Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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When Faith Fails Us(Kian Karr/Ask)

Coruscant
Dreg's Cantina
12:53 AM​

Bored, purposeless and without direction. Just how he liked it, or so he'd convinced himself. There wasn't much out of life that Varus had learned to appreciate, but it was the little things like women and alcohol that had gotten him by so long. Those were the things he would cling to, aside from the few drinking buddies he'd made along the way. It was about as good as it was going to get for him as long as he had a target on his back. A target both Sith and Jedi alike had taken aim at more than once.

For some reason the galaxy had seen it fit to bestow upon Varus the ability to feel and use the force all around him. Something that most people weren't even aware of, which as he saw it was ridiculous. People were so blinded by the many distractions the galaxy had to offer that they didn't see the war being waged right under their selfish noses. It was almost sad, and he might have sympathized for them had he not fallen prey to the same, alluring devices of society. He liked to think he was the exception, however, because at least he was aware of what was going on. At the very least, he could see beyond the naked eye, and he had a front row seat to the eternal struggle between the light and the dark.

He was perfectly happy standing on neutral ground, though he knew that wouldn't last long. Something had to give, and it was typically the middle ground that fell away before two opposing forces destroyed one another. Thus the target on his back had been concealed to the best of his ability. What little he did know about the force had been applied to controlling his grasp on the transparent energy that swelled through him with a current that only grew more unstable the more he ignored it. He just wanted to have fun while he could and avoid coming to odds with the fact that he was going to either implode or be found out and killed sooner or later.

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He was often solemn and kept to himself, his hair unkempt and his face scruffy with the look of a poor, young, nobody. It was how he'd always been. How he'd survived. It was who he was, and as he took a sip from his glass of whiskey, his gazed down at and old newspaper, sapphire eyes scanning the images of a man clad in black and holding a nobody, just like him, by the throat. The battle on Zeltros had been bloody and he knew that sooner or later, the Jedi would come back for Coruscant. On that day, despite the planets occupation of darkness, there would be countless lives lost for an ongoing struggle he couldn't see himself taking part in.

It was madness. And every moment that passed was potential slipping away. Potential for him to do good, or potential for him to take what he wished without circumstance. Was it really all that important, though? Was it wrong to do nothing when you had the ability to do anything?
 
As a Jedi Shadow, Kian Karr was generally used to going into enemy territory and keeping a low profile.....but Coruscant....now that was a whole knew experience for him. It had taken Kian a long time to come up with the credentials and documentation he needed to come to the planet. He was here as Po Rama an ambitious Kel Dor technology merchant looking to open up trade with the One Sith on the black market.

The credentials were impeccable because rather than make forgeries, as was his typical move, Kian had called in a favor on Dorin and gotten real documentation from one of the corporations there. He wasn't taking any risks when it came to Coruscant. Kian left his hood down as he walked through the shadows of the dark street, not wanting to be obvious that he was hiding his appearance and entered the Dreg's Cantina at 12:00AM.

Kian didn't drink....in fact he never had....but there was still something about places like this that Kian liked. You had to constantly be on your guard...constantly on edge and it kept your mind working at optimum efficiency....unless of course you were drinking! Kian found a dark corner of the cantina and sat quietly. At first the entrance of a Kel Dor had drawn some attention, but quickly the patrons went back to their routine and he was left to his own devices. Kian stretched out with his mind, skimming at the thoughts of the people within the cantina. He was very cautious so as not to give away his activity and his presence to any force users that might be by. He had received word of a potential recruit to the Jedi here and Kian was hoping to smuggle the individual off of the planet. It had been the reason he had come here under the guise of a tradesman.

Then he saw him. He was hard to miss, sitting at the bar and sipping on a drink. He was a large human with blonde hair. Kian watched him for a time and stretched out to feel the youth in the force. It was definitely him....the force was strong with him. Kian had taken a risk coming here.....he knew that if the youth had already been recruited by the One Sith then he proposal of leaving with him and coming to the Jedi would be exposed and Kian would be hard pressed to make it offworld.....but the reports Kian had confirmed about the youth had pointed to it being a worthwhile risk.

Rising from his seat, Kian approached the bar and took the seat next to the human. The bar was surprisingly empty, most patrons sitting on the other side of the bar or at private tables. It was fortunate in that it gave Kian the opportunity to speak with the human without too many ears within eye shot.

