Under My Shadow

[Jaron Lesan]

Location: Bastion of the Ren

The sun was setting just below the top of the stone temple which served as the home for most of the Knights of Ren. While Jaron was among them he managed to keep to himself mostly which was why he found himself climbing the steps he had once traversed when the original expedition team had uncovered it. Another disciple had reached out for training. As the wind whistled past his ear the Knight wondered if this one would manage to stay.

With a thought the heavy doors of the temple's great hall opened to the darksider. He had arranged to meet the redhead there. [member="Kaalia Voldaren"] was a young woman he had met twice. First there was a mission which had seen them on separate teams, and second was the latest military ball where Jaron had interrupted something. From what he gathered it was a large step for her to reach out for a master, and Jaron only hoped he would not let her down.

His arms were crossed as he leaned against a wall. It was cold, hard, and unfeeling, but with a thought and touch it could be broken under his will. This was the power of the Force. It was this which kept the First Order dominant in the galaxy.

With a thought his words reached out to the mind of the young woman he was to train. "Come find me," he said as he pushed off the wall. His robes flowed behind him, and the mask he typically wore hung from his belt.

 

[Kaalia Pavanos]

Come find me. Three words that said everything that was need to be said. [member="Jaron Lesan"] had arrived to teach her the ways of the dark side, and Kaalia was eager to learn. For too long she had struggled trying to embrace the dark fully, and thus decided to finally reach out for guidance. Her legs instinctively carried her towards the source of the message that was relayed to her through the Force, her booted feet clicking everytime they touched the floor. As the woman came closer, the Force presence became clearer. She sensed something familiar about it, but couldn't quite place the feeling. Perhaps she would learn why it felt so known in time.

The woman's outfit was simple as usual. She sported dark grey robes, with black boots. Her lightsabers were clipped to a belt, available whenever she desired to use them. Turning a corner, her new master came in sight. The redhead made her way towards the man as she nodded, greeting the Knight with a serious but eager look. "I am ready, master."

 

[Jaron Lesan]

Jaron tracked her progress through the force. His mind stayed focused on her location, what she used to find him, and smiled as he felt her presence brush against his to determine his location. There were basic skills there, ones she had learned somewhere, but rather than an overwhelming darkness he sensed gray. She was like him them, not light, not dark, neutral. Jaron had been touched by the darkness, he had even embraced it, but his time among the Jedi had colored his decision making. He spared lives where other Ren might take them, but he gave in to his emotions and passions for everything.

When Kaalia arrived he nodded. His eyes looked over her attire, the color fitting for the aura he had sensed from her. They would be loose enough for any physical training he may decide on, but for now his mind was still trying to assess her ability. Finding her eyes the scar was noticed right away. "Jaron please. Master is too formal for this setting. Perhaps when others are around, but when we are alone I prefer to be addressed as though we are equal."

Uncrossing his arms, Jaron stepped closer to inspect the scar. He offered a genuine smile. "Our scars define us. Some are more visible than others. Wear it with pride, yes?"

Jaron turned on his heels. "Follow me, there is an old courtyard a quarter mile south of here. Do you know it?"

Again the doors parted to reveal the sky near dark as dusk had set in. The day was near over, but their time was just beginning.

[member="Kaalia Voldaren"]

 

[Kaalia Pavanos]

"I understand." It seemed [member="Jaron Lesan"] wasn't like her Jedi master at all, something she had expected in a way. "My previous teacher from another life preferred the title, but I will keep that in mind." Kaalia's mind cast back to her life as a Jedi, the things she learned there still present. It was how she grew up, but things were different now. Adjustments would be made.

The scar, so often it was the scar. Her friend, Ara Ren, said a similar thing. Being proud of them, it was still an odd thing to the woman. They carried little significance to her, it was merely a mark of an event that could've killed her but didn't. Was that something to be proud of? Perhaps the notion of overcoming what caused such a scar was empowering to most, but to Kaalia it was 'just' surviving another day. Luck was on her side that day, the day she got the scar. The day she killed a dark Jedi. The day she claimed her second saber.

"I can't say I have been there yet." the redhead said as the two left the building, the darkening sky above them. She was filled with ambition, hopeful that her new mentor would help her understand what is necessary to step into the dark and embrace it.

 

[Jaron Lesan]

"Some are hung up on titles as though they are everything. I prefer to think a person's skill should speak for them. If they are a master their power will prove it."

