Private A Godless Endeavor

[Loske Treicolt]

Loske couldn’t wait to get out of here.

She was all for learning about the mystique of the empyrean when it came to controlling it, and influencing it for her own devices and operations, but when it hurtled her into the land of the dead for a dire conversation? She was less of an enthusiastic participant.

The portal couldn’t have come sooner (well, it could have..) and she was all-too-eager to leap through it again. Even if it meant getting shredded to pieces in the process - at least then she’d be in this realm by earning it.

The gaping pearl maw accepted them hungrily. Once again overtaking any grip of self either of them had, and muting any physical feeling with numbness and nausea in a kaleidoscopic, cosomogryal whirlpool.

Though they’d entered at the same time, they were deposited in different areas back within the tomb of Barsen’thor. Loske found herself draped overtop the statue of the ancient Jedi, the head of the wordsmith warrior wedged between her ribs and pelvis. She groaned, and gripped the face to relieve some of the guttural pressure and scrambled back to the ground, completely disoriented and dizzy so she slumped at the base of the statue.

Happy to see the one who’d imprinted her force signature on it, the little golden Anari trotted back toward Loske, making a B-line for her lap while gurgling a welcome string of burps.

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[Placeholder 0128]

The break from physicality was a welcome one. There was much weighing upon the Imperator's mind, and none of it pleasant. He knew he could count on Loske, at the very least, perhaps more than any other being. That being said, his own weaknesses had shown their teeth quite prominently. There was more about himself that he needed to conquer.

The passage from immaterial to material was an unpleasant one, as it often tended to be, but it was a welcome distraction. As Loske was plopped out atop the statue, Cedric was unceremoniously vomited out just in front of the Anari mother. He blinked several times, arms waving about awkwardly as he tried to orient himself. It didn't help that the other two infants came chortling up to him, a few thin streams of slobber falling from their open maws.

"Hello again," he sighed, dropping to one knee to pet each of the infants. He looked to the mother, and felt his heart drop. Just as the spirit had said, the adult Anari had passed on.

"I suppose these are our responsibility now," he spoke a bit loudly so that Loske could hear. 'Wasn't planning on being a parent this early myself." He offered a tired smile, eager to embrace the change of scene.

Loske Treicolt

 

[Loske Treicolt]

By now, the golden Anari had its two front feet on Loske’s sternum and was fervently sniffing at her face and ears. Her uncomfortable laughter was smothered by its snout curiously trying to discover where the noise was coming from. She reached up to pull it away and set it back on the ground, just in time to hear Cedric’s observation about their newly instated parenthood.

She looked down at the critter, who cocked its head and flopped its derrière to the stone. Frank was going to be very upset. She could already hear the astromech’s complaints — we was already frustrated at how much time she was spending without him. He was on the ship now and she was anticipating an earful from him when they returned. The three new little dragon like creatures wouldn’t make the reunion any more pleasant.
Scooping the little creature up in her arms, she cradled it while walking over to Cedric. There was a lot of responsibility bombs being dropped in this tomb. Their relationship had just leveled up, and now she was going to have to figure out what to feed a netherworld eagle-dragon to keep it alive.

“There you go, breaking plans again.” She smirked, giving a scritch to the middle of the Anari’s head.

“I guess we’ll have to use the main entrance to get back out.” Going back the way they came would be dreadful.

There was a pause while she looked at the ebony and ivory at Cedric’s feet. “You said you’re good..” she bit her lip a bit. “I don’t believe you’re just going to walk away from what happened. It’s going to bother you, isn’t it.”

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"It's what I'm good at," Cedric gave her a half-smile and a shrug. He patted at the white infant's snout, not as keen on picking the beasty up as Loske Treicolt was. There were some tests he was going to need to run. He strolled back over to the inert form of the Anari mother. His hand drew across the reptile snout, his voice a low whisper. "I'll take care of them."

He gave the beast a final pat, to which the two infants cooed at, before turning to return to Loske. "Sounds like a good idea. I don't foresee any threats - the next pilgrims that come through here are going to have a helluva freak out though." He snickered, a brow lofting as she asked her question.

He was eager to set aside everything that had happened, but her question was a relevant one. He chewed on the inside of his lips for a moment before answering. "It'll bother me," he gave her a light shrug, "But some things do. That's life, right? We deal with and we move on."

 

[Loske Treicolt]

When it came to tomb raiding, Loske imagined people like Amea. And force of habit made her frown a little at the startle her friend would come to terms with when seeing the rotting corpse of an unidentified part-spirit creature. She'd never considered the tomb to be a place of pilgrimage, although when given the chance to hem-haw it over, it would make sense. One of the most regarded Jedi with a title, buried forever, probably a wealth of secrets within the water. Maybe if someone sipped from the pools they'd have infinite wisdom? She glanced about the walls quickly as they turned to make their exit, noting no runes of distinction that would verify her wisdom water theory.