"You're not safe on this planet." Kian said to the youth as he drew up the chair beside him and then waived at the bartender to pour them both a drink. As he spoke he let down his guard a bit, not enough to draw too much attention, but enough that his force aura would be present to the young man. He wanted the human to sense his connection to the force as a way of indicating just who he was without saying the word.

[member="Varus Shatterstar"]​
 
Varus smirked as Kian took the seat next to him only to claim that he wasn't safe of that planet. It was a bit funny to him to think of the comment and consider it, as he was right. Varus wasn't safe, but then again, no one was safe on a Sith occupied planet when you considered what Sith did to one another. The only reason they hadn't gone on a rampage and killed every last living citizen on Coruscant is because they had found leadership that they hadn't had in the past. That being said, it was ironic that a Jedi was telling him that he wasn't safe.

"That makes us pees in a pod then, I suppose.", Varus said without bothering to look at the Kel Dor as he finished his drink, only to be presented with another in it's place, though he hadn't asked. He took the fresh drink and lifted it up, realizing that it had been his new friend who had ordered it, raised the glass and finally glanced over at him. He nodded in his direction in thanks as he eyed him up and down,noting that he wasn't the prettiest of creatures, but he was still a man, just like him, of another species. He might not have been very appealing to the eyes, but his aura was a soothing one. Something he could say was rare for a Jedi those days.

Taking a sip of his new drink, Varus said, "Thanks. I needed a fresh one.", before reaching out and setting the glass down on the bar top and folding one of his arms over the other. "So...", he said, starting to speak before glancing back over to [member="Kian Karr"], "I suppose I can guess why you're so far from home and taking such big risks.", he said, suggesting that he was there to speak with him, though unsure what his overall intention was. Was he reaching out to find allies? Was he eliminating would be threats? Varus couldn't be sure, and so he took his time and carefully chose his words.
 
Kian considered the young man before him and inclined his head as the drink was consumed. He certainly hadn't bought it for himself. The young man seemed guarded....which was probably a good choice of personality to have on a planet like Coruscant.

"I'm here to extend an offer." Kian said placing his hands flat on the bar top, his eyes still not leaving the young man. "I have transportation off world....you show potential in the force. The longer you're here the more likely you'll be discovered by the Sith and....invited....to train among them. I can get you off world to Republic space. From there you can decide where you want to go." Kian said. He wouldn't push the young man, he wanted the young man to come to them of his own accord.

[member="Varus Shatterstar"]
 
Varus sat listening to the man next to him, wondering just what his story had been up to that point and why he was doing what he was. He seemed prepared and we'll spoken, at the very least, but he was cautious and took care with every step he took. He knew what was at risk, though Varus didn't agree that he was in danger at all. After all, he'd been there for years, and though he'd been challenged and tracked, even pushed to kill in a few altercations, he remained confident in himself.

"So you just want to talk then? Make some sort of offer?", he asked, doubting that he was worth all the trouble to begin with. He wasn't the most positive in mind set, especially when someone from some faction came around and started asking questions. Usually it lead to bad things, so if he could avoid all the complication he certainly would.

"Well...", he started to say as he took his drink and took another sizable sip. "...sounds better than a fight, anyway."
 
Kian could feel confidence in the young man and he smiled inwardly. He was confident....perhaps to the point of arrogance...but that would be a natural reaction to someone who was likely use to relying on himself to survive. Kian had to imagine that he had experienced quite a bit on the capital of the One Sith. Kian thought honesty was the best approach.

"You have potential. You are strong in the force, that would be clear to any force user who approached you." Kian said, trying to make the man understand what he was here for and what he was offering. "But that potential goes unfulfilled if you don't obtain training. You've done well on your own, I'm sure, but you could be so much more. You could do so much good."

"Perhaps that appeals to you, and perhaps it does not." Kian said, not in an insulting, condescending way, but rather just admittedly as a potential truth.

"I'm offering to take you off this world because I'd like to see you reach your potential among the Jedi. If that doesn't appeal to you....we'll in the very least I'd get you away from the One Sith. If I don't....you might be my enemy some day....and any decrease in potential enemies is an advantageous thing." Kian said, his eyes scanning the room. Several patrons seemed awfully interested in their conversation.

