Private Unexpecations

[Baros Sal-Soren]

Ee'everwest Estate | Master Suite
​

It had been a few days since the birth of the triplets. Still officially unnamed, but very much real, and filling Baros' heart. Teyla was already a parent, already had that parental aura about her. For Sal-Soren though, it was all new. It left him with a slight feeling of loneliness in that he was experiencing this all anew, it was just him alone feeling by himself. His admiration for Teyla had gone through the roof in the last months, and had spiked again in the last few days. She seemed to handle it all with dignity, and grace. She, of course, apologized for the words said during the pain of labour, but it had not stung - he sympathized enough to accept it as it was, even if he could not truly empathize.

He and Teyla had been talking most of this evening. It began as preparation discussions. The naming ceremony was going to be some form declaration as to Naboo's future. Baros was still getting his head around it. His crash course on Naboo history and culture had left him with a little mental whiplash. But he was catching on. He had too. The Hand of the Queen would be expected to know protocol.

He grimaced. Hand of the Queen. He did not like the sound of it. He had never imagined entering politics, even in an advisory capacity. The title lay heavy on his mind. It was only on Teyla's insistence that he put his name forward, but being Corellian he thought it was so unlikely that there was no harm. Apparently, the Ee'everwest name and influence now extended to him. It was unexpected. An honour, for sure, but really not something he felt suited too. Teyla, of course, disagreed.

He had been laying in bed, back to Teyla, for some time. He had not even closed his eyes since their 'goodnights'. There was one conversation that he had not yet broached with her. But it needed to be said. Should have been said much earlier. But it had to be said. Soon.

Teyla stirred. He could hear from the pattern of breathing that she was not asleep either.

His eyes closed just before he spoke.

"The children are likely to have some level of Force Sensitivity. I...do not want them to receive any training in that regard. I would like it just to fade into the background, and not be...a thing."

The moment of silence felt like an eternity.

| Teyla Sal-Soren |​

 

[Teyla Sal-Soren]

The birth of the triplets had sent the entire Estate into a frenzy of commotion to welcome the newest addition to the Ee’everwest-Sal-Soren household. Exhaustion, joy and an all encompassing love that filled every part of her being. Teyla felt all of this and more, still completely awestruck by the fragile, resilient lives that she and Baros had created. Out amongst the stars there may have been wars and troubles they’d not yet faced, but for these last few precious days, in the here and now? Everything felt right in the world.

Laying on her side in the darkened room, sleep should have already come to her, but a hyper awareness in the back of her mind that there would likely be another feeding soon made it difficult for her to relax, despite all her best efforts. Finally, when her breathing began to settle, she felt a sudden shift coming off of Baros, with a great deal of apprehension.

“The children are likely to have some level of Force Sensitivity. I...do not want them to receive any training in that regard. I would like it just to fade into the background, and not be...a thing."

Teyla felt her heart sink and shifted until she sat up, reaching for the lamp on her nightstand and flicking it on.

Confusion was writ plainly across her face, her thoughts trying to catch up with her mouth to formulate a response. Clearly, the idea was one that had never crossed her mind.

“The Force is a part of them,” she answered, shifting quickly from weariness to a sudden defensiveness.

Just like Marcus and Careina, two of the three children had grown together in the Force while they’d grown inside her, attuning with one another to such a depth that she doubted she’d ever be able to fully understand it. Their Force sensitivity hadn’t been known to her until the stretch of contractions reached their peak, the inexorable movement to the outside world only moments away. Like their brother and sister, Teyla tried her best to wrap the triplets and their fluttering fear in love and comfort. She hadn’t expected anything. Marcus and Careina had displayed Force sensitivity much earlier in her pregnancy, but then, to her everlasting joy, two of their tiny minds reached back to the nonverbal embrace. Their panic fading from them.

The idea of being able to watch her children grow and strengthen themselves in the Force together… It was one of the proudest moments in her life, a brief glimpse of what the future held for their lives.

But now...this? Where was this coming from?

“Can I ask why you don’t want to have them trained?

Baros Sal-Soren

 

[Baros Sal-Soren]

It didn't take one capable and attuned to the Force to pick up the vibes Teyla was putting out. He could feel the coldness in the room increase, her body become rigid with his every word. If it were possible for one so physically close to feel so far away, he did not know how it would be possible. He hated this. With his very being. If there was anything he could do to protect the beautiful flower of domestic bliss he would do it, all but this one thing. This was where he would not compromise.

Her words on Denon had stuck with him. At the time he had just accepted her words with a kiss, and pushed further into the hope that he could ignore his knowledge and beliefs. But he had not spend the last 5 years studying Sith and Jedi history, coming to hard fought conlusions, just to throw that away. He was still on his path. A path that would lead to the freedom of the galaxy from a cycle of Force imposed pain and suffering. He was protecting his children. He was protecting Teyla.

