A Silver Lining

[Connor Harrison]

After hearing her question, Connor stopped and moved around her, holding her arm and focusing her line of sight with his. She was terrified. Her aura told him that first, but her voice second.

”Are you alright?”

The Master held her biceps gently and stooped a little to encourage her to keep looking at him.

”Chastity, I walk this path alone so nobody but me will get hurt. Nobody. I can be the one who suffers and those I care for will learn from it, and become stronger for it. My faults will be improved on, my mistakes learnt from and my strength taken from. I just...I just am not the most...not the easiest person to be with I think, so I choose to try and isolate myself. Like my quarters - away from everyone else.”

He rubbed her gently and walked again, guiding her.

”Come, let's go somewhere to talk and I'll answer your question. I shouldn't give you a breather, but as this is only day...five, I think, of your whole life with the Silvers, I'll let you off. You need to be open with me, ok? I can tell I've shaken you. My apologies.”

[member="Chastity Lunelle"]

 

[Chastity Lunelle]

Was she alright? Chastity didn’t know how to answer the question. She would be in time, but the last mental assault was so lifelike and disturbing that she knew she would need a bit of time to completely shake it off. The Padawan’s hands began to steady as she felt her Master’s hands firmly gripping her arms. Her breaths quickened almost imperceptibly, accompanied by the metric rhythm of her racing pulse. His touch had a way of occupying her senses in a way that no other had. She looked directly into Connor’s eyes with a hint of a smile.

“I will be,” was her steely response.

Inside, Chastity wished she could be as sure as her words. But the open book of a girl was now closed. Her Master would have to read between the lines. Stuck between what she was and what she wanted to be, it almost felt like Voss was a beautiful and terrifying dream, but any cracks in its veneer would make it dissipate. Then there was the walking mixed message that was Connor Harrison. One day he kissed her, and then two days later, he wanted isolation. Despite his explanation, she still wasn’t sure she understood his actions, but she yearned to. Maybe it would mean that she would stop blaming herself for driving him away.

“That sounds good, Master Harrison,” she agreed. “I could use a break, and maybe some tea?"

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

It felt a little awkward suddenly – why was she now making him question his methods of pushing Padawans to their limit? If they needed help, or guidance, or repairing, he wanted to do it in the safety and comfort of Voss rather than they find they need it cowering before a Sith who takes their soul. As Connor led them away to the 1st floor of the Temple where the café was located on the terrace, he thought about why emotion wasn’t helping – now he was feeling bad about pushing her. This wasn’t the way a Master should be thinking to get best results.

The neon blue lights of the canteen shone as they entered, and it was instantly cosy with other Jedi taking breaks, engaging in excited conversation about their missions and training. A side nobody else saw to the Jedi – they were living and breathing beings too who needed rest and relaxation as much as anybody else.

”This is a nice place to eat if you’ve nothing stocked in the quarters.”

Connor walked through and ordered a tea and blue milk to be taken outside along with some Jakku Spiced Gingerbread. Leading Chastity outside on the terrace, it overlooked the hangar roof of the Temple and was a perfect place to watch incoming transports from the West. One could lose themselves in reading text and drinking refreshing tea as the moons orbited above and the atmosphere was sliced up by fighters and cargo ships moving around the system.

”Take your time, relax and find your core here. Sit, please.”

He sat opposite her on the soft chair and rested a leg over his knee, tapping a hand on the arm rest and one on his leg.

”The lady who helped me, Taeli Raaf, used to be a Sith Lady – Darth Arcanix. Our paths crossed a few times on opposing sides, and while we had many chances to kill the other, we never did. Mainly because she bested me and gave me a nice landscape of burns across my back to remember her by. Long story short, she found her way to the Light Side and is now with the Republic, serving with her sister, Corvus.”

Corvus. His eternal Achilles heel.

”Corvus and I are old friends, in fact I sat in this place with her years ago when her ship crash landed on Voss and we began our friendship. If you ever find yourself lost, or alone and don’t know where to go, seek out Corvus Raaf on Ossus. She will help you, and give her my name.”

Connor smiled as the astromech droid rolled up with the drinks and a plate of gingerbread which he took and placed on the table.

