Private Well-Needed Healing

[Reina Daival]

Tag: Eloise Dinn

How many people were watching her? How many people on this ship knew she was different? Wrong? Reina felt like anyone could see it. See that she wasn't herself anymore. Which of course made no sense, most of the people she'd come across here wouldn't even know who Reina was. They wouldn't know what she looked like or what she had done. That didn't put the worries to bed however. When everything that made you who you were had changed...Well, it was hard to come to terms with it. The loss of her leg that was meant to have been a lesson for her to learn from...A lesson that had been ripped away from her as she had been forcibly given it back. The scars she carried that both spoke of her upbringing as a kid, and the injuries she had taken as a Jedi...replaced as if she was born again. The fact that if she lost focus for a moment, she could literally end up flopping on the floor with a tail instead of legs. The fact she could produce pheromones. And to add somewhat insult to injury...It had all given her a sweet tooth as well.

She was starting to panic. This wasn't good. This was why she had to get used to being back out in public. Surrounded by people. It was different when she was out in an open area. This was an enclosed space. There was nowhere she could really go to hide. No view except for the cold emptiness of space for her to look out. Reina's gaze flickered to her hand for a moment, where a set of claws stared back at her which she tried to hide away in her pocket. Breathe. That's what she needed to do. But it was so much harder when you felt as if the room was closing in around you. Not to mention the fact that most of her breathing was done through the subtle gills on her neck instead.

Her eyes darted around, eventually finding herself sliding through one of the doors on the starship to bring herself to one of the recreational areas with various other travellers relaxing away. Sat watching Holovids, gambling away to each other. The usual things people would be up to pass the time. None of that mattered to her however. Reina just threw herself down into the nearest chair she could find and took in a deep breath. Letting her gaze focus on the ceiling above herself as she tried to block out her surroundings. She needed to relax. But that was much, much easier said than done.

Spoiler: OOC Notes

: Means written/typed communication : < Means Sign Language communication >

 

[Eloise Dinn]

Unknown Patient is thirty-two years old, female, mother of two. Victim of Sith surprise attack on starport during evac. Found with third degree burns and massive internal injuries. Despite life-saving efforts, died during surgery at 3:40 PM.

Eloise stepped out of the operating room, yanking her bloody gloves off and throwing them in the trash. Normally it was all routine for her, to lose a patient or two during her shift, but something about this one pissed her off. The sheer waste of it, maybe. You could do everything right, follow all the rules, and still end up dead.

She headed down the hall, the clenched fists at her sides the only indicator of the rage bubbling underneath the surface. Her expression was arranged, neutral, ready to stare down another life-or-death situation. Except she wasn't going to one of those. A chime from her datapad notified her that she had been assigned a new case. Reina Daival, twenty-one years old, female, Jedi Padawan. Rescued from Sith captivity. Her injuries were listed as minor, yet she was classified as in need of constant care and monitoring...

Dodging carts and medical droids as she continued down the hallway, Eloise scrolled down until she found the answers she was looking for. Padawan Daival hadn't just been imprisoned by the Sith. They had turned her into a Sithspawn, altering her very DNA with the Dark Side. Such cases weren't unheard of. Master Kahlil Noble was known for his efforts to reverse the corruption of Sithspawn. Personally Eloise didn't understand how someone could be forcibly corrupted into a monster when Force alignment was directly related to a person's morality, and she suspected there were serious gaps in both Jedi and Sith understanding of how it all actually worked. But she wasn't here to talk semantics. She was here to treat a patient.

When she reached Reina's room, she found it empty. Surveillance records indicated she was in one of the recreation areas. Eloise headed there.

The room was crowded with a mix of patients, their loved ones, medical droids and other personnel. Between all the invasions as of late, they had a full house. Holo screens only added to the cacophony. Scanning faces until she spotted Reina, she picked her way across the room until she was right next to the woman's chair.

"Padawan Daival?" she asked, raising her voice to be heard over all the background noise. Once she had Reina's attention, she added, "I'm Padawan Eloise Dinn, and I'm here to heal you."

