of Csilla flashed through her mind. The scene where Mirien had saved her from the devil arachnids.


Everything clicked together in a few moments. Mirien was hiding, Siobhan was down and apparently in danger of being eaten. Naamah knew what her old self would have done. She would have enjoyed seeing her 'rival' down. It was oh so very tempting.


Then she fired her gun. The enraged spider spun around, screeching as the armour-piercing bullet hit, and in this moment the Clawdite surged forward, thrusting the tip of her lightsabre into the beast's mouth, ending it as ten thousand degrees of boiling hot plasma carved a path into the Klaxxi's brain. Retrieving a flash grenade from her belt, she tossed it when she heard noise.


The bright flash illuminated the forest and the cloak of a Klaxxi dissipated, as it was unused to the bright light and pained. Seeing her chance, the Clawdite leapt, propelled by the Force and stabbed down when she landed on its back. However, her victory was short-lived, for as she rolled off the beast a Klaxxi slammed its leg into her back and then slashed at the back of her leg when she tumbled, trying to harmstring her. Ouch.