Private Twice Not Okay

[Loomi]

Coruscant, Jedi Temple
Tags: Corazona von Ascania

Cora was back. Loomi very vividly remembered the kind hearted but rather sad seeming older girl she had met once on a mission, only for her to leave very soon after. She recalled her roommate Colette being very distraught by this. Now she was back, yet none of the people who had gone to get her had said very much at all. Loomi didn't need an explanation to understand that something bad had happened to her. Someone hurt her. The Godoan felt it twist at her heard, unable to think of anything else. She wanted so desperately to help, but what could she do? She was just some dumb kid after all.

That was when it hit her. Loomi scampered her way through the Temple, her balance as awkward as usual and more so with her new pair of wings, looking for where Corazona may be. The gardens seemed logical. That's where Loomi went when she felt bad. Sure enough, there Cora was, meditating by herself. The Godoan nervously but optimistically approached her, her hands folded behind her back.

"M-Miss Cora?" she began, meekly making her presence known. "I-I... Uh, I'm not bothering, am I?"

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Back straight, legs crossed, Cora inhaled slow and deep. She let the air swell her lungs, holding it there for a moment.

"M-Miss Cora?" she began, meekly making her presence known. "I-I... Uh, I'm not bothering, am I?"

One blue eye opened, sliding to the corner of her vision. On a blink, she exhaled, chest visibly falling.

Turning in place, Cora smiled at the bashful Godoan. Loomi had come to the Order after her, and the two hadn't had much time to get to know one another before Cora had left for Ukatis. Their last memory together had not been the most pleasant—they'd been clearing out pirates who'd stolen medical supplies, and a crate of pseudo-blood products had exploded over them.

"It's good to see you, Loomi." She said warmly. "No, you're not bothering me."

The Padawan found it difficult to be left alone with her thoughts, so Loomi's presence was most welcome.

"And please, just Cora is fine."

Loomi

 

[Loomi]

Coruscant, Jedi Temple
Tags: Corazona von Ascania

"And please, just Cora is fine."

"R-right," Loomi nodded.

Just Cora. She could do that. The girl tilted her head, her antennae curling nervously. She hadn't really thought about what she would do if she got this far.

"Well..." she began, brushing the hair out of her face, "I-I don't know what happened... a-and you don't have to talk about it... But I've been thinking a lot about it. Bad stuff... seems to happen to me all the time, so I thought maybe doing something that helps me could help you."

She tried her best to give a reassuring smile. It was wobbly and very unsure, but there was a genuine concern and compassion behind it. After all the things that Loomi had to endure, she wanted to make sure that other people were able to feel normal again, just like all of her friends had done for her.

"S-so I'm gonna take you somewhere," the Godoan declared, though her confidence quickly faded. "If you want to, I mean..."

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

"Somewhere?"

Cora rose from her meditative pose slowly, taking care to pick the bits of grass that clung to her pants before smoothing down the fabric. She may have no longer been a royal, but the girl liked to keep herself tidy.

Loomi certainly seemed nervous, unsure if her suggestion would be welcome. It also gave Cora some vague insight into what others in the Jedi Order might know about her situation—in truth, she was deeply scared about how they would view her. Though she'd been assured that her actions were in self-defense, they were still murder.

Cora brushed that thought aside for now. It would return later.

"What did you have in mind, Loomi?" Raising a hand to her chin, Cora quirked a brow. "Or…is it a surprise?"

Loomi

 

[Loomi]

Coruscant, Jedi Temple
Tags: Corazona von Ascania

Loomi felt a wave of fear... no, not fear. Guilt. Her emotions were always volatile, and the Godoan was very easily influenced by the emotions of others, but something about this felt so... real.

Her mind momentarily went back to the medical table, looking on in horror as she observed the loss of her legs. A part of herself, taken, followed by a sudden explosion of telekinetic energy. Three individuals lay dead around her, their necks broken, craniums cracked and gushing with blood.

And then she was back. Loomi had only frozen up for a moment, a frown coming to her face. She did her best to try and ignore what had just occurred.

"What did you have in mind, Loomi?" Raising a hand to her chin, Cora quirked a brow. "Or…is it a surprise?"

"O-oh, I dunno," she frowned. "I didn't really think about it being a surprise or not... Maybe that will be more fun."

