Who am I? (Self-Thread)

[Zion Mirtis]

Two whole months. ​

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Two whole months since it had happened. Since Darth Raven had found it. The Thought Bomb. Hidden away on Thule by the first of the Sith in their attempts to create an all-powerful weapon. They had succeeded and many others had before. But this one, the one she'd found on Thule, was far different. At least she wanted it to be. She wanted thing to be different. She wanted to know that things would be for the better. She wanted to know what the Thought Bomb could show her. Unfortunalty it had shown too much to the point of inflicting pain. And misery. ​

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The one young and strong Raven was now forever changed. Her beautiful features had been drastically aged to that of an old woman. A 27 year old girl now looking 77. Upon discovering this Darth Raven was both horrified and saddened, knowing her quest for power and knowledge had taken her too far. And for what? Revenge. Revenge against the master who abandoned her. The one who betrayed her and the Sith. Taeli Raaf, whom raven had loved, had taken the young Raven away from the Jedi as a padawan and shown her the true light via the darkside only to turn on her own morals and join with the enemy. ​

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Was it worth it? Raven questioned that herself even as she sat alone in her quaters within the Sith Temple on Courascant. She'd obviosuly not been herself since the incedent. She sat in her chair, looking out to Courascant day after day. Watching everything pass by while she could barley enjoy. Her body felt weaker. Her mind felt thinner. Her power was still present but what good would it do for a near cripple of a body? She'd felt alone. She felt betrayed. She felt...contempt. ​

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As she sat there, by herself with none but her pet devourer Sebastian for company, Raven felt her eyes drifting off to sleep. ​

 

[Zion Mirtis]

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"You brought this on yourself, you know."​

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And there she was again. Ever since her incedent Darth Raven had begun to see her. The vision or memeory or whatever it was. The reflection of her younger self. Before the Sith. Before Taeli Raaf. When she was just a young and eager Jedi padawan. When she was simply known as Sophie Gustav. To Raven she was real as day, but to anyone else they saw and heard nothing. Raven knew why. It was another effect of the Thought Bomb. At least she reasoned it was. Why else would a ghostly apparition such as this torment her?​

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As she stood near her chair the vision continued to say "You chose this path for yourself and look where it's brought you. To this."​

 

[Zion Mirtis]

As Raven's eyes were forced open, her yellow irises of the darkside burning, she had an annoyed grimmace on her face. She'd dealt with this vision before and was angered by it. Every time it showed itself it was just more of a dark reminded of what she was now. What was worse was that when the healers inspected her they could find nothing, aside from the obvious changes to her mind. But nothing that would indicate seeing things.​

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"Go away." she hissed, coughing a little. "You're not real."​

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"Am I not?"​

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"Of course not. You're only in my mind. Something I wish I could cut. Or have the healers simply wipe away."​

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"You think it's that easy?"​

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"I wish it were..."​

 

[Zion Mirtis]

"That's always been your problem. You want things to be easy. But you know better. You know nothing is ever easy. And that's why you study so hard."​

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Raven sunk in hr chair and said "Quiet..."​

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"You try to find the easy way out. You always have. That's why you went to Ossus. You wanted to know everything. You wanted to be better then everyone else."​

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"Shut up."​

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"You wanted to be the best. You wanted to be the strongest."​

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"I said enough!"​

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"And that's why you went with her. That's why you chose the darkside. It was just easier."​

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"I SAID SHUT UP!" Raven shouted before standing from her chair and looking to the aparation. "You don't get to stand there and judge me! You. Just a figment of my imagination." She turned away, looking to the ground, and said to herself "What I did I did because I knew it was best. Power comes from knowing. I wanted to know everything. Yes it was easier. Yes, it was the quikest way out. But I knew there would be consequences. I knew what would come from it. But I wanted to know. I needed to know." She turned back to Sophie and pointed "You're no better. You were so weak. You only thought about how much you could impress mother and father. You thought you could make her proud. Well look where you've come to. This!"​

 

[Zion Mirtis]

To Raven's small suprise the vision of Sophie seemed touched by her words. She did seem upset that she had proven a point. Raven did not know wheather to be impressed or concerned in knowing that a vision had feelings. ​

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Looking Raven in the eyes Sophie retorted "I suppose we both dissapointments then."​

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Raven scoffed, turning away from her and walking to the window while saying "I'm only dissapointed that I had not thought ahead. Perhaps I could have changed things. But my resolve was never stronger then when I joined the Sith. Tey showed me true power. Power I've gained more then I ever could with the Jedi."​

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"You tell yourself that all the time. Do you really belive it?"​

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"Of course I do!" she sapped, turning to her. "I can bend the elements. Control the minds of the weak. I can do so much more. What could the Jedi ever do for me?"​

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"Perhaps save you. From...this." she indicated her old, withered form. ​

 

[Zion Mirtis]

"Save me?" she ask with an offended tone. "They can barley save themselves. I don't need them. I never needed them. Ever!"​

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"You didn't used to think that." Sophie retorted, making Raven turn away from her. Despite this she continued with "You used to be fascinated by them. All the stories grandmother told you. All those times you dreamed about being with them. Don't you remember that?"​

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Raven never answered. She was silent as she crossed her arms, her mind wandering back to those old memories. Her grandmother, a powerful Jedi in her own rights, telling of her time among the Order. How she fought bravely with others like her and how she felt great honor for serving in the name of peace. How she would play with pretend sabers and create her own missions out of nothing but imagination. ​

