Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Zuverians

Status
Not open for further replies.
Name: Zuverians
Designation: Sentient
Homeworld: Zumar
Language: Tellodoma
Average height of adults: 2 meters
Skin color: Their hair color tends to be in shades of various shades of green, blue, and black. Colors such as blonde and even brown are incredible rare, even amongst mixed breeds.
Hair color: Their skin color usually can vary from light brown, to a mother of pearl, to a teal, and even a light blue (which also determines the purity of a Zuverian lineage)
Breathes: Type 1

Strengths:
- Extended Lifespan (Just above 750 Years (Based on a 751 day cycle for 1 year) for Pure Breeds and extend for Non Pure Breeds by no less than a half of the baseline creature species).
- Advanced healing (All Breeds / Increased by ten percent)
- Wings, there wing span is in proportion to their size (Only Pure Breeds).
- Some have been known to grow horns, talons, and claws (Only Pure Breeds).
- "Darkvision" which is essetially Nightvision.

Weaknesses:
- Allergic to Bacta
- Zuverian genes are always the dominate genes and in some causes have been known to not be fully compatible with all other Human and Near Human species (Chiss, Miraluka and Arkanian for example is incompatible with Zuverian DNA).
- Highly Zenophobic

Distinctions:
No pure breed Zuverian has pupils, only mixed breed Zuverians have pupils. They have pigmentation on their eyes that mimic pupils but they're not physically (in the biological sense). But they still have eyelids. Pure breed Zuverians see straight out from their eyes. Most pure breed and even most mixed breed Zuverians have a baseline humanoid appearance. Their hair color tends to be in shades of various shades of green, blue, and black. Colors such as blonde and even brown are incredible rare, even amongst mixed breeds. It is culturally sound and permissible for both genders to wear their hair long or short. Their skin color usually can vary from light brown, to a mother of pearl, to a teal, and even a light blue (which also determines the purity of a Zuverian lineage). They can see in the visible spectron of light and have "Darkvision" which is essetially Nightvision.

Height and weight are usually well proportioned, with both genders on the tall end of the humanoid scale with the tallest Zuverian on record being a male belonging to the Taira clan, at 10 feet 2 inches in 3,500 BBY. But most, regardless of gender stand just above two meters for a Type I Pure Breed. In addition to the traits of the species, what makes this species different than most is the types or tiers that they split themselves into.

There is some actual genetic evolution that happens between the different types. The individual, stays the same person, but undergoes a physical change at the genetic level as they progress from one type to another type. The change that happens at the genetic level is the activation of various genes. And this only happens when a set of predetermined factors are met, and these genes essentially "Turn On". Once activated, they can not be "Turned off". The genes that are required are different for every person, and they directly account for the change between the various Types (Listed below), which is why Purebreeds usually have the best chances of becoming a Type III or a Type IV, because they have the best set of for it. Because every individual has a different set of requirements (enviromental, emotional and phisiological) that need to be met to change, it doesn't mean that across their entire life they come across the requirements that are neccessary for them to change (at least all at one time). In addition to this the change will got happen if the body of the individual Those of mixed genetic background (Zuverian + Non-Zuverian), usually don't become a Type III, on a large scale when compared to their Purebreed counter parts. This progression from one Type to another Type is usually quite painful for the individual, roughly equivalent of going through labor without any anesthesia. And so, Zuverians are divided into four Types, and they are:

Type I:
Most Zuverians fit into Tier / Type I, which is roughly equivalent to that of most civilians within the population and even most highly skilled professionals and laborers, such as those roughly equivalent to Doctors and Lawyers. In addition to this, all Zuverians are born in this form/type.

Type II:
Denotes those individuals that are uncommon, their traits are more pronounced, most particularly the wings, strength of the individual, fighting prowess (usually without proper training but with training even more formidable), and some times the presence of "Demonic" traits, such as the growing of claws, which are retractable, and at this point is when a Zuverian Wings literally sprout out (For Pure Breeds only), waning moral codes (dependent on individual) and a propensity for violence. At this point an individual usually undergoes their first change. Followed by a rite of passage which is dependent upon the tribe of Zuverian. At this point their is usually an increase in skills and intelligence in all areas. Increase healing ability by ten percent over the baseline person or creature. All breeds can achieve this form and it is quite common.

