Serena looked at the recorder ok she thought Let's give it a whirl - turns recorder on

This is supposed to help me, make me feel better. I'm not really sure how it will make me feel better. How can recording your thoughts make you better isn't it the thoughts that are making me ........crazy.

My father died a few weeks ago and I went home. That's what you are supposed to do right go home. And the family was there all of them so odd seeing everyone together in one place suddenly. I could feel myself curling up into this tiny tight little ball as they each came to hug me and asked how things were.


I tried not to laugh it would be a dead giveaway to all the trouble I've been in. Every time I step off Voss I end up in trouble of some kind, it's like I have this giant sign over my head advertising.

I'm a freak among my family their thoughts and emotions just knocked me back against the wall. The grief was intense, I spent so much time trying to keep them out of my head that I forgot to grieve myself.

I'm even a freak here among the Jedi. They've all heard about me, the strong empath, guard your thoughts don't let them slip out or she will hear them. I've learned to say nothing now to just let it hit me. I don't know how much I can absorb surely there is some purpose to this. There has to be.

I've tried to make friends but I see it in their eyes it isn't distrust, or suspicion it that they don't know what to expect so they make those little steps away. I've met Nima Tann, Hawk Solo, Emma Prinn, Maxi and Anastacia Rade. I feel so much on my guard that being myself is difficult to do.

And I miss my Dad. He was the only one to call me Wren he made me feel safe, made me feel less odd. And now, I feel alone cause there's no one to call me Wren.

How can I ever keep moving forward to be a Jedi, when I can't even be Serena?

THIS is stupid, I'm only talking to myself....

Turns recorder off