The creature in her arms leaned to get a better view of its waddling siblings, who were dutifully following at the heels of the pair. They were slow. Their legs barely had knees, and were forced to awkwardly pace themselves. The golden scales brushed against Loske's collarbone as it hung its head over her shoulder, dark eyes staring backward.

"And you've dealt with it enough, you reckon?" If she sounded dubious...she was. There was no way someone who triumphed themselves with such dedication to The Lightside of The Force could be okay with the shadows encroaching on them like that after a few cracking moments and a hug. But, then again, P Placeholder 0128 had been through so much already perhaps he had operationalized swallowing his reactions, compartmentalizing them, and getting on with it. Meanwhile, Loske was still prone to thinking about the words of a Sith Lord from a month or so ago. Her memory was something terrible, except when it struck a chord.

 

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The white and green scaled infant struggled to keep up with the duo. Taking a bit of pity on the small beasts, Cedric reached out with a hand. He envisioned the empyrean molding to his gesture, invisible tentacles reaching out to envelop each of the infants in a gentle hold. The creatures cooed and squealed as they were lifted a few feet into the air, the wiggling little bodies trailing after the two Jedi like reptilian balloons.

"I have," he agreed after he turned his gaze back forward. The walk up the main path was far calmer than coming in. It was a simple stone stairwell carved into the side of the mountain. The trip up and into the light of the outside was not a long one.

"I've dealt with these things many times before. Trials, I mean. They haven't gotten to me like this since I was a boy." Cedric reached both hands out, the two infants floating beneath his open palms. "It's because of my father. That vision, the meeting with his spirit. It won't get to me like that again."

Nothing will.

Loske Treicolt

 

[Loske Treicolt]

There was no point beating the dead horse. Cedric said it was so, and thus it was so. She would have shrugged but she didn’t want to disrupt the little reptilian so she only nodded so Cedric could see she was going to leave the subject alone. Her concern would remain, but it would be up to her to resolve and understand, less so his responsibility. She’d never met someone so complex, and through the trials they passed she was fascinated. As a student, she was learning learning about The Force, but also him.

The warmth of the sun greeted them, a welcome sensation in contrast to the caverns behind. She took a second to close her eyes in relief to the success of re-emerging from the depths below.

She shifted the weight of the critter in her arms, the eight starting to wear at her muscles. “So these are in our care now.” Unable to stand the silence, Loske started a new conversation. “Some people keep a list of potential baby names.” She smirked, looking over to gauge the reaction “Are you one of those people?”

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He welcomed her understanding.

Cedric hid it well, and by the blessings of the Ashla managed to keep it from bleeding through their bond, but he was beyond embarrassed. Moments of weakness like what had occurred within the Netherworld were not something he could afford. To indulge in them was to weaken his balance in the Force, and to show his weakness to the people that followed him.

Neither of those were acceptable.

He stretched his arms out wide as they stepped into the afternoon light. The two Anari were slowly lowered to the ground, where they proceeded to teeter around the duo in a playful dance.

"You know, now that I think about it that seems like something I would do," he returned her smirk as he gazed at her sidelong. "I don't even know what genders they have yet. We'll have to get them tested - did you have any ideas for names?" He asked, more than happy for the change of subject.

Loske Treicolt

 

[Loske Treicolt]

Ah right, boys versus girls. She made a slight ticking sound, clicking her tongue against the roof of her mouth at the reminder. Still, the word tested when referring to little babies made her scrunch her nose slightly. They could just turn them over, no? Her thoughts were crude, not advanced for the matters of mystical.
She kneeled, letting the small dragon down to the ground to reunite with its siblings. She remained low for a moment, watching the reunion while thinking about the mutually deflected question.
She was bad at naming things, so she explained. “Nothing preordained. Frank, S.S. Bruno, both were just...” she gestured a spiral while she rose to stand with a shrug “They were named on the spot. Based on a glance. The idea of a list is sweet, though, the people that collect them have a nice future hope. Or dream, or.. something.”
She looked down at the scales creatures about their feet, a small self-deprecating smiling. “Goldie is too axiomatic isn’t it.”

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His arms folded behind the small of his back as his gaze shifted from one creature to the next. The golden one had clearly bonded with Loske, and the white scaled seemed to have taken to him. The one with the emerald scales was a bit more lackadaisical, preferring to meander between the two humans at random. Perhaps they were force bonded creatures, or they simply had a preference for particular people.