”Thank you, R5,” Connor indicated to the food, ” and try this, Chast, it’s my favourite. Really nice.”

He took a gentle sip of cold Blue Milk, the glass chilled to his touch as he watched Chastity from behind his glass.

”Anyway. A few things left me at my lowest point here and I was close to turning myself to the Dark Side, and I set out to draw answers about the Sith from Arcanix – Taeli – but she had changed, and didn’t serve them. She wanted peace, and I wanted war. We fell into a fight, and I was close to killing her, but she subdued me and over a couple of days forced me to see the real Connor inside, and to find another way to be powerful rather than submit to the darkness. I managed to, eventually, and she stuck by me when others probably cast the doubtful eye over me and we became close. But, between you and me, I still would not hesitate if I had to tap into that power I experienced to stop a Sith. I will be the one who does what Jedi can’t. But all for the Light, of course.”

The gingerbread proved to be a good reason to stop and think, nibbling a little stick of the sweet spiced treat.

”Mm. So, we started to become close and helped each other. I started to feel an attraction to her which was difficult because, ”he chuckled to himself and shook his head, ”this really is a drama, I wanted to be with her sister, Corvus. I’ve admired here for years – she’s everything I wish I could be; selfless, strong, resourceful, bright. Beautiful. However much our paths crossed, emotions only surfaced on my part. Her life IS the Jedi Order. Nothing will come before that and her duty. It’s only recently I’ve come to try and let my feelings for her go. I’d rather stand by her as a trusted and loved friend, rather than push her away being a stupid fool wanting to spend my life by her side. I don’t think she knows, but she is the one who could pull me from all the doubt and darkness I wallow in at times.”

Another sip, making sure Chastity didn’t look too bored. He’d never spoken this much about his wayward heart.

”So you can see, while I owe Taeli everything, I still find it hard to want to give myself to her as it feels like she’ll always be the Raaf sister I settled for in second place. She deserves more than that, and the last thing I’d want to do is hurt her or make her feel worthless, because she’s not. This is why I struggle to understand emotion. I’ve never felt it until recently, so strong. I don’t want to hurt people, but I want to please everyone. And I’m doing MORE damage in that probably than I think when I just need to…I don’t know. Be decisive. Be confident. Strong. Assured of myself. Time to stop skirting around issues probably. I’ve hurt people before, and I will no doubt do it again. I’ll get nowhere if I pander to affairs of the heart and it’ll be a nasty circle. This isn’t me. I’m a Rogue by name and nature; I don’t play by the rules, and I will do what I must to get the job done. For myself and those around me. I could be killed tomorrow and have nothing when I could be brave and try and have…something. I don’t know.”

Brushing his fingers over his jaw with a sigh to end his external monologue, he looked away to the mountains in the distance. He wasn't going to say sorry anymore. She wanted to know, so he had answered.

[member="Chastity Lunelle"]

 

[Chastity Lunelle]

The neon blue of the cantina and its relaxed patrons had a calming effect on the Padawan. Here was safety and security. Normalcy. With relief softening her features, Chastity followed Connor out to the terrace where they would sit in the fresh air and watch as various vessels dipped and rose in the sky. The Padawan sat cross-legged at the table, curling her fingers around the cup of tea as she watched a transport shuttle chase the clouds.

Chastity listened to his story with rapt attention, turning from his gaze only to take a sip of her tea. His stories were fascinating, especially when he spoke of this Taeli, a former Sith Lady who had become a Jedi. It seemed an unusual occurrence to her, but then again, the young Padawan knew she was not worldly enough to make that assumption. Then, Connor talked of another woman, her sister, Corvus. By the Maker, it was as if Connor were the star of his very own Holosoap, like the kind she would watch on Aduba III with Setzi, both girls moved by the love triangles and broken hearts. Chastity didn’t know what to feel, but it certainly wasn’t boredom.

“I have no experience in matters of the heart, I’m afraid,” she admitted when he finished. She broke off a piece of the gingerbread treat, but left it on her plate uneaten.

