Welcome to Chaos - Silly podcast thing 2!

[JanesBatter]

Here on Kashyyyk, trees blossom, plants bloom, and mysterious creatures and a religious force rules the galaxy.

Welcome, to Chaos.

Here in my secret location which planet should not even be named, water has been proven to show the local wookiee's who live in their wooden high and low tree villages to act - dilirious. It's most fantastic, though my assistant says it's "a disaster that could kill thousands." Oh, Eric. You funny little man. We have one of our top scientists on the job (need I remind you they're still busy with the mysterious letters problem). More to come on this as it is uncovered.

Now, readers, I don't normally tell you about my personal life, this much you know. This is a news podcast, a place where people seek out knowledge of the going-abouts of Chaos! However, I must inform you a new pet made its home known to the screaming crew in our station. We are not sure what species it is, but it seems to have too much fun spitting acid in the shield box we stuffed it in earlier. Please, come and take it.

And now, for the weather.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCTOpdlZJ8U
Bad Romance - Vintage 1920's Gatsby Style Lady Gaga Cover ft. Ariana Savalas & Sarah Reich

Readers, I regret to say that the pet has somehow broken out of our priso- I mean cage. We cannot find it anywhere, and I fear we may be in quite a bit of trouble if we don't find it quickly! Oh, dear! It appears acid is burning through the cables. In the meantime, please enjoy a word from our sponser.


- Water, drinkable, refreshing. You want to be one of the galaxy's best bounty hunters? Introducting: Water, fresh from the lakes of Kashyyyk. Our water is so pure, you'll be killing your targets in a single shot. Water. Buy us today at every side-shop in the galaxy. -


Hello again readers. Amazingly we have managed to repair the cables funtionality for the small price of detaching most of our emergency medical room. We have still yet to lock target on the beast, and again, we strongly encourage you find your way here... now!

A quick holo concerversation by the local authorities, let me read it here... "air is not real wait why are you translating and typing everything I'm saying on here stop that this is weird stop it okay bye."

In other words, more relating, one of our youngest Ticons is looking for a master. [member="Nikola Ticon"]
http://starwarsrp.net/topic/80206-looking-for-jedi-master/
This is a perfect oppertunity to seek and put your skills to use.

One of my favorite pirates in the scene, [member="Serg Leone"] is getting into the heat of action with his faction, Drea's Revenge. Consider blasting them to bits, getting beaten to death with them, or perhaps discussing a truce since you can't fight, and you know it.

Now to our scientist, [member="Bhaltair Dhimani"] for the science wrap-up. After, does air exsist? Later, the escape of the mysterious five headed wookiee from the local prisons.

(Consider giving us more news to upload! We can travel planets later upon request!)

 

[Bhaltair Dhimani]

And now we go to Bhaltair, the smartest man you don't know.

Bhaltair folded his hands together on top of the table and said,

"Ah. The age old question of "Does Air Exist?" Well, super fans, I'm here to tell you the truth. But, before we get into that, the Science Corner is brought to you by Noobinian's Camping Delights. These delicious and completely nutritious snacks keep me going all day, every day. You could say that I'm happily camping in my corner like a true "Noob". Now, the moment you've been waiting for..."

"But, before we get into that, we may need to clear the air here."

Bhaltair pressed a button and a fart sound was emitted from the sound board. He pressed yet another button and the sound of "canned" audience laughter could be heard.

"You may think I was upset about during our last podcast. You may be wondering why I'm here. Through the sponsorship of ads, we have been able to draw in enough revenue to keep this wonderful and truly patriotic podcast going strong...As well as pay me enough...."

"Finally, we can talk about air and the facts thereof. You see, air is a real thing...but, you see, air is also not a real thing. Forego the confusion and take this trip with me down Knowledge Lane to see where it all began. You see, sentients are actually robots. They have all been programmed since birth to say stupid words like "swag", "yolo" and, probably the worst one of all, "notice me senpai". Since we are robots, we don't have an actual need for oxygen. What we perceive to be an act of breathing truly is a simple imitation act of breathing in an effort to fit in. Similar efforts to fit in can consist of (but are not limited to) anything from "going to school" and "filing your taxes quarterly" to "eating at McYoda's" and "buying an intrinsically worthless diamond before proposing to someone"

"When we do our best to fit in with societal norms, we gain a computer status that triggers us to believe that we are "hot stuff". This sequence finally keys for the production of hot air. Hot air accumulates in our brain space and influences who we are. When you have a low amount of hot air, you are a decent human robot, but you're not popular. When you have a high concentration of hot air, you are literally full of it. When a human robot loses their hot air, due to humiliation and societal pressure, the hot air is released and collected. The Collection can be found at your local city hall. Our current lead supplier of hot air is Cloudburner. May the Mandos have mercy on his soul."

Bhaltair couldn't help but try to cover his mouth with his face as he tried to suppress his smile and a chuckle.

"In conclusion, the question isn't, "Is air real?" The real question is, "Who cares?" This has been Bhaltair Dhimani and I'm signing off."


[member="JanesBatter"]
[member="Keira Ticon"]
[member="James Justice"]

 

[JanesBatter]

Thank you for that sciency tip, [member="Bhaltair Dhimani"]. I'm afraid I lost track of time playing with my new and improved hot air balloon, but today in the late evening you should be seeing more stories. Of course if you live on those "weird" sides of the planet, you might as well just keep an eye out and hope for the huge lie that is our promise.

Remember to come and adopt your acid spitting pet, and hurry as we don't want it anymore!

That'll wrap everything up.

Good night, Chaos. Good night.