A Freak Like Me

[Netherworld]

With a deep rumble, the earth cracked open before the hut - by now quite shaken and distressed for the chaos going on inside - and hellisih smoke spewed forth from the bowels of another world, preceding a creature altogether alien to this Galaxy, and this dimension as well.

Cthulhu emerged with a great bellow from its monstrous lungs, crying out in an eternal hunger for the flesh of mortals, the music of Erich Zann, and some goddamn mattresses. Ever tried sleeping on a bed in a non-Euclidian dimension? The back-aches are insane, and being an Elder god certainly doesn't help. You might recommend exercise to help alleviate the problem, of course, but when you get to be his age, fast food just doesn't seem all that appealing anymore.

A forlorn gaze swept over the hovel and its less-than-appetizing inhabitants, and the beast had to wonder why it had been summoned to this unassuming place and time.

His maddening stare then settled on an amorphous creature at the sidelines, and for a moment, it bearly seemed that the eldritch horror... smiled.

He appeared to have stumbled upon some like-bodied company, if slightly smaller in size. What he lacked in bulk, however, [member="Bal'gul"] made up for in the number of limbs.

Surely they could strike an intelligent conversation while the rest of the thread devolved into unadulterated pandemonium, could they not?

 

[TWD-73]

That is it. I am out of here. F*cking Cthulhu. Cthulhu. Why Cthulhu. That doesn't even make sense! This is Star Wars! And Vong! Are you immortal or something? Maybe got some really good plot armor? You can't just say you dodged and blocked every single hit. I am getting the F*ck off this thread.

[member="Netherworld"]
@Yuuzhan Vong

 

[TWD-73]

And you also seem to be ignoring the fact that I SAID MY GIANT ASS AKK DOG, CIPH, POUNCED ON YOU THREE TIMES. YOU COMPLETELY IGNORED IT EVERYTIME. THIS THREAD IS STUPID.

 

[Ra Vizsla]

Tsavong stared at the quizzical droid [member="TWD-73"], cocking his head to the side like a puppy dog, not understanding. Perhaps it was a language barrier. The Yuuzhan Vong broke off a piece of his bantha burrito and handed it up to Cthulu.

He then began looking around the room in the debris. "Where's Smeg?" The rat was no longer spewing vomit and helicoptering above Tsavong's head, so he had no idea where the King of Filth would be if not there.

 

[Mammut]

"Shh," said Bal'gul to the summoned Elder god in a voice that sounded wet and muffled. "I can hear souls breaking."

A string of acid vomit landed on the Iyra's amoebic body. Centuries trapped in the Netherworld all came roaring back in one terrible moment as it burned. It burned! A wailing cry escaped Bal'gul, filled with horror and dread at the searing agony. Hell's torturers come again to peel back layers of flesh until they got to the organs beneath. Not again. Oh dead stars, not again.

"Great Old One, hear the cries of your acolyte, vanquish yon servants of the King in Yellow."

 

[Julius Sedaire]

[member="Tsavong Kraal"] ... Though he didn't know the beast, the name might have made a stir.. And apparently quite an impression on his pilot/ship/navicomputer... Thing... It was all a bit tricky with the vong tech, as the young aspirant shaper was learning. Nothing was quite as easy or loose as it sounded. Nor was it really all that complex. Reality, time, space.. All of them were rather fluid and elastic in concept, when you got down to it and really took a good look at things. Particularly time, if one was particularly honest. Quite by accident, the ship he had been testing out in the shipwomb above selvaris was... Taking off...

You see, when one looked at relativity in relation to the universe... Or rather, as he was beginning to see it as, a multi-verse, one began to get a rather different view than what those dullards at Denon preached. For all their intelligence, they had not wisdom... Why, some of the thought the Clash was better than the Ramones! And that was just preposterous! Wait... Who were the Clash? Or the Ramones? And why was the entire room smelling of lilacs and the number twenty?

A chime sounded in the recesses of his ships control room, and he groaned. He had pressed the button, hadn't he? The bloody button that affected, or should have affected, time and relative dimensions in space. The idea was, whenever reality was breached, this ships computers would react to that. And wherever that was... Regardless of time, space, or dimensional or universal proximity, the ship would wrench itself through the multi-verse and pop up right there. And Arakiel? Well he would 'fix' the anomaly. Or inadvertently worsen it and really kark things up. It all depended on your point of view, really. Truth and reality were like time, back to the whole wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey type lack-luster explanations.

