Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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You Can't Say No To Hope [Rasu Gan]

[SIZE=10pt]Asaak had given up on ever being “done” learning a lot time ago. There had been a time before she’d really come to learn about the Force that she thought achieving the title of Master meant that you’d come to know all there was to know. Ha! Looking back on that now made her smile where she sat on a small knoll, a grassy swell of land that gave her a good view of the newly restored Temple. What she realized now was that the rank of Master meant one understood the Force with a prowess that allowed them to work even with the mysterious parts, that one could be wise and powerful in the face of something that was often completely unknown. But she would never, ever be done learning. And she liked that thought.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=10pt]But that day was for more of the same; it had been a while since she had sat down with Master [member="Rasu Gan"] for a good old fashioned training session. They’d been out in the field together rather frequently since her time as a Padawan began and she’d learned some incredibly valuable lessons, but she was excited at the prospect of some one-on-one time to improve her skills. She’d finally found a concrete direction and she marveled at how she’d settled. She remembered how she loved to fight, how she’d been so eager at the thought when Rasu had first spoken with her. Now she’d realized her true calling, realized her connection to the Force and how good it felt to be wrapped in its embrace, to be blessed with its calling. It was a gift she had been given to be able to feel something so beautiful and she was intent to learn how to use it to the best of her abilities. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=10pt]Not only that, but she’d come to adore her Master. She had been a nervous, unsure youngling when she’d first met the Shi’ido and she’d never forgotten the kindness the green-skinned woman had shown. She was a Master that pushed, that encouraged, that could be stern when it was required, but could make the Togruta laugh just as easily. Asaak hoped that one day she could guide her own Padawan with the same gentle, encouraging hand. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=10pt]But before they could get down to the business of what Rasu would share with her that day, Asaak had questions. The trip back home once she’d been rescued from her torture had been hellish. She looked down at the fingers of her right hand where fingernails had just recently grown back out. Every movement had been an insult as she healed, a reminder of how stupid she’d been to allow herself to get in to such a mess. The scars covering her abdomen and all the damage instilled were a constant reminder and she feared that it meant she wasn’t fit to bear her gift – she worried she had done something wrong. She was ashamed. And the things Nemene had said of the Sith…she needed Rasu’s guidance to reach her peace of mind. She couldn’t stand having the questions in the back of her mind, not when she had the promise of the Silver Jedi in front of her.[/SIZE]
 
It was amazing how much free time Rasu had now with no Academy to run. She had gleamed a sense of freedom, not to say that her work as Headmistress had been unpleasant, it was just nice to see how the other half lived. The Shi'ido had woken up rejuvenated and ready for each day, something that was now becoming more of a common occurrence. Refreshed and ready for what the Force had in store for her, Rasu made her way through the newly constructed Temple, to meet up with her Padawan, Asaak.

Rasu had noticed that the normally cheery and optimistic Togruta, had become quite quiet or rather unfocused since her arrival to Voss. Although others may have disagreed with her, Rasu was the girls Master and knew her better than most people. Asaak was doing well at hiding it, but she could tell that her torture on Makeb still loomed over her shoulder, like a wound that had yet to heal.

Rasu wanted to help relieve some of the pain, the agony that still remained however this was something that her Padawan had to overcome on her own, making her a better Jedi. Of course, if Asaak asked for assistance she would be there in a heartbeat, knowing now that her separation from Moroi was also another addition to the struggles of moving to the Outer Rim, isolated from the rest of the galaxy. Rasu was here to comfort the girl, to look after her while she could, as sooner or later she would no longer be her student, running off into the unknown, reveling in the freedom that came with Knight hood.

Finding her student, she raised her hand in greeting as she closed the distance between the Togruta and herself. "Good morning Asaak. How are you feeling?" she asked, her eyes dropping down to gaze at the bare, blood-encrusted fingers of her Padawan, one of the many souvenirs from Makeb.

[member="Asaak Tey"]
 
She stood when her Master appeared, giving her a smile. It faltered slightly when [member="Rasu Gan"] asked her how she was though she quickly tried to bolster it. “I’m well Master, and you?” The effort lasted no more than a few seconds before she realized it was futile. The Shi’ido knew her better than almost anyone and it was pointless trying to hide her unrest. “No…no, really I’m…troubled,” she corrected, looking away and over the Temple and the landscape surrounding it, crossing her arms over her chest so she couldn’t see what had been done to her.