Type III:
Are the second most rare of the four Types, tends to show increased brain function in all areas, by a minimal of twenty five percent. The ability to shift forms is gained at this stage. An individual can change at will, between their base form (Type I) and their "Battle" form (Type III) at will. Even though its called a "Battle form", most Type III prefer this stage because of the abilities associated with it and it is socially acceptable in all but a few formal settings. This is usually called the "Kenshi" or "Battle" form, and person's size is usually at least a quarter to third in size larger than the individual's usual size. Their strength and propensity for violence, does increase too regardless of form. Individuals can change at will, but sometimes they can lose it if they are agitated enough. At this Type, a Zuverian has been known to enter a Frenzy in combat where, they just literally see red and attack anything and everything. This Frenzy can be controlled over time and with corrective training. There is also an increase in healing factor in this form, which is increased by twenty percent over the baseline person. Any breed can achieve this form, there are no resistrictions.

Type IV:
The rarest of the the four Types, the individual has been known to actually shift into a "Demon" form, which is usually starts at eight feet tall, even for the shortest Zuverian, and excess of five hundred pounds. But again this form, from other records, is said to only last for a few minutes at most and tends be while a Zuverian is raging in battle or near death. In addition to this, it can be concluded from the records that the individual has no memory of what happens during this time period. In the past two hundred years there has been only five accounts of such a creature. It is regarded amongst Zuverian that only pure bloods can become a Type IV, while mixed blooded Zuverian can still become Type III and their genetics become even more dominate than they already are and can even manifest itself further. To what extent is hard to say, because it is different for every individual. Only Pure Breeds have any serious chance of achieving this form and an increase of ten percent to the healing facter of the person.

Type V:
Only in the realm of antiquity are there any references to Type V Zuverians. A vast majority of scholars, both Zuverian and selected other species, thoroughly believe that this form does not exist and is merely folk lore, and is a myth and legend from the early years of Zuverian culture on Ako Prime (at least 45,000 to 50,000 years ago). They say it is regulated to the realm of antiquity, for if this does truly exist, not only would it be the first recorded evidence of this type in known history but in this form a individual would be just over twelve feet tall, wings, claws, have increased brain function at all levels and highly resistant to damage.

Other Information:
Pure Breed Zuverian's, especially after the destruction of Zumeria, Ako Prime and Nara Prime are farily uncommon only because of the resettlement of those mentioned planets. Mixed are much more common. Even fewer know what they are mixed with. Their is also no gender specific social roles in Zuverian society beyond one basic biological one (where the women have the children). Women and Men can be found fighting on front lines as Soldiers and taking care of the off spring, equally. And it is completely normal for roles to change over time due to the species long life span.

Average Lifespan: 1.500 Galactic Years
Races: Divided up between Pure BReeds, and none Pure Breeds

Estimated Population: [Is it common throughout the galaxy? Only found on a single world? Only being of its kind?]
Diet: Omnivore
Communication: Vocal
Culture: (Abrigded, I could do a thesis on this alone but I don't have the time)
Zuverians are polytheistic, and their equivalent of the Grim Reaper is the so-called "Black/Dark Spirit Warrior", who is seen as an eternal adversary who eventually wins all battles and shows no mercy, expect in exceptual cases but still later comes to collect the debt of life owed to it. The "Black/Dark Spirit Warrior" is always referred to in a gender neutral term because both genders die equally. The "Black" and "Dark" are used is both frequency and interchangeable. In this case, both terms, do not have a negative cultural connotation and are still two distinctive turns.

There are Nine 'Major' Gods, and Eleven 'Minor' Gods, primarily due to a series of syncrenation of beliefs around the Industrial Age. And complete set and a sign of completion is the number 20 or that something has the amount equal to that of 20.

Technology level: Space Faring
General behavior: Tend to be aggressive.

History:

Before Recorded History:
There has been no archaeology or any other data to suggest there has never been a mass extinction event on Ako Prime (Excluding war time bombardment).

History: (Abridged)
- 23,000 BBY: Traders landed on Ako Prime during its major Pre Space Faring Industrial age. Later that year the traders were found dead and their space faring vassals was researched.