“But what I will say is, that I’ve never seen you as anything, but confident and strong, Master Harrison. From those visions you gave me, I experienced first hand mere fragments of the things you’ve endured. Those trials would surely make an ordinary man break.” The Padawan smiled, with genuine appreciation and reached out her hand to let it gently rest on his arm.

“But here you are.”

The closed book had begun to crack open. Chastity wasn’t just blowing smoke. She admired Connor beyond his roguish good looks. He was the epitome of a Jedi to her, despite his turmoil over his emotions.

"And you've managed to put up with me for this long," she laughed. "I imagine that's not an easy task."

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor let the peaceful surroundings relax him; he didn’t think about duty, he just enjoyed sitting and talking and letting the inner questions out that were inside his head. He didn’t flinch when Chastity touched his arm, as he was used to that gesture from others. Coci, Nima, Taeli. Reassuring touches of the arm with some ego-boosting words. It was water off a duck’s back.

”I have only taken two Padawans in my time here, Syala who you know about, and yourself. I don’t seek them. I don’t want them. I have my own flaws and demons to deal with without having to try and build up others from the bottom and give them something they won’t find with me. But, both you and Sy came to me in ways I wasn’t expecting. Sy let herself into my quarters and wouldn’t leave until I trained her because the Force told her to find me. You and I were leaving a spaceport from separate breaks, but in the crowd came together over that spider brute, and now look.”

He opened his hands.

”If fate brings us together, I will allow it. So it makes me feel there is something I can do for Sy, and I can do for you. She is a Knight, off world more than on with others to engage in expeditions, peace talks and other noble actions. In fact one day I suggest you find her and say I want her to take you along on one – you’d learn so much form her. Selfless, noble and grounded.”

With a satisfied sigh, surrounded in his comfy chair, Connor took a few moments of reflection that he must be doing something right, and took a couple of sips from his drink.

”I attempted to murder fellow Silver Jedi when my mind was possessed by the Taung, and I assaulted on in the very gardens we walked when I was on the edge of darkness. Broke her rib and bust her lip.”

He stopped, face glazing over as he talked freely about a time he would forget, but never could.

”I’ve faced Sith Lords and been left with mental and physical scars that remind me of what I am, and I have built bridges here with those I tried to hurt thankfully, so nothing is ever impossible. But I am not the perfect Jedi, and I fear the day I will embrace the darkness to fight the Sith and really become alone. I will never, ever ally with the Sith – they are nothing but cowards and slaves, but I will not be scared to use what I have touched to fight them.”

With that, he looked at Chastity – the open book that was Connor sitting before her.

”Chastity, I’m not as straight forward as you might have thought. Wherever my path takes me, I’ll be sure you stay safe throughout. I won’t hurt you, either. I care for you a great deal and if you have any concerns, please talk to me and I will make sure you find the help you need. I know those visions were hard, but that’s a reason I am uncomfortable training Padawans.” He sat forward.

”If you are going to break, then break with me here to help repair you rather than break before the Sith, and I lose you forever.”

[member="Chastity Lunelle"]

 

[Chastity Lunelle]

Chastity’s eyes lit up when Connor suggested that she accompany Syala on a mission.

“I would love to shadow Syala, and to learn from her,” she said with a nod.

“Perhaps fate brought us all together for a reason?” Chastity offered, taking a sip of her tea with one steady hand. Her face was dry of tears, and her posture was open and unguarded.

The more Connor talked, the more the Padawan felt the fog of the visions clearing from her mind. She wanted to hear all of Connor’s terrifying stories, even if she knew that she wouldn’t like what she heard. The idea of her Master possessed gave her shivers, but if there was a lesson to be gleaned from his experiences, she wanted to learn it. Her thirst for knowledge would help her overcome her fears. She didn’t want to stick her head in the sand, like a silly little Pharple, not when it came to the Sith. The red-faced, traumatized girl back in the Memorial Gardens. That wasn’t her at all, was it? She was stronger than that, kark it.

“I’m not looking for straight-forward,” Chastity insisted. “I trust you, Master. If your ways are unorthodox, then I will be an unorthodox Jedi, too. Maybe in this day and age, that's what it takes to fight the Sith.”

She squeezed his arm again, her silver eyes full of fire.

“I’m not going to break. I’m a tough girl. I promise that you won't lose me."

