Private What Have You Been Up To?

[Sakadi Marathi Sinvala]

With a weary motion, Sakadi would tuck the single strand of white hair that had been bothering her behind her ear. No one had told her about the paperwork before she took her place among the masters of the Silver Assembly. Even with her protocol droid TC-41 by her side, the work remained tedious. At least she had gotten used to the travelling.

She felt how the T-6 shuttle shook as it left hyperspace. It made her momentarily look up from the datapad on her small bureau in the back of the shuttle. The craft itself wasn't all that large, but it had enough space to allow for basic needs and some privacy in case of long travels like this one.

"Would you like to take a small break Miss Sinvala?" The droid beside her asked, a question that was met by a nod. "You could take ten minutes off if you'd like. We still need to read the Tol Amn rapports and submit them to Master Eloi." TC-41 continued in his usual frustrated tone. Everything seemed to annoy the droid, from paperwork to conversations. The only think it really felt comfortable with was something not included in his programming: daring adventures.

With a second nod and a small wave to stop him from adding any more tasks for the day, Sakadi finally left her chair. Where were they going to stop for fuel again? Belasco? She couldn't quite remember. Not that it mattered anyway; it wasn't as if she had the time to leave the shuttle. The second passenger however, she probably had a bit more time on her little green hands.

The thought of Yenna made her mind immediately wander back to Cas's revelation on Life day. Whenever she saw the girl, it reminded her of him. And the thought of the Kiffar was one that hurt. The secrets he kept… They bothered her. But what was worse, was that he hadn't been willing to confide in her.

With a lithe, graceful and yet weary stroll, Sakadi approached the small cabin of her travelling companion. Yenna had left the door open, but that wouldn't stop the Sephi from being polite.

With three soft and gentle knocks on the doorframe as heads up, Sakadi reached out. "We're making a small stop on… Belasco, I think. We'll probably reach Kashyyyk by tomorrow evening. Just thought you should know."

Yenna

 

[Yenna]

This trip was something Yenna sorely needed. But at the same time she didn't even want to go. She wanted to stay in her room, keep to herself. She only wanted to talk to a select few people.

But perhaps this trip with Sakadi could help her heal from the emotional damage she endured.

Sitting on the bed of her little quarters with legs crossed and her hands on her knees, her eyes were closed as she meditated. In front of her sat a bottle of her favourite brand of whiskey, still sealed and untouched. Every passing minute, she wanted to crack it open, just for a little sip. Just one. But she held back. Even as her mind and body bombarded her with a desire to give in, she fought to stay true to her vow.

Her meditation broke when she heard three gentle knocks on her door. Opening her eyes, she looked up at Sakadi. "Okay Master." she muttered, avoiding eye contact. She didn't have the confidence to look her in the eye. She felt ashamed of her status as a Jedi. Even now she didn't feel like she deserved the lightsaber on her hip.

"Master Sakadi... stay there for a bit, perhaps, can we?" she spoke up before Sakadi left her. "I... some things, figure out, I need to. Your help, I may need." she admitted with a timid voice.

She finally looked into her eyes and invited her over with a wave of her hand. "Please, sit. Join me." she pleaded as she scooted up and set the bottle aside.

For several moment she sat in silence, staring into her lap before gethering the courage to speak. "Master... deserve to be a Jedi, do I?" she asked her softly as she looked up at her childhood idol.

Sakadi Marathi Sinvala

 

[Sakadi Marathi Sinvala]

She was about to take her leave again after the green girl's reply. She could both sense and see that Yenna wasn't in the best of moods, but neither was the Jedi Master. She needed some rest. Some time to clear her head and prepare her plea to the Assembly on Kashyyyk. There was too much to do, and she had too little time to get it all done.

But of course, she wouldn't be granted the rest she desired. Sakadi remained silent as Yenna asked her to stay. Her weary lilac eyes rested on the girl, for a moment. "Okay." She curtly replied, now leaning against the partition wall of the cabin.