Much study to be done.

"Hey, your names are pretty good," Cedric protested, hands falling on his hips as he defended Loske's naming honor from herself. "You want to name your Anari Goldie, and you use the word 'axiomatic' in the same sentence," he snorted, "You're pretty good at reminding me why I like you - Goldie isn't bad. I was probably going to look into the old Coruscanti language for this one," he gestured toward the white scaled. "Something regal."

Loske Treicolt

 

[Loske Treicolt]

Technically that was the second some Cedric had defended her today. She offered a snicker, and pulled some dirt from earlier from her hair, casting it aside by rubbing her fingers together.

“I didn’t know Coruscant had an old language.” She admitted, though it was unlikely a big surprise. She’d been raised in a lab, after all. Trained only in martial matters.
She was the first to take a step down the stairs, lingering to check in on the small critters to make sure they could descend easy enough with their nubby appendages. “Have you named anything before?”

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"The language of the Zhell. It was said that the Zhell were the first humans, which makes them our earliest ancestors. Seems a bit fitting for a legendary animal." Cedric explained as he followed her down the stairs. The journey down would be far long than the one going up - the infants were all more than a little slow on the travel time.

"Back in the day the nations of Zhell fought the tribes of the Taung, which would later go on to become the Mandalorians. It's said the Zhell kicked them off Coruscant, which was then called Notron, and began to build the foundations of the Old Republic." He continued, ever the historian, and always keen on sharing what he knew.

Then came her question.

"I've named ships," he gave her a shrug, "Nothing living though. Seems like a bigger responsibility than you might think, now that I'm...well, thinking about it." He paused, a moment of memory glazing his eyes. "This is Negh." He gestured toward the white scaled beast whom was keeping at his heels. "It's snow, in old Zhell."

Loske Treicolt

 

[Loske Treicolt]

Fascinating. She wasn’t sure if she’d remember what Cedric was saying, but in the meantime, it was enthralling to listen to. “Wild.” She murmured appreciatively.

Some, especially from the outer rim, would argue that ships were living things. They often made more names for themselves than their captains. From years and years ago, people knew of the Millennium Falcon. Legend.

“That’s why I go with the shorter, unassuming names.” She explained “Less expectation.”

Cedric came up with a name and she looked impressed. “That’s nice.” She complimented. “What about the green one?”
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"I was always good with the big grand names. Shadow's Folly, Spear of Redemption, Heaven's Wrath," he waved a hand about as he listed off the names, "Just a few of my named ships," he cracked a proud little grin, "Two of those are still in our fleet."

He paused, turning to look at Loske as the sun began to dip beneath the mountains beyond. "That one's Wren's. I think it'll be good for her," he gestured toward green scales. The baby just stared up at him, making slight curious gurgling noises.

"There's something that's been on my mind. Something I wanted to talk to you about once your training progressed, which it has," he paused, chewing down on his lower lip as he sought the right words. "You're a Jedi Padawan now Loske. There is much more I can teach you, but you could continue the path without me at this point. From the way things are looking, most of the Jedi beyond the Imperium are going to ostracize us," he frowned as he looked out toward the horizon. "You've done more than enough for me. I don't want you to limit yourself from the other Jedi - I wouldn't feel right if I didn't offer you the choice one last time." His gaze returned to hers. "If you wanted to go be with the alliance in the outer rim, or the Silvers, I would understand. It would be an easier life. Probably a better one. There's nothing but war ahead for me."

Loske Treicolt

 

[Loske Treicolt]

The Force worked in mysterious ways. Three little Anari, and a trio of Force manipulators all working in tandem.

The stairs were starting to wane. “I might get jealous if you keep giving other women gifts.” She was joking, of course, and that roguish grin and devilish wink would help send that home. She quite liked Wrenarias.

Suddenly there was a slight strain in their bond, as if it were apprehensive. The only initial signal before Cedric started talking about something quite serious. She drew silent as they reached the bottom of the steps. “You’re damning yourself.” She murmured, after waiting a second to assess what he was saying. She was far from clairvoyant, but she’d do what she could with the cards she was dealt.

The tiny critters gathered around their feet, keen to see where they were going next.

Loske couldn’t find the will the move. It felt different than the toll of the Voxyn’s, but the gravity of what Cedric levelled felt very heavy. There was something about him, well, most things, that enamoured her and kept her fully present. Loske appreciated all relationships, but theirs -- every time something felt like it was in stride, something happened. They'd been brought together by circumstance, to train, to learn and by choice they continued. As far as Loske knew, they wanted to be together and it was as forward and as complicated as that.

