When I created Katarine Ryiah, I was twelve years old.
Looking back, that's honestly wild to think about. This hobby has been part of my life for nineteen and a half years now. Nearly two decades of stories, characters, worlds, and friendships. It's amazing to me that something I started as a kid has remained such a constant part of my life.
More amazing than the stories, though, are the people.
Some of the friends I've made through roleplaying are people I literally grew up with. We spent years talking every day, writing together, celebrating milestones, and helping each other through difficult times. For many of us, these communities weren't just places to write, they were places where we learned who we were.
And with growing up comes growing pains.
It's probably a good thing I can't easily go back and read the very first boards where Katarine was born. I'm sure the writing would make me cringe. The awkward dialogue, the overpowered characters, the awkward romantic subtext, the melodrama, I'm certain it's all there waiting to embarrass me.
What's harder to laugh about are the moments when my behavior was cringe-worthy.
In almost twenty years, I've made a lot of mistakes.
I've hurt people.
I've been a real nerf herder sometimes.
We all love this hobby, and sometimes we become far too invested in it. Maybe some of it was youth. Maybe some of it was insecurity. Maybe some of it was simply me being stubborn and unwilling to let things go. Whatever the reason, there are writers out there that I know I've hurt over the years. I've had my own feelings hurt many times through this hobby, and knowing that I caused that pain for someone else is not something I'm proud of.
The older I get, the more I realize that being right isn't nearly as important as being kind.
I am trying to become less concerned with what people think of my writing, my characters, or even my reputation. Those things feel far less important to me now than they once did. What matters is how I treat people. It doesn't really matter whether someone thinks I'm a great writer. It doesn't matter if people remember every story I wrote or every board I was part of. It doesn't even matter if my reputation has been a little flaky over the years.
What matters is whether people can say I treated them with kindness.
That's the thing I want to carry forward.
To those I've hurt over the years, I'm sorry.
I don't carry grudges from the old days, and I hope others don't feel obligated to carry them either. We were all growing up in one way or another. Some mistakes were small. Some were bigger. Some are things I still wish I could take back.
Growth doesn't erase those choices, but it does mean learning from them.
Nineteen and a half years after creating Katarine Ryiah, I'm still here. Still writing. Still learning. Still making mistakes, I'm sure. But hopefully making fewer of them than I did before.
The stories matter.
The friendships matter more.