At heart she was playful, optimistic to a fault, a daydreamer with a solid and powerful idealism. She missed that girl. She was worried that girl died on Makeb, leaving an unsure and hopelessly lost shell.

“Since my…kidnapping, I have been struggling. When I saw Nemene Talith pretending to be a woman in need, my first thought was to help her. I feel ashamed that I allowed myself to be lured in to such a trap. I feel –“ She paused, swallowing the lump in her throat before carrying on. “I feel anger with myself sometimes. Strong anger. The kind I haven’t felt since before I understood the path my life would take, before I found peace among the Jedi. I worry that I am unworthy of the gift of the Force, that I could not protect myself and put you and Moroi in danger.”

She had to stop, her lips sealing. She hadn’t meant to bombard with the poor woman with her worries the moment they met up, but she couldn’t help herself. It had been building since their return from the rescue and if she stayed silent any longer it would poison her.

She wanted to hear her Master’s guidance first before she shared what the Sith had said to her, the insidious seeds of thought they had planted in her mind. She wanted to hear if her worries were true – that she was a silly girl and unfit to stand among the Silver Jedi.
 
Rasu placed a comforting hand upon the Togruta's shoulders. It pained the Shi'ido to see the woman in such a state, and she too felt immense guilt after allowing such a horrific ordeal to befall her own Padawan. This was all her doing, and if she had been a bit quicker or more prepared, Asaak would not have had to experience such an event as what she had gone through on Makeb. However Rasu knew that in the end, despite the circumstances, her Padawan would eventually become stronger because of it. All of Rasu's experiences had made her who she was today, and she knew that Asaak would not be fazed by her torture for too much longer. Yes it would haunt her for a time to come, but the effect it had on her would slowly fade and leave a much tronger and determined Asaak as a result. And in that moment, Rasu knew that she couldn't be any more proud of the woman that had grown and matured in front of her very own eyes.

"Asaak remember that you are still a Padawan, and you are not yet expected to have full control over your emotions. Even myself as a Jedi Master now could not help but allow my own anger to swell while you were imprisoned. Yes we are Jedi, but we are also living. breathing beings, who feel and think just like any other being out in the galaxy. What makes us different is that we make sure that these emotions do not cloud our judgement, that it does not control our decisions." she said, wrapping her arm around her students shoulders, placing a gentle hand alongside her face, pulling her head to rest on the Shi'ido's shoulders.

"And I won't have you saying such things again. This is a learning experience, one that should not have happened, yes, but one that will make you stronger all the same. No one is unworthy of the Force, Asaak. It has picked you out of billions of others out in the galaxy, and I believe you know this too. Don't let one event, one feeling stop you from believing in yourself, okay?"

[member="Asaak Tey"]
 
Asaak really, really hated crying. But at her Master’s words she couldn’t help but well up, swiping at the tears before they fell. She was caught between fascination and relief when the Shi’ido admitted to feeling a bit of anger when her Padawan was captured. She knew that Jedi still felt emotion (she just refused to accept it in herself it would seem) but knowing a woman like her Master felt it as well was reassuring. Rasu was right – she had known in her heart that she had been chosen, that the Force had seen fit to gift her, that no one was “unworthy” if they had already been chosen – and that her anger was alright. She just couldn’t let it control her. The entire experience was akin to a wound – it hurt, it bothered her, it sometimes demanded her attention. But when it healed it would be even stronger than before.

The Togruta nodded, leaning in to her Master’s comforting embrace. When she had first met the Shi’ido physical contact had drawn a strange defense reaction from Asaak. She had been found in the Underworld and she had survived for a reason – no one got near her. The moment playing out then showed just how far she had come: the hug was a comfort and she felt at home.

When they parted her eyes were dry, a bit of her usual peaceful-yet-excited expression shining through the worry that was slowly receding. “I promise Master,” she answered in reply to Rasu’s teaching that she should not doubt herself.

