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2300.
Jhaessa Prime, Ilyndraal.
The Dashiell Estate.
Another day is at a close, and now that Kellan is asleep, I'm left to my own thoughts. As is often the case lately, I cannot sleep. Almost every night, I lie here for an hour, sometimes more, before I finally manage to succumb to its embrace, but tonight isn't giving me such a luxury.
A lot has changed since my last journal entry. I can't even recall how long it's been since I last wrote in this thing. As Initiates of the Jedi Order, we're all given a datapad with access to the archives and a journal app for recording our learning and reflections. It used to be a common practice of mine back in the day, but I guess I've neglected it some.
Those years as a Student, specifically that of a Padawan Learner, are truly special in many ways. I've been thinking a lot about my time, which veered so far off of the typical Jedi Path that for a good part of my life so far, you could say I went without an Order at all, but even so, now with Cerys Dyn as my Apprentice, self-reflection has been important, and difficult in all honesty. Building a lasting relationship with a mentor, someone who you could look to for guidance, assurance and learning.
I remember hoping for one myself, though I never made it obvious to anyone else. This was long before I learned of my Dashiell and Arenais heritage, so I suppose it's only natural to go looking for a sense of belonging in the prospect of a Master/Apprentice pairing. Had I not left the New Jedi Order when I did, perhaps I would have been taken on. I would have continued to attend scheduled classes, and training would have kept me at my physical peak. I would not have experienced the trauma of warfare at such a young, vulnerable age, and if I had, perhaps I'd have had a Master to guide me in learning how to cope with such things.
The war with the Empire of the Lost and the Tingel Arm Coalition was before my time with the Jedi Order of the Royal Naboo Republic, where I first met my Master Ala Quin. I was a Force User, a volunteer member of their Rebellion, and my efforts quickly earned me a place in the Aquilian Rangers, granting me authority and independence to operate across the Tingel Arm however I saw fit. I was going on seventeen years old at that point, and for someone so young, had already amassed a reputation for myself among the Coalition. I had felt quite proud of it back then, felt like I had achieved something, and the fight was being waged for the benefit of the world's suffering under the Imperial regime. In the end, we couldn't overcome them, and the war was eventually lost; a lot of good men and women were killed in service, many of whom I fought beside during the battle on Maldra IV.
My upbringing, if you can call it that, has left gaps in my training and capacity as a Jedi, that much I am aware of. There's a good number of years of my life that should have been spent under the curriculum of the Order, years where I was at a most influential age, and would have deeply benefited from a mentor. Meeting Ala was a blessing, and her offer to train me had shocked me to the core, a turn in my path that I will forever be grateful for, and yet while she has shepherded me towards the completion of my student training, I'm realising how much I still have yet to learn. Even to the extent of spending hours in the archives, going back over the teachings of the Jedi Code, the tenets, the precepts and the attributes. All core pieces of Jedi ideology that I rarely speak about.
Fortunately, in my research of past teachings, Kellan will benefit from my findings. He has started spending some days of the week at the Jedi Temple on Naboo with me, but I'm pacing it, gradually easing him into adapting to such a busy place. He still struggles to feel confident within himself, especially out in public places. I know that he's insecure about his appearance, and he keeps asking me what his race is. It's difficult to come up with an appropriate answer, but as he's so young, most of the time I can get away with reminding him that the Force makes everyone unique and with a purpose unto themselves. It's difficult for him in many ways; he can't exactly talk to the rest of the family about the Force or the things that he senses, feels and hears. His sensitivity seems quite high, though I'm no expert, but there are times when he will pick up on certain things before I do, and I'm pretty certain he's already connected with the birds that Vesha insists on feeding for Kellan's sake. I am comforted by my son's love for nature, which we both share, and by our love for our home here on Jhaessa Prime. We're surrounded by nothing but open countryside here, mountains, forests, rivers and endless fields. It's peaceful, a retreat from the chaotic nature of the Galaxy.
I suppose I've recorded enough for now, though. I still need to delve deeper into this Holocron that Caedyn led me to. I'm still trying to wrap my head around how I communicated with him, but he suggested I could learn a lot from his father's experience. Apparently, Veiere Arenais was a talented Jedi with strong devotion to his family. If such a Jedi can become so strong in the Force while watching over children of his own, then there's hope for me yet. I wonder what happened to him in the end...