It was not an unorthodox view. Every force user group had those who held both positions and even others. For some it was a respect issue, but Jaron simply was tired of all the formality. One could do what their title claimed or they could not. There several who insisted on the title who had been defeated by those of lower status. It was an early lesson, but important if they were going to get along.

The night air was crisp. Summer had not arrived yet, and the early spring weather still made for a cool night. The contrast of the warmer temple would be felt immediately once they were out in the elements, but Jaron didn't care. Depriving the body of comforts often helped in unlocking the darkness within. This was not about evil, but rather about retraining Kaalia. The Jedi would have taught her to suppress her emotion, and Jaron needed her to unleash them. For that he was going to have to make her feel to the point she could only rely on her emotions for stability.

"We will train there from now on. There are no pads, no safety nets. With me you will succeed or you will fail. Failure could mean you die."

Jaron didn't tell her he had no intention of letting that happen, but a certain level of fear had to be established.

"Does that make you afraid?"

This all took place as they made the trek to the courtyard. The dim lighting of the torches which lined the path was all they had to see. Small stones crunched under their boots as they progressed along the gravel. The courtyard itself was in ruins. Parts of the old marble floor were still in tact, but much of it was crumpled and weathered by the elements, worn to gravel. Several pillars lay flat on the ground, one stood upright in the center of the roundish area, though it was half its original height.

"I can't tell you some magical formula to connect to the darkness you seek. We all find it on our own. For me it was the destruction of Corellia. That was the day I turned my back on the Jedi and gave in to the dark feelings which had always been hidden, suppressed by the calm I was told to have. Today, I intend to break you free from the calm that guards your most passionate feelings. We will know your fear, anger, what makes you passionate. I promise you will know how to use pain as an ally and weapon. You cannot embrace the dark side until you have embraced all of your passions, allowing them to be free."

[member="Kaalia Voldaren"]

 

[Kaalia Pavanos]

The Journey​

Kaalia nodded in agreement. [member="Jaron Lesan"] was right, skill meant more than titles. If someone possessed skills worth teaching, people would follow. "Those are wise words. I respect that notion." she said, confidence in him growing. Jaron knew what he was talking about.

Stepping outside, the first thing that the woman felt was the cool air. Cold nights definitely weren't her favorite thing, but she didn't speak out about it. She had been through worse, being cold wasn't going to take her down. It was obvious that this was only the tiniest tip of the iceberg however, and the redhead readied herself for what was to come, whatever it was.

"With me you will succeed or you will fail. Failure could mean you die." The words rang through Kaalia's head, letting them sink in. If she wanted to go down this path, there was no other way. Still, it was unsettling. "I value my life. I will do anything necessary to keep it, I have done so before. I stared down death, and it made me feel fear down to my core. The natural fear of dying is something everyone has in some capacity. That includes me."

The two arrived at the courtyard, showing a place time caught up to. There wasn't much left of it, and Kaalia now realized she hadn't heard of this area before. It was dark, adding to the atmosphere of the place.

The words spoken by Jaron as they arrived were no real surprise to the flame-haired woman. She understood what had to be done, and she was willing to go through all of it. "I have not been able to achieve that on my own. The things I have experienced on Kaeshana have inflicted small cracks to my shell of serenity, but I could only unleash my emotions for so long. It felt finite. My anger, my fear, my grief, it simply ran dry. Like something pulled me away."

 

[Jaron Lesan]

"Yet, you have felt the fear to do whatever it takes to live. In the heat of battle you did not feel the immediate danger of death? Calm, limited even in battle. You sound like you are not free from the Jedi..."

Jaron reached for his blue saber, the one his uncle had helped him forge. It was a reminder of where he had been, and the power found in balance. While Jaron had allowed the mantra of the Sith to persuade him, the light always pulled him from the brink of total despotism. He was not the fanatical Ren that others were, though he was one the Knights and devoted to the cause. Jaron simply had an outlook on the mission which others did not.

With a flick of his arm Jaron brought the saber to life displaying the hue. "I have been where you are, we just have to find your tipping point. That's why we are here." Jaron recalled the blade and put it away. "Anger, fear, and grief are only some of the emotions and passions we feel."

With aid of the force Jaron lifted five smaller rocks in the air and let them hover.

"Block them... they won't stop coming."