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Casually eating his stick of gingerbread, his eyes flicked down to hers untouched on the plate, and then back to her silver eyes as she spoke. Both seemed more relaxed, guards coming down and cracks being pulled apart.

”Then I shall take you as unorthodox. Be wary around others, as my methods aren’t always favoured, but the way this galaxy is changing, like you say, maybe our way is the only way that will get clear results.”

Finishing the stick, he brushed his hands and took the condensation streaked glass in his hands, working the food around and down to swallow.

”I’ll talk to Sy, sort something out. And until then don’t forget we are leaving for Lianna tomorrow morning – the Silver Jedi are helping the capital with supplies and aid to build bridges and there is a masquerade ball for us as the Governor’s residence if you’re interested.”

He smiled and flashed his eyebrows up as he took a sip.

[member="Chastity Lunelle"]

 

[Chastity Lunelle]

Chastity released Connor’s arm and, famished all of a sudden, finally dug into a few bites of gingerbread. Adrenaline sure worked up an appetite. The stick was deliciously sweet, and went well with the tea. She ate more than she thought she would. A long whoosh of air escaped her lips as her shoulders unclenched. As the transport shuttles streamed through the sky, the Padawan began to regain that sense of limitless possibilities, shining like the endless stars. There, were still some nagging thoughts about that kiss that she and Connor had shared on her bed, but it wasn’t a subject that either seemed interested in broaching right now. She was certainly too much of a scared little Nuna to bring it up. Perhaps she was simply afraid to hear him say it. That he felt it was wrong. That’s what he felt right? She guessed that she would probably need some closure on it soon.

Despite herself, she would turn her focus to Lianna, and the Silver Jedi's mission there. Chastity could barely contain her excitement at the news that there was going to be a Governor's ball.

“A masquerade ball, eh?” she said, a coy smile on her lips. “Well, a girl’s got to have a date for that doesn’t she?”

She cocked her head and gave him a playful nudge with her foot under the table.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Relaxing more, enjoying the sense of having no barriers up for once, Connor swirled the glass in his hand as he watched the transports out in the distance. A truly majestic sight, having your own mini starport on your doorstep. If there was a place Connor could be found if not his quarters, it would be here. Dozens of Jedi below could be seen, along with speeders and techies walking back and forward.

As Chastity’s excited chatter brought him back to her, he grinned at that look in her eye. However her nudge with the foot brought out a mischievous sideways stare at her behind his glass.

”Hm. Yes, well I already have a job to do in the city itself. Nothing major, but I’m helping a team deliver the supplies and make sure no local scum try pinching it. Shouldn’t take long and then we are making our way to the ball. There will be other Padawans and Masters going to the residence beforehand I suspect to represent the Order, so you can do that if you wish? Make some connections, introduce yourself, and I will be happy to have a drink with you there. If I won’t cramp your style or anything of course.”

This time, it was he who nudged her under the table.

[member="Chastity Lunelle"]

 

[Chastity Lunelle]

“Oh, of course, yes, you have supplies to deliver,” she said feigning nonchalance. Chastity shook her head vehemently, overcompensating for those pesky emotions that were threatening to show through her proud mask. Rationalization mode commenced. Who needs a date anyway? Delegates of the Silver Jedi are much too busy to worry about such girlish nonsense. She would fly solo and watch the boys eat their hearts out as they wondered, just who is that mysterious young woman from Voss?

“I would be honored to represent the Silver Jedi at the Governor’s residence,” she said, giving off a self-deprecating laugh.

“But I have no style to cramp, believe me.”

Chastity felt his foot unexpectedly nudge her in return, and it painted a blush on her cheeks. She bit her lip and dropped her gaze to her empty plate. It was going to be an interesting evening, that was for sure. Soon she raised her head with a playful wink, still fiddling with her empty teacup.

“I’ll try not to get into too much trouble without you there, Master Harrison.”

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor laughed and tilted his head back, before looking back out to the mid-afternoon sun and finishing his glass of milk. Then, he waggled a finger towards the Padawan.

”Just watch your drink and don’t talk to any strange men.”

