Feedback 10 posts on CHAOS and counting

[Aurelia Xonavi]

its a small milestone as ive only started rping on here in dec. i haven't had my writing critiqued much. I am open to constructive criticism, comments and feedback on writing, character, plot, lore and whatever more. also this is definitely not a bit of publicity for our storyline cuz why not :3 I'm sure there might be a few keeping track of it, if so HELLO!

I used to be fairly critical of my own writing - it's how I've improved throughout my 7 years of forum RPG. I personally see a minor issue with my writing speed, but it's not a concern for me. Grammar could use a little bit more touching up and a few mistakes here and there but highly doubt it's too noticeable. I don't often proofread replies entirely, before posting, usually only edit it after. Other than that, I'm content with how my writing style is but am always open to some feedback on how I might further improve.

So far, there are 3 threads with Odemyrii. I am playing her story chronologically because that's just what works for us. Odemyrii is within a religious cult and is very brainwashed - my first time writing a brainwashed/cult character. She is 12 and then 17 in the threads so far and I think I've done decently in capturing her age personality-wise. I've also structured some fantasy language of her planet, Xonish, featured in my latest thread. :3

Here are the threads:

One Holy Tree; Two Fates Tied
Apprise the Pious Deity; Her Faithful to the Rescue
Through the Ichor; A Force Far Far Away

If anyone is wondering, I do have plans with RPing with more OCs, just threading chronologically for now - don't do this for all my characters. And no, I won't colour their dialogue, too lazy, bold is good. Lastly, I tend to rant, thank you for reading this word dump.

gimme all the feedback, love to hear what you think! <3​

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[Eloise Dinn]

Aurelia Xonavi

First off, I really like your character concept (and not just because it's somewhat similar to my character Eloise). It's always nice to see more unique people in this universe rather than the usual Jedi/Sith characters, and I think your idea for Odemyrii is fleshed out very well. You can feel that this character has a history, she isn't just a blank slate. I am also interested in the lore surrounding the planet Xona and the cult she was raised in. I hope you will consider making Codex submissions for them.

I particularly liked your first thread with Andrew Gaul . It provided a good introduction to both characters and the relationship between them. I assume you two have known each other for years and clearly have a great rapport/chemistry.

My biggest concern with your posts is the formatting. The use of divs is largely dependent on personal preference, but I find your posts a bit difficult to read when you use the Courier New font (which is hard on the eyes), or have a photo in the background which affects text visibility, or if I have to scroll within the post to read the whole thing, which can lead to me missing sections. Again, it is a matter of personal preference; if you want to use divs, I suggest you at least be consistent and stick to only one style for posts, and strive for readability above all. I am also lazy and bold the dialogue of most of my characters rather than coloring it in, lol.

In short: I hope you will continue writing here on Chaos, and I am interested in threading with you in the future.

 

[Aurelia Xonavi]

Hi Eloise Dinn ! There was a ton of brainstorming with Andrew to flesh out both our characters and create this unique setting/story. And yes, good observation, we've been rping together for a whopping 6 years. Our first thread was done off-site, but we decided to drag it here because it's very important for the context of our story.

I agree with you about the photo messing with the visibility of the text. Was just testing some code. Though I like the scrolling. I kinda make my fonts a little bigger for readability. It is

Consolas italised

not
courier new
which I find is a little bit better, but may consider changing it up.

As for Codex, I'd likely throw something up - I already have some written, and I just need to put it all together, but I'm lazy D: It's very interesting lore indeed!