Private What Dreams May Come [Asaraa Vaashe]

[Caedyn Arenais]

Asaraa Vaashe
The Jedi Temple of Coruscant
Jedi Garments of Rebirth | Armistice Staff Lightsaber

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Life had been progressing nicely for the Jedi Knight, Caedyn Arenais since his return to active duty.

For a number of years, he had stepped away from active service in the wider Galaxy to instead reside a much quieter life on the outskirts of the Jedi Temple on Mnemosyne. Over time, the toll of service and years of warfare between the Silver Jedi Concord, the Bryn'adul, and Sith-Imperial Armada had brought a heavy burden on the younger Jedi Knights shoulders and so he had sought out a more peaceful life where he might heal, absorb the tranquility of a less traveled world while teaching other young Jedi and caretaking for the Jedi grounds there.

...However, after a few years had passed, Caedyn had felt the pull to return to the Galaxy where he felt he could be doing so much more, and so he had reunited with the Order of the Silver Jedi and the New Jedi Order of the Galactic Alliance on Coruscant; Where he had been serving actively for a few months now.

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"Very good class" Caedyn announced to the group of students before him before looking down to check his chronometer, "However it seems our time is up for today. We will continue Lightsaber Arts & Theory next week at the usual time. Thank you all for your attendance and you're all dismissed to move on with your day" the Jedi Knight concluded the lesson of teaching, looking back to greet each of the young Jedi Padawan with a fond smile. They were all younger than his own Jedi Padawan Ariana Du Couteau , however, no less of a promising future for all of them within the New Jedi Order, and Caedyn greatly enjoyed his focus on leading classes and helping the young to learn the ways of the Jedi leading them forward.

While Caedyn life as a Jedi was progressing well, his personal life had always felt as though it were left behind for the sake of his duty. His Daughter Kristyl Arenais was out there exploring the Outer Rim Territories, specifically the Shiraya Expanse with The Ascendancy. Her Mother, Asaraa Vaashe was never far from Caedyn's thoughts either. In fact, she came to mind every time he received a transmission from young Kris, regularly updating him on her adventures.

Caedyn and Asaraa had been together a long time before they eventually parted ways. She had introduced Caedyn to the Order of the Silver Jedi, and he had served there for over a decade while she had moved to serve within the Confederacy of Independent Systems. The two had been introduced to the struggle of a vastly long-distance relationship and as Jedi both, they were eventually forced to choose between their dedicated paths and their own lives together. While breakups were typically hard, separating oneself from someone you still loved and who still loved you was even more difficult. The fact was, so many depended on their service as Jedi and over time, the answer was...-Terrible, yet obvious. No one had been in his life since, and he often wondered about what she was up to nowadays, yet he tried not to linger on such thoughts wherever possible. As difficult as that could often be.

Incidentally, while cleaning up the dojo after the students had left, today on the most random of occasions, the doors would slide open with a mechanical hiss and someone new would step on into the room while his back was turned. "Class is over for now. The next class isn't scheduled for another hour..." He spoke up automatically, turning halfway and stopping dead in his tracks to see Asaraa Vaashe of all people.

His mouth opened to speak yet he seemed to have lost his voice in the moment. Quickly clearing his throat audibly in a bid to mask his astonishment and being caught entirely off guard, he glanced down before quickly looking back up at her as if not believing what he was seeing.

"Asa..."

 

[Asaraa Vaashe]

There was something about a Jedi Temple, a sense of calm and peace that permeated the walls that you couldn't find anywhere else. The force was like an ocean, the interplay between the lightside and darkside created waves that bounced back and forth, creating ripples that spread out, building into mighty waves. The best way she could describe it was it writhed and moved like a thing alive, like the surface of a skin moved by the muscles beneath it. It was never still, always in motion, driven by the conflict that raged across it.

Almost always.

The Jedi Temples were different, a place of calm and peace, places where the force was still. Where the troubles of the outside world didn't seem to exist. It was a place of teachers and healers, of learning and rest. A jedi temple was meant to be a place where the troubles that ailed the outside galaxy didn't touch, an oasis. It had been that for Asaraa, Silver Rest on Kashyyk had been the perfect place for a young Jedi to grow up. Though, if she was honest she'd spent more time running into the forest than she'd spent in her classes. It was just so alive, so filled with the living force, like a warm pool you could just float away on.

This tempe…it was the same…it was different.

