To the Jedi,
I write this with a heavy heart. I was part of the Order of Shiraya and the Royal Naboo Republic at the very beginning. Seeing it become something so much larger and becoming a Jedi Knight and eventually the Battle Master of the Order were two of the greatest honours of my life. However, events of recent have made me hold reservations and doubts on whether or not I truly belong in this Jedi Order. I have always been someone who held the council in the greatest of respects, even if they views did not always match my own. When I became a member of the council I assumed that my thoughts, my opinions and how I approached matters were something other members of the council would respect, even if they did not agree with it. This has not been the case from my experience. I would attempted to suggest diplomacy and avoid dragging our Order as well as the High Republic, into an all out galactic war, then be accused of biasness, being naïve and ignored. Only to then watch as my supposed peers nearly create the disaster I forewarned them would occur.
What was my breaking point was when the Grand Master of the Order decided it would be appropriate to threaten my seat, in a whisper, at a public meeting because I expressed a differing opinion to her. Justifying it as her attempts to reduce the divisions within the Order and that council disagreements should be only discussed within the council. I do not believe this was at all appropriate, Master Quin overstepped and given the meeting was already creating divisions within the Order, I do not believe my words would have changed that. I also do not believe that hiding our disagreements or differing opinions on matters is to the benefit of the Order. I am fearing that the Jedi Council is more akin to a tyranny or dictatorship that one would see within the Sith than you should see in the Jedi.
If my thoughts, feelings and views cannot be expressed openly in front of other Jedi, how am I free?
This was not a disagreement within the council, this was a disagreement with how things within the Jedi Order were being handled. And it was a misunderstanding on my part on what the Grand Master meant by those rules. However, instead of discussing this understanding in a civil manner, where Ala could have presented what she meant clearer for me and allow me to apologise for the misunderstanding. I was threatened with being removed from the council, told to put my emotions in check and informed that if I could not do that then I would be removed from the council. Before I could say anything else, the Grand Master left. I felt utterly destroyed and heartbroken that so little trust and respect was being presented to me. That while I might have accidentally misunderstood what had been stated by Ala, she made very clear to offer no level of empathy on that front.
So I resign as Battle Master. A position that I loved being in and a position that I had sought after since being part of the New Jedi Order. But that is not all. I am leaving the Jedi Order and the High Republic, clearly my place is not here. My voice is not desired here and what I offer is not accepted, so I must go, for my own sanity and where I go I do not know. For now I believe I need time away from the Jedi, from this ridiculousness and see what my next steps need to be. I am sorry if this disappoints or hurts anyone, I did not wish for this to be the path that I go but it is the one that I must travel.
Good luck to whoever takes over from me as Battle Master for the Order. I truly wish you the best and good luck to all the Jedi within this order. While I no longer hold faith in the council in doing the correct moves, I still care about every Jedi within this Jedi Order. That will never change and I hope to remain in contact with all who have grown close to me over the years.
Thank you for reading all this,
Lily Decoria
Former Battle Master and former Jedi Knight.
The former Battle Master and Jedi Knight looked at the message, her fingers shook a little over the send button. But Lily breathed in deeply and pressed send, informing all within the Order exactly why she was leaving and her thoughts on how things went. It might burn bridges, she might be shamed as doing something petty or childish. This was her truth, her thoughts and Lily refused to be told that she could not share them. Grabbing her belongings and equipment, she wiped the tears from her cheek, the hardest move she had ever made was being done right now and she couldn't believe it was happening. Still felt crazy but Lily needed to get away.
No longer a Jedi, the Echani figured the best place to start was home, collect her thoughts and feelings there and plan what came next from there. Lily doubted that any Jedi would chase or follow after her and that wasn't what she had wanted with this. Further division had been the last thing in her mind but clearly others did not see that in her.
I write this with a heavy heart. I was part of the Order of Shiraya and the Royal Naboo Republic at the very beginning. Seeing it become something so much larger and becoming a Jedi Knight and eventually the Battle Master of the Order were two of the greatest honours of my life. However, events of recent have made me hold reservations and doubts on whether or not I truly belong in this Jedi Order. I have always been someone who held the council in the greatest of respects, even if they views did not always match my own. When I became a member of the council I assumed that my thoughts, my opinions and how I approached matters were something other members of the council would respect, even if they did not agree with it. This has not been the case from my experience. I would attempted to suggest diplomacy and avoid dragging our Order as well as the High Republic, into an all out galactic war, then be accused of biasness, being naïve and ignored. Only to then watch as my supposed peers nearly create the disaster I forewarned them would occur.
What was my breaking point was when the Grand Master of the Order decided it would be appropriate to threaten my seat, in a whisper, at a public meeting because I expressed a differing opinion to her. Justifying it as her attempts to reduce the divisions within the Order and that council disagreements should be only discussed within the council. I do not believe this was at all appropriate, Master Quin overstepped and given the meeting was already creating divisions within the Order, I do not believe my words would have changed that. I also do not believe that hiding our disagreements or differing opinions on matters is to the benefit of the Order. I am fearing that the Jedi Council is more akin to a tyranny or dictatorship that one would see within the Sith than you should see in the Jedi.
If my thoughts, feelings and views cannot be expressed openly in front of other Jedi, how am I free?
This was not a disagreement within the council, this was a disagreement with how things within the Jedi Order were being handled. And it was a misunderstanding on my part on what the Grand Master meant by those rules. However, instead of discussing this understanding in a civil manner, where Ala could have presented what she meant clearer for me and allow me to apologise for the misunderstanding. I was threatened with being removed from the council, told to put my emotions in check and informed that if I could not do that then I would be removed from the council. Before I could say anything else, the Grand Master left. I felt utterly destroyed and heartbroken that so little trust and respect was being presented to me. That while I might have accidentally misunderstood what had been stated by Ala, she made very clear to offer no level of empathy on that front.
So I resign as Battle Master. A position that I loved being in and a position that I had sought after since being part of the New Jedi Order. But that is not all. I am leaving the Jedi Order and the High Republic, clearly my place is not here. My voice is not desired here and what I offer is not accepted, so I must go, for my own sanity and where I go I do not know. For now I believe I need time away from the Jedi, from this ridiculousness and see what my next steps need to be. I am sorry if this disappoints or hurts anyone, I did not wish for this to be the path that I go but it is the one that I must travel.
Good luck to whoever takes over from me as Battle Master for the Order. I truly wish you the best and good luck to all the Jedi within this order. While I no longer hold faith in the council in doing the correct moves, I still care about every Jedi within this Jedi Order. That will never change and I hope to remain in contact with all who have grown close to me over the years.
Thank you for reading all this,
Lily Decoria
Former Battle Master and former Jedi Knight.
The former Battle Master and Jedi Knight looked at the message, her fingers shook a little over the send button. But Lily breathed in deeply and pressed send, informing all within the Order exactly why she was leaving and her thoughts on how things went. It might burn bridges, she might be shamed as doing something petty or childish. This was her truth, her thoughts and Lily refused to be told that she could not share them. Grabbing her belongings and equipment, she wiped the tears from her cheek, the hardest move she had ever made was being done right now and she couldn't believe it was happening. Still felt crazy but Lily needed to get away.
No longer a Jedi, the Echani figured the best place to start was home, collect her thoughts and feelings there and plan what came next from there. Lily doubted that any Jedi would chase or follow after her and that wasn't what she had wanted with this. Further division had been the last thing in her mind but clearly others did not see that in her.
