Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Xernublix

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http://ninjatic.deviantart.com/art/Alien-453910270
Name: Xernublix
Designation: Sentient
Homeworld: Shatter
Language: Zillorna, Runes, cave paintings
Average height of adults: 1 - 2.5 meters
Skin color: Black, Pale, Gray, mixture of blue and black
Hair color: N/A
Breathes: Type II
Strengths:
Diverse Biology: The diverse biology of this creature is quite unique. The organs have a specific chemical and physical build up allowing the organs to remain functionally even after time is thought to expire them , this increases the average lifespan by 110 standard years. The biology also has a set or two of each organ, if one gives out the other will survive and sustain the creature.
Tongue: The tongue is quite unique like the biology. The tongues has many sensors located in it allowing it both being able to smell with the tongue and helping it to identify what it is eating. It also let's it taste the air for moisture to get water. The tongue has a certain saliva on it that coats whatever it eats in a sticky substance making it easier to break down with it's teeth and stomach acids.
Weaknesses:
Brain: Even though the creature was isolated from most of the galaxy, it's brain is rather limited. Due to the harsh environment it evolved in, it led the creature's brain to be less functional and it takes much longer for the brain to develop rather then other races. At times in different generations, the generation will most of the time stay the same but when trying to evolve..it will either get slightly dumber or slightly smarter.
Reproduction: This creature, although it has a diverse biology, it's reproductive system if less so. Even though 1000 are born a year, the survival rate of the young is quite low. The young's mucus glands having formed yet leaving it vulnerable to the weather and temperature. Also, the reproductive system isn't so good for the species. The creature's reproductive system faces a problem, sometimes the creature is born without organs essential for reproduction making also increasingly harder to reproduce.
34% impact on population
Distinctions: Large bipedal creature with four arms. The creature is vividly transparent during the bright days of Shatter making the skeleton visible along with the organs. They also have a slight exoskeleton on them but it is extremely hard to see since it is part of the physical body making it appear to be part of the body. The eyes have a dark blue hue to them making them illuminate in the dark and in dark caves helping them capture prey easily.
Average Lifespan: 0 - 210 years
Races: None currently discovered
Estimated Population: 335,000 located only on Shatter, average population with reproduction issues
Diet: The species eats flesh mostly, but when it gets human flesh it see's it as a treat. It also eats animals bones but it see's human bones as a treat the same as human flesh. When out of food, it will eat rocks that can sustain it for while but it usually doesn't eat rocks because it is hard for it's stomach acids to break down the hard minerals in it it also dulls the creatures teeth.
Communication: Zillorna, Runes, cave paintings
Culture: Although much is not know about the planet, their is a little known information about the sentient species, Xernublix. The Xernublix live in large caves spanning 50 - 100 yards and they can house a total of thirty Xernublix. Daily life for them includes, hunting, gathering and also extending their caves and connecting them. Their religion is most unknown the only data fields say that their god is known as, Uil'Ka'Kallurinok. The translation is unknown since their language has been seen only on this planet and the translation is very hard to understand. The only "activities" classified as sports are, hunting and gathering. Their few known military traditions include, rituals and body painting along with piercings. The only know government on the plant is a chieftain of the Xernublix but it is unknown the purpose of this "leader" all that is known it that he/she leads the Xernublix. The Xernublix act friendly and act somewhat fun around the creatures part of their same species. They have bonfires and some type of rituals and dances with their counterparts.
Technology level: Technology is rather limited due to their Isolation from the rest of the galaxy, they mostly use, bows, swords, axes, spears and other primitive weaponry
General behavior: The Xernublix are rather harsh to outsiders. If they find a outsider they will surely eat them and plant their skulls on stakes or spears around their camp to intimidate their enemies. It is mostly unknown how the Xernublix act with others but some has findings have been documented. The Xernublix act friendly and act somewhat fun around the creatures part of their same species. They have bonfires and some type of rituals and dances with their counterparts.
History: Their has not been any documented history of the Xernublix but their has been a few wall painting translations.
Begging of Wall paintings
2000 BBY
The prophet, Willi'ol'illo has told the Xernublix that a great storm will come soon, a great object will come in contact with their planet and cause a area beyond imagine.