The galaxy was more embroiled in war, in conflict than it had ever been before, death and destruction being wrought on a scale that had only existed in her worse nightmares. The pink-haired Jedi had faced the sith, she'd stood guard against their best attempts to tear the life from a planet. But unlike today's Jedi she had grown up in a time of peace, it had grounded her and given her something to fight for. Today's Jedi, however, hadn't had that benefit while growing up, They had been thrown from one conflict to another and it showed in the Jedi temple. The sound of laughter, that feeling of homeliness she'd expected where muted, mixed with a taste of fear, of desperation. This was a temple under siege, a Jedi at war without the promise of hope to see them through.

Well…no entirely without hope, the war had pulled some of the rarest gems out of the woodwork. Few Jedi were better suited to teaching, to guiding the young Jedi in these trying time than Caedyn Arenais. The knight had seen it all and then some and never let it get him down, not really. Everyone had a bad day, had a bump in their road but the trick was to keep walking and not let it get you down. And the knight never had.

The Jedi reached into her pocket, pulling out an apple, rubbing it against her robes for a moment to buff it to a shine before flicking it into the air, catching it with strings of the force so she could flaot it over to him.

"I remember how…ungrateful students could be so I figured I'd bring teacher an apple…so…hi."

Caedyn Arenais

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"I remember how…ungrateful students could be so I figured I'd bring teacher an apple…so…hi.".

Asaraa Vaashe wasn't wrong, although she was the last person Caedyn had expected to see standing there after one of his lectures. "Some of the students here are no different. You should have seen my first class...-And one of the more unruly Padawan have since been Knighted, too" Caedyn replied with evident scepticism in his words. It wouldn't have been his decision had it been in his hands.

"The first thing I realized when coming to Coruscant was how drastically the Padawan of today are forced to grow up so terribly fast. So much so that they have learned that conflict appears to be at the heart of service in the Order" he elaborated with a pessimistic smile, forced for the sake of Asaraa's presence and his not wanting to dampen her spirits as soon as she'd arrived so unexpectedly.

Waving a hand dismissively at his own expense, Caedyn sought to return the focus back to Asaraa herself; "Sorry, I'm just surprised to see you here. I thought you'd be out in the Shiraya Expanse with Kristyl and the Ascendancy" he spoke, his smile becoming more genuine and his expression softening as he looked upon her.

"It's really good to see you again" He concluded, his shoulders falling slightly, body language hinting at a more relaxed posture within her presence. "What brings you this far into the Core? Is everything alright?" he asked, curious to know why the sudden visit was upon him after so very long.

 

[Asaraa Vaashe]

"Hey, as I recall we were some of those unruly Padawans back in the day, well ok maybe not you Mr Teacher's pet, I'm not sure you missed a single day of classes but I'll have you know, I was a total wild child!"

The pink haired Jedi held up a hand, two fingers outstretched in a rockers pose she'd seen Kristyl use more than once while growing up. It was funny, but her teachers must have complained about her and her fellow padawans in much the same way that Caedyn was now. In every generation there were the padawans who chanted the cry, "No more Masters." And the Master's who knew what the world was never that simple.

"We had to grow up pretty fast too, I think all padawans do. The temples are peaceful but they're not really the best environment to prepare a padawan for the real world out there. Even when we grew up, a time of peace, actually stepping out of hte temple on our own. I...learned a lot on that first mission. I ended up getting saved by stormtroopers if you could believe it. It's always been the way, Padawans face the outside world, step away from their masters and have to grow up. I don't even want to think about what Kristyl's going to have to go through when it's her turn. Talk about a right of passage...if I could wrap her up in cotton wool I would, protect her from the rest of the world. But...she needs to learn to stand on her own, face the world."

A soft smile touched the woman's lips as she gestured at Caedyn.

"I guess...I'm feeling...a little lost in teh galaxy, a little adrift. You were always good about...helping me find a centre Cae."

Caedyn Arenais

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"Yeah they grow up fast, we all are forced to but even greater the importance in making sure they grow with the right boundaries and principles. I worry that some of the Jedi of today grow up believing they are soldiers or some fantastical superhero, thinking they're capable of saving the Galaxy. Life isn't that generous for people like us, more of us go out into the field and get killed than the amount of Jedi who live to grow old. These kids need to know the line between idealism and suicide..." Caedyn grumbled, going on a small rant before he had even realized it. He knew what Asaraa Vaashe was saying, and knew that she was correct in that which she had said; yet there was still that part of Caedyn that, so much like his father, came off as preachy to some, and stubborn to others.