There was a few heartbeats worth of silence punctuated only by the sound of the breeze through the leaves and the call of Voss’ creatures before Asaak spoke again. There was none of the fear she had expected in her own voice – Rasu’s reassurances must have steered her in the right direction. But she needed to ask, just to be sure. “When they had me, Nemene asked me what I was taught of the Sith. I told her that they let their anger and fear control them. I remember her laugh very clearly when she asked if it seemed like they were angry or afraid,” she said, pausing. No, they had seemed neither angry nor afraid. Quite the opposite – they seemed to derive pleasure from what they did to the Togruta. “I know they were trying to undermine my faith in the Order, prove that I’m being convinced to follow some archaic religion that holds no true power.”

She paused one more time, an expression on her face that made it evident all the gears were turning in her head. As she explained she found the answer for herself. “I don't think what I have learned is wrong. Sith gain power from anger and fear, from their own and by feeding off others. Nemene and her sister may not have been angry or afraid in that room with me, but they grew stronger from my fear. The way they use the Force is dangerous, destructive. Innocent lives are destroyed in their quest for power,” she finished, tilting her head for confirmation from [member="Rasu Gan"]. There was even a bit of that familiar smile on her lips - in her thoughts she'd realized...not once during her ordeal had she wished for her captors' strength or been curious about their beliefs. All she had wanted was to escape, to feel the Force again, to be among her fellow Jedi.

She was stronger than she gave herself credit for.
 
Again the pain of guilt weighed down upon the Shi'ido. Rasu knew from experience, that by consoling with another being the healing process is shortened drastically, and knowing what her student had gone through only made Rasu feel worse. She was at fault, had she been a second faster, or not so distracted in the mission, the young Padawan may have escaped unscathed. However the Force had planned this and so all that the pair could do was live with the consequences. And these consequences were dealing quite the bit of damage to both the Master and the student, with the latter faring worse.

As Asaak spoke of the two ghastly Sith, Rasu's mind flashed back Nemene, one of the Togruta's torturers. The Shi'ido had questioned the supposed Queen of Rattataki while imprisoned upon Coruscant. Rasu remembered the woman holding such confidence even while trapped within the center of the Republic, the most heavily fortified planet in the galaxy. It had irked the Shi'ido so much to the point that she had to leave before the Sith pushed her emotions to the brink of release. Too imagine such a monster bringing harm to Asaak, made Rasu's skin crawl. She and her sister were the embodiment of the Sith itself, holding only pure evil within their dark hearts. Not only had they physically wounded her dear student, but they had also pushed her so far as to question the teachings of all that Rasu had drilled into her, teachings of the Light and of the Jedi.

"Of course you are right, Asaak. Sith have this aura of confidence that does get to the better of people, and I can understand how some of their words make sense. But you have found the truth all by yourself, which does bring me a sense of relief." she said, moving off the bench, and taking a few steps forward, leaving her back facing the Togruta. "You should know that the discovery you have made of the Sith came at a much later date in my own career. Yes it is not only the Sith's own emotions, but those around them that they feed off, they are scavengers, no better than womp rats. And yet they still exist in such numbers." Her hands were now clenched tightly in fists as she continued. "I'm sure you know this but we left the Order so to escape from not only the Sith, but the Jedi's intent on hunting them. In the Republic we were so fixated on the dark side's destruction and all who practised it, that we lost sight of what it truly meant to be a Jedi. We can't let that happen again, and if it means isolating ourselves on Voss away from the lures sent to us by the Sith, then so be it. We will no longer be some puppet to be underestimated and played with. We are Jedi and we will start..." Rasu stopped, her breathing having sped up, as she realised she had begun to shout.

Taking a moment to compose herself, she slowed her breathing and again turned to sit herself back on the bench, leaning her head against the wall. She sighed, as she let her body relax. "What are we becoming Asaak? Why must we be so consumed in this eternal fight between light and darkness, when we now that the fight is never ending?" Rasu was tired, tired of all the pain and suffering that had erupted across the galaxy, and what frightened her the most, was that it not only flowed from the wielders of the dark side, but those of the Light also.

[member="Asaak Tey"]
 
Asaak was no stranger to her Master’s speeches, to the passionate weaving of words the Shi’ido often offered like presents. But she hadn’t heard shouting from her before and while it did not frighten her in the slightest because she felt utterly secure in her Master’s presence, it was certainly impressive. Note to self: don’t piss off [member="Rasu Gan"].