Reina Daival​

 

[Reina Daival]

Tag: Eloise Dinn

Reina's head snapped up at the sound of a voice saying her name. Another Padawan. Eloise. The name felt somewhat familiar but Reina wasn't in the right mindset to be focusing on that right now. Instead there was the last part Eloise had said that Reina was focusing on. She was here to heal Reina. That was impossible in Reina's eyes. This wasn't something you could fix. Something you could just heal. Reina opened her mouth to speak before stopping, as her eyes darted around to look at all of the other people in the room. There were too many people. Reina didn't want them to look at her, and she knew if she spoke, a few heads would look in her direction.

How was she meant to communicate though? That was the biggest question for her. Charades would only get you so far. Alongside that, if Eloise was meant to be healing people, Reina didn't want to take up too much of the Padawan's time. She knew she needed some kind of care, but there were people who were in worse positions than she was. She was alive. Different, but alive. Eventually, her gaze fell upon Eloise's datapad and Reina jabbed her index finger towards it before pointing back at herself and making typing motions with her fingers. She'd understand if her request to use the datapad to type would be denied. Security was important at the end of the day but she thought she might as well ask.

For now, she kept her eyes focused on Eloise and the datapad, trying not to look around her. The constant fear that she was being watched mixing in with the somewhat reasonable fear of medical droids. Reina had already hated droids before anything happened to her, but it had gotten so much worse after she had been altered. Memories of medical droids, strange alchemical ingredients and more flashed in front of her eyes at the mere thought of it all. At the very least, she had been rescued before any alterations could have been done to her mind...but at the same time, that didn't solve any of the emotional damage. Reina had always been stubborn, but in such a short period of time she had been ready to give up on everything.

She knew she had to think positively. To have a good mental outlook for "proper" healing...but it was hard. Reina was used to being able to fight her problems. But you couldn't fight what was in your head.

Spoiler: OOC Notes

: Means written/typed communication : < Means Sign Language communication >

 

[Eloise Dinn]

Eloise waited for Reina to respond, her brow furrowing slightly when the Padawan communicated with sign language. Weird, her file hadn't mentioned she was mute...

Moreover, it wasn't actual GSL. After a few moments, Eloise was able to decipher that Reina wanted something to type with. She handed the girl her datapad. "Here, you can use this.

"Are you mute because of your condition? What's causing it?"

Reina Daival​

 

[Reina Daival]

Tag: Eloise Dinn

As soon as Eloise handed over the datapad, Reina got straight to typing. It took a few moments since she still wasn't the most articulate of people when it came to text, but she wasn't going to quit.

: Selectively Mute. My voice has changed. If I talk, it makes people look at me. It makes people want to listen to me. I don't like that. I don't know how to control it. :

It was hard to type with one hand, but considering the other one was still stuck with claws, she didn't want to risk breaking the datapad. At that thought however, Reina glanced up from the datapad to try and make sure there wasn't anyone else watching before she pulled the clawed hand out from her pocket.

: I struggle to control this as well. It's easy when I'm calm. But I'm not calm. :

Once Reina was sure that Eloise had seen the hand, she carefully slid it back into her pocket. For all intents and purposes, as much as Reina didn't want people to look at her, it was easier when she had someone to talk to. Well..."talk" to.

Spoiler: OOC Notes

: Means written/typed communication : < Means Sign Language communication >

 

[Eloise Dinn]

Eloise read the typed response over Reina's shoulder. It left her with more questions, but she decided to let it go for now.

Then Reina removed her free hand from her pocket. It had claws. Of course she has claws. She was a Sithspawn now, after all.

"What do you mean, control it? Do the claws only come out when you're not calm?" The noisy, crowded rec room probably wasn't the best place to be, if she was seeking a stress-free environment. "Maybe we should go somewhere more quiet. What do you think?"

Eloise Dinn​

 

[Reina Daival]

Tag: Eloise Dinn

Reina stuttered over herself, trying to figure out how to explain it. Talking without words was so much more difficult than Reina had ever expected. Though she gave a short nod at the idea of going somewhere quiet. Reina could at least try to talk to Eloise somewhere private and quiet. Who knows? Either way, she tapped away, trying to explain things with her one normal hand.

: I can shift. Change. It's harder to control when I'm nervous. :

With that being said...or well typed, Reina handed the datapad back over towards Eloise before standing up, getting ready to walk with the other Padawan. She just had to breathe and do her best to stay calm. In through the nose and out through the mouth...Even if she didn't exactly have to do that combo to breathe anymore.

Spoiler: OOC Notes

: Means written/typed communication : < Means Sign Language communication >

 

[Eloise Dinn]

"I see."