"Master... deserve to be a Jedi, do I?" It was a question that made the Sephi audibly exhale. Cas had filled her in on the girl's capture. But the details? She knew none of them. But she had no doubts that Yenna's captivity was the cause for her insecurity.

"You don't." The response came after a thoughtful silence. "But I'll let you in on a little secret…" Her disembodied voice grew in warmth as she spoke. "None of us do. We are not Jedi because we deserve it. We are Jedi because that is who we decide to be." A soft smile played about her lips. "You are a Jedi Yenna." Two light steps brought her to Yenna's bed. "A promising one, I might add." With supple movement, Sakadi sat down on the edge of Yenna's bed. She firmly believed in what she said. No one deserved to be a Jedi. Any who claimed they did did not fully grasp the path they walked.

"Is there something that makes you doubt yourself, Yenna?" Sometimes it was best to be direct.

Yenna

 

[Yenna]

The answer came as a shock to Yenna. Staring up at the Sephi with disbelief, she was about to try and argue that she was trying her best. But then Sakadi continued to speak to her, explain her views. She sat in silence as the Jedi Master reassured her of her stance as a Jedi.

A smile formed as she looked up at Sakadi, not sure how to respond as the Jedi joined her on the bed. But her next question made the smile disappear in an instant. She looked down again and hugged herself as she tried to muster up the courage to be honest with her. "These... past months. Like a failure, I feel." she admitted softly. "A bad fighter, I am. Fine, that is... but, defend myself, can I even? Captured, I was, out of my stupidity. Do not deserve my lightsaber, I feel like. Weak, I feel. Look at you. One of the most powerful Jedi I have seen, you are. But... not even a shadow, I am. Even with healing." she explained as her eyes shut and her head hung low. "The worst part? I disappointed Cas, I feel like. Otherwise, he says... but, forgive myself, I can't. Make him proud, I just want to."

She looked up again at Sakadi as tears formed in her golden eyes. Sge scooted closer and rested against Sakadi's side with a heavy sigh. "A break, we need. Troubled too, you are. I can tell." she suggested softly as she stared at the ground.

"Take the day off, can we? A small break, just for." she continued. She had picked up on Sakadi's sighs and looks of annoyance. A day off could just be what both of them needed.

Sakadi Marathi Sinvala

 

[Sakadi Marathi Sinvala]

It was always difficult to haul someone out of a pit of their own making. Every experience left its mark, some good and some bad. She knew. There were many moments where she herself had considered dropping her duties as a Jedi for a more boring life as moisture farmer on Arvala-7. If only it were that easy…

"Weak? You're a Jedi, Yenna. We're the instruments through which the Force shapes the galaxy. Your presence in the Force could be nothing but a candle flame, and you would still be strong enough to inspire hope and drive back the darkness and injustice in this galaxy." It reminded her of her own conversations with her Master many years ago. She had felt weak then, and she still felt weak now. Too often did she find herself unable to actually make a difference. That had never changed, not as a Padawan and not as a Master. But did that compel her to give up? No. Never. An ancient saying of their Order was "Do or do not, there is no try." But 'do not' was rarely if ever a viable option. One that was not applicable here either.

"Disappointed? How? I could sense his concern through the Force while you were gone. And I can sense his relief now. I wouldn't worry about it if I were you." She commented, once again being reminded of the Kiffar. Cas Tynen, it really wasn't a subject she wanted to discuss right now.

Sakadi slowly turned her head. She was tired, but her ears still perked up in surprise. "Me?" Yenna was right, she supposed. The past months hadn't been easy on her. She had dueled two skilled Empresses, taken a deep dive in the Concord's projects and paperwork, had a plethora of personal issues to deal with, and all that on top of her role as Jedi Master. Perhaps Yenna was right. A break would be great…

"I wish we could… But there's too much relying on us. There truly is no rest for the wicked…" Sakadi blankly stared at the wall for a moment, going over Yenna's words once again. It was an old habit, trying to find a lecture or lesson behind every word spoken by other Jedi. But as always, she found one.

"But why would you not deserve your lightsaber Yenna? What does it represent to you?" She finally exclaimed, slightly moving the subject away from personal issues. A subject she was rather uncomfortable with.