[member="Kaalia Voldaren"]

 

[Kaalia Pavanos]

"That, I am regrettably not. It was how I grew up, I was taught those things as facts of life. I didn't know any different. Letting that go is something I cannot do that on my own. It is why I am here." [member="Jaron Lesan"] ignited his lightsaber, an all-familiar blue color emerging from the hilt. Like Kaalia herself, it seemed like he still possessed the weapon he carried as a Jedi, something that constantly reminded the woman of her past. She valued both her weapons in different ways however, the red-bladed saber reminding her of the path she aimed to follow. The blades looked as conflicted as her mind, but in her hands they worked in harmony. Both had their place, fulfilled their roles. A fundamental difference between her instruments and her mind.

Her tipping point. That is what her teacher sought. The push that was needed to embrace the power that the dark side had to offer. A simple premise, but the redhead understood that she'd have to go far to get there. Cherising her emotions wasn't new to her, but letting them out to their fullest potential was a different story. It was going to be a long night.

"Block them." Five stones flew towards her, guided by the Force. Kaalia instinctively reached for her lightsabers, quickly igniting them. Letting the Force guide her blades, flashes of red and blue swept in front of her, blocking the rocks. Immediately another wave came her way, leaving to time to let up. The flame-haired woman quickly met them with her blades again, but the third wave wasn't fully blocked. A stone hit her in the stomach, sending waves of pain through her. A slight grunt escaped from her lips as she quickly recomposed herself to defend herself against the next wave. This was how it had to be.

 

[Jaron Lesan]

Kaalia relied on her lightsabers to block the stones, but that was the easy way out. It was the reaction of a Jedi. Her skill was admirable, the only thing about her method of blocking the rocks which drew a smile. At least he did not have to spend hours upon hours teaching her to use the weapons of the force user. It was one thing which connected them. She carried a red and blue blade as well. Suddenly their bond as master and student was understood and accepted. Regardless of her performance today there would be no one better suited to teach her. There were few who would understand what she would have to overcome to get to the place Jaron now stood.

The rocks stopped. Jaron's hands reached out as the force was released to grasp her lightsaber hilts. If her trip was weak they would be in his hands in seconds. His voice carried as he moved to confiscate them.

"I appreciate your skill, but that was a Jedi's instinctive result. Create a barrier in the force. Tap into the fear of pain, or the pain itself to raise a wall of the force around you. If you can't do that then redirect them."

Again, Jaron raised another set of stones.

"Find the place where you know your life is on the line if you cannot do this. Until you are willing to get past yourself you will never find the place where the force is most pure. The Jedi teach you to block it out, but I am here to destroy the serenity your passion hides behind. Peace is a lie, there is only passion!"

Jaron launched the first stone.

"Through passion I gain strength."

The second.

"Through strength I gain power."

The third.

"Through power I gain victory."

The fourth.

"Through victory my chains are broken."

The fifth.

"The force shall set me free!"

[member="Kaalia Voldaren"]

 

[Kaalia Pavanos]

When Kaalia felt the tugging on her sabers, she resisted at first. It was her means of defense, they were what protected her from the rocks, but [member="Jaron Lesan"] was right. Her reaction was based on her Jedi teachings, but she had to let go of that. Closing her eyes, the woman released the grip on her weapons, letting them hover towards her teacher. She was filled with reluctance however, doing such a thing in real combat would mean death. Perhaps that was the point.

Peace is a lie, there is only passion. The first set of rocks flew towards her, and with no lightsabers to protect her she frantically put up a Force barrier. It was a weak one however, and the stones broke past it, hitting her hard in the stomach, both her legs and her right arm. A grunt could be heard as the pain worked its through her body.

Through passion, I gain strength. The pain pushed her into the darkness, but slowly. Kaalia recovered, the barrier fueled by the small pool of passion the pain created. It wasn't enough, as multiple rocks still made their way through, one hitting her on the forehead. It shook her, her vision becoming blurry for a moment. More pain, more passion.

Through strength, I gain power. She was pushed further, the light within her screamed out to stop, but she couldn't. It was the only path she could walk. Tears formed in the redhead's eyes, sadness washing over her. She drew upon it, and the barrier became stronger. Three stones still broke through, hurting her more. But she was silent. Her eyes were now closed

Through power, I gain victory. Fear crept in. Fear of weakness, fear of dying right here because she failed to embrace the darkness within her, but the biggest fear was that of not having control. The light was slowly becoming a whisper, while the darkness reached out, begging to accept its gift. Kaalia's fears fueled her more, her barrier finally stopping all the rocks that came her way.

