I lied.

These datapad journal type things I have been doing are not helping at all. After I write them out I feels as if I am getting more and more lost. No clear answer has shown up through mediation, no clear answer has shown up through talking with my peers, no clear answer has showed up EVER!

Unfortunately the datapad is still working after it bounced off of Thunderstruck's viewport. Who cares if I need to replace it. It's not like it will matter anyways. Sooner or later I'm going to get blown up fighting in it. Flying with the Imperials, flying with the alliance, hell flying with the karking Bryn! It doesn't make a difference! None of it has! I'm still the same damn boy who's parents were killed on the ship years ago.

I couldn't defend myself then. And now that I have the chance? I'm told it is wrong. Become a Jedi of the Concord, we fight the Sith Empire. Big bunch of Mynock crap that was! Fight alongside the Imperials, we are the strong face of the Galaxy. This most recent meeting between the Imperials and Alliance still doesn't even seem real to me. It is all about war, that is the only thing.

No one ever cares about you. They only care about themselves.

No one has ever cared about me, and why should they!

It would be nice to just talk with someone. Not about politics, not about the force, but just talk with someone. It gets freaking lonely flying alone, especially when your only "friends" are the ones risking their lives on the battlefield.

When was the last time you saw your friend getting blown up next to you? When was the last time you saw your friend strike you down when you fell to the dark side? When was the last time you saw your Padawan disown you for something you didn't even do?

Becuase last I checked, no one has ever tried talking to me about these things!

And guess what, no one ever w


To be continued here soon...