I'll admit, I never thought I was Grandmaster material. I'm not an old Jedi Master by any means. I'm 21 years of age, I'm old enough to drink, I'm old enough to vote, but just there. Sure, you'd think that a man that's lived, breathed, slept and bled the Jedi Order since he was 5 years old could tackle ANYTHING... But it's not that easy.
I'm not old, I'm not as "wise beyond my years" as people seem to refer to me. Inside, I'm a 21 year old man who is still grasping at the meanings of this galaxy, the reason why we're here, why we were placed in our roles by the Force. I'm a man who looks at the Force and it's strange paths that it takes people, and wonders.... Why me?
I'm not the best fighter, I'm not the best scholar, I sure as hell am not the best healer... What am I? But yet... The Council chose me. Was it me taking Selena's place when she left, in securing peace between the Republic and Fringe? Has it been the representative and speaking role I had begun taking during meetings? What about me possessed these men and women, all my senior, all older then I am.. To pick me?
We might never know. But something that I do know is that the job, the Order that took over my whole life.... Is now my whole life. And I can accept that. I've come to terms with the responsibility that comes with being the Grandmaster. And I'll work to do the Grandmaster role it's due diligence.
This Order has been on quite the roller coaster ride since Ben Watts left... At times, I miss the old man. He was wise, he was calm. He was everything that you could ever ask for as the Grandmaster. He was the perfect fit in every way. And then you had Je'gan... Then Darron... Then Selena.... Then me. Seeing this now, Ben would probably laugh. How low did the Order sink to elect a young man in his early twenties as their leader? What qualities does he possess that made the Council pick him?
The crazy part? Ben would probably know exactly why. I'll never be able to compare myself to Grandmaster Watts, but I can try and follow in his footsteps like nobody else could. That's the only way I can think of honoring the man's memory.
I feel the looks the Order gives me as I walk. Some look at me with respect, some with disdain... Others look at me as if I'm a changed man. Maybe I am a changed man. Responsibility can change a man, that's commonly known. The question is... Can I change to truly succeed in the position of Grandmaster, without losing sight of who I really am?
I guess we'll just have to find out. Today's a new day, in a new role, in a New Jedi Order.
This is the culmination of a 16 year journey, from Youngling, to Padawan, to Knight, to Master, to Grandmaster. But yet, my journey is just beginning. There are many years left to my journey as a Jedi. I've pledged to myself to make the most of them. I've given my body, heart and soul to the Order. Now, I give my entire life for it.
The things that plagued me in the past... My parents death, the turning of Nicholas, Sao's death... Dagobah... Asha and Tracyn's downfall... They feel so faint now. The memory remains, but the pain is numb.
Is this what the Jedi Code meant?
There is no emotion, there is peace... As my emotions over these incidents fall to the side, I feel myself in a measure of peace. I grieve still, I grieve every day of my life. But yet, I feel at peace over these incidents. I feel like I can move on.
Perhaps responsibility really does change a man. There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no death, there is the Force.
I'm not old, I'm not as "wise beyond my years" as people seem to refer to me. Inside, I'm a 21 year old man who is still grasping at the meanings of this galaxy, the reason why we're here, why we were placed in our roles by the Force. I'm a man who looks at the Force and it's strange paths that it takes people, and wonders.... Why me?
I'm not the best fighter, I'm not the best scholar, I sure as hell am not the best healer... What am I? But yet... The Council chose me. Was it me taking Selena's place when she left, in securing peace between the Republic and Fringe? Has it been the representative and speaking role I had begun taking during meetings? What about me possessed these men and women, all my senior, all older then I am.. To pick me?
We might never know. But something that I do know is that the job, the Order that took over my whole life.... Is now my whole life. And I can accept that. I've come to terms with the responsibility that comes with being the Grandmaster. And I'll work to do the Grandmaster role it's due diligence.
This Order has been on quite the roller coaster ride since Ben Watts left... At times, I miss the old man. He was wise, he was calm. He was everything that you could ever ask for as the Grandmaster. He was the perfect fit in every way. And then you had Je'gan... Then Darron... Then Selena.... Then me. Seeing this now, Ben would probably laugh. How low did the Order sink to elect a young man in his early twenties as their leader? What qualities does he possess that made the Council pick him?
The crazy part? Ben would probably know exactly why. I'll never be able to compare myself to Grandmaster Watts, but I can try and follow in his footsteps like nobody else could. That's the only way I can think of honoring the man's memory.
I feel the looks the Order gives me as I walk. Some look at me with respect, some with disdain... Others look at me as if I'm a changed man. Maybe I am a changed man. Responsibility can change a man, that's commonly known. The question is... Can I change to truly succeed in the position of Grandmaster, without losing sight of who I really am?
I guess we'll just have to find out. Today's a new day, in a new role, in a New Jedi Order.
This is the culmination of a 16 year journey, from Youngling, to Padawan, to Knight, to Master, to Grandmaster. But yet, my journey is just beginning. There are many years left to my journey as a Jedi. I've pledged to myself to make the most of them. I've given my body, heart and soul to the Order. Now, I give my entire life for it.
The things that plagued me in the past... My parents death, the turning of Nicholas, Sao's death... Dagobah... Asha and Tracyn's downfall... They feel so faint now. The memory remains, but the pain is numb.
Is this what the Jedi Code meant?
There is no emotion, there is peace... As my emotions over these incidents fall to the side, I feel myself in a measure of peace. I grieve still, I grieve every day of my life. But yet, I feel at peace over these incidents. I feel like I can move on.
Perhaps responsibility really does change a man. There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no death, there is the Force.