Yeah, that made sense. Her smile returned, and Loomi took the older girl's hand before leading her out of the Temple...

And to a burger joint not too far from the structure's walls. The restaurant had a large neon sign that read 'BURGER" and nothing else. In truth, the founder had not been a native Basic speaker. It seemed like the best way to get across what it was that the restaurant made. Now, two generations later, the founder's grandchildren simply didn't have it in them to change the name. It was a clean establishment, with checkered floors and red diner booths. It was also notably very empty, as the afternoon lull following the lunch rush was beginning to take effect.

"This is the place," Loomi announced. "It has burgers!"

Burgers, not burjers. An embarrassing first visit had taught her that unfortunate truth.

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Cora did not know what to expect when Loomi guided her away from the temple and onto the Coruscant streets, but a restaurant had not been high on her list.

She blinked at the sign.

Burger? Should it not read burgers?

The inside was clean, at least, but the decor left much to be desired. It was rather dated, perhaps even secondhand.

"I see. You've come here before, Loomi?"

Cora looked around, noting how empty the eatery was.

"Strange that there is no hostess here to greet us, given how…busy they do not seem to be. Ah, should we waited to be seated?"

She eyed the booths with scrutiny.

Loomi

 

[Loomi]

Coruscant, BURGER
Tags: Corazona von Ascania

"Hostess?" Loomi remarked with a frown. "What's that?"

They didn't need to wait for anyone regardless. They just had to walk up to the counter. Loomi approached a young Nautolan man who was working the register, with a gaggle of others of his kind in the kitchen behind, just barely visible. They were all family, the grandchildren of the original owner, all second generation immigrants from Glee Anselm.

Loomi pulled out a small pouch, her allotted allowance for the month. It wasn't a lot, but she was slowly starting to figure out how it worked at least. The Godoan rarely spent her credits at all, considering the fact that she had little reference on what to spend them on, but she was willing to dip a little into her fund to get something that both her and Cora could munch on. She accurately counted her credits this time, sliding them to the man at the register.

"Two burgers please," she asked.

"Hey, you remembered how to say it," the man at the register remarked with a grin, sliding a chip to the teen. "Number 27."

Loomi gave a bow of thanks before leading Cora to the booth in the back corner, which she preferred. It was where people were less likely to stare at her. Probably, anyways. She was still grappling with how weird she appeared to other people. The booth was practically spotless, save a few scuff marks on the table left from wear and tear. It was a rather old establishment after all. The Godoan took a seat, giving Cora a warm smile.

"I-I like this place a lot," Loomi explained. "It's nice and quiet, and the burgers are pretty tasty. S-sometimes the Temple get's... overwhelming. Or I guess more being there does..." she gave an awkward smile, sighing a little. "I-I guess my head and I don't get along."

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Cora watched Loomi's interaction with the staff while smiling quietly. It was clear that this was a familiar interaction for the Godoan.

The booth they'd slipped into did show a few signs of wear, but it was clean. As they settled in, Loomi explained what it was she liked about BURGER. The temple had never felt overwhelming to her, but Cora figured that she could understand the sentiment.

"Everyone deserves a place where they can feel comfortable and relaxed." She agreed. "And if it has good food, then all the better. Oh, and thank you for paying—remind me to pay you back when we get to the temple."

Cora had been cut off from her bottomless royal bank account, but Lady Velvet had a tidy sum of earnings stashed away. Not that she would ever admit to it.

"Are those new?" Peering over the girl's shoulder, she gestured toward the pair of wings sprouting from Loomi’s back. Cora could not remember if they'd been there a year ago.

Loomi

 

[Loomi]

Coruscant, BURGER
Tags: Corazona von Ascania

Cora wanted to... pay her back? What for? Loomi still didn't quite understand how you were supposed to use money, at least not truly.

"Are those new?"

"Huh? Oh," Loomi remarked with a frown.

Her wings.

"Y-yeah," she answered nervously. "They... developed recently. I-I guess it's some kind of... rare mutation. It, uh, didn't really do anything much at all. They're too small to fly with."

That wasn't even mentioning the stress that developing them had caused her. She was already having trouble with nightmares and insomnia, so the extra chaos that it added on top of that really weighed down on her.

