Private Written in the Scars

[Aren D'Shade]

About a week had passed since Cassian and Aren had gone to the museum. In that week, she had made a little more progress in gathering the information he wanted for the High Republic. The research now was based more on patience. Her programs were all set up on the different frequencies and holonet engines. She had put them to running and was just about to wrap up for the day when a message came through for her from Cassian.

He wanted to know how the work was going and get an update over dinner. He suggested a place and time. Looking at the clock, she would have time to go back to her place, shower, and change before needing to show up. A smile crossed her face, and she suddenly felt almost like a teenager all over again.

As he promised when they met, transportation was given to her, and she wished it could go faster. It didn't, but she would still have time. Almost running inside, she quickly stripped, showered, and changed into a fresh set of clothes. Not that the others wouldn't have worked, but she wanted to be in something fresh for him.

Running a brush through her hair, she looked at the reflection, gave it a wink, and headed out. On her way out the door, she grabbed her bag and a few of the notes she had made over the week. Throwing her jacket on over her shirt, she closed the door and started to walk to the restaurant.

Over the week, it had seemed like he tried to avoid her, but as she thought about it, she didn't think that was the case. He had his own duties and work area; she had hers. The chances of them encountering each other weren't unheard of, but certainly uncommon. Going at a comfortable pace, she wasn't going to arrive late, but as she approached where they were going to meet, she didn't see him.

Keeping her hands in her pockets, she stopped, took a small breath, and smiled more to herself than showing it outwardly.

Cassian Abrantes

 

[Cassian Abrantes]

Cassian had arrived earlier than necessary, but he didn't go inside. He stood across the street for a time, cloak drawn close against the evening air, watching the flow of people around the restaurant. Part of him was measuring exits and angles, a habit he'd never shaken. The other part, more dangerous, more unsettling, was simply waiting for her.

A week had passed since the museum. A week of deliberately burying himself in work, in reports, in the endless minutiae of duty. It had been easier that way. Safer. If he saw less of her, maybe the thoughts she stirred would quiet. But they hadn't. Every time he closed his eyes, he felt again the weight of her hand, the quiet courage in her eyes when she said let's figure that out together. That memory had been harder to face than any battlefield.

Was it too soon? Was it too much?


So he asked her to dinner. Not because it was wise, not because it fit neatly into his carefully constructed plans, but because he wanted to.


When she came into view, his pulse betrayed him by quickening. Aren moved with the easy stride of someone trying not to rush, but there was a subtle brightness about her, something unguarded. She stopped at the appointed place, her hands tucked in her pockets, a small smile brushing her lips. Not for anyone else, for herself. For the thought of this moment.

Cassian lingered a heartbeat longer in the shadows, fighting the familiar urge to retreat, to let the distance protect him. But then he exhaled, stepped forward, and let the evening lights catch him as he approached.

"Aren." His voice was steady, though he wasn't sure how. He let a flicker of a smile cross his face, brief but genuine. "I wasn't sure you'd come."

Aren D'Shade

 

[Aren D'Shade]

Another group of people brushed past her as she waited for Cassian to show up. Looking at the ground, she slowly turned in a circle; she didn't know which direction he would come from. As she rotated, she saw him approaching out of the corner of her eye. Picking up her gaze, that hidden smile came out, and it was clear she had been looking forward to this evening together.

She did not miss his brief smile, and she kept hers as he walked to her. Then he commented that he wasn't sure if she would come.

"Why wouldn't I?"

Their last time together had been interrupted when it was getting interesting. Something charged and magical, that had been shattered and fallen away. A solid base had been established, or they had started to. Both of their secrets may need to be revealed before any building or rebuilding can actually begin.

"I have som...How was your week, Cassian?"

Meeting his eyes, she changed her mind about keeping it about business. She wanted to get to know the man in front of her. Beyond the simple subtleties of their day-to-day work. Drawing in a breath as if she wanted to say more, Aren fell silent and waited for his answer.

Taking her hands out of her pockets, one would be close enough for him to take if he noticed or wanted to.

"Thank you for inviting me out again."

Cassian Abrantes

 

[Cassian Abrantes]

Her smile undid him more than he liked to admit. It was unguarded, genuine, the kind of expression that belonged to a woman who wanted to be here, with him, and not because of duty or obligation. Cassian wasn't used to being the reason for that kind of smile.


When she answered his doubt with "Why wouldn't I?" it struck him as both simple and impossible. He had spent so long expecting people to walk away, when not pushed, they drifted. It had been easier to prepare for disappointment than to risk hope. Yet here she was, brushing his words aside with quiet certainty.


