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I'm back with another journal entry. Seemed to work a little last time, so I'll keep going with these.
Unfortunately I couldn't talk with Grandmaster Starchaser yet about this. I'm wanting to go to him becuase I don't think he would be bias towards either side. I mean, he left an order, so why can't I?
No, I can't be thinking like that. Leaving the Silver Jedi was an easier choice to make at the time. But picking between the Imperials of the Alliance? This one will be harder.
On a different note, I went through some of my old items today. Digging around I found my original blue and white bladed lightsabers. It surprised me that they even still turned on. I ignited both of them and swung them around in my hands. Felt kinda nice. That was before everything else. Before the Imperials, before the Silver Jedi, before anything.
That day that Darth Tesir turned me over to the dark side...I still have nightmares about it. Even though I killed her, it feels as if she is still watching my every move. My greatest fear is that I'll fall back to the dark side and never come back.
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Sorry, I needed a minute. Back to typing now. I just wish I had someone to talk about this with. Most of them people I know are either with the Imperials or the Alliance. My guess is they would be trying to get me to go to their side, pulling me away from the other one.
Maybe I should just spend a day out. Leave my lightsabers behind and go explore. I heard there is some nice junkyards on some nearby planets. Might have to go check that out.
I guess it is set then. Might not write one of these for a little bit. Might not even contact the Grandmaster. This decision will need to be made be me and me alone.
This is Okkeus Dainlei, signing off for now.
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