Regardless, suddenly the small shuttle like craft, which was quite roomy on the inside, had lurched and shifted suddenly as [member="Netherworld"] had appeared. Across star systems, across impossible gulfs of time and space, it had engaged it's primary drives and... Well... Done precisely what it was supposed to do. Which, frankly, surprised the good Doctor who made her. He was just blowing research grant money while trying to find a way to hide the fact he had somehow animated plastic mannequins in the lab. The Legion would be less than pleased at that really.

As his ship reverted to proper time and spatial orientations, it did so just a few hundred meters above the Cthullu beings head. And, given it possessed no other real discernible engines, the box like craft dropped like a stone, picking up speed. It bounced merrily off the Elder God's forehead, tumbled down across the things face, hit it's pinky toe squarely on the tip like a maniacal end-table gone mad, and then skittered and bounce across the location, coming to a rolling stop squarely on [member="Smeg"]'s tail, likely provoking a rather angry response from the poor rodent-king.

And up through the shuttered doors of the craft sprang the heroic Arakiel, swaying drunkenly and brandishing a rather deadly device in his hand.. See.. He had gotten bored, and combined a plethora of technology into this little wand like thing in his hand. Anti-Matter Condensor... Stasis Field Generator.. Some miscellaneous Vong-Tech and a forge of some sort he had paid good money to have people copy from [member="Popo"] . And some other things. Whatever he could find laying about, really.

Swaying, rather dizzy and off kilter, he screamed out one word before he leaned over the side of the escape-pod sized craft and wretched all over poor [member="Smeg"] , covering the little king in torrent of regurgitated Checker's fast food, and then collapsing into the 'ship' with a sudden thud and several loud bangs and echoes, as if he had fallen a great number of times, over a distance. Which conflicted with the external appearance of the rather diminutive craft. Maybe it was bigger on the inside? A few errant green blasts of energy, likely from the 'wand' thing he had brandishes, bounced and rushed about the surrounding space, seeking targets... Goodness knows what those things might do if they connected...

Regardless.... That one word was quite easy to discern.. And utterly as non-sensical as the rest of Arakiel's appearance and subsequent disappearance into something the size of a phone both...

"Fantastic!"

 

[Smeg]

Poor Smeg.

Abandoned. Used as a flail. Shot. Let go. Half-tail crushed.

Of course, the former King of Filth was rather upset that there was a large, presumably blue time-travelling cuboid parked upon his already once-wounded tail. Not that he knew too much about it initially, having been shot multiple times by the droid who was now screaming about akk dogs and Cthulhu.

Was this the real life?

Or was it just fantasy?

Or had he just been vomited on by the man in the box?

Yes, yes he had. So he just lay there, wounded and probably dying, gurgling slightly and trapped by the strange spacecraft, all while covered in bile. There was no way this could have been really happening, had he consumed some ripe cheese and was in the throws of a vicious fever dream in a trash can somewhere?

Maybe.

However for the time being, Smeg just continued to writhe upon the floor of the hut, eating the stranger's vomit.

 

[Darth Slasher]

Slasher then disappeared from sight. He was wise to not anger the mighty Cthulhu.

- Left the RP thread -

 

[TWD-73]

TWD then throws about 10 grenades all over the floor, and ran off to his ship. He then got into his ship. He then lifted off the ground, and started firing shot after shot from his laser cannons at the group. Then he flew away

 

[TWD-73]

*leaves thread*

 

[Smeg]

10/10

 

[Ra Vizsla]

The beast sat up, woozy. He rubbed his head, looking about the tent. He had apparently taken a blow to the head, but everything in the tent was still in order. He hadn't been out long.

Smeg lay on his back, a few feet away, surrounded by ten grenades that hadn't exploded.

Tsavong looked at all the dud grenades on the floor and slowly swept them with his foot out the front of the tent. "Rubbish grenades, huh..." he began coughing, violently, then slowly picked up the Scepter of Power off the floor. He then walked over to [member="Smeg"] .

"Who is this girl you've brought along," he said, looking to the person who had been crawling on all fours. [member="Artemis Exor"]

He rubbed his head again. "And... did we see a giant tentacled face monster? I could've sworn we saw a giant tentacled face monster."

 

[Smeg]

There was no vomit to be eaten.

No man in a big blue box, or giant tentacled beast, although Tsavong had been known to consort with those types of beings regardless of existence. Did he hit his head? He wasn't entire sure any more. He'd definitely been winged by blaster bolts, but skraal were surprisingly hardy creatures.