- 22,900 BBY: More traders land on Ako Prime. This officially opens the world up for trade and leads to an opening up of the world to Galactic Politics.

- 22,500 BBY: After a few hundred years in Galactic Politics they were allowed a Representative in the Galactic Alliance.

- 22,000 BBY: Ako Prime pulls its Representative from the Galactic Alliance. The reasons are unclear. But there was a wave of Xenophobia that started on the planet.

- 21,000 BBY: Xenophobia continued on the planet, only allowing non Zuverians to be traders and could only stay for three lunar months (around 90 days). Traders are limited to the quarters of their ship and market space only during daylight hours.

- 20,500 BBY: An envoy from the three clans to the Galactic Republic went to the world city and eliminated the planet's where about from public and government records.

- 20,000 BBY: Colonization of Zumeria, by the Giniji and Taira, and Nara Prime by Hokidone and Taira.

- 15,000 to 9,500 BBY: Internal strafe and three Civil Wars.

- 6,000 BBY: The Official disillusion of the three major clans, Taira, Giniji and Hokidone. Internal prejudices still abundant and the three clans still hold great influence and indirect power is held on tight by the three major clans till current times.

- 5,954 BBY: Skirmish with neighboring Civilizations once civilization had reached a Golden Age during the heigh of their Space Age. Lead to full scale war against the Zuverian. Most presumed dead after the Shi-ittes orbital bombard each of the major planets almost reducing each planet to glass. It was deemed to be the best way to deal with the "Zuverian Problem".

- 5,953 to 5,900 BBY: Shi-ittes, the species, go extinct after the Zuverians release a genetic virus that sterilizes and kills or maims most of the Shi-ittes population. The remaining Shi-itte population was either killed by Zuverian Bounty Hunters or of there causes. The virus is known as "Zuverian Revenge".

- 5,000 BBY: A group of Mandalorians landed on the planet. It is unclear what actually happened at sun down. But a few members of the Taira clan stardocking bays were dead. During the night it was said that they were attacked but the Hokidone, which is also unconfirmed but could have happened. Either way, the small group of fifteen Mandalorians was dead by morning. And their ship was burnt well beyond recognition before the noon of the following day. It is later referenced as the "Ako/Mando" Incident.

- For the next thousands of years, Ako Prime and the planets in the system made a point to stay out of galactic politics and stay basically isolated, except for different traders. The coordinates of this planet passed from trader to trader across the galaxy. Ako Prime has had some trading with Black Sun and with the Hutt Cartel, but it has been very limited.

Notable Player-Characters: None currently.
Intent: I plan on having this race to be minor race. Nothing major, and nothing that would want to take over the rest of the Galaxy. I also plan to keep their numbers limited (<10 total) as far as both NPC and PCs go.
 
LaoTzu said:
There is some actual genetic evolution that happens between the different types. The individual, stays the same person, but undergoes a physical change at the genetic level as they progress from one type to another type. This progression is usually quite painful for the individual, roughly equivalent of going through labor without any anesthesia.
Can you elaborate on this? Can they change their type at will or are they born this way and can they revert to a lower tier once they evolve?

I am also going to need you to give them way more weaknesses. Right now, despite your stated intention to not have them be a galaxy dominating race, they seem to have the ability to be quite formidable on the galactic stage. Their weaknesses, currently, do not offset their strengths at all and if you intend to have wings and a healing factor, the weaknesses will need to reflect that.

[member="LaoTzu"]
 
Well, I hope that clarifies it for you. If it does not, let me know and I can change it again. I would like to also point out that they are allergic (highly) to bacta. And I plan on them not being a Galaxy wide dominating race, even though they have that potentail. I am perfect with taking this a step future and not allowing any others to play this species and literally limit the number in which I can play. Just so they are limited, severly. I would even so far as to say that most genetic material that would be picked up from them would not work out, if someone was to try and make a super soldier out of their or based on their genetic make up.

Cecily de Demici
 
[member="LaoTzu"]

Alright, darling. I'm going to be as thorough in my recommendations as possible to help get this submission where it needs to be for acceptance. I want to stress that in my opinion these recommendations are not negotiable if our aim is to create a fleshed out, well developed, passable submission.