[member="Varus Shatterstar"]
 
Something about what the man said had actually made Varus smile. "Afraid I'll come and find you all red eyed and angry one day?", he asked with a light laugh in a joking manner. He didn't mean to insult him at all, and really he was just wasting both of their time as he put off leaving his comfortable seat to go somewhere unknown with someone he'd just met. That, plus he'd only just started drinking in the last hour when this man had found him.

After his short, light laughter, Varus stopped and stared down into his glass as he thought about what [member="Kian Karr"] had just said. He told him that he could be more when Varus had convinced himself that he was just a ticking time bomb. He told him he could do so much good when Varus hadn't even thought of anyone but himself in so long that he'd forgotten what it was like to be selfless. He didn't know the meaning of putting someone else before himself, so what made this man think Varus could be any more than what he already was? A selfiah, unmotivated young man who'd grown up dodging or fighting men just like Kian since he was a boy.

"Well then. I suppose I'm not very busy these days. Plus I could use a vacation.", he said as he glanced over at the Jedi next to him and smirked. "If you see more than I do when I look in the mirror then I suppose the least I could do is let you show me what I fail to see.", he said, which sounded a little sad. It wasn't very like Varus's personality to not be funny or have a playful air about him, but this man was serious, something Varus wasn't very used to dealing with. That's why he took anothet big sip to finish his drink and waited for the Jedi to lead the way.

"It might be best to go ahead and leave. People are already talking, so, it won't be long before one of them gets skiddish and goes to find a figure of authority.", he said, sliding his cup across the bar toward the bartender, nodding his head in thanks as he pushed himself up from his seat.
 
Kian listened to [member="Varus Shatterstar"] and was saddened by the fact that the young man didn't see the potential that he held. The force connected every living thing and there were those who were stronger in it....those who could follow it's will and use it for good. Varus had the potential to be one of those people and with time and training he could achieve great things.

"Well as far as vacations go, Ossus is a beautiful place." Kian said turning and indicating that Varus should follow him. Kian entered an encrypted message into his datapad and sent the message away. The droids on his transport would begin prepping the ship for launch. By the time Varus and Kian arrived it would be ready to go.

"The ship will be ready when we get there." Kian said. "Now that you've agreed to come, may I official introduce myself...." Kian said. Kian touched Varus's mind with his own and Jedi Knight Kian Karr would appear in the young man's mind. He communicated with Telepathy....still unwilling to say the words out loud while they were on Coruscant.

[member="Varus Shatterstar"]​
 
Varus was certain that this man, [member="Kian Karr"] had no idea how far along he actually was. That's why when Varus saw the imagery in the back of his mind, just a name, he glanced over at Kian with a light smirk forming on his face. He then opened his mind to the force and focused for a moment, not being all that well versed in telepathy, but he did know the simple things. He knew how to throw his voice and project small illusions to people. Even make them see some things that weren't actually there, just like Kian just had in his mind.

-"Varus... Shatterstar..."- all of a sudden names were whispered through the force and would flow in the force. Anyone who was force sensitive in his immediate area would here the whispers of his name being spoken as if from his very own lips as they walked, and as they did he remained completely silent until Kian would notice.

As they headed for the man's ship, he thought about gathering his belongings, but the only thing he had of any real worth was in his cred account, and there wasn't even much there to begin with. It hadn't been a very beneficial last couple of years for Varus, and he realized that the older he got, the more attention he drew from both Sith and Jedi. He had been moving around the planet a lot in the last couple of years, and about the only things important to him he had on him right then and there, aside from a couple bags of clothes back at his apartment he never used.
 
Kian smiled when he felt the touch of the force from the young man and heard his name, Varus Shattershield, whispered through the force. Kian had been told the young man was rather adept at the use of the force and Kian was eager to see how the young man handle his initial training. As they made their way toward the spaceport, Kian glanced around Coruscant. He hoped that the Jedi would be able to walk freely on Coruscant one day....

"That is my ship." Kian said, lifting a taloned hand and pointing to a small transport ship. "It should be prepped and ready to go."

"Is there anything you need before we leave?" Kian asked, "Odds are we won't be back here for quite some time." Kian said with a hint of sorrow in his voice. This planet deserved better than the One Sith.