Besides, he was more shocked by being thrown across the room than anything else. He might have possibly landed on a little girl, thankfully he wasn't the same size as Tsavong, or the same size he used to be, or should might have been squashed instead. It would take some washing to get the smell of Smeg out, however.

“...I not surez...you wuz spinnin me round, boss,” he grumbled, sitting up and looking around at the interior of the hut, definitely looked like a scuffle had happened here.

His attention was turned upon the shrieking girl, who was indeed on all fours, peculiar for those human-types, they were typically 'upstanderz', well, unless you hadn't gnawed on their tasty leg tendons and given that there was a distinct lack of tendon between his teeth, he wasn't the cause of her fondness for the floor.

“Not know, she not comez wif Smeg,” he commented, limping over to the girl and beginning to sniff her without shame or boundaries, “she not smell so fresh,” the former King of Filth added, “will Smeg eatz her?”

---

[member="Tsavong Kraal"] [member="Artemis Exor"]

 

[Aleksandyr Gaillard]

Feeling threatened by the imposing stature of the Vong standing before her, and the lack of courier font, Artemis eyed the creature limping towards her; without forgetting the presence of the Vong standing ahead of her. "You will not eat me," she breathed the words, clearly she tried to shout them but her hoarse voice was not going to justify the slave's attempt at defiance.

Backing up, she pushed herself against the wall, ready to use her feet to kick the rat away should it attempt to pursue its gluttonous desires.

With one eye on Smeg, and another on Tsavong, she turned her attention to the Vong and spoke. "What manner of twisted creature is this?" She spoke of Smeg, her mind finally coming back together despite the wounds she had suffered during the strange encounter with even stranger people.

Of all that she had witnessed... These two were perhaps the most normal, and in that fact she was frightened.

[member=Smeg] | [member="Tsavong Kraal"]

 

[Ra Vizsla]

[member="Smeg"]

Warm light poured through the holes in the tent on Tsavong's back, illuminating his eldritch tattooes and making them appear to move as he approached [member="Artemis Exor"]. He leaned down, getting uncomfortably close to the girl's face and inhaling through his nose loudly. Piercing green eyes marched down the woman's figure as the Yuuzhan Vong soon stood tall, walking to the edge of the tent and commanding the Scepter of Power to slither up his arm. Artemis Obauldi, the psyche that possessed half of Tsavong's mental faculties, was incredibly pleased at the touch of the Scepter. He hadn't felt it's warmth in centuries. The serpent snapped at Tsavong, seemingly resistant, but soon lowered its head in obedience.

Silence fell on the others as Tsavong began unraveling the cloth that the Scepter had been delivered in, wiping the blood off his hands and lower arms. "Yes, Smeg."

"You can eat her."

 

[Smeg]

Smeg's face lit up, as if Tsavong had given him a Sithmas present early.

He hadn't eaten well for so long. Corpses were fine and all, but usually the ones that he had come across were already half-wasted away, their previous owners having died due to poverty and starvation. There was barely any meat left, the best parts going to the maggots.

Not today, today all the meat would be for Smeg!

“You'ze da best, boss!”

Sharp, virulent teeth were bared. The bite of a skraal was something awful, even ignoring the sheer amount of diseases that were carried inside of their mouths, their teeth were forever growing and strong enough that they could bite through duracrete and even, with time, gnaw their way through durasteel.

He pounced, claws and tail flailing everywhere as he attempted to tear a sizeable chunk of the woman's thigh with his teeth.

---

[member="Tsavong Kraal"] [member="Artemis Exor"]

 

[Aleksandyr Gaillard]

She had to act fast, but unfortunately she wasn't entirely fast enough. The Skraal's bite managed to tear through the fabric covering her legs, and taking some skin with it. Scrambling to her feet, she looked to the Skraal, and then to the Vong. There was no sense of logic, no thought processes, no cold calculations... The only thing she knew is that she must survive.

Clenching her fist, with anger and desperation the only two things she felt, Artemis unleashed a muscle-tearing swing of her fist towards Tsavong's throat. Her hope was to escape, to live, and to avoid meeting these two ever again. Yet nothing of today's events suggested she'd be able to have her way.

If the rat would bite, she'd fight. If the Vong would write her off, then she'd write him off.
The Sith slave wasn't about to let herself be eaten.

Not today...

[member="Tsavong Kraal"] | [member="Smeg"]