Eloise thought back to the days when she was still living with her mother. Mom fancied herself a Sith Alchemist, and had created quite a few monstrosities through her misuse of the Force. She had also modified her own body quite extensively.

"So you're fighting the transformation? Does that mean it's incomplete or partial?"

Reina gave her a nod, silently agreeing to go elsewhere. Eloise stood by, ready to assist the girl as she rose from her seat. The file had mentioned Reina might have difficulty walking, though it hadn't gone into detail as to why.

Upon leaving the rec room, Eloise started to lead Reina back to her assigned room, heading down the hall toward an elevator. "I know you probably don't want to talk much, but I'm trying to better understand what's going on with you," she said. "I read your file. It didn't give the full story. So, what exactly happened? How did you end up like this?"

Reina Daival​

 

[Reina Daival]

Tag: Eloise Dinn

A short shake of her head was Reina's response about the transformation being incomplete...Though then she tilted her head in thought. Technically what was meant to happen to her had been interupted...but the actual transformation had been finished. Either way, Reina managed to make her way out of the rec room, following Eloise towards the elevator. It was only then that Reina decided to finally talk.

"It's...a trait. That I have now. Shapeshifting. I just...don't have a full understanding of it yet...I know there's...natural born Ersansyr out there who can help. I just need to find them..."

Some of it was easy to understand for her. If she wanted to swim, she could focus on having a tail and if she wanted to walk, she could focus on having legs. But when it came to other aspects, it was harder to focus on. She'd always have to be aware or alert of herself. It was easy to see if you had a tail or legs, but what if she had scales that she couldn't see? Or her claws were out because she wanted to grab something? None of that mattered right now. She had to somewhat go into detail about what happened.

"...I was stuck on Tatooine. With my sister. I was spending time with her...because we've just found each other. It's a long story. I was lost at sea as a baby...Not important...Our ship had broken down so we couldn't leave...One day when I woke up, I could sense...a familiar presence in the Force. It's a...Sith I know. A Sith who wants to break me. Mould me in her image. To do what's "best" for me..."

At this point, Reina was tapping her foot against the bottom of the elevator. Trying to keep a hold of her nerves as she focused on her breathing. Calm. It was much easier said than done.

"...I knew she's the kind of person to kill a village to find one person...and so I went to find her instead. I knew she wanted me...but I didn't plan on letting her have me...I planned on...on...taking myself out. As you can see...that didn't work. And...I just shut down."

It had been a dumb idea in hindsight. Reina had thought that sacrificing herself would have been a noble way for her to go out. A noble way for someone who was normally filled with anger and regret to end. Either way...she had been talking for a bit, and it seemed like the elevator was nearly about to stop.

Spoiler: OOC Notes

: Means written/typed communication : < Means Sign Language communication >

 

[Eloise Dinn]

Eloise stepped into the elevator with Reina. She extended a finger, about to push the button that would take them to the general ward, when everything changed. All of her senses, save her hearing, seemed to fade away as Eloise's entire world narrowed down to the sound of a melodic voice...

And then it stopped. Eloise blinked and shook her head. "What the hell?" she muttered, glancing at Reina. "Were you talking out loud just now?"

Now Eloise understood why Reina had been reluctant to speak before. Taking a deep breath, she pressed the button and turned around, keeping her gaze fixed on Reina as the lift began to rise. "They turned you into an Ersansyr?"

She had heard of the species. They were created by Darth Prospero, one of the most infamous alchemists of the age - and one of her mother's personal heroes. The first generation of Ersansyr had been transformed, not born, but enough decades had passed since then that it was believable they might have reproduced. Moreover, they were one of the few species Prospero had made who weren't inherently tainted by the Dark Side... though their nature, especially their ability to affect the minds of others with their voices, tended to make them morally questionable.

The pieces of the puzzle were beginning to fit together. Eloise focused purely on the words Reina was saying, and was able to successfully block the siren-like effects of her voice.

"...I was stuck on Tatooine. With my sister. I was spending time with her... because we've just found each other. It's a long story. I was lost at sea as a baby... Not important... Our ship had broken down so we couldn't leave... One day when I woke up, I could sense... a familiar presence in the Force. It's a... Sith I know. A Sith who wants to break me. Mold me in her image. To do what's 'best' for me... I knew she's the kind of person to kill a village to find one person... and so I went to find her instead. I knew she wanted me... but I didn't plan on letting her have me... I planned on... on... taking myself out. As you can see... that didn't work. And... I just shut down."