It wasn't long before their food was out, two freshly cooked burgers. The vegetables were cut in the back, the buns were toasted and slightly glazed with butter on the top, and the patty itself was cooked to a perfect medium-rare. Loomi wasted very little time picking up her burger and taking a bite, after giving a nod of thanks to the server.

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

"I see." Cora said, withdrawing her gaze from the wings and settling her focus onto the Godoan's face instead. She smiled. "Even if they don't do anything, they're quite pretty. I think they suit you, Loomi."

The arrival of their order redirected their attention onto food. Cora's stomach growled as the scent of cooked meat and fried potatoes hit her nose—she'd eaten burgers before, but only at gourmet establishments.

"Excuse me." She apologized, placing a hand on her noisy abdomen. "Thank you for delivering our food."

After watching Loomi for a moment, Cora decided to mirror her movements. Tentatively, she gripped the bun with both hands. "They do not offer utensils? Strange." She frowned, but didn't let that stop her commoner-burger adventure.

Here goes nothing.

Bite, chew, then swallow. Cora'a face pulled in mild surprise.

"This is…quite good?" She sounded pleased and confused at the same time. "I can see why you like this place, Loomi."

Loomi

 

[Loomi]

Coruscant, BURGER
Tags: Corazona von Ascania

"Even if they don't do anything, they're quite pretty. I think they suit you, Loomi."

Loomi's face turned flush red. Pretty? Her? She hardly thought so, but more and more she seemed to get compliments of the sort from people. It was a little overwhelming, especially coming from a situation where she had received no positive reinforcement whatsoever. It was a nice change, even if it did make her feel a little awkward.

More importantly though was that Cora liked her burger. That made Loomi feel even more happy. Her emotional state was always fluctuating, effected by the stimulus around her. A developing empath, even if she didn't fully recognize it yet.

"I'm glad," she noted with a warm smile.

A more somber look came to the girl's face. She sighed, setting down her burger and wiping her fingers with the napkins that had been pre-staged at the table.

"A lot of this has been overwhelming to me," Loomi admitted. "Being taken in by the Jedi has given me so many new experiences that I've never had before. I-I don't think I ever had food like this before in my life..." Her antennae flattened down a little and she averted her eye slightly. She had to do this though. It would help Cora. "I... wasn't in a good place before. I-I still don't remember it very well, but I... remember being taken from my home by bad people. They forced me to steal stuff, a-and if I did something wrong, they hurt me..."

The evidence was very clearly plastered across her face. Paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. She hadn't told this next part to a single soul. She was too ashamed to.

"I... haven't told anyone this," she continued, a grim look on her young face. "But... one day they... hurt me a lot. Too much. I-I let out a lot of energy, it was like I exploded. I still don't know if it happened cause I was scared or angry, but..."

She took a moment to swallow the saliva in her mouth. It was much harder to get out than she realized.

"I... I think I killed them."

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Cora took a moment to admire the peachy flush to Loomi's cheeks at her complement. From the side of her eyes, of course—she didn't want to heighten any bashfulness. Then she returned to her burger.

The sigh from her companion had Cora lifting her gaze from her meal to the Godoan. She was wiping her hands. The light nature of their conversation had evaporated, and Cora withdrew momentarily from her meal, bringing her full attention towards Loomi.

The girl spoke of her troubles at the temple, and the darker troubles that came before then. Cora's face creased in concern, in empathy, as she listened quietly.

She killed someone.

Her eyes may have flickered in surprise, but Cora's gentle expression largely remained intact. The noblewoman had practiced controlling her facial features when they were in contrast to her thoughts.

"Oh, Loomi…"

Sliding a hand across the table, Cora would place it gently atop Loomi's own, giving her the space to draw back if the touch was unwelcome.

"I'm so sorry, I never knew…you've been through some truly awful things, haven't you?" The girl tilted her head, trying to catch the Padawan's eyes with her own.

"It sounds like, when you…harmed them…you did so out of self-preservation. How are you doing now?”

Loomi

 

[Loomi]

Coruscant, Jedi Temple
Tags: Corazona von Ascania

"It sounds like, when you…harmed them…you did so out of self-preservation. How are you doing now?”

"I... don't really know how I'm doing," Loomi admitted with a sad smile. "I'm surrounded by kind and true people, but all I can think about are the things that followed me from my past life."