"...-But I know what you're saying...-And you always had a way of keeping me grounded in a manner of speaking as well. We were a good team" he concluded, agreement coming with a sense of apprehension. There were some feelings that, in Caedyn's experience, had been easier to ignore than to try to work through. An evident fault in his own way of being, for a Jedi at least.

"Let's be honest, when the Je'daii disbanded, I would have been lost had you not introduced me to the Silver Jedi. They became family to me when my own was falling apart. You helped me through many difficult times of my life; the credit goes both ways Asa" he forced a small smile to her. The words were kind and sincerely spoken, though he had always held deep regrets for the way things had wound up for the both of them. Even with the birth of their daughter, the distance and responsibilities, they both held to the Order of the Silver Jedi and the Confederacy of Independent Systems had eventually pulled them too far apart. There was no blame, nor guilt. They had both acted as expected, Jedi following the path that was meant for them, but in doing so they had been forced to let go of each other and the life they had built for themselves personally.

"I'm always going to be here when or if you need me" He reminded her, a little more conviction coming through in those words; "And if I can help you figure things out now, you know I'm happy to. Whatever that might be".

 

[Asaraa Vaashe]

"You mean we're not superheroes who're meant to save the galaxy? Wow, I've been living my life wrong all this time."

A small smile tilted up the corner of the woman's lips as she settled herself on the edge of a desk, fingers dancing across the wooden surface. Fingernails tapping out a little ditty on the surface as she tilted her head to the side, blue eyes meeting Caedyn's.

"We weren't so different once upon a time, believed that we were invincible, that somehow we were meant to right the wrongs of the galaxy. That we were special, chosen by the force, or by being better than those who came before us. I know I was. I thought that I'd succeed where they had failed, that I'd manage to drive back the darkness, that one lone sword blazing through the night."

A little scoff, a soft laugh.

"Then I grew up and knew better. I think they'll get there, given time. All we can do is set them on the path and that's not easy."

A delicate hand reached up to run through her hair, pulling it back from her face before the woman gave Caedyn a smile, holding out one hand to him.

"I guess…I enjoyed hiding away in my little corner of the galaxy, not really involved or worried about the rest of the galaxy for once. Just wrapped up in my little cocoon, pretending everything was ok while the rest of the galaxy went up in flames. Only, now our daughter is going out there and the galaxy is falling apart around her. Can I really just hide away while she's out there doing her best to fix the galaxy? I…I almost died last time I tried but I don't know if I can do it again, if I can hide away and thought…you might be the one to help me figure this out."

Caedyn Arenais

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"I wish I could tell you that I had the answers, but I retired to Mnemosyne for several years due to the weight of what I've done in service to the Galaxy. No doubt I've affected the lives of some in a positive way, but the people that I've been forced to kill...-They're the ones that I see at night" Caedyn replied, speaking quietly as he looked at her. His words sounded dark and heavy, spoken in a way that Asaraa would recognize in him to be past trauma.

"Don't get me wrong. I'm still pursuing the Jedi Path, but I've had my own demons to face along the way. It's made it far easier to understand how Veiere could have succumbed to his emotions the way he did with Commenor and Deneba. When I came to the Alliance and joined the New Jedi Order, I had recognized I needed a change of environment and the guidance of fresh perspectives" he elaborated. As he spoke, however, he turned to see Asaraa Vaashe reaching out to him with one hand and causing his mind to do circles; He questioned whether to reach out to meet her, or whether that was simply reading into things too far. Despite his uncertainty, he reached out and took her hand in his.

"That's why I feel so strongly about the younger generation of Jedi seeing war at such a young age, diving head first down the same path that the two of us walked, only at a much faster pace" he spoke with a reluctant smile; "And yet I'm still out there doing what we used to do together. The Alliance is at war with the New Imperial Order and the Brotherhood of the Maw. Good Jedi are needed and the fight continues without an end in sight".

As for Asaraa's situation, Caedyn wasn't so certain he could provide the answers that she was looking for; "I can help you return to the path if that's what you're looking for, but as far as walking it, clearly I've been through it too. The best I can figure is that if you stumble along the way, I'll be right there with you doing the same" he snorted a quiet laugh at the dry expense of himself. A bit of forced humour to mask the lack of clarity he held in his own self-perceptions nowadays.