Yenna

 

[Yenna]

Yenna listened to every word her childhood idol had to say. She was right. This was what it meant to be a Jedi. But affer everything she went through and the things gnawing at her in the back of her mind for the past few decades, it was hard to believe in herself. When she mentioned Cas, Yenna looked up at her with surprise. At first she simply believed that Cas was trying to spare her more heartache, but to hear Sakadi confirm what she heard helped to let her see that it was in fact the truth. She wanted to comment on it, but the sudden shift in Sakadi's demeanor drew her curiosity.

She was one of the few people that likely still knew about her past. Who she used to be. Her recent history, however, was a completely different story. It worried her that Sakadi didn't want to talk about it. She let it go for now, though. If Sakadi was anything, she was a stubborn bantha of a person. Naturally she quickly found a way to divert the attention away from herself.

Yenna's gaze dropped again as she took hold of her lightsaber with both hands in her lap. She stared at the hilt for several long moments. "Our lightsabers... a representation, they are. A beacon. Of what we stand for, a symbol they are." she started to explain as she rolled the hilt around in her grasp. "A shield for the weak, I see them as. Not a murderous weapon, but meant to defend. Take a life with it, I never want to. But save many, I'd rather. Do that, how can I? When, protect myself, I can't even." she set the lightsaber down beside her and scooted closer to lean against Sakadi. "A silly view, it is. I know. But my view, it still is." she muttered with a heavy sigh.

"Master... take a break, let us. The day, just for. Need it, I know you do." she asked again as she looked up at her. "Just a breather. At the temple, the only master, you are not. Troubled, we both are. By the same stuff, likely too." she continued as she tried to wrap her tiny arms around Sakadi's waist to give her a hug.

Sakadi Marathi Sinvala

 

[Sakadi Marathi Sinvala]

Sakadi slightly tilted her head. "A shield for the weak, is it?" She reiterated. "That's better than what I've heard most Younglings and Padawans mutter on Kashyyyk" She admitted, recalling what few lightsaber instructions she had given. There was much she could say about it, but she doubted that any of it would help Yenna through her problems. So instead, Sakadi decided to leave the subject for what it was.

"I might not be the only Master in the Temple, but I am the only Master on the Assembly who ever leaves Kashyyyk or Commenor." She calmly countered. The only other Master who she had ever seen away from the Silver Sphere's centers of power and authority, was Thurion Heavenshield himself. The reason being that he had a whole planet to govern. No, if the Assembly required an emissary in Silver Space, it was almost always her. Not that she thought ill of the other Assembly members, no, on the contrary. But sometimes she hoped to see them tackle some of the larger issues too.

But Yenna was right. She was more troubled than ever nowadays. "We're on Belasco now… Does that count as a breather?" It was only a small stop. But perhaps it would be enough to satisfy the tiny green Padawan.

Yenna

 

[Yenna]

Yenna gave a faint chuckle at Sakadi's comment on the other younglings. "Eager, they are. Understandable. An awesome weapon, a lightsaber is. But inexperienced, they are. A life like ours, they have not lived. In time, they will learn." she commented softly.

Looking up at Sakadi, she listened to her explanation of her duties. It was a surprise to hear. All this time, Yenna thought that all the others masters had diplomatic or other duties that made them leave on missions. She wasn't sure what Sakadi's duties were, but she had a feeling that she was doing the work of a bunch of other people as well. A very commendable action, but it also felt unfair for the little green Jedi. Everyone had to pull their weight. She could look to herself as an example. She wasn't a fighter, but she knew she was a decent healer among other thing and would do as much as she could to excel in her roles. For Sakadi to end up doing other people's work was not right.

Sakadi went on to mention that they arrived at Belasco. Yenna's smile grew as she gave her idol a tight hug and hopped off her bed. "Belasco, I do not know? How is it? Like, climate and things?" she asked Sakadi as she looked herself over. She quickly realized that she was missing an important tool.

Looking up, her eyes fell on her lightsaber lying on the bed. She stood still for several moments before she raised her hand. The weapon shuddered a little before it flew off and snapped into her tiny hand.

