My feelings were correct, it seems. War is soon to be upon us. First with The Black Suns over Nar Shadda, and now.... Soon, we ride to Anzat. Round 2 with the Sith comes soon enough.
The last time I put pen to paper, I couldn't sleep that one night. And this night is no different. Except... I haven't slept a wink in the last week.
My ability to just push all my stresses aside like I've always done... How I've been able to handle the constant death, my brother turning to the Sith.. The constant fighting, the constant suffering... It's gone. I can't control it anymore.
Perhaps.... This is why the old ways once told Jedi to hold no attachments. It's a weakness, I'll admit that... But it always felt so right. It made me feel whole, like a human being instead of a cyborg.
Last time I lie here, my beloved lay beside me, safe and sound. And now... No more. She's gone, with the Force, and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.
I'm surrounded by death constantly, it seems. You would think that this would be normal for a Jedi, but on this level? I sometimes wonder... It's like everyone who has ever gotten too close with me has inevitably died or disappeared.
The other Jedi don't know that anything's wrong. I've attempted to hide it all week, but the lack of sleep has rendered me looking like a mess. Hiding it under a hood won't save me forever, and I know the other Jedi are already suspicious, but it's best they don't worry. They have far bigger problems to worry about then my personal grievances.
It's kind of bittersweet, really... Jedi Master. Grand Admiral. Jedi Council. This was my dream, to be a Jedi Master one day, ever since I was a youngling. But now I've accomplished that.... And there's nobody to celebrate that with.
Is this what truly being alone in the world feels like?
The last time I put pen to paper, I couldn't sleep that one night. And this night is no different. Except... I haven't slept a wink in the last week.
My ability to just push all my stresses aside like I've always done... How I've been able to handle the constant death, my brother turning to the Sith.. The constant fighting, the constant suffering... It's gone. I can't control it anymore.
Perhaps.... This is why the old ways once told Jedi to hold no attachments. It's a weakness, I'll admit that... But it always felt so right. It made me feel whole, like a human being instead of a cyborg.
Last time I lie here, my beloved lay beside me, safe and sound. And now... No more. She's gone, with the Force, and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.
I'm surrounded by death constantly, it seems. You would think that this would be normal for a Jedi, but on this level? I sometimes wonder... It's like everyone who has ever gotten too close with me has inevitably died or disappeared.
The other Jedi don't know that anything's wrong. I've attempted to hide it all week, but the lack of sleep has rendered me looking like a mess. Hiding it under a hood won't save me forever, and I know the other Jedi are already suspicious, but it's best they don't worry. They have far bigger problems to worry about then my personal grievances.
It's kind of bittersweet, really... Jedi Master. Grand Admiral. Jedi Council. This was my dream, to be a Jedi Master one day, ever since I was a youngling. But now I've accomplished that.... And there's nobody to celebrate that with.
Is this what truly being alone in the world feels like?
