Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Valencia, home world of the Caroleans

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Name: Valencia

Outer region
Valencia Eyr system
One sun, red average, Eyr
In habitable zone, fourth planet from sun.
One moon, Thei, uninhabited, no atmosphere
Coordinates are currently unavailable, on the very outer regions of north eastern galaxy
14 hours, rotation 546 day orbit
Terrestrial
Atmpospjere is nitrogen oxygen
Temperate
Standard gravity
All terrains that are naturally found apply
No sentients have lived there till human colonies were set up
Galactic standard language
Imperialist monarchy
3.64 billion people
Valencian
Technology, shipsimported raw materials , soldiers exported.
Affiliated with the Carolean military group
Major location, Capitol, Carolean fortress, Carolean training facility, Carolean barracks
The Capitol, Ralet, is a bustling city, with trade to the rest of the worl, and a major space port
The Carolean fortress, a massive structure, built to defend the planet. Anti air guns, anti personnel guns, anti armor and shield defend the massive durasteel walls, built into a mountain
Carolean training facility and barracks are both heavily defended compounds, built underground, barracks to house the Caroleans, the training facility to train them.

The planet follows a military culture, where honor is valued above life. Many people become soldiers for the Caroleans. Society is heavily intertwined with the Caroleans
Close in industrial and economic technology, ahead in military technologies.
After it was discovered, shortly after the gulag plague, it was colonized by those seeking to escape, they reached a peak in population just before the 400 year darkness, and again just before the netherworld event. Both killed billions
Any major Carolean, Charles Bellmont

Created to serve as a homeworld for the Caroleans, but can also be accseabpe to other factions as a base, a staging point, a defensive point, and as a trading site.
 
Good afternoon, [member="Charles Bellmont"]. Hope you're having a nice weekend! Just going to go through your submission and see what we can do with it.

We do actually need the co-ordinates for the planet, as in keeping with our Galaxy Map, so that it can be placed on there at the next update. If you wouldn't mind picking a spot and then providing those, it would be appreciated!

I would also appreciate it if you would use the standard Planet Creation Template. This must include all the headings and text currently in there - it's designed to make it easier to read, and allow us to pick up information as needed.

With respects to your native species, the absence of sentient species is fine, but are there are any non-sentient ones worth noting? A good planetary sub has plenty of extra detail on fauna and flora, so people visiting the planet in their own RPs can build around this, and use it to create more-detailed posts of their own. Are there beasts of burden, natural predators to watch out for, any animals used for meat/animal products etc?

Could you also please specify *exactly* which terrain types are there: saying "all terrains that are naturally found apply" is both non-specific and unlikely: your planet has both massive lava fields and volcanoes alongside beaches and huge valleys? Hoth-like ice fields alongside Dagobah swamps? You see the problem here? While it might be possible, we still want more detail on what the planet looks like: what might a visitor expect to see? Where are the major population centres and/or cities? Are there extremes in environment or temperature that would need to be accommodated?

The history you've written for us is very brief: you've included mention of the Gulag Plague, and also the 400-year Darkness, but that's honestly about it. If I'm being blunt, I could write more about what I had for dinner last night - don't get me wrong, keeping things short and concise often makes for easier reading, but what you've given us doesn't tell us anything much about the planet. When was it colonised? By whom? Why? What struggles did they encounter? What prompted the formation of the Imperialist Monarchy that serves as the planetary government? What culture have they developed as a consequence? What makes this world different to Coruscant, or Muunilist, or Geonosis? All these are things that will ultimately make this a better submission - the sort of information we want people to be able to look up when they pick your planet as a place to RP or even conquer. If you could expand this, it would make a huge difference to your sub!

If you've got any questions about the changes I've requested, please feel free to ask. I do honestly like what you've written so far, but I feel it needs a lot of fleshing out before we approve it for addition to the Codex. Let me know once you've made some additions/adjustments, and we'll move forward from there. Many thanks for your submission!
 
All right, thanks for letting me know, I even thought it needed work, as I wrote it at 4;00 am for me, with no access to the template or the galactic map, and I usually do anthologies for every fictional world I make, not just Star Wars once, I'll try to improve it today.
 
[member="Charles Bellmont"] [member="Tirdarius"]

This submission is being moved to the Pre-Codex where it will have two weeks time for you to work on before being archived.

When it is ready to resume judgement, tag me or [member="Zeradias Mant"] to move it back to the main Codex forum.
 
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