He almost asked her what she had started to say—I have som…—but she turned it, drawing him into something gentler instead. How was your week, Cassian? It wasn't business, it wasn't work—it was her asking about him.


That pause she left, the breath she drew in as if more words hovered just behind her lips, lingered in his mind even as he answered.


"My week was… long." His tone was low, but his gaze didn't leave hers. He considered saying more—that the days had felt heavier than usual, that he'd thought of her more than he should have—but he wasn't ready to lay that bare. "Better now," he added, the words slipping out before he could stop them.

He noticed her hand, free now... For a heartbeat, he hesitated, the familiar tug of restraint holding him still. He found cause to keep his hands steady for now. He looked from her to the place they were to dine at.

"Thank you for coming," he said, his voice softer this time, more personal. "I truthfully didn't want tonight to be about reports."

Aren D'Shade

 

[Aren D'Shade]

He didn't answer the first question, but he did the second. About how long his week had been. Entirely glossing over the fact that she had started to talk about work and changed her mind. Pinching her lips together before she could say anything else, she listened to his answer.

Their gazes held like this was meant to be, and her breath caught in her throat. When he added the better now comment, her breath released.

"I'm glad. Mine too."

Wearing that quiet half smile again, she broke eye contact and looked at the door of the restaurant. He hadn't taken her hand, and that was fine. It gave her the chance to link her arm with his, unless he pulled away. Then he commented that he didn't want tonight to be about reports, and she looked up at him, let out a huff through her nose.

"Neither did I, but I came ready just in case."

Once again, her pulse quickened just slightly, and her breathing became somewhat shallow. Unless he had refused her hand on his arm, she gripped it a little tighter for a moment as the thoughts she had were shut away. She had no reason to share them yet, and her desire to do more than eat dinner with him was put on hold for the time being. Patience was a virtue, and she needed to remind herself of that.

Cassian Abrantes

 

[Cassian Abrantes]

When her arm slid through his, Cassian felt the faintest jolt run through him. He wasn't used to the easy confidence of such a gesture, not when so many people treated him with formal distance or not at all. Aren didn't ask permission. She didn't need to. She simply walked beside him as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

And he let her.

His instinct to retreat, to step away, flickered like a shadow at the edge of his mind. But the warmth of her arm against his steadied him. He didn't pull back. Instead, he matched her step for step, feeling the brief squeeze she gave his arm.

Her half-smile, her comment about bringing her notes, it drew something close to a laugh from him. A quiet sound, barely there, but real. "I should've known," he said, glancing down at her. "You don't strike me as the type to come unprepared."

For a moment, the weight of the week, the doubts, they lifted. It wasn't gone, not truly, but it dulled beneath the simplicity of this: walking with her, the muted glow of the streetlamps on the stone, the faint anticipation before stepping into the restaurant. She was seemingly dulling his senses, about everything and he felt, unsure. He could feel her pulse through the subtle grip she had on his arm. Quick, but steadying. He didn't know if it was nerves, anticipation, or something more, but it mirrored the restless beat in his own chest.

He nodded toward the restaurant door, then leaned a fraction closer as he spoke. "Shall we?"

The restaurant was neither crowded nor empty. Soft light glowed from lanterns set into alcoves, and the hum of conversation around them was muted enough to fade into a comfortable backdrop. A low string melody drifted through the space, threading through the clink of glasses and quiet laughter.
Cassian followed the host to a table tucked near the window. It wasn't entirely hidden, but the placement gave the sense of privacy. He held her chair before seating himself, the motion automatic, yet there was an unusual care in it, as if the smallest courtesies mattered more tonight.

For a moment, silence lingered between them, not strained but weighted with everything unsaid.

"Tell me about yourself, Aren."

Aren D'Shade

 

[Aren D'Shade]

"There are certainly times when I'm not entirely prepared. It doesn't happen very often."

Enjoying the sound of his almost laugh made her want to try to make it last longer than a mere moment. He hadn't resisted when she placed her arm on his. Like she had the week before, she almost rested her head on his arm as they walked, but she sensed that might drive him away. And she did not want that.

Moving together, their steps were evenly paced. Not too fast or too slow, and Aren appreciated his small gesture. To walk at her pace and not take control fully. As if he had given that small concession to her. Opening the door for her, she let him escape her hold for the time being.

They were guided to a table, and she took the chair he pulled out for her with a thanks. Menus were set on the table, and the host walked away after getting their drink orders. Picking up the menu, they were silent for another few seconds until he asked her to tell him about herself.

This was a question she should have expected and been prepared to answer. However, she hadn't, and she laid the menu back on the table. If he were reading her, then he would see various thoughts and possibly some concern cross her face. Some peace was made within her, and she would tell him what she was comfortable telling him tonight.