Cringing at how much he sounded like a father-figure, he was inwardly speaking with a flick of the green-eyed monster. That wasn’t good! Too relaxed; too casual. Too stupid.

Snap out of it!
Out of what? Living? Enjoying my life for once?
She’s young and just wants attention!

”Don’t forget you’ll need a mask. I’ve got a rather fetching one from one social we had years ago. That’s your new test tomorrow night. See if you can single me out amongst the crowd of merry Jedi and boring politicians.”

Forcing himself to look at her and smile to stop the voices in his head, he took another bit of gingerbread.

”Soon I think we should go off world for training. Get your lightsaber crystal, and start you on the path to making your own blade. I’m sure you’ll need it as a Jedi, and I can’t be by your side ALL the time to protect you sadly.”

[member="Chastity Lunelle"]

 

[Chastity Lunelle]

At Connor's finger wagging, Chastity couldn't help but roll her eyes as a typical teenager would, and when he reminded her of the mask, the young woman laughed.

“You mean you’re not wearing one now?” she joked, widening her eyes in mock-surprise.

When Connor mentioned his little “test,” Chastity nodded, and then lifting her chin, pursed her lips with a smile at the corners. The playful girl had returned with a vengeance.

“I will pass this test of yours, Mr. Masked Man. In fact, let’s make a bet. Whoever unmasks the other first wins, and the winner...” Here she pointed to herself and laughed. “...gets to tell the loser what to do for a week.”

The Padawan smiled sat back in her chair with her arms crossed, proud of her wager. One dark brow arched expectantly.

“What do you say, Master Harrison?”

A good girl was allowed to do bad things sometimes, wasn’t she?

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Looking up with a thoughtful expression, fingers tapping the glass, Connor nodded and returned his eyes to the playful – cocky- smirk of Chastity.

”Agreed.”

He placed the mostly empty glass down. In her state of mind, it would be a walk in the park to get to the ball un-noticed amongst the other Silvers. Copious amounts of drink and socialising would no doubt cloud her young mind.

”Although, I suspect you’ll be pre-occupied with idle chatter and sampling the Liannan food and drink to remember this, so make the most of it while it lasts. Ankle or not, it’ll be time to put your through your paces soon. You’ve already had it easy.”

And then, brazenly, he seemed to dismiss her with a wave of his hand.

”Far too easy.”

[member="Chastity Lunelle"]

 

[Chastity Lunelle]

Suddenly it dawned on Chastity: she nothing to wear for the ball. For a farm girl from Aduba III who had never worn anything fancier than a plain grey jumpsuit and combat boots, getting the right outfit was going to be a daunting task, more than lightsaber practice, even. She needed to go shopping. Now. Chastity almost jumped out of her seat, but then stopped herself.

“I suppose I’m going to need to go shopping somewhere on Voss,” she mused aloud casting a worried glanced at the chrono inside the cafe.

“I hope there’s enough time to get what I need for tomorrow.”

When Connor teased Chastity about having it too easy, her mouth made a mock-outraged “O” shape.

"Oh have I had it too easy?" challenged the Padawan, adding a frisky slap on the forearm.

"Well, bring it on then, Connor Harrison." came the smiling taunt.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor’s fingers came up, tapping his chin gently, pondering how best to help his Padawan in one of the biggest challenges they faced. Shopping. How times had changed.

”May I suggest you take a shuttle from here over to Ithaqua Spaceport, over on Toola? It’s a port, and full of markets, traders and imported goods. It’s cold, so wrap up, but you could find a dress I think of the finest material in no time. Then, come straight back.”

He looked at her, and pulled out the com on his belt for a minute before speaking.

”Want to take a trip over there now? The Rangers will be able to get you there in no time, and probably some others will want to do the same. It’s just a port I’ve been to and one of the closest places to find something special.”

[member="Chastity Lunelle"]

 

[Chastity Lunelle]

“I would love to go shopping on Toola,” she agreed excitedly. Chastity couldn’t wait to tell Setzi that she was going to a masquerade ball. Her sister would be dying of jealousy. A thought crossed to the front of her mind, and it made her frown.

“I don’t really have the kind of credits to buy an expensive gown,” the Padawan admitted gloomily.