She sighed, hanging her head. Her antennae curled back up as she rested her chin on her hand.

"I know what I did was to protect myself," she stated. "In reality I don't think anyone would fault me for it. Y-y'know, they'd probably just say the same thing you did.... I guess I'm just scared of it..."

The Godoan looked up, giving a warm smile. It didn't have to stop at just her fear. Loomi wanted to live her life free of that, and wallowing in her self loathing was the last thing she needed. Cora was most certainly the same.

"B-but I don't want to get hung up on that anymore," the teen affirmed. "Not when I can be better now. I've made a lot of good friends, and I... I want to help them in any way I can. They've been so kind to me."

Loomi tilted her head as she took another bite of her burger, giving Cora a more concerned look.

"S-sorry," she apologized. "I-I've been a little weird lately. I started feeling emotions recently... like not my own. I wouldn't have laid all that on you, but..."

"You felt like me."

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Cora continued to listen quietly, offering Loomi as much verbal space as she needed to relay her thoughts. Despite her silence, the noble's expressions indicated her rapt attention to the story.

Sitting before her was this poor girl who'd been through hell and back, subjected to terrors through no fault of her own. Yet, she could recognize the warmth and value of the friends and connections she'd made on Coruscant, as well as her own potential. That was true strength of character.

As Loomi went back to her burger, so did Cora turn her attention to her own meal. Her fingers had just pinched a fry from the basket when her face pulled in surprise.

"Like you?"

She blinked. Call it arrogance, but Cora believed that she and Loomi were on two different levels. One was an innocent, thrust into a terrible situation outside of her control who'd been forced to hurt. The other hadn't been able to measure up to the duty she was born into, and had failed her family and her people.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but…"

Cora smiled awkwardly, trying to phrase this as diplomatically as she could.

"…I don't think that we're really much alike, Loomi."

Loomi

 

[Loomi]

Coruscant, BURGER
Tags: Corazona von Ascania

"…I don't think that we're really much alike, Loomi."

"Maybe..." Loomi noted, tilting her head. "But I think we're more alike than it may seem. You just... don't want to see it."

The Godoan had no ignorance or corruption holding back her words. They were raw and unfiltered, but genuine and compassionate. Despite everything that had transpired in her youth the spark of innocence remained at her core, her safeguard from the darkness of the world. Anxieties constantly swirled through her, but never once was she afraid to put that innocence out for people to see.

It was all she had.

"I-I don't know what you went through, b-but I know that it's over now," she added. "Th-there's only the future now. Maybe scary things will follow you... give you nightmares and make you doubt yourself... b-but there's always gonna be new faces to help you pick yourself up. A-and then you can be the new face for someone else. I-I..."

She puffed out her chest, putting on a confident face.

"I want to be that for people," the teen affirmed, "because someone was that for me."

Her confidence did start to fade though. Maybe she was being a little too intrusive. Her quest to tell Cora what she had been told was starting to feel a lot more uppity then her low self esteem could muster. Doubt crept in and her posture reduced once more.

"S-sorry," she apologized. "I... I-I really didn't mean to make you feel worse. It's okay if you don't want to see me again after this..."

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Cora did not like to be challenged. Loomi likely wouldn't know that, and perhaps that was why the young noble's temper didn't flare as hotly as it could have. Maybe it was because Loomi wasn't trying to get the better of her, only making an honest observation.

With a sigh, Cora picked at her fries. "No, it's—I'm not upset with you, Loomi. I can tell that you're trying to help." She gave the Godoan a strained smile. "And I suppose I'm not that good at letting people help me."

Silence drifted between them as Cora was lost on how to explain her own situation, her own feelings that she struggled to make sense of.

"You know that I left the Order to get married, correct?" That wasn't much of a secret; Loomi had been present at her disastrous engagement party. "It is customary for marriages to be arranged between Noble families on Ukatis. I did not know my husband well, but he was a…deeply unpleasant man and I was responsible for his death." Idle fingers stacked the fries into patterns without input from her eyes. "I was saved from execution by the Order, and now I am here, sitting in a restaurant with you, eating a burger as if nothing had ever happened."