1555 BBY
A planet crashes into a 1/3 of Shatter causing the atmosphere their to be toxic and for strange formations and weather patterns.

1400 BBY
A large creature appears from the Crater and attacks the Xernublix. It is believed it is the first creations of the god, Uil'Ka'Kallurinok.

899 BBY
The god Uil'Ka'Kallurinok has sent a sign to the Xernublix that within many years, people will come to their planet to try and take it over. He orders the Xernublix to prepare and expand their territory

500 BBY
Many Xernublix tribes have formed and many clans have also formed. The Xernublix population has slightly increased by a thousand.

End of founded wall paintings

50 ABY
The Planet Shatter has been discovered for the first time and the landings on the planet are happening along with robotic probes and satellite's being sent to the plant to examine the wildlife and planet.

60 ABY
The Zandara corporation has been created for the sole purpose of exploring this strange and dark world on the reaches and frontier of the galaxy.

70 ABY
The Zandara corporation is constructing a large star-ship to send to Shatter to start the first Colony on Shatter known as, Mark I Zandara Colony.

100 ABY
The colony ship has been completed and is being sent to Shatter

100 ABY
After twenty days, the colony ship reaches the outskirts of the planet and they begin construction of a space station in the orbit of Shatter with the help of construction drones.

105 ABY
The station has been completed and a couple of shuttles are finally being sent down to the planet.

105 ABY
The first humans step foot on Shatter in protective suits and they begin to build a ring of outposts in a circle on the planet spanning a total of 15 acres

108 ABY
The outposts are being completed and a separate part of the colony ship is being sent down to the ring of outposts to begin construction of the city.

112 ABY
25% of the city has been finished but construction has been halted due to explorers finding a cave with paintings and runes in it.

112 ABY
The greatest translators and scientists available are sent to the colony and they begin to research and wrist down the runes

125 ABY
The Colony is 76.3% complete. The translators and scientist haven't been able to translate a single word or letter of the unknown language. The First Xernublix organism has been caught on camera and captured. Surgeons and scientists begin a Autospy on the creature to find out it's biology and origin.

125 ABY
The Autospy went unsuccessful and the body is being sent to the space station for better and more experienced examination. The construction of the colony resumes.

125 ABY
The space station is abandoned once a Xernublix is resurrected on the station causing a great death amount upon the crew of the station. The few survivors escape to the Colony ship.

140 ABY
​A large force of unknown creatures attack the outposts and forts. They utterly decimate the outposts and all but destroy the colony save for a few buildings with defensive weaponry.

145 ABY
The Colony ship sends down a group of shuttles and construction drones to build a defensive base on the planet for further use and examination of the unique wildlife and resources.

155 ABY
The colony is in ruins, those few who did survive now live in it's ruins with supplies being delivered to them every 1 - 3 months at a time. The Defensive base has been completed and security units are being sent here along with scientists. A archaeological discovery has brought upon new information for the unknown language an ruins on the planet including a piece of their general culture.

156 ABY
Scientists and archaeologists have finally uncovered a little information regarding the Xernublix. Further sightings of them have been seen and their have even been a few reported attacks upon individuals struck with poisoned spears, search teams are sent out to find the location of a Xernublix tribe thought to be known as, tribe Kark'Ill'Oligarqu'y, The meaning of the name is unknown as of yet.

158 ABY
After two years no sign of missing individuals have been discovered except for a few skulls put on spears. The Kark'Ill'Oligarqu'y Tribe has finally been discovered and their has been grave new indeed.....they attacked the individuals and they eat their enemies flesh and all except for the skulls, the skulls are kept to intimidate their aggressors into running away from them.

170 ABY
The defensive base known as, Mark II Zandara Research lab had been breached and destroyed by a large creature from the crater thought to be known as, a Ragnoraxius.

200 ABY
The colony ship sends a large expedition force known as, the Shatter I Exploration Expedition.

202 ABY
​The expedition discovers the crater, a unnatural location with a Type III atmosphere. They document their finds and send a shuttle containing the information to the Colony ship which is later sent to the Zandara Company headquarters.

202 ABY
The Expedition sends a small group into the crater to explore it.

202 ABY
After 1 month no sign of the group has been seen and contact is also lost with the group, only their skulls have been discovered along with melted suits.