Through victory, my chains are broken. The whisper of the light was silenced. In her head there was darkness, her passion, her sadness, her fear. The woman felt broken. As the next wave of rocks came her way she felt the shell of serenity crack. It couldn't save her, not anymore. The stones weren't blocked; they were pushed away from her as Kaalia opened her eyes again and turned the barrier into a push with a motion with her arms that reflected a pushing motion, letting out a yell that was almost feral. She was shaking, fueled by a power she hadn't felt before in that capacity. The will to survive.

"The Force shall free me."

 

[Jaron Lesan]

Jaron simply smiled as he watched her draw the darkness in with each attempt. The more pain she gained from her failure, the stronger her resolve and deeper into the darkness she delved. He felt when the serenity she clung to crack. His smile grew wide, tugging at his lips with a happy response. [member="Kaalia Voldaren"] was shaking with the pent up rage that came when forced to survive. She could feel it, feel the power he had embraced a long time ago.

He approached her slowly, pushing back the wild strands of her hair as he came into reach.

"Hold onto that feeling. Tuck it away into the core of your being. This is the power of the dark side, something more than the light could ever offer you. Look at what you have done in such a short measure... A sacrifice of comfort, your own safety, even a sacrifice of your body and health, but have touched what many are afraid to reach for. You will meditate on this until everything you had been is broken.

Jaron dropped his hand, and walked a few steps back.

"What skills do you wish to learn... most have requests... what do you want to know that the light could not offer you?"

 

[Kaalia Pavanos]

Kaalia closed her eyes and nodded as she grasped her fear and her anger from inside her, not allowing it to escape her. It was given a place within her, making part of who she was. It was possible, she could embrace what would make her powerful. A dark grin could be seen on the redhead's face as she made the revelation that attaining such power was possible. Her master approached her, tucking stray locks of her red hair back behind her shoulders.

[member="Jaron Lesan"] took a few steps back, and asked her what she wanted to learn from him. A barrage of thoughts went through her mind, but the woman knew that things had to be taken one at a time. "The mind is a powerful weapon, but also a target. The Jedi are too afraid to make use of that fact, but when life and death is on the line, knowing how to get into someone's head can give you edge you need. I wish to learn how to attack the mind directly, and bolster my defenses against such attacks."

 

[Jaron Lesan]

Jaron nodded. The mind was indeed a target, and Jaron had learned from one of the best how to use it. His uncle had been exceptionally strong with the mental abilities, and Jaron had learned to twist them. The man would now pass that on to his apprentice, but first she needed a bit of rest. Her will was strong, but the exercises he had planned would drain the little strength she had left, and it was not his goal to kill her. If she died during training it was because she was weak, not because Jaron was irresponsible with his new asset.

"Indeed it is. It is also a dangerous target if you attempt to wage that war with some who is stronger than you mentally. I will teach you under the condition you don't seek to use it as a primary technique."

There was not much of an option in his response.

"The difference between the Sith and the Ren is many Sith lack subtlety. Yes, there are those who do so extremely well. However, subtlety should always be what you strive for. If you go about advertising your mental prowess then no one will underestimate you. The more you allow yourself to look weak, when in fact you are not, is like honey on a fly trap."

Jaron turned on his heel. His smile still had not faded though she could not see it. He called to her as he moved toward the temple once again.

"We will resume your lessons in the morning. For now get some rest. You will need all the energy you can muster for what I will teach you."

[member="Kaalia Voldaren"]

 

[Kaalia Pavanos]

Kaalia nodded in agreement. What [member="Jaron Lesan"] said was wise, and she would follow those words. "I see no reason to think otherwise or protest. Such powers are a double-edged sword, I merely wish to be able to use it when it is absolutely necessary." She gained more respect for her teacher with every word he spoke, and looked up to him toward what she should become. The seed of passion that was planted within her glowed. She slowly started to understand what the dark side was, and it was revelating.

Her master started making his way back to the bastion, telling her to rest. It was at that moment she realized how drained she was, noticing her irregular breathing and the weight of each step she took. It was no surprise to the redhead, and although she wanted to keep going the man was right. "Thank you for your lessons. I will be there when called upon, ready for the next one."

Kaalia sat down as Jaron left, electing to stay to meditiate on what she had learned. She would head back later, but for now she would sit in the silence of the courtyard.