Still, his words were solemn, and triggered a not-so-distant memory from a drunken karaoke evening.

“Look, I am trying to say…” Kaili let in a deep breath and then exhaled it. “As long as you are happy, that’s good. One person can make all the difference, but things get rough sometimes. Actually, no, things get really rough and in the middle of all that you always need to stop to ask yourself if you are living for each other, or if one of you are living for the other. ”

Kaili had learned that much.

“Love for the sake of love is no love at all.”

Was this one of those times? She couldn't tell.

"I don't," she scrunched her eyebrows together, trying to decipher the root of why he was giving her the option to leave. She'd expressed concerns before, she would continue to as they were detected, but she still expected freedom. She'd been built on expectations. So had Cedric. So far, Marcello and Cedric had been purposeful in giving her the space to do what she wanted.

"I want you here with me, at least until your training is done." He answered as if Loske were silly for even asking the question. "I intend to rebuild the Jedi Order of old, and you are my protege. Once you have completed your training, I hope you'll help me bring that dream to life."

"Why are you saying this..now?"

"I trust you. I know you won't aid anyone that would seek to impede our endeavors," the smile grew, "Besides, a Jedi's purpose is to serve. I'd be a hypocrite if I denied you that."

 

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"I'll start downgrading the gifts to post cards." Cedric had snickered for a moment, before things went serious. He could sense the apprehension in Loske, and something clicked in his head.

These little happenstances were always instigated by him. The little breaks in stride, the dropping of the mood. Loske was a rather carefree spirit, or at least she was compared to Cedric. Doubts weighed heavily on his mind, and recent events had brought them to the forefront. A particular correspondence had only served to deepen those worries.

"Before we left, there was a respected Jedi Master that released a public notice on us. He advised the other orders to excommunicate us, that we were damned to fall to the Dark Side." Cedric waved a hand back toward the way they came. "I didn't agree with him, but I came close to the Bogan in there." His arms folded about his chest, gaze falling to the ground far below. "I just don't want to drag you down with me. If this fails, if I fail, you're -" his brow furrowed, "Well, you'd be tied to it."

Loske Treicolt

 

[Loske Treicolt]

Phase me out.​

On Us.

It took Loske a panicked moment to realize it was not a note on her and Cedric personally, but rather the larger version of Cedric that bled into his endeavours with The Imperium.

He was trying to keep her separate.

It seemed there was something about him that seemed continuously burdened to prove something to someone. When she'd approached him in his office, perhaps they'd both been naive, but there was a stringent belief in an outcome that sounded good. It was frustrating that there were several orders, and that people had to belong to groups to get things done. Or felt the need to be tied to one thing over another. Resources seemed infinite in this galaxy, and those that wanted to help or do something to oppress evil should just do that. No matter where in the galaxy it was. There was a part of Loske that felt indebted to The Outer Rim - where The Alliance had been. That's where she'd truly earned her wings as a Rogue pilot, and that was still a majority of her identity. Her claim to fame. The Core worlds were different and, it was true, most of the...no..the only reason she stayed in them was because of Cedric. Maybe that was wrong.

She remained tight lipped while he spoke, keeping fixated on his movements and how the words were wrestled with before they came out. To keep from staring too intently, she turned to more residual mud in her hair and flicked it away. He had this on his mind all the way from the ship, to the Netherworld, and back?

"I'd be tied to you." She validated, hoping her voice didn't crack. "That's it. I don't..I don't have to be tied to the core, to the silvers, to the alliance -- they're all causes." Maybe she was too inexperienced to fully grasp the situation, it felt like she was reaching for straws. He was trying to push her away, for her own benefit, but she couldn't see it. Every cause needed a leader, but all leaders needed support. If it was for the Light, why couldn't she support more than one cause at a time? Do what was needed, for who needed it? She was a pilot, navigating through the stars was a forté and a privilege that she intended to use for the galactic benefit.

"Maybe there needs to be an adjustment to our relationship." She murmured. "Maybe I can't be all things. Padawan, Protigé, gir..romantic.." At least she stayed consistent with being bad at naming/labeling things. "I can be some."

She slipped in a little closer, willing herself the vulnerability that was against every sinew in her fabricated DNA and slipped her hands toward his if he wanted to take them "Which do you need most."

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A decision was made.

He'd spoken with only one other on this matter, and the advice he'd been given wasn't helping here. Seeking guidance from a droid on a painfully human matter probably hadn't been the best of ideas.

He stayed stone faced as she replied, and despite himself, felt a tightening anxiety in his gut as she spoke of a change in their relationship. The words that followed eased his panic, and Loske's action decided the answer for him. For once, Cedric didn't feel the need to overthink his choice. He simply took her hands in his, and spoke.