[member="Varus Shatterstar"]​
 
Varus walked with the man, allowing the silence to hang between them until they reached a ship. When they did, Varus looked it over with curious eyes as the ship's engines rumbled and continued to warm up. He then looked over at Kian as he asked him if there were anything he needed before they left. When he did, however, Vaurs didn't reply immediately. He instead stared at the ground for a moment before he raised his head up again and shoot it from side to side.

"Anything of mine here either isn't worth stealing or no one knows where it is.", he explained, watching Kian for a few more moments until he finally said. "No, there's nothing here I need to bring with me..."

"I'm starting over."

[member="Kian Karr"]
 
Kian watched Varus consider his question for a moment. Kian could only imagine what was going on in the human's mind. Kian, raised among the Baran Do, had traded in one life of studying the force for another. But when he left Dorin it had been hard to turn away from all that he had ever known. Now he was asking Varus to do the same and he felt for him.

"Good." Kian said and turned ushering him onto the ship.

~ ~ ~​
To Kian's great relief and satisfaction, they had made it off Coruscant with no difficulty and the jump to hyperspace had been made. Now there was just the silence of space laid out before them as the transport vessel made its way toward Ossus. Kian missed the planet he had called home for the last few years and he remembered when he first made the journey there....just a few years older than Varus was now. Kian entered the common room of the ship and placed a hot cup of stimcaf in front of Varus.

"Sorry, but I don't have anything stronger." Kian said and raised his own glass up in a toast, "To starting over." Kian said and placed a straw into the beverage....it was a pain drinking in his anti-ox mask, but there was a small feeding port at the front that he could use for such occasions. After a moment, Kian asked.

"Why don't you tell me a bit more about yourself? I've heard a bit about you when word of you came to the Order...but I'd rather not go on second hand information." Kian said sitting back and folding his arms across his chest.

[member="Varus Shatterstar"]​
 
Varus took the glass that had been presented to him by Kian with a soft smile as he nodded his head in thanks. He then leaned back and got comfortable in his seat, lifting his right leg and draping it over his left. He then took a sip of the stimcaf and sighed as he swallowed the drink. "To finding purpose.", he said, a few moments after the toast had been made. He then searched his mind for a few silent moments before he glanced up at Kian who was asking him to share a little more of himself.

"Well...", Varus started, taking another sip of his stimcaf before he shared with Kian a story. "There's too much to tell, really, but I suppose I can share the shortened version.", he said as he searched his memories, of which there was much sadness and hardship for him, even as young as he was. "I never knew my parents, but I have a theory that they were Jedi who fell in love, but me being the mistake, they gave me away and went back to their quiet, emotionless lives as Jedi. I figure they were afraid of having to answer for a child and made the only decision that they could and gave me up."

There was a long moment of silence that lingered between them which Varus filled by taking another sip of the stimcaf, which was really sobering him up a bit. He then set the glass down on the table and looked back up to Kian, those sapphire eyes remaining distant and reserved. "So, I never met my parents. They didn't leave anything for me at all. Not even their names, which might have been the most valuable thing to me had I not resented them so much, but they didn't even give me the option to hate them and pretend they never existed."

Taking a moment, Varus sighed lightly and smiled, wanting Kian to realize that despite his lonesome life, he'd been about as fortunate as anyone else. "Life was simple for me after that, moving from orphanage to orphanage until I was old enough to make my own decisions and choose where I wanted to be. When I was thirteen I came across an old speeder shop that I fell in love with, and when it came time to move to another orphanage, though I was surely too old to be adopted anyway, I stayed at that speeder shop under an apprenticeship. I never went to school, but I was close with my employer at the speeder shop who'd taken me in as something of a son to him. He taught me everything I needed to know, basic schooling skills and how to read and write. I was always good with math and technology, so everything else came naturally to me.", he said, picking up the stimcaf to take a sip again before he finished.

"That man died about a year ago and I've been helping run the shop with his son ever since, but now... I don't know. I've been trying to figure out what I was meant for ever since he died.", he said, looking a little solemn for a moment before he nodded his head to Kain. "That's about it."

[member="Kian Karr"]
 
Kian listened silently, as he gave [member="Varus Shatterstar"] his full attention. The young man's story was somber and sobering and Kian found himself listening intently, giving Varus his full attention. It had to have been hard....growing up without the guidance of parents and being shuffled about from orphanage to orphanage. Then there was the loss of the speeder shop owner....a surrogate father.

