Hello, Galaxy!
It's me again. Ha, I bet you all thought that I'd just have one entry on this whole blog thing (like I have every single other time I've tried) and then simply let it fall to the wayside. Well consider yourselves proven wrong! (Two entries is still technically continuity)
So I'm back with another blog post. Despite having had almost an entire month to think about it, I still haven't decided exactly what I want this blog to include. Therefore, in the absence of anything of substance (and also because it's sort of relevant to me) I thought I'd introduce you guys to my evil twin. In fact, a few people have already met her.
To start with, roleplay communities like this one tend to be a safe haven for some of us who have things like anxiety, depression, PTSD, etc. So nothing new there. But rather than taking any meaningful steps to get help and actually work on battling my demons, I slapped on a personification and called it a day.

Enter my evil twin: Ellie​

If you haven't come across her yet, there's every chance that you will if we ever converse (don't worry, after this post, I'm hardly expecting to be the popular kid!). Here are a few facts about her:
  1. Ellie hates talking or being talked to. She hates phone calls, discord's voice chat, she won't even tolerate live videos on YouTube or Facebook
  2. She cannot stand being in total control all the time. If anything unexpected happens, or something outside of her control happens, she will freak out. If you try to surprise or startle her, she will react extremely negatively. to tack onto this; she can also lash out or throw a tantrum if she's pushed/rushed into something
  3. Ellie is very fearful. Everything beyond our little bubble is considered a threat, everything that we see is potentially dangerous, etc.
There's probably more that I'm forgetting right now, so I'll update the post if I think of it, but those are the main points. To clear up a little bit, I don't "talk" to Ellie and nor does she "talk" back. She's simply a way to personify and understand the icky black miasma of issues in my brain.

So, what does it look like when something sets Ellie off and she "freaks out"? Well if you imagine an Inside Out-esque control panel in your brain, a tantrum from her would include slamming all the panic buttons at once. Alarm bells blaring, battle-stations manned, the works. Generally when this happens I'll just retreat from everything for a little while until it's over.
One more thing; this post isn't a "cry for help". I'm very far from ready to start dealing with Ellie in any meaningful way, I'm just trying to shed a little light on why I might be a bit awkward sometimes or behave a little strange. I am managing living with her and have even carved out a content little life. I just figured that since I'm spending a lot of time here, it's probably about time you all met her.
Well, this post was a lot harder to write than I was expecting. Time for coffee. Thanks again for being such a wonderful community <3