The story the Padawan told was one of two sisters who were simply stuck in the wrong place at the wrong time. The last part of what she'd said made Eloise frown. Sacrificing herself could be a noble act, sure, but the way Reina phrased it made it sound more like she was suicidal.

"First, what happened to your sister? Is she okay? And second: Who did this to you?"

If Reina knew the identity of the Sith who had altered her body against her will, surely she had already told the Jedi Masters whose responsibility it was to look after her. But Eloise had found that those same Masters often didn't follow up on tracking down the perpetrators, leaving Padawans to suffer through trauma without resolution or closure.

Eloise wasn't like that. If she knew who had done this, she would find them and deal with them herself if need be.

Reina Daival​

 

[Reina Daival]

Tag: Eloise Dinn

An awkward chuckle escaped her mouth at Eloise's question on whether or not Reina was talking. Okay. That was a better reaction than Reina had expected. It wasn't as if Eloise seemed to be hanging on Reina's every word. Good. She felt...comfortable. A lot more comfortable now, evident by the fact that she had chuckled.

"Yes. It's...ironic in a way that I became an Ersansyr...I had one say they thought I was part Ersansyr...I used to love the sea so much...but now part of me feels like it's a cage that I'm trapped in. Because of what I was turned into...It could have been worse...I know they wanted to change my entire being...but Master Colette managed to save me. Alongside Master Valery and Everest..."

She didn't hide the fact of how her potential sacrifice had been suicidal. In a way, it had been. Reina hadn't known any other way to take her life back into her own hands. It had always felt like everything had been written for her, as if Fate wasn't something she could control. That wasn't something Reina could believe however. She wasn't the kind of person to just let the wheel of Fate continue to spin in a direction she did not care for. None of that mattered right now however, she should probably answer Eloise's question.

"My sister's safe. I had locked her in the ship before I left...She's probably feeling guilty...for not realising I was gone before it was too late...I had left all of my equipment with her...except for a single blaster. Fat amount of help that was..."

If the blaster had worked, she wouldn't be in this mess. Of course Reina wouldn't be here at all so maybe she should be focusing more on the silver lining of things. She shook her head however, folding her arms along her front as Eloise asked the next question. It was one where the answer tore Reina up inside but she was going to have to answer it either way.

"...Serina Calis. She's been tricking me all along. At first...I had thought she wanted to capture me...To torture me and make me her apprentice...but then I found out...she doesn't want me. No. She wants her version of me...That's what she was trying to make...I've fought against her plenty in the past...but she keeps getting stronger...and stronger. Whilst I'm making no progress..."

It showed Reina that the Dark Side was a massive amplifier in strength. Yet for all the boosting the Dark Side could do, Reina refused to turn to it. She might be weak...but she would never turn against what she believes in just to get stronger.

"...She used to remind me of myself."

Spoiler: OOC Notes

: Means written/typed communication : < Means Sign Language communication >

 

[Eloise Dinn]

Eloise wasn’t familiar with the other two Reina mentioned, but she had heard of Valery. So at least the former Grandmaster knew about what had happened.

"...Serina Calis.”​

Who?

“Never heard of her,” Eloise said, exiting the lift as soon as the doors opened. “But then I’m generally not on a real name basis with most Sith. What’s her Darth name?”

“She's been tricking me all along. At first...I had thought she wanted to capture me...To torture me and make me her apprentice...but then I found out...she doesn't want me. No. She wants her version of me...That's what she was trying to make...I've fought against her plenty in the past...but she keeps getting stronger...and stronger. Whilst I'm making no progress... She used to remind me of myself."​

“Why you?” Eloise asked. “I mean, no offense, but there are lots of other Jedi and Force sensitives she could make her apprentice. Especially ones who don’t have Valery Noble herself willing to come and rescue them. Do you know why she went after you in particular?”

Reina Daival​

 

[Reina Daival]

Tag: Eloise Dinn

"Virusia, Viralelia, Virelia? I don't know. She used to be one of us. A Padawan, I mean."