"So much loss in one so young." Kian said, though he himself was not that much older then the young man before him. "I truly wish that I could tell you taking the Jedi path will alleviate that....but loss is something we face. Loss of friends, colleagues....and if we're not careful....loss of ourselves." Kian said, thinking of those he had seen changed by the darker side of the force. Those corrupted and convinced that the horrific acts they were committing were justified.

"But purpose. Purpose is one thing I can promise you. Being a Jedi isn't easy....it will take discipline, training, and sacrifice...but it will provide you with purpose. But more than that....it will open you up to the universe in a way you can't even begin to understand now. As your training progresses you'll find yourself becoming more aware of just how interconnected we all are....and you'll never stop learning." Kian said, thinking about the experiences he'd had thus far in his time with the Jedi.

"There is no greater purpose....nor any greater sense of fullfillment....than that you'll feel from helping others...from defending those who can't defend themselves." Kian said, hoping he didn't sound too much like a brochure. He meant every word of it. Kian's time among the Baran Do had been worthwhile and educational....but he didn't find purpose until he'd come to the Jedi. Until he'd begun to see the good they could do and the people they could help.
 
Varus listened to Kian quietly as his soon to be master spoke. He respected him, though they weren't far apart in age, but he supposed that it was because the alien had a certain way of carrying himself. He also spoke to people in a respectful way, which warranted respect in return, so to him, Kian deserved his full, undivided attention and not to be interrupted. When Kian was done, however, Varus still didn't speak for a few moments, wondering what to say in return, but like always, words came to him quickly, never being without the confidence to hold conversation or the material with which to fill it.

"Well I would say that growing up experiencing loss would have prepared me for it in later life. It should make things easier on me, but I'm sure that the first person I get close to who I lose will be all too profound an experience. I don't think you can ever prepare for loss and hardship. You can just pretend you don't notice or use it to fuel rage if you allow it to be your power.", he said, taking a sip of stimcaf and then uncrossing his legs. He held the glass with both hands, leaning over on his elbows which he planted firmly on top of either knee.

"Life is full of interesting experiences, though. I just hope I can do something good for once, I suppose.", he claimed as he stared down into the glass he held, watching as the steam rolled off the surface of the liquid that slowly swirled in it. "Maybe I can save a few lives or even stop a Sith or two along the way. Make the galaxy a better, stronger place, perhaps?", he asked Kian as he glanced up at him for a moment before looking away again. "I guess we'll see."

[member="Kian Karr"]
 
"Sometimes making the galaxy a safer place and helping others is all we can hope for." Kian said smiling beneath his mask and looking at [member="Varus Shatterstar"]. "There is of course another option with regards to loss and hardship," Kian said running his hand over his anti-ox mask's spikes, "we can learn from it." Kian said, thinking of all the times he had experienced loss himself.

"Even in loss there are profounds lessons to be learned." Kian said, "That life, all life, holds value. That dealing out death should, and must be, the last choice....the one chosen after all others have been exhausted. That while we die, we continue on in our connections to the force." Kian said, drinking some of his stimcaf as well.

"Tell me Varus, what do you know of the Jedi? What do you know of our philosophies, our codes?" Kian asked. "There will be time when we arrive on Ossus for me to begin examining your control of the force...but for now I'd like to know what you know about the ways of the Jedi."
 
Varus listened carefully to every word, realizing in those moments just how wise Kian had become, even at his young age. He was a few years his elder, more than enough to see him as a student, but not so much that they couldn't relate on most levels and see eye to eye in many ways. That was why Varus chose to show Kian respect like he'd show a figure of authority or a friend, and as he spoke he simply sipped on his stimcaf, waiting to be asked something else or be educated in another way.

Soon he asked him what he knew of the Jedi, which up until that point hadn't been too much. He'd tried to avoid both Jedi and Sith on Coruscant, and had done so successfully for years, but he was well aware that he hadn't faced the strongest of them either. In his mind, though, there wasn't much difference between the two. He knew they both used the force and they both had an overall agenda, just like anyone, but the strongest seemed to have a grasp so deep in their own will power and of the force that they found a way to carry on, even in the toughest of times. "I know that, from my experience, they're not much different from Sith.", he admitted, watching Kian closely as to gauge his reaction to what he was saying.