With the weapon on her belt she turned to exit the room and quickly hopped onto Sakadi's shoulders. "A nice shampoo, you use. Lovely, your hair looks." she complimented as she balanced herself on Sakadi's shoulders. Thankfully this was second nature to her.

Sakadi Marathi Sinvala

 

[Sakadi Marathi Sinvala]

Sakadi nodded. "Let's hope that they don't have to learn the hard way." The amount of Younglings who actually made it to the rank of Knight was lower than many believed it was. Becoming a Jedi was far from easy. It was a road of hardship, one she had tried to prepare the next generation of Jedi for. She liked to think that her advice made a difference, but deep down she doubted the Younglings understood what they were being taught.

Her gaze shifted to the ceiling, a single finger resting against her chin as she tried to recall what memories she had of the planet. "Lots of oceans and lakes, I believe." What was the last time she had visited this planet? Forty years, maybe? She remembered accompanying some member of the monarchy with her own Master… But she hadn't been that impressed back in the day. Granted, there was very little that could have impressed her during those years.

Sakadi rose from the bed. "But there's really only one way we can find out, isn't there?" The little green Jedi reacted rather enthusiastically, hopping on her shoulders without warning. Her eyes widened for a moment as she stumbled forward, needing a small moment to regain her balance. She was always light on her feet and her balance, while controlled, was a fragile thing. She swiftly adapted her posture to the extra weight, grateful for the many times her mother had made her walk with a book on her head.

"Please be careful with the hair" She said uncomfortably. "It takes a lot of effort to create the mandalas." Sakadi referred to the nine delicate and complex knots in her hair. "But I'm glad you like my shampoo." She continued on a much lighter note.

"Is there any place in particular you would like to visit" She asked as the two of them strolled away from the spaceport, through the myriad booths and kiosks that made up a once-per-week street market. Her eyes briefly landed on one of the smaller food kiosks, selling what looked like deep-fried Nuna legs. Another nearby sold blue cheese and one of the louder salesmen, a Gungan with a particularly long moustache, tried to attract attention to the vibrant silks draped over his booth. The street market was chaotic and overwhelming compared to her silent shuttle and the well-regulated spaceport. But it was a source of life. And that made it strong in the Living Force.

"At least we don't stand out." Sakadi nonchalantly commented as she ducked to evade a dark brown Rishii who flew over the crowd.

Yenna​

 

[Yenna]

Understandably Sakadi was worried about her hairdo. Yenna quickly adjusted her position to not disrupt the careful hairdo as she looked it over. "Do it for me sometime, could you? In a while, done something nice with my hair, I haven't." she asked casually with a small smile.

On the planet, the bustling marketplace brought a grin to Yenna's lips. "To keep my sticky fingers in check, hard it is going to be." she joked with a faint chuckle as she glanced around them. The life around them resonated through the Force. And simply seeing so many people go about their daily lives was a great boost to her mood. She had missed the feeling.

Yenna quickly had to adjust when Sakadi ducked down to avoid the Rishii flying overhead. "To stand out, hard it is for us. Not exactly tall, we are." she joked. Looking around them again, Yenna's gaze was drawn to the nearby food stall. "Some lunch, how about?" she suggested as she produced a handful of credits for Sakadi to take. "My treat."

While they were at the stall, Yenna quickly hopped down and ordered some of the Nuna legs. However something felt off to her. She studied the shopkeeper and the area around them. He seemed stressed. And when he glanced to a nearby group of rough-looking individuals, his stress turned into fear. But she remained quiet. Instead she took her Nuna leg and hopped over to a nearby table set up for customers. She beckoned Sakadi over as she took a bite, her gaze focused completely on the group and the shopkeeper.

Sakadi Marathi Sinvala

 

[Sakadi Marathi Sinvala]

"Oh trust me, we do." She conveyed as her lilac gaze calmly kept sweeping through the crowd. Perhaps Yenna was used to a more secluded life on the streets, but Sakadi had never been anything short of eye-catching. Even during her decline in her younger years. She knew exactly when people stared, even if they were adept at hiding it.