For all his internal dialogue though, Baros felt like he might be throwing away his own slice of perfection, for a fool's errand.

"Your fear reached out for the first thing that reached back, and it was power. Raw, instant, and unlike anything you’d felt before. Something was wrong about it, you knew that, but didn’t hesitate...not for a moment. You needed what it offered. Not until after the damage was done, after the cold emptiness set in, did you even realize what it was…”

Using her own words felt cruel. But they were also the best way to help her see his point.

Rolling over, Baros' gaze fell on the sihouette of the woman he loved beyond his own life. His eyes traced her tousled hair, forehead, nose and lips. She was his hero. The strongest person he knew, and if he loved her less it would be easier to describe how he felt. Still, even she had seen the power of the darkness that the Force entertained. Sure, a darkness that was within Baros as well. It had come out the same day. But with the Force, and its amplification affects, the impact on those around the Force sensitive person could be far more extreme.

“...the Dark Side, Tey. If you can be tempted, if you can indulge. I don't want that chance for our children. It scares me, Teyla.”

| Teyla Sal-Soren |​

 

[Teyla Sal-Soren]

Hearing him use her own words against her, made something inside Teyla recoil from him, sending a brief flicker of emotion through her system. Baros was the constant point in her stars, her refuge in whom she took comfort and allowed herself to be vulnerable with, but in that instance she felt further than ever from him.

“That’s not fair,” she said, her elegant voice cracking.

Teyla became still as stone when he rolled over, slender arms folding neatly across her chest and the curve of her chin tilting away from him. She didn’t want to remember that night, what happened. The look on Respini’s face.

"You needed what it offered."

Please, stop. Her eyes squeezed shut. She felt more than just hurt, she felt anger too. Using something so painful and raw, to make his point with.

It was affective.

Deep down, Teyla worried that perhaps he was right.

After several slow breaths, Teyla finally settled and opened her eyes, greeted with a soft, almost earnest glance. With every word he spoke, knots inside her began to unwind, and the anger fueled desire to firmly rebuke him, settled down to a smolder.

She wetted her lips, preparing to speak.

“You don't know that it'll be a struggle for them.” Teyla finally said, her tone even and her brows furrowed. “What you’re asking is for me to agree to take away their right of self-determination and self-knowledge.” The thin fabric of her slip twisted around her, pushing the blanket aside and turning towards him. “We can’t let fears of ‘what if’ make decisions that will affect them for the rest of their lives...I’m sorry… but I can’t agree to what you’re asking.”

Baros Sal-Soren

 

[Baros Sal-Soren]

He had known her answer before he had spoken. Baros didn't want this to be something that would break them apart, nor break one of their will and leave either of them a shell of themselves. But he could not move on this. And she would not move on this.

"What if?" He repeated. He could not help but reach out. He needed to know that in spite of the emotional distance that he felt between them, that she was still close. A small lock of hair had fallen across her face, and with a finger, he lifted it behind her ear. Tracing the finger along her temple, her soft but defined jawline. Even in the dim light of the room, she was radiant. Despite the tiredness of the last few days, she somehow had only increased in beauty, though he knew she would protest the claim and state that she looked awful. He disagreed.

"Do you know when I first loved you?" Baros said, in a whisper. He let the question hang for a moment.

"It was when you were an officer on Coruscant. Probably the moment you locked eyes with me in the interview. Call me crazy. I didn't believe in love at first sight...and I did my best impression of continuing on my previous path. But something had changed. Someone had my heart, even though I had not given them permission."

Years had parted them. They had both changed. Grown. Become different people. But his love for her had not changed. It had just taken a long, long time to be epxressed.

"You were...marvellous. Confident. Competent. Passionate. And you didn't fawn over me like the vapid arm candy I was accustomed too. You...were...glorious. And all...without Force training. Why is that so bad for our children?"

His eyes closed. Heart thumping inside his chest as fear truly coated his next words. Fear for her reaction. Would compromise be acceptable?

"If it is about self-determination, then we cannot allow training until it is their decision. We should set an age. Preferrably for me when they have crossed through those turbulent teen years..."

Gods. He couldn't even contemplate those small little bundles being teenagers. The thought alone was enough to give him palpatations.

| Teyla Sal-Soren |​

 

[Teyla Sal-Soren]

Although she still felt raw from him revisiting her greatest shame, and was disappointed that he’d waited until after the triplets were born to bring any of this up to her, Teyla still decided to allow the closeness he reached for.