"They're both profound warriors of legend, very rare to encounter. They have the ability to manipulate the force and they both seem to rally behind different banners, considering they are fundamentally different.", he admitted, knowing that he was contradicting himself a bit, but that was partly the point he was trying to make as he finished his opinion. "All in all, the good ones are polar opposites of one another, and the weak or misguided ones are all too similar. I've seen a Sith help a frightened child and I've watched as a Jedi killed someone for not cooperating with them..."

He took a moment to take another sip of stimcaf so that he could figure out how to tell Kian this, though he was well aware he was prepared to hear anything. "...in fact... it was a Jedi who killed for information on my whereabouts... a Jedi killed the owner of the speeder shop and... I killed him later that same night."

[member="Kian Karr"]
 
Kian considered what [member="Varus Shatterstar"] said and for a few moments was quiet. It was true that, to the layperson, Sith and Jedi didn't look so different....but the differences were supreme. Then there was what Varus said with regards to the 'Jedi' who killed his surrogate father. It made Kian sick to hear it and he took another moment to reflect on it.

"He wasn't a Jedi." Kian said resolutely. "He may have been given the title Jedi....but he wasn't a Jedi. Being a Jedi is about living your life by a philosophy and if you do not live by that philosophy....then you are not a Jedi, regardless of the title bestowed you." Kian said with sorrow in his voice.

"And any Jedi who condoned that man's actions was no Jedi either." Kian said.

"I'm sorry it happened." Kian said, meaning every word of it. As he spoke an alarm chimed indicating they would be leaving hyperspace soon. Shaking his head as he thought, Kian couldn't help but feel bothered by it all. Too many called themselves Jedi and yet broke with so many of the Jedi ideals, so many of the philosophies and tenets that made up the order. These were not Jedi.
 
Varus wouldn't be able to tell by looking at Kian, but he could feel in the force his reaction to what he'd shared. He was bothered by what he'd said, not because he didn't believe it or because he thought less of him for killing that Jedi, but because he disagreed with what the man had claimed to be. That was something that Varus could understand, considering Kian was a fundamentally different man and considered himself Jedi as well.

It must have been frustrating to see others who didn't embody the ideals of the Jedi parade around under the guise of one. Something Varus couldn't claim to understand, considering he was no Jedi. At least, not yet.

"I'm sorry if I've caused offense. My intent was not to upset you, but I'd kill that man again if I could.", he admitted, showing that little bit of emotion he clung to. That essence of darkness still in him that resented and hated the one who'd ended the life of the only man who'd ever even come close to a father to him who'd left that life far too soon.

Still, in those moments, as the alarm alerted them to the shift from hyperspace, Varus was sad. As he stared down into his glass of stimcaf, he realized that if Jarrek hadn't died, he might not be on that ship that very moment with a man he hardly knew who saw in him potential to change or save lives. As sad as he felt, he realized that Jarrek might have died so that he could become something great and do something truly profound. Something that might have been worth the life of a good man.
 
Kian shook his head at [member="Varus Shatterstar"]'s apology as a sign of it not being necessary. "It was not you who offended Varus, it was the man that killed you're friend who offends me." Kian said apologetically as well. Then Kian considered Varus's words concerning the murdering of the murder.

"Well....that is something we will have to work on." Kian said smiling beneath his mask and pouring warmth into the force. Kian could understand the impulse to kill the man who killed your father....he could understand the wish for vengeance. But as his training progressed, Varus would hopefully come to see that killing because of an emotion was never the right thing.

"It isn't something we will resolve today, but one day I hope that when asked the question whether or not you would spare that man's life, the answer will have changed." Kian said rising to prepare the ship for landing.

"When a Jedi kills it is because it is the only option available to them....it is always a last resort." Kian said turning to leave the common room, they would be on Ossus soon enough. Before he left however, he turned back. "When we kill in the name of one who is gone and we loved.....we wrong them I think." Kian said after a moment of silence. "It is as if we are making their last act one of violence instead of one of love." Kian said, unsure of whether or not that thought would mean anything to the young man at the time. Kian wasn't sure if Varus would ever come to hold that view....or if he would ever feel that killing in vengeance is wrong....all Kian could do was teach him in the ways of the Jedi and hope that he in time would come to understand.
 

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