LaoTzu said:
Skin color: Their hair color tends to be in shades of various shades of green, blue, and black. Colors such as blonde and even brown are incredible rare, even amongst mixed breeds. Hair color: Their skin color usually can vary from light brown, to a mother of pearl, to a teal, and even a light blue (which also determines the purity of a Zuverian lineage)
This is minor, but you have mixed up you skin and hair color. Good news is that this is an easy fix!



LaoTzu said:
Weaknesses: - Allergic to Bacta - Zuverian genes are always the dominate genes and in some causes have been known to not be fully compatible with all other Human and Near Human species (Chiss, Miraluka and Arkanian for example is incompatible with Zuverian DNA). - Highly Zenophobic
Here again, I am going to ask that you expand on these weaknesses. I mentioned this in my previous post, but other than the allergy, the things you have listed here are not really in line with true weaknesses that offset the strengths of this species. I would suggest either changing the latter two weaknesses or adding at least one to two more.



LaoTzu said:
Distinctions:
My issue here is that I am not really finding a base-line description of these creatures. I have tried and am finding myself incapable of picturing the general appearance of this creature in my head prior to the evolutionary types. It would be helpful to give a general appearance, maybe find an image that may help convey their appearance.



LaoTzu said:
Zuverians are divided into four Types
Despite the fact that you mention type five is really only legend, the fact that it is included here gives the potential for it to be pursued. You will need to decide whether you will only make the primary four types or the all five available in their description.

In addition, I am still finding it difficult to reconcile these 'types' with the general SW universe. For me, the closest comparison for this precedent comes from Dragon Ball Z or Pokemon where there are distinct stages of powering up or evolution. As I'm sure you know this would not be acceptable in a species submission without some sort of precedent to support this distinctly non-SW occurrence. If you could provide examples of other species that perform even a slightly similar evolution I will accept this.

Overall, like I said, unless there is SW precedent to support this, I really don't think the description of the types and the various capabilities they unlock would be acceptable as is.



LaoTzu said:
[Is it common throughout the galaxy? Only found on a single world? Only being of its kind?]
This needs to be addressed. Please note that there are no rules providing for the creator of a species to control how many people have access to creating a character. So, you really could not limit the number of people who have access to it which is one of the reasons I must be so strict.



LaoTzu said:
General behavior: Tend to be aggressive.
This section needs to be greatly expanded upon. I would not accept the 'general behavior' of an entire species to be boiled down to simply 'tending' toward aggression. There are a number of factors to take into account, mating patterns, societal hierarchy, parentage, etc.



LaoTzu said:
Culture: (Abrigded, I could do a thesis on this alone but I don't have the time)
Again, this section needs to be greatly expanded upon. The goal in these sections is demonstrate a very well thought out concept behind a species that goes well beyond their appearance and physical capabilities. There has to be more to such a long lived and ancient race than just their religion. If you could write a thesis here, make the effort to do so. Impress us!

Remember, above all things the Codex is here for you to grow in your abilities as a writer and make genuine contributions to the site. Occasionally, the Codex Team and the writer of the submissions must work more closely together to ensure the best possible product. This is one of those cases and I truly look forward to working with you on the perfection of this submission.

That being said, for the time being I must deny this submission. However, I invite you make the requested alterations and request a second chance by posting HERE.If you require further assistance on this submission please do not hesitate to reach out for help. Our job here is to serve as both a resource and a guide for all writers!
 
[member="LaoTzu"]
I concur with what my judge has said. I can see the outline of what you are going for with this submission, but it falls flat on a few key points to the degree that it requires a significant reworking.

Some additional things to note and reinforce:
  • Once a species is approved in the codex it is not in anyone’s power to prevent another member using it.
  • If you do not have time to fully fill in a field then wait until you do. This submission only has one chance to make a first impression, and having unfilled fields sends a (possibly wrong) impression that you’re not trying.
  • I cannot emphasise enough that the weaknesses of a species is their most defining feature. Anyone can write strengths, but not everyone can write actual weaknesses.

Don’t be discouraged though, there’s a lot here to improve on. You may feel free to second chance this when you’ve made the changes requested and a new judge will look it over.
I urge you to rewrite and apply for this second chance as there is the kernel of a good idea here.

Denied.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Users who are viewing this thread

Top Bottom