"Lunch is a great idea, I'm starving!" She conveyed playfully, immediately reaching in her snow white robes to find her credits. She let go of them just as fast, however, when Yenna continued. "Well, if you insist." She made a mental note of having to treat Yenna back one day, as she followed the green girl to a stall. Nuna legs. She had eaten them before - wasn't much of a success. The irreparable damage done to her vocal cords did more than take away her voice. It limited her breathing and to a degree, her ability to swallow food. Dishes with rice, for example, were an absolute no-go. While Nuna legs were a better alternative, she wasn't all too fond of how it felt either.

With a couple of simple gestures, she thanked the shopkeeper for the fried legs. In the corner of her eye, she noticed Yenna's stare - first at the barkeeper, followed by the small street gang that had a presence on the plaza. She tactfully chose not to address it, following after the Padawan instead and taking place at Yenna's table.

"So, what are your plans when we've returned to Silver Rest?" She asked, abstaining from taking a bite of the fried nuna.

Yenna

 

[Yenna]

Sakadi finally joined her by the table and tried to get some conversation going, however it completely flew over Yenna's head. "Huh? Say something, did you?" she perked up as she glanced at Sakadi with an almost bewildered expression.

The question quickly caught up with her as she studied the Jedi master. "Plans? Good question. Some training, maybe. Close to my Knighthood, Master said I am. Live up to that title, I want to." she admitted as her gaze drifted back to the group as they approached the vendor. Once again Yenna focused on them as she idly nibbled on her nuna leg. She couldn't hear precisely what they were talking about, but the words "debt" and "bad things will happen" got through. The fear coming off the vendor and the threatening smirks was also a veey clear indicator of what was happening. That was something she knew very without the use of the Force.

"Not right, that is, Master." she muttered as she swallowed and took another bite. "Not right at all, that is. The same on Coruscant, I've seen." she looked at Sakadi with a worried gaze. "Help him, we need to." she pleaded softly, hoping that Sakadi would agree to this. She couldn't simply let this go, not after the conversations she had with her and Cas.

Sakadi Marathi Sinvala

 

[Sakadi Marathi Sinvala]

Sakadi reached for the box of napkins that stood on their table. She wrapped it around the fried nuna leg, and put the package down. "We cannot help." She calmly replied. It was not that she didn't want to aid the shopkeepers. On the contrary, the safety of the people was her priority. But gangs and corruption were as natural as the tide. Even if they made a difference now, it would only be a couple of weeks before another group took their place. "The only ones who can help these people, are they themselves. They will gain nothing from our interference in the long run." She argued, hoping that Yenna would be able to take a step back and see the full picture. "We protect their world from imbalance in the Force, the Bryn and galactic war. We may offer them our wisdom and counsel, but the true actions to take should be for them to decide."

Over the years, her perception of life, the Force, and matters of importance had changed. As a Padawan she had felt the same need to make a difference wherever and whenever possible. But time had taught her patience, caution and apprehension. It had taught her that most things were not as easy as they seemed. It was why she preferred to be around and teach the younglings at Silver Rest. Their simple and straightforward way of thinking was simple, innocent and calming. And in a way, they reminded her of better times.

Yenna

 

[Yenna]

Sakadi's answer was blunt and to the point. There was no flaw in her reasoning and it was simply the truth. However Yen refused to simply let it be. She silently looked back to the depressed shopkeeper and the thugs walking away, nibbling some more on her nuna leg.

"Let this go, I will not." she stated as she looked up at Sakadi. "Directly, if not, then indirectly. Talk to them, we can. How to teach them, we can figure out." she spoke with determination, hoping to convince Sakadi. But she didn't have much faith in that plan. With a sigh she rested her hands on the table and simply stared at her meal. "Help, if I don't, call myself a Jedi, I can not." she muttered as she glanced up at her idol.

She rose from her seat and leaned forward. "Please, Master. Do nothing, I refuse to." she pleaded.

Sakadi Marathi Sinvala