2300.
Jhaessa Prime, Ilyndraal.
The Dashiell Estate.
Another day is at a close, and now that Kellan is asleep, I'm left to my own thoughts. As is often the case lately, I cannot sleep. Almost every night, I lie here for an hour, sometimes more, before I finally manage to succumb to its embrace, but tonight isn't giving me such a luxury.
A lot has changed since my last journal entry. I can't even recall how long it's been since I last wrote in this thing. As Initiates of the Jedi Order, we're all given a datapad with access to the archives and a journal app for recording our learning and reflections. It used to be a common practice of mine back in the day, but I guess I've neglected it some.
Those years as a Student, specifically that of a Padawan Learner, are truly special in many ways. I've been thinking a lot about my time, which veered so far off of the typical Jedi Path that for a good part of my life so far, you could say I went without an Order at all, but even so, now with Cerys Dyn as my Apprentice, self-reflection has been important, and difficult in all honesty. Building a lasting relationship with a mentor, someone who you could look to for guidance, assurance and learning.
I remember hoping for one myself, though I never made it obvious to anyone else. This was long before I learned of my Dashiell and Arenais heritage, so I suppose it's only natural to go looking for a sense of belonging in the prospect of a Master/Apprentice pairing. Had I not left the New Jedi Order when I did, perhaps I would have been taken on. I would have continued to attend scheduled classes, and training would have kept me at my physical peak. I would not have experienced the trauma of warfare at such a young, vulnerable age, and if I had, perhaps I'd have had a Master to guide me in learning how to cope with such things.
The war with the Empire of the Lost and the Tingel Arm Coalition was before my time with the Jedi Order of the Royal Naboo Republic, where I first met my Master Ala Quin. I was a Force User, a volunteer member of their Rebellion, and my efforts quickly earned me a place in the Aquilian Rangers, granting me authority and independence to operate across the Tingel Arm however I saw fit. I was going on seventeen years old at that point, and for someone so young, had already amassed a reputation for myself among the Coalition. I had felt quite proud of it back then, felt like I had achieved something, and the fight was being waged for the benefit of the world's suffering under the Imperial regime. In the end, we couldn't overcome them, and the war was eventually lost; a lot of good men and women were killed in service, many of whom I fought beside during the battle on Maldra IV.
My upbringing, if you can call it that, has left gaps in my training and capacity as a Jedi, that much I am aware of. There's a good number of years of my life that should have been spent under the curriculum of the Order, years where I was at a most influential age, and would have deeply benefited from a mentor. Meeting Ala was a blessing, and her offer to train me had shocked me to the core, a turn in my path that I will forever be grateful for, and yet while she has shepherded me towards the completion of my student training, I'm realising how much I still have yet to learn. Even to the extent of spending hours in the archives, going back over the teachings of the Jedi Code, the tenets, the precepts and the attributes. All core pieces of Jedi ideology that I rarely speak about.
Fortunately, in my research of past teachings, Kellan will benefit from my findings. He has started spending some days of the week at the Jedi Temple on Naboo with me, but I'm pacing it, gradually easing him into adapting to such a busy place. He still struggles to feel confident within himself, especially out in public places. I know that he's insecure about his appearance, and he keeps asking me what his race is. It's difficult to come up with an appropriate answer, but as he's so young, most of the time I can get away with reminding him that the Force makes everyone unique and with a purpose unto themselves. It's difficult for him in many ways; he can't exactly talk to the rest of the family about the Force or the things that he senses, feels and hears. His sensitivity seems quite high, though I'm no expert, but there are times when he will pick up on certain things before I do, and I'm pretty certain he's already connected with the birds that Vesha insists on feeding for Kellan's sake. I am comforted by my son's love for nature, which we both share, and by our love for our home here on Jhaessa Prime. We're surrounded by nothing but open countryside here, mountains, forests, rivers and endless fields. It's peaceful, a retreat from the chaotic nature of the Galaxy.
I suppose I've recorded enough for now, though. I still need to delve deeper into this Holocron that Caedyn led me to. I'm still trying to wrap my head around how I communicated with him, but he suggested I could learn a lot from his father's experience. Apparently, Veiere Arenais was a talented Jedi with strong devotion to his family. If such a Jedi can become so strong in the Force while watching over children of his own, then there's hope for me yet. I wonder what happened to him in the end...