"You." He spoke honestly. "I want you here, with me. I won't ever restrict you, but I just wanted you to know how the others might see us. That it might affect the way they view you." Whatever doubts he might have been harboring were cast aside at Loske's simple acceptance of the matter. It became rather clear that whatever he might have been thinking would protect her might do the both of them more harm than good.

His eyes drifted shut as he rested his brow against hers, his voice low. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to confuse you. I've never had something like this before. I just...needed to make sure you're certain you know the ride you're on."

Loske was her own woman, and a capable one at that. She didn't need protecting, even if that was what instinct told him. If she knew the risks and chose to remain, then he'd pester her about it no more. There was no more reason for doubt.

Loske Treicolt

 

[Loske Treicolt]

Army​

You.

As much of an answer as that was -- and it warmed her all over just to hear it -- it was also a non-answer. It was all encompassing. For ‘you’ being such a small word, it was equally massive.

She’d half expected P Placeholder 0128 to spin the wheel if potential prize options and have the peg make a selection on a single slice. He’d put a lot of eggs in her basket, being her teacher, mentor and beau. Each role introduced different dynamics in their relationship. And different expectations. A protégé would be the person to stand by him and help bring visions of permanence and the Jedi Order to fruition, and incredible dream of his. Truthfully, Loske didn’t see herself in that role and if it meant sacrificing tutelage for that..he deserved that. It wasn’t fair to him.

It seemed he'd come to terms with her free spirited nature; the want like an ember glowing that craved oxygen to grow as a flame. That glow had been injected and infused.

It didn't agree with the reality of his personality. Hard to give one person everything all the time...when the rest of the galaxy needed the same. He was a Jedi, and his life would never again really be his own.

It went against her personal beliefs, of wanting nothing more than to sit and stay with one person in one place long enough to watch the seasons change. To build a home and the family she'd been rejected from. It was an internal conflict she still had to figure out how to wrangle. There was a single string of thought that poked through to the surface, and she did what she could to suffocate it with a content sigh between them.

"I want to be with you, too."

Would it be fair to have her dispensable throughout the galaxy, and him stay her constant anchor? He wanted it too..right? He was busy with affairs above her pay grade. There was a comfort in being distracted with business - it wasn't a situation where she'd be flitting about and he'd be sitting around waiting for her. And she’d dare not distract him from actualizing his dreams.

Also, she didn't care about the proverbial them. IF they were spending time judging imperfect relationships, rather than other useful things, it was a waste of her concern. That had been a fault of her mother's -- Kiskla'd spent too much time weighing the opinions of others that it had strained her relationship and availability with...everyone.

I've never had something like this before. I just...needed to make sure you're certain you know the ride you're on.

Understatement of the century. Loske also had no idea how to navigate anything. If there were instructions on keeping hands and feet in the ride at all times, she missed those. She was totally flying by the seat of her pants here, taking solace in enjoying his company. That point of critical mass on Coruscaunt had felt more natural than any other choice she'd made.

A breath of a smirk was shared in the closed space between mouths. He was trying to be clear, but..it was confusing. She needed to be clear too.

Clear is kind.

"I don't know if there's any certainty in anything we're doing right now." She tucked her lips together, and pulled back to look at him, keeping her hands in his. "You're going to do really great things, I do believe in you. That said, I don't think I'm qualified to be that person all the time. All of the person you need for your vision.

The only part I'm really unsure about is rebuilding the Jedi and their temples. I..I don't think that's me."

 

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It was something he'd known from the beginning, though keenly denied. Loske was not cut from the same cloth as him, and the process of rebuilding the Jedi Order was never something she'd seemed very enthused about. Even still, having it put to words caused a kernel of worry to form in his heart. Would she not stand with him? Would she never wish to rule? The latter was a strong suggestion, but if their relationship was to go anywhere, that would be the end point.

It was something he'd have to raise later, when things got a bit more serious...not that they already weren't. Perhaps it simply wasn't the right time.

"I understand," he took a moment. "Forgive me if what happened in the Netherworld changed your pespective, but I'm okay. I can take care of myself, you don't need to be my keeper." He drew back, though he kept his hands in hers. "I can continue to teach you what I know, unless you want another teacher. I won't try to keep you within the Imperium or anything of that sort, but I walk the Jedi path. The others are...muddied, uncertain. There's no future to them." He paused once again, a thought forming in the back of his mind.

"Are you saying you don't want to be a Jedi?" He finally asked, "There are paths some of us walk, for those that are free of spirit. The Jedi Watchmen are known for traveling throughout space, working for the good of others that might need them. it would suit you."

Loske Treicolt