Reina sighed to herself at that sentence, rubbing her arm to try and comfort herself. She hated that fact. That Serina had been on the same level as Reina yet had such a sudden growth spurt. Yet she couldn't do anything to get there. Dead weight. That's all Reina felt like she was. No progression. Not in a useful direction at least. She was growing as a person, but that wouldn't help her in a fight.

"Apparently I remind her of herself as well. She wants me to be "free" from shackles. Free from wanting to protect people. She sees me as a "little shield" for her to break and reforge. She wants me. And I know she won't stop until she gets me."

She wouldn't stop. Serina would never stop. And there was nothing Reina could do. Reina couldn't protect herself. She couldn't fight against the Sorceress.

"She'll just keep trying and I can't stop her. She'll keep trying to control me. I won't be safe until she's dead. That won't happen. She'll keep trying. And trying. And I can't do anything...and...and..."

Her thoughts were starting to spiral out of control. Reina's breathing was starting to fluctuate as she started to hyperventilate, her eyes dilating as her flight or fight response was starting to kick in. Her "normal" hand shifting as her nails grew into the same claws that the other had. Her skin giving way to various scales peppered along her hands, her neck and any other exposed skin. She knew she needed to calm down but her mind was her own worst enemy in this moment

Spoiler: OOC Notes

: Means written/typed communication : < Means Sign Language communication >

 

[Eloise Dinn]

"Virusia, Viralelia, Virelia? I don't know. She used to be one of us. A Padawan, I mean."​

Eloise sighed. It was amazing, really, how many Padawans fell to the Dark Side. She supposed they didn't know any better. Or maybe they were just stupid, selfish, evil fucks who would be doing bad shit whether they were ever affiliated with the Jedi Order or not.

Once they were out of the elevator, she headed down the hall in the direction of Reina's assigned room. Reina was still talking, explaining more about Serina Calis' bizarre obsession with her, though Eloise still didn't quite understand why she was coming after Reina of all people. "Were the two of you friends or something? Before she fell to the Dark Side?" she asked.

Reina went on talking, getting more and more doom-and-gloom about her circumstances. Eloise shook her head. "She sounds pretty twisted," she remarked. "Listen, Reina - I need you to understand something. When a person is immersed in the Dark Side, they don't really care about anyone else but themselves. She might want you to think that you're special to her, but you're not. It's just another..."

She trailed off, sensing something was wrong. And sure enough, Reina was gasping for breath, in the throes of a panic attack. Eloise's medical training kicked in.

Stay calm. Move to a quiet place. Validate the patient's stress. Ask what they need.

"Reina, I can see that you're upset. It's just a little further to your room." She pointed ahead of them to the open doorway. "Let's get you somewhere quiet, okay? Like we planned. Then we can figure this out together."

Reina Daival​

 

[Reina Daival]

Tag: Eloise Dinn

"No. No. We weren't friends. She...She...found me...when I was looking for materials to make...my lightsaber from. She offered to help me...to find me something that wouldn't "break"...but I didn't trust her...and since then, she's just always been there...acting as if she understands me better than I understand myself..."

It would have been so much easier if they had been friends. Reina had originally thought that. It's why she had hope in Serina. That she thought the vile monster could be brought back to the Light, but she had realised she was so wrong. So very wrong. Others might have still had faith and hope in redemption, but Reina was not one of them. Not anymore.

It wasn't something to dwell on however, as Reina followed Eloise to Reina's room. Somewhere quiet. Safe. Or at least safe as Reina could feel right now. It was taking her fibre of her being not to break down fully and start screaming. Focus on moving. One foot in front of the other. Left, right, left. Once she was in the room, Reina could let herself break down at least somewhat more. Sitting herself down onto her bed so she could just let tears run down her cheeks. She hated this. She hated Serina. She hated what she had become.

"I can't beat her. I've tried. So, so many times. She let me go the first time...but that version of her that would let me go is gone now."

That was the one that Reina had believed in. The version of Serina that Reina had wanted to save. But it was gone now.

"The second time I had to be saved. She had a counter to everything. No matter how petty I was. When she tried to crush my prosthetic leg...I cut it off. When she tried to monologue, I blew up my own eardrums...When she tried to look in my eyes, I spat blood in her face."

Reina missed that version of herself. The petty, spiteful version. The one that didn't give up. That was stubborn. But she felt as if that version of herself was gone.

"And then this time...she managed to get me"

Spoiler: OOC Notes

: Means written/typed communication : < Means Sign Language communication >