Even if they could not agree, even if it came out at an inopportune moment, at least he was talking to her about his concerns. At the end of the day, Teyla would always rather work through the disagreements and have an open discussion, than none at all.

That was the only way to find resolution.

Feeling the feathery touch from his fingertips left behind warm trails across her skin, her resolve slipping into near surrender while listening intently to his confession of when they first met. It both surprised her, and made complete sense.

The memory of that day distinctly stood out among their many early adventures together, remembering the shock of electrical current between them, and the strides and efforts she’d made to keep herself from being pulled into his orbit afterward - stubbornly resolved to evade his charms for as long as her clever mind could while ignoring the hidden truths buried deep beneath the surface...

She loved him. Even more, if that were possible, since the birth of the triplets. The way his bearings shifted when he held them and how they settled in the comfort of his arms brought joy to her spirit.

The effect he had on her was powerful, and her previously stoic expression softened back to the tenderness that had been present before the conversation began. No one else in the Galaxy, could ever disarm her the way Baros Sal-Soren could.

“The Force wasn’t with me when we met,” she admitted softly, giving him a small glimpse into the origins of her Force sensitivity. She laid a tender kiss against the palm of his hand before entwining their fingers together.

She could live with trying to come to a mutual compromise.

“That’s a little late, don’t you think? It’s likely they’ll be experimenting with it on their own before then...Marcus and Careina both already exhibit abilities. Teaching them in a controlled environment through their teens might be the best way to help them learn calm, peace, and how to control what’s inside them. If they demonstrate the maturity for it, then I’d prefer if they began at the threshold of those years. My brother Liam Du'Cal could help them, if you'd prefer they not go to a traditional academy.”

 

[Baros Sal-Soren]

Breathing in deeply, Baros felt like this was not going the way it should. All his reasoning, all his study, all of his understanding as to the damage that Force sensitive people had done to the galaxy over the years, it all screamed at him that she was wrong. For every hero of the Force, there was always a dark opposite. The heroes that rose, always rose to meet the darkness that rose before it. To his mind, the solution was that neither be allowed to rise. This was his dogma. This was his mission. But she would never see this. In that moment, he determined that Teyla would not see it.

But his own children. He could not allow them. His eyes closed. Thinking on her words, allowing his fingers to massage hers as he meditated on her words.

"I don't think it's too late."

His heart broke with the words. Not because of a sudden change of heart, but because he knew that Teyla would likely pull back from him, distance herself again.

"If left to themselves, the Force sensitivity could well fade into the background. As I understand it, a large portion of Force users require consistent usage to maintain a strong connection. We don't deny them, but we do not encourage them. This is my desire."

How he knew such thing of the Force was hopefully not something she would check up on. That was better left unsaid. As for the suggestion of her brother training them, he couldn't say. He did not know the man well enough. And it was really unnecessary if it was just, left to be.

"Perhaps. When they are fifteen...or sixteen? We test them...reevaluate?"

| Teyla Sal-Soren |​

 

[Teyla Sal-Soren]

“I don’t think it’s too late, if left to themselves, the Force sensitivity could well fade into the background. As I understand it, a large portion of Force users require consistent usage to maintain a strong connection. We don’t deny them, but we don’t encourage them. This is my desire.”

There was a finality to the way he said it, that made Teyla sigh harshly.

“So. This isn’t a compromise.” she scoffed, slipping her hand from his and returning it to the bed again. “This is your decision, and I’m to get in line with it.” Teyla was vexed by the sudden change, ready to go toe-to-toe with him on it.

But, then...

Warm brown eyes flickered towards the door, feeling a pull at the edge of her mind that was followed by a faint rap at the door. With the approval to enter, one of the many Evenfall maids shuffled in.

“Lady Teyla.” came one greeting, “Lord Baros.” came another.

Teyla nodded in response and smiled, though the curve of her lips was greatly subdued.

“One of the triplets have awoken...and I was told that you requested not to have a wet nurse, so I-”

“Yes. I’ll be there in a moment,” Teyla interjected, sounding impatient. “thank you.”

The door closed, leaving their shared suite in heavy silence. “I need to go,” she murmured, swinging her agile legs over the edge of the bed and rising to fetch the robe that laid neatly on the chaise near the rooms balcony, slipping the red silk onto her bare arms.

The expansive room was then crossed quickly, Teyla pausing momentarily at the doors entrance. “I don’t agree with this decision for a second.” She said in a final protest, white-hot adrenaline shooting through her system.

In her heart, all she could hear were his words resounding.

Her chest constricted.

How long would the shadow of Respini haunt them? Without another word or a glance behind, the door opened and quickly slammed shut behind her.

Baros Sal-Soren