 

[Asaraa Vaashe]

The pink-haired woman pushed herself off the desk she'd been settled against, padding across the room to rest a hand on Caedyn's shoulder, delicate shoulders squeezing for a moment before she stepped around him, wrapping both her arms around his chest and resting her chin on his shoulder. For a moment Asaraa was happy to just stand there, enjoying the sense of closeness, her long hair falling around them like a cloak against the rest of the world.

"I'm glad you've found peace with your father. Or at least, understanding."

It had always been that looming shadow, that weight around the man's shoulders. For the longest time his father had been a light of the Jedi, a champion to those who needed it. And then...and then he had done what he thought was needed. There could be a million reasons for a fall, but it mostly seemed to come around to trying to do the right thing with the wrong information. You could hurt yourself, could hurt all those around you when you fell, your victims and those who had to suffer through your actions. But, people always forgot about their families, about how those left behind dealt with the aftermath.

The woman held the pose before backing off, setting down next to the brown-haired man.

"I don't think anyone out there has all the answers, or if they say they do then they're lying. We're not gods, and we're not perfect, no matter what some of the Jedi Masters might say. We all make mistakes, and we all stumble, that's just part of being alive. But, we had the chance to be kids, to live our lives and figure out who we were along the way before we were faced with deciding the fate of the galaxy. We got to experience life, sneaking through markets and wandering around strange cities before everyone and everything started trying to kill us. Now...for Krys and the rest of the Padawans, I'm worried they might never figure out who they are outside of all this. That their Master's will just throw them into the flame of war before they even had a chance to breath."

A silence hung in the air as they sat there side by side for a moment before Asaraa reached up, scrubbing her hand across her face and taking a deep breath, her voice soft, a whisper that filled the room.

"I know who I am Cae, I'm a sword, forged in the fire of war, but I chose that. I chose to fight, to kill if needed but because I knew that there were innocents behind me. I might be a sword, but I'm the one raised in defence."

Her head came down, resting on his shoulder.

"I'm afraid they're fighting to just fight, and we'll have to find a way to pull them all back."

Caedyn Arenais

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Words could not express how much Caedyn had missed the feeling of intimacy between them, yet her touch reminded him with vivid detail just how long it had been since they had shared a space together. Asaraa Vaashe 's embrace was a welcome one and long overdue. She had a way of reminding him that he wasn't walking this path alone, and despite the time they had been apart and all that they had been through on their separate journeys, the feeling that came flooding back to him felt as though nothing had changed in their relationship together.

When Asaraa did move to seat herself next to him, Caedyn longed to keep her close as they had been, though gave little in the way of body language that would portray his disappointment other than a quiet and slow exhale under his breath.

Despite her admission to being a fighter, something that he himself had always been up until this point, she still understood where he was coming from and voiced her own concerns that sounded parallel to his own. "Do you think we're able to pull them back?" he soon asked, turning to find Asaraa's gaze in search of assurance. "It was easier back on Svivren, the Jedi Enclave there was smaller and people weren't so set in their ways. Yet I also realize that the Outer Rim was much sparsely populated compared to the Core, where the Jedi are influenced by such an inherent military structure. I suppose people feel there is more to defend here, at the heart of the Galaxy" he voiced his thoughts, wearing his heart on his sleeve as he always had. What you saw, was typically what you got with Caedyn.

"From my classes so far, I've been given the impression that restraint and pacifism aren't so well received compared to lessons of Force Practice and the Saber Arts. In students, this is fairly typical but even at a structural level, I'm not certain of how influential we could be. My colleagues appear to be simply that, and I can't claim to have many friends here that I could lean on" he elaborated, his gaze turning back to the classroom before them with a studious look about him. There was of course Valery Noble , arguably one of the most influential Jedi Masters presiding over the Temple and closest of them all to which Caedyn considered a personal friend, yet still so early in that friendship, he did not wish to impose on her.

"I fear that I would be reminded that my thinking is idealistic at best" he added, considering the responses he had met with in the past, as well as those he might be faced with were he to become more vocal of his concerns in the future; "This is the Galaxy we live in. Our need to fight will never cease, for there will always be someone that seeks to abuse the sentient rights of others in society. It's not that I want the Jedi to cease all responses to aggressions we're faced with. That would be ridiculous, but to have more restraint in how we operate as a collective Organization and to be less governed by political agenda would certainly be a welcome sight" he concluded.

"Tell me I'm not being impossible?" he looked back to Asaraa with a forced chuckle, his voice dry and almost sounding to resent the very words he had spoken. "Even with all our years of experience, I too often find myself feeling uncertain with the path that I have been shown".