216 ABY
Any sign of the expedition is lost when suddenly contact is lost with it.

250 ABY
The colony ship sends a final group of shuttles to the planet to take live samples.

250 ABY
The shuttles come back to the colony ship with live samples. Currently scientists are studying the creatures but they begin to get unsatisfied at the results.

261 ABY
The creatures escape their prisons and overrun the ship.

261 ABY
After three weeks the colony ship is overrun and the ship crashes into Shatter, causing a large ship wreckage.

309 ABY
The Zandara company goes bankrupt due to failed attempts on the planet Shatter.

310 ABY
Further expeditions to the planet have been cancelled due to insufficient technology and soldiers.

425 ABY
The planet has many natural disasters and strange unnatural weather patterns.

428 ABY
The planet has become isolated due to the Gulag plague and the 400 years of darkness.

828 ABY
The planet has been discovered once more. The planet is no longer isolated.
Intent: The purpose of this species is to make a challenge to roleplayers and to add a secret dark side to the galaxy. It's other purpose is to add a dark mystery to the galaxy and a new interesting creature of the deep of space that very few have seen....or will ever see.
 
[member="Hydran Galimin"]


Normally I would ask for a Dev Thread but your History Outline pretty much took care of it.

However, I have a few of questions:

1. Reproduction/ 5 million population. 1000 are born each year with a low survival rate. What would the percentage be? 10%, 25% for example. A fixed or average percentage would determine the total population. The higher the rate the lesser the species number so 5 million will be a high number depending on the percentage. Also, if the young are sometimes born without the ability to reproduce (1000 born each year) that will also affect the population number.

2. Average Lifespan: 0-210. This includes the additional 110 from their Diverse Biology? So without it, lifespan would be 0-100? Just double checking.

3. Weaknesses. Brain: Slightly smarter seems more as a strength than a weakness.
 
[member="Darth Venefica"]
1. Ok, I'll change it

2. Yeah, without the diverse biology it would only live for 100 years.

3. Will, one getting slightly smarter or dumber is a 1/10 chance and being slightly won't help too much sense it is counteracted by something in their biology that takes a toll on their brain, but it increases the number of organs it has. It is also a weakness because their aren't enough resources to make anything of much use except of course primitive weapons, and huts.
 
[member="Hydran Galimin"]
Okay.

I've taken an LOA, and I still have this to look at. I've been trying to summon words to properly show the issues I have with this submission, so I'll pull out the dreaded bullet points of doom.

  • Strengths. The tongue is good. That's unique. The Diverse Biology I don't get. How can it increase their average lifespan if they all have it? Increased from what? I think this really needs to be clarified so that you make it clearer. As it is I don't understand what this creature's strength is here.
  • Weaknesses. Trying to evolve? I don't understand this.
  • Weaknesses 2. 1,000 born a year...total for all of them, or each? The 34% figure is odd as there is no context to it. 34% of what?
  • Distinctions. What? An exoskeleton is still part of the body. But I don't understand how it's hard to see.
  • Distinctions 2. The eyes being blue do not make them illuminate the darkness by themselves. Does this mean they can see in the dark, or that they are lit up like torches?
  • Lifespan. Lifespan is the average time they live, therefore 0-210, whilst technically correct, is not what's intended. 210 is perfectly fine here.
  • Information. Just because it has not been discovered IC does not mean it is not there. The submission is an OOC way of proving suitability for it to be used here.
  • Culture. This is good.
  • Technology. What stage of development are we talking? Stone weapons or metal?
  • Behaviour. I see you copy-pasted some stuff from culture (or vice versa). Don't do that. Think of original things for each area.
  • History. The timeline style is fine, but it seems that everything is related to this expedition which takes forever. I mean it takes decades. It also reads like shorthand for the Aliens movies, something I could do without.
  • Notable PCs. You're missing this line from the template. Add it in.
  • Intent. This is fine.

Overall though, the big thing is that the spelling, grammar and punctuation is an utter mess. There are apostrophes where there should be none, random tense changes and odd phrasings. Look through this submission again. I must have it readable before I'm willing to pass it. If I can't read it now, how will someone in a year be able to interpret it?
 

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