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As if sensing this Sophie walked up behind her and said "Things were so much happier in those times."​

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Raven, however, retorted with "Child's play. Daydreams of a foolish little girl. Nothing more." ​

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"Do you remember what they used to say to you? What mother, father and grandmother had always said." Raven did not say it at first. "They always said 'Sohpie you were born...'"​

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"...to do great things." Raven finally said, a little stunned by it. She recovered, however, and said in a ore assured tone "They were right. Look at what I've done!"​

 

[Zion Mirtis]

"This is greatness? Turning yourself into a monster?" Sophie asked. "This is horror. Nothing more."​

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Raven looked back and spat "What do you know? Nothing! You're just scared. Scared of true power."​

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"Perhaps... But after seeing what it's done to do. Maybe true power isn't wirth it."​

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An angered growl escaped Raven's lips as she turned away again. She smacked a decoration off one of the nearby tables, breaking it as it hit the floor. ​

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"You just like her. You're just like Mm.. Like Raaf." Raven said, almost called Taeli Raaf her master again. "You're afraid."​

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"Or maybe...you are."​

 

[Zion Mirtis]

"Afraid? Of what?" Raven asked, turning back to Sophie.​

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"I think you know. It's the same fear that drove you so far. The same fear that made you into this. The same fear that made you attack Taeli when she rejected you."​

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Raven's eyes moved away from meeting's Sophie's as she said "No..."​

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"Maybe that's what this is all about. Maybe deep down you're just having a tantrum."​

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"No. No..."​

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"This is all about you wanting her attention again. Even after everything she did for you."​

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"Shut up..."​

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"You've killed plenty of people just because you want her to respect you again. Because you still care for her. You still love her."​

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"No! No, I don't love her. You're...you're lying!"​

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"Maybe that's what it is then. Maybe that's what I am. That part of you that still has hope."​

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"No..."​

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"That's side of you that still think's there's a chance."​

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"Shut up!"​

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"The part of you that knows you could always go back. And be with her."​

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"No. No it can't be that way."​

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"It can't because you won't let it. You're afraid of what will happen."​

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"I told you to shut up."​

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"You're afraid of becoming weak again. Of being less than what you think you're meant to be."​

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"Stop it! Stop it!" she yelled, covering her ears.​

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"You're afraid...of being me."​

 

[Zion Mirtis]

That had been the the final snap. Raven had screamed as she turned towards the vision of Sophie, raising her hands and firing bolts of Force Lightning from her fingertips. By the time they would meet Sophie was gone, vanishing as if never being there. The lightning snapped against the wall, breaking a few things in the process. But Raven did not end it there.​

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She lashed out all over the place, firing bolts of lightning or pushing things over with heavy force pushes. Every time she did it was towards the spot in the corner of her mind where Sophie always seemed to be. Just out of reach. It was driving her mad. Raven was getting to paranoid with it that she finally drew a lightsaber. She waved it violently towards Sophie, always missing her when she would dissapear at the last minute. At one point she'd destoryed a lamp on the counter, now only the light from her saber and that of the loghts outside from Courascant illuminating her room. ​

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Raven stopped, her weapon still in hand, and desperate looked around for Sophie. She turned, finally seeing her plain as day. She was standing in full view now, as if challenging Raven to take another swing at her. She would have it. Raven scarmed and charged before sweeping her blade up and plunging it down into her chest. For a moment she thought she had disspeled the curse over her mind. Until...​

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The sound of a whimper had snapped her out of her hysteric state. The room was still dark but now it was more clear to her how much was destoryed by her violent outburst. Furniture destoryed or toppled over. Singe marks on the walls and floors. And burnign scars from her lightsaber. Another whimper and she looked down, realizing she had indeed struck something with it. But it was not Sophie.​

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"Se...Sebastian...?"​

 

[Zion Mirtis]

The sithspawn devourer whimpered with it's remaining breath. In her shock Raven had dropped her saber, letting it roll onto the floor before dropping to her knees. She could see where the saber had entered the beast's belly, burning a hole stright through it; cutting all vital organs in the process it seemed. Her withered hands covered her quivering mouth as tears began to build in her old eyes. They slowly reached down and tried to comfort Sebastian as the last bit of light drained from his eyes.​

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"No...No... Sebastian..." Raven began to weep.​

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Her head fell onto his now dead chest. Tears dripped from her shut eyes, any strength to hold them inside gone. She'd killed her pet. Her loyaly friend. There was no one she could blame but herself for this. And that was what made it hurt all the more.​

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While she did not see it she had a feeling Sophie was behind her. Vision or not she could tell she was there, looking down on her and judging her for what she'd done. For how she brought herself to this. And in the end how she had become all the more broken, not stronger, due to taking this darker path. ​

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Sophie's hand came and rested on Raven's shoulder as she said "This is all you will gain if you continue on this path. The power you seek. The power to corrupt. To destory the things we love." Raven only continued to weep before Sophie tried to comfort her more, giving a small sigh. "I suppose it might be too late. We mourn the lives lost. Both of ours..."​

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A moment later, however, Raven seemed to calm as she had a silent revelation. Slowly she began to pick herself up, brushing away the figment trying to show her ease. ​

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"Lives... Yes... Lost...but found again."​