"Well, I don't know where I was born, but a couple from Zakuul adopted me, and that's where I grew up. I had a mostly perfect childhood, and they allowed me to pursue my interest in technology. I left Zakuul when the First Order came knocking on their door.

"Ended up meeting a man who I eventually learned was my older brother."

A dark and lonely look passed across her eyes before she resumed her answer.

"I don't know where he is now."

In her travels with her brother, she had met Rann. Her first and only man she had loved. That bit of information was too personal for her to reveal just yet. Drawing in a breath and letting it out, she pushed her memory of Rann away for a while. She didn't think of him often, but she hoped he was doing well.

"After that, well, I have been able to focus on making a living. Taking on odd jobs here and there."

Smiling at him, she wanted him to accept her answer as she had stated it. On the chance, he probed more, then she would open up more, but she would leave off her Sith past. It was a choice she regretted and had done her best to keep hidden.

"I ask the same of you, Cassian. There's what I learned about you when you contacted me, and then there's the you that isn't so easily known."

Cassian Abrantes

 

[Cassian Abrantes]

Cassian listened without interruption, his hands resting loosely on the stem of his glass. Aren's words weren't casual fragments; they were pieces of her, offered carefully but deliberately. He could see the flicker of shadow in her eyes when she spoke of her brother, the brief weight that pressed into her voice before she pushed it aside. She gave him enough to understand that her past wasn't without fractures, but not enough to let him see them all.


And yet, it was more than he had expected her to share. More than most ever offered him.


When she turned the question back on him, Cassian stilled. He had asked almost idly, testing the water. But now it was his turn, and the invitation in her gaze pressed against the walls he'd kept sealed.

"The records tell the surface," he said at last, his tone even, though he felt the truth strain behind it. "Born here on Naboo. I grew up with a modest and humility unlike other noble families. My Father and Mother are wise, intelligent, humble and honorable and that is shown in us. I exhibited discipline, wisdom, eloquence, and an unwavering respect for others. Pushing myself to excel in all endeavors, guided by an innate sense of duty and a desire to live up to the example set before me. That's mostly why I excelled so much in the Academy and how I became a General." He shrugged his shoulders lightly... "Well former General...."

He shifted slightly, leaning back, his eyes holding hers though part of him wanted to look away.

"I've spent most of my life doing what needed to be done, looking after my family and ensuring they never come to harm. I sometimes fail in that respect." A pause. His voice softened. "You asked me at the museum what I see. Part of the answer is this: Other than my sister Sibylla, it it easy to talk to you. Like truly...talk."

He took a slow sip of his wine, not to avoid her, but to steady the edge of confession he hadn't planned to give. Setting the glass down, his fingers lingered against its base before he added:

"There are some details I can't share. Not yet. Some are mine. Some belong to others. But… if you want the man beyond the records, you're seeing him now. Even if it's not the whole of him."

Cassian showed her a small smile. "I'm sorry to hear about your brother. I'm sure he is doing just well." He said in hopes to give her some reassurance.

Aren D'Shade

 

[Aren D'Shade]

Giving him the same courtesy he had given her, Aren remained silent but listened to everything he said as he spoke. A brief family history and some insight into them, as well as what his parents had taught him. Much like she had done for him, they had fostered her interest and allowed her to follow her dream. If that hadn't happened, they wouldn't be sitting here having this conversation. She wouldn't be starting to have emotions for another man. The kind that could be so very good or could rip her heart out in the end.

His comment about not being able to share some details, she gave him an understanding nod. That was something she understood entirely. Right now, she was keeping secrets from him and if their relationship continued along the path she sensed it was on...she would reveal everything. They just needed time to grow.

"We each have pieces and facets that will be revealed, Cassian. It'll take time, and if those details you can't share about others never get told, that's fine. I'm not interested in them. You have that."

In her turn, she shrugged when he tried to assure her that her brother was doing well. A part of her felt that was true, and another didn't.

"I don't have any way to contact him. He's a bit like me and can wipe traces of himself off the holonet. Making him a ghost, and even with my tricks, I can't find him."

There was another piece for him to pick up on. She could clear herself from the net. Her dark past was still likely a secret from Cassian, and she wanted it that way.

"Thank you for the trust. It means a great deal to me. Here's something I entrust to you.

A couple of years ago, I took a job to get some information from the Silver Jedi on Commenor. I succeeded in getting it, but they caught me before I could deliver it. It's probably one of the only black marks on my history that I haven't entirely cleared away. I spent about a month in jail before they released me."