Threads of guilt and anger wove into her tone as she spoke. Cora's hand withdrew from the basket, curling into a tight fist where it rested on the table. Her wounds were still raw. She was hurting.

"It doesn't feel over."

Loomi

 

[Loomi]

Coruscant, BURGER
Tags: Corazona von Ascania

Her marriage was arranged. Forced on her. That seemed unfair given what Minerva Fhirdiad and Alicio Organa explained about it to her. It was supposed to be an adult thing, and happy at that.

"It doesn't feel over."

"Yeah," Loomi sighed, hanging her head. "I... I understand. N-not in the same way... but I get it."

Even while she was safe, away from her captors with the Jedi, she could still see them in her dreams. It seemed like she had to spend every waking moment trying to ignore the shadows following her. Cora had seen this when she had a panic attack during their mission.

"I-I..."

What could she even say? Words didn't seem effective at all anymore. Loomi got up and walked around the booth, giving the older girl a hug.

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Warm arms wrapped around her. Cora stiffened - she wasn't used to affectionate touch, especially not recently, but she'd felt it before. She understood what Loomi was doing, what she was trying to convey, and the genuine warmth and empathy behind it.

She wondered if her bitter words had deflated the gentle Godoan, and it took a few stretched out moments for Cora to realize what it meant that such a shy, anxious person was pushing through her own discomfort in an attempt to console her.

The aftermath of her situation was complicated. Frightening. But if Loomi could be brave, then Cora would try to be as well.

Tentatively, the human slipped her arms around Loomi's back and returned her embrace. They stayed that way for perhaps a full minute, yet it felt like far longer. When Cora finally pulled away, her eyes were glassy with unshed tears.

"Thank you, Loomi." She whispered. "It is…hard. It just all feels so impossibly hard, but it gives me hope to know that I'm not alone."

Cora reached up with a crooked finger to wipe away a few beads that had gathered along her lash line.

"I was raised to keep my own problems private. How do you…seek comfort from others? I'm not sure how to do that without feeling terribly awkward, like it's something I'm not supposed to be doing."

Maybe feeling awkward was just a part of asking for help, she mused to herself.

Loomi

 

[Loomi]

Coruscant, BURGER
Tags: Corazona von Ascania

"I... I'm still trying to figure that out," Loomi admitted sheepishly. "I-It can be hard. I always feel so weird, l-like I'm taking advantage of someone's good will or bothering them... But people who want to help will usually come to you. I-I guess the best thing to do if someone wants to comfort you is... y'know, put aside your thoughts and sorta just let it happen."

She'd give the human girl a warm smile, trying her best to muster as much reassurance as she could. It was hard to be in control all the time. Loomi had struggled so much trying to grab her problems by the horns and wrestle her way through life, but it only ever seemed to cause her more pain. Maybe sometimes all you needed to do was take a breath and ride it out.

Which brought her back to the present moment. She had mustered a strong face for Cora, but sharing in her emotion, especially as a developing empath, was starting to have an effect on her. Before long, just as the exiled noble had begun to shed tears, so too was Loomi.

"Golly," she laughed, "I-I guess I could only keep myself together for so long."

She was still a kid after all. It was hard to balance everything, but she was at least happy that she had gotten through.

 

[Corazona von Ascania]

Cora was obsessed with decorum and how she presented herself to others - being honest with her emotions was something she'd been taught not to do. What Loomi said made sense. Being comforted may not have felt comfortable, but she could feel some of the burden ease from her shoulders as the tears flowed.

"No it's," She laughed softly along with Loomi as they sat there, holding eachother and crying in a diner. "It's quite alright, I assure you. I'm the eldest of eight, so I'm used to being the shoulder to lean on. I've very rarely had someone to lean on in turn."

There were a few people she'd opened up to about her troubling situation - those she saw as mentors, and Makko, who'd been her lover - but Loomi was the first contemporary. Maybe that was what made her a little easier to talk to, that they hadn't really known eachother much before her departure.

"Can I ask, how did you know that you really wanted to be here, Loomi?" Her voice was tentative, unsure if the question would kick up more unsavory feelings. "I joined the Order because my father told me to, but it was something I was happy to do. Now that I…can no longer serve my family or my people, I feel-"

Cora paused, tilting her head as if she could find the words at a different angle.

"…lost. Like I no longer have a purpose."

Loomi