“But I suppose I could make do with something very simple.”

Running her fingers through her long, dark waves, she cocked her head at Connor, watching him. He began to procure his commlink, presumably to arrange for her transport to Toola.

“Now you can’t come with me,” she teased, pointing a finger at him.

“That would be cheating, after all.”

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

She was either very good, or he was very soft. Either way, it didn’t make a good start for a future of hard Master pushing a Padawan to their best. As Connor spoke into his com, he fished into his side pocket on his belt to produce a yellow and silver chip card.

”Fox, this is Connor. I need transport for my Padawan to the Ithaqua Spaceport at once. Wait for her there, and bring her straight home my good man. I’ll owe you.”

One of the Rangers, Fox was Connor’s friend and engineer on his E-wing, and he knew the old man would happily comply. He signed off and slid the chip past the plate towards her.

”A small white transport ship down in the hangar – Silver Jedi markings, crimson doors, number 07 on the side. Fox will be waiting. Buy yourself anything you want. Anything. Ok?”

Sitting back, he smiled and clamped his hands on the armrests.

”You can make it up to me on the assault course.”

[member="Chastity Lunelle"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

A girl and a free credit chip was a dream come true.

[member="Chastity Lunelle"] wasted no time meeting the Ranger and flying out to Ithaqua Station Port on Toola.

She would find a number of stalls and traders from the Outer Rim selling anything and everything from spices, dresses and clothes, food and drink and dubious weaponry. While she shopped and enjoyed her time, Connor rendezvoused with the Silver Jedi Council to discuss Lianna.

The peace keeping mission would be set back a few more days until all Silver Jedi could pull in their contacts and supplies for a smooth operation. It meant more time to prepare and iron out all arrangements with the Governor, not just for the aid, but the Masquerdade Ball held in the evening.

Chastity and Connor discussed the assignment on Lianna when she returned, and with their free time made plans to continue her training, this time on the Ranger Assault Course.

Taking stock from the Rangers, Connor was up at the crack of dawn the next day ready to put Chastity through her paces on the obstacles and hone in her control of the Force and how she used it to enhance her strength and speed...

​

 

[Chastity Lunelle]

It might not have been as rigorous as training velocities, but Chastity’s shopping trip ended up being quite a workout. The station port on Toola had everything, and the overwhelmed young Padawan couldn’t leave without hitting every stall, twice. Finally, after much deliberation, she picked out her ball dress and mask, with a few alternates just in case. After all, Connor had not given her a limit on the credit chip, and if she were to be a dignitary for the Silver Jedi Order, she couldn’t show up to every event in the same dress, could she? That was her rationalization anyway.

When the alarm on her chrono rang the next morning at the crack of dawn, Chastity groaned and peeled herself out of her bed, her feet hitting the floor with a petulant thump-thump. She was scheduled to meet Connor out on the obstacle course for more physical training, but her usual morning energy seemed to be missing, perhaps left behind on Toola. Do Jedi ever get to sleep in, she peevishly wondered. The young woman quickly brushed her hair, splashed some cold water on her face, and scrambled into her training clothes.

Shielding her eyes from the blinding morning sun, she met her Master on the Ranger Assault Course. Her posture was slouched and her eyes were half-open.

“Good morning, Master Harrison,” she grumbled with an edge of irritation in her tone. By the Maker, it was already sweltering outside. She rubbed her eyes and gave him a sleepy half smile.


[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor turned to the sight of a weary Chastity Lunelle, indicated to him by the Trandoshan Ranger he was speaking to. Thankfully he had the course for the morning, usually shared between Rangers and Silvers but this time it was just them Silvers. With a grateful handshake, the Jedi watched the Ranger in his military outfit walk away for patrol duties. Connor turned to welcome his Padawan.

She'd looked better.

”Good morning Chastity.”

He folded his arms and stood at the start of the course, which he would explain when he knew she was paying attention. The tone and stance was that of a teacher to the wayward student.

”How was your afternoon on Toola? And, do you have something for me...?”

An outstretched arm showed an unfurled hand to her. The morning was ripe, fresh and warm. Perfect day so far.

[member="Chastity Lunelle"]