She did not answer right away. The training she had intended on receiving that day was put to the side for the moment – she was much more concerned with the weariness in Rasu’s voice. She watched the woman lean her head against the wall.

There was much to be worried about. The New Order loomed on the horizon, threatening to bring with it clashes with Dark Siders that Asaak had never before experienced. Her induction to the Order had been after the disbanding of the Sith as they had been known before and she had trained in relative peace – at least from outside influences. The inside was where chaos reigned during her apprenticeship, infighting and backstabbing rampant. She hadn’t truly known better, but she feared that was what Jedi were, that all the tales she knew of valiant, non-violent protectors were propaganda. The Silver Jedi had taught her differently. Every single Jedi she had met within their ranks was kind, courageous, slow to use force.

She had hope.

The question was a big one, and one that perhaps no one was truly prepared to answer correctly. But Asaak needed to give Rasu the same reassurance, the same blast of vital energy that the Shi’ido had so often done for her. “I don’t know what some Jedi are becoming, but I do know this – I followed you here for two reasons. One is my belief in what you and Master E’ron have created. All I wanted when I was a member of the Republic was to feel a kinship, to feel like all the Jedi around me were connected to me and I to them. That together we could seek peace, make the Galaxy as secure as possible. I’ve found that and more among the Jedi who have come to join us. It’s everything I craved. These are good Jedi who seek peace, not the hunt of the Dark Side. The other reason I followed you here is my belief in you. I…I believe the Force has set a difficult path before you. Returning to our roots in such a turbulent time will not be easy but the Force would not have chosen you and your fellow Councilmembers unless it believes you are strong enough to guide the Jedi back to their roots, their true purpose,” she said, conviction in her tone. She was but a Padawan but she had seen and heard much and she trusted in the small notions and nudges she got. Her instincts were rarely wrong. If she was being overly idealistic she was okay with that - sometimes it took a dreamer to help set things in balance.

A breeze wound through the trees, rustling the leaves softly in a peaceful sound and soothing the noonday heat.
 
Rasu closed her eyes, drinking in every last word that left her Padawan's lips. A small grin grew upon the Shi'ido's face, until her smile stretched from cheek to cheek, her face brimming with pride.

"And when did you suddenly get so wise young lady?" she said, looking over at the Togruta. Her words had definitely had an effect on Rasu, and all her words had spoken truth. Asaak had truly grown, both as a woman and as a Jedi since their first meeting on Tython. That wide-eyed Padawan had become her own, a mature, strong, compassionate woman, one whom Rasu was honoured to have trained thus far.

The pair had been through much together, having faced the slowly shattering Jedi Order, which both had fled after the coup against Master Dragonsflame. Only recently had Rasu heard of the invasion taking place, and had felt many lives flicker and wade as one of the greatest battles in galactic history took place. She had opted to remain on Voss, and maintain order over the Jedi who had remained, and offer sanctuary to those who would flee from the carnage. Rasu would be lying if she hadn't felt a pang of relief knowing that Asaak would be safe on Voss with her. She was not ready to aid the Republic, knowing full well that some wanted this war. The dark side was becoming stronger, and the Jedi needed to stand together, now more than ever, but Rasu could not bring herself to do it, not yet.

Looking back at her student, she placed her emerald hand on the woman's shoulder. "Thank you Padawan." she said, smiling, "Your words ease my heart and mind." War was upon them, and it was not only the Sith that the galaxy had to fear. The dreaded Yuuzhan Vong were slowly re-emerging, not to mention the various mercenary gangs that were becoming prominent in their own systems. The Silver Jedi had work to do, and Rasu needed to make sure Asaak was ready for the next war ahead, having luckily avoided the previous conflict.

"Now how about we get some training in?" she asked, rising from the bench, her eyes filled with renewed enthusiasm. "No doubt you have heard of the fight on Coruscant by now. The Sith have returned, and another war is brewing Asaak. I need to know you are ready for what is to come, for my sake at least. Come let us spar." she spoke, her hand reaching for her saber attached to the shiny metallic belt around her waist. Finally the training would begin.

[member="Asaak Tey"]
 

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