A group of younglings had found and released her, but she kept that detail to herself.

"Tell me another little detail about yourself. As silly or serious as you want."

Lifting her drink, she smiled around the rim of her glass before taking a sip and setting the wine back on the table.

Cassian Abrantes

 

[Cassian Abrantes]

Cassian listened without interruption. He was listening because he wanted to remember every word. Her acknowledgment of his own guardedness eased some of the tension in his chest. Pieces and facets… it'll take time. She didn't push, didn't pry. She accepted what he could give, and somehow that made him want to give more.

When she spoke of her brother, of the impossibility of reaching him, Cassian caught the faint shift in her tone. Something between resignation and defiance. A wound not fully healed. He filed it away quietly, not as a point of curiosity, but as a truth she had trusted him with.

And then she gave him more, her confession about Commenor. A black mark. A jail cell. The kind of thing most would hide forever, yet she placed it before him with a calmness spoke to him. For a moment, he only studied her, the wine glass cool in his hand, the flicker of lanternlight catching in her eyes. She was testing him, no, not testing. Offering. A thread of vulnerability to see what he would do with it.

"You speak of this without worry or fear, that's very brave of you, Aren." Cassian set his glass down slowly, deliberately, and leaned forward just enough to close the distance between them. His voice was quiet, steady. "I appreciate your trust in me with this information."


He reached for his glass again, lifting it for toast. "To the marks we carry, and to those who can still see past them." He showed her a small smile, indicating that, that particular event that happened in the past, was well in the past. It wasn't like she was like that anymore, right?

"Tell me another little detail about yourself. As silly or serious as you want."

"I like the arts, more often than I care to admit." He smiled and chuckled lightly. "I can play piano, I am no Master, but I know enough to carry a decent tune."

Aren D'Shade

 

[Aren D'Shade]

The secret she revealed about herself was what she considered small. Her most recent encounter with the authorities was much darker, and she would do her best to keep that one buried. However, even at her skill level, she hadn't quite hacked into the Jedi of the Republic's systems. She just hoped Cassian wouldn't go looking for anything there. He now knew she'd had an adventure with one Order...maybe she would have another with his. Covering her nervous gulp by taking a sip of her wine, she suddenly wanted to tell him all of her black marks.

All the things she wanted to keep hidden. Her heart jumped into her throat once again when he mentioned seeing past the marks. If only he knew...Another day, another time. To expose everything right now, she felt, would ruin it all.

Gently lifting her glass to meet his with the toast, she took a silent sip and set it on the table again. A small part of her was dimmed slightly, and perhaps she was feeling a bit of guilt. That piece of her knew that she had been misbehaving, and she had been caught fair and square. By every law, she shouldn't be sitting having dinner with Cassian. Could he see past that mark? She didn't know and didn't want to find out just yet.

He called her brave, and the mark comment just stole her heart away from her, and it was placed in his pocket. Letting out a sigh of surrender, she didn't explain to him what it meant. Perhaps it would show on her face or in her eyes. For her, the game was up, and she was entirely in love with him. No matter the good or the bad he might say about himself, she was his.

"That's really neat. You'll have to play for me sometime."

Smiling at him to answer his chuckle, it slowly faded away, and there was a silence between them. It wasn't heavy or filled with stress, but there was an electricity that was between them.

"I have a tattoo. That's my little tidbit. I'll show you after dinner if you want."

Cassian Abrantes

 

[Cassian Abrantes]

Her words, so casual, almost playful, caught him off guard. After all the weight of their conversation, all the shadows that hung between secrets and confessions, she offered something so disarmingly human. A tattoo. It was unexpected. And it was hers.

Cassian's lips curved, not in the restrained almost-smile she'd grown used to, but in something closer to the real thing. For once, the heaviness in his chest eased, replaced by a quiet warmth.

"You?" he said softly, as if testing the word against the air. His gaze searched hers, lingering with a flicker of curiosity that wasn't feigned. "Now you've managed to surprise me."

He lifted his glass again, but didn't drink. Instead, he leaned forward slightly, elbows resting on the table, his voice pitched low for her alone.

"Then I'll hold you to that. After dinner."

The way he said it wasn't a challenge or a tease, it was an acknowledgment, a promise to her vulnerability with one of his own. For Cassian, it wasn't about the ink on her skin. It was about the fact that she was choosing to share it with him, and he was choosing to accept.

The silence that followed wasn't awkward. It pulsed with an undercurrent, a quiet electricity, much like the night at the museum. Only now, Cassian found himself less inclined to pull away. He wanted to see. To know.

And in that realization, he understood how dangerous this was becoming, and how little he cared.

Aren D'Shade