Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Writing Exercises [Private]

Yoru Shakou

Well-Known Member
For those that come across this; this thread is done to help a fellow member of the sight expand upon their writing. Thus it is a non-canonical meeting between two characters, as well as private. If you have any pointers, tips or otherwise helpful advice, let me know so I can @mention you into the thread.

At this moment I am going to ask [member="Cain Laatl"] to write a paragraph (3 sentences) about his character finding a nerf on Dantooine. I will also post in character as the Baroness once we get started.
 

rain21199

The One Horned Demon
Cain walked through a large valley on Dantooine. He was looking for a white and blue nerf. The locals believed it to be a gift from their god. He could feel the energy coming from the old jedi temple not far from where he stood. Many men had trained there. In the back of his brain he pulled out a memory. It was of a text book entry. The entry was of a very notable Sith by the name of Darth Revan. If his memory was correct Darth Revan trained here on Dantooine. Cain noticed many religious statues that littered the fields. They were becoming a lot more dense than when he first arrived. He knew he was close. [member="Baroness Magrath"]
 
*Friendlly tip* OOC: [member="Cain Laatl"]

Avoid Exposistion. Exposisition is when you simply tell the story. Its also referred to as narrative. Dig deep in your imagination and follow this one rule. Show don’t tell. Use all five senses. What do you smell, how does the air feel? What can you see? What noises are there in your current environment.

Richness of the five senses enhances the story by allowing players to step in and really experience the story. In addition, its good to add the sixth sense if you so desire. Feelings , thoughts and emotion. These add depth to your character.

Try to tie in these concepts and you'll have a very rich piece of writing.
 

Yoru Shakou

Well-Known Member
It looks good; though The first thing I've noticed is your overuse of periods and short sentences.



Cain Laatl said:
Cain walked through a large valley on Dantooine. He was looking for a white and blue nerf. The locals believed it to be a gift from their god. He could feel the energy coming from the old jedi temple not far from where he stood. Many men had trained there. In the back of his brain he pulled out a memory. It was of a text book entry. The entry was of a very notable Sith by the name of Darth Revan. If his memory was correct Darth Revan trained here on Dantooine. Cain noticed many religious statues that littered the fields. They were becoming a lot more dense than when he first arrived. He knew he was close.
[ Taking your post, I'll show you how to expand it a bit and make it flow a bit better. ]

The Baroness walked through a large valley on Dantooine, looking for a blue and white nerf; The locals believed it to be a gift from a local deity. As she pushed forward a feeling began to wash over her, the energy coming from the direction of the old Jedi Temple. Many had trained there; in the years long ago when it had once stood as a center of learning for those of the Jedi Order. As she thought upon the ruins, a memory came to her; that of an old text book that she had looked through years before.

As she moved closer to the old temple her memories began to flow. Her fingers moving over the old stones as the memories flowed forth from years gone by. In that moment she could see it, the temple alive once more. Her memories filling in the empty spaces as she watched the ancient Jedi Padawans training in the temple with their masters. As she rounded the corner she could see him, Revan; the Dark Lord of the Sith that had found redemption in his actions, or so the story goes.
Also as mentioned; don't use exposition as much as you do. Many people will know the lore of Star Wars when it comes to the old eras and won't need to be filled in on it. If you feel the need, try to keep it short, don't let it take over your post. I'll ask that [member="RC 212 "]though read that the thread is private and I had asked people to contact me first before jumping in.

[member="Cain Laatl"]
 

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