Turning Heads; Burning Glances.

[Connor Harrison]

He didn't want to see if the dancers were clapping their embrace or the band - they were just two masked figures after all, and only Connor's shoulder crest gave away his position as a Jedi. Pulling back from their second kiss, a kiss that he fell right into, he started to panic.

What would the others say?

How would this feel tomorrow?

What about their position in the Order?

How will he explain his actions?

”I'm sorry, I...I don't know what came over me."

His hands came together to applause the band, a half-hearted clap while his mind whirled. Looking back to the others, nobody really seemed to notice the pair, and in that time as more music started to play, Connor gently took Chastity by the arm and moved to the sides of the dance floor and away to the side of the room, able to mingle more among the masks.

As he talked, he took her hands in his. What about the others? He couldn't continued to bottle up emotions over and over, and if he had to face sadness he needed to face it head-on and find out one way or another. He couldn't live his life to try and please others, otherwise he would hold himself back in any true potential he had to make something of himself.

”I guess I've had that bottled up since my quarters. I like you, Chast. However, I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve for one time tonight and if this is too weird for you, just tell me. I don't want to jeopardize your position in the Order."

His thumbs gently stroked the backs of her hands as he stood against the wall, light reflecting over them as the music played behind them. The masks were helping hide the nerves.

[member="Chastity Lunelle"]

 

[Chastity Lunelle]

When their lips parted for the second time, the first thing Connor said made the young woman's heart sink to the bottom of her gold flecked heels. Was this just a mistake to him again? But it felt so right. What about trusting in the Force? Chastity cast him a hurt glance. Frustration welled up within her, causing a sudden surge as the Force gathered up around her. A tinge of Dark threaded through the Light of her aura as her emotions pitched like a disabled starfighter. Head down so that he couldn't see her dismay, the Padawan walked with Connor through the sea of people as they found a more private corner of the room. Hidden away, like he was ashamed.

She toyed with his fingers as she listened to him, her silver eyes staring intently at the smooth, black chest plate of his armor. Chastity just couldn't bring herself to meet his gaze. Another speech was coming. She knew it. More of his insistence that kissing her was wrong.

But the speech didn't come. Instead Connor told her that he liked her and wanted to know if it was weird for her. She lifted her gaze, her delicate brows knitted together in confusion. She had no idea how these things worked. Her hands tightened around his.

"Are you afraid that my kissing you might jeopardize my position in the Order?" Chastity asked, suddenly afraid that she might somehow be punished.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Reaching up, Connor adjusted his mark slightly – he wanted to remove it, but something about the cool plate on his face felt he was protected from others. He shook his head at Chastity’s question, trying to keep the balance between not looking at her, and directly looking at her, in check.

”No, I mean, this was my move to make first not yours. I just feel, there..."

Stopping, he didn’t really know what he was afraid of. Well he did, but he was to cowardly to admit it. Not the best step forward after kissing a girl and maintaing the guise of a Jedi Master. Is this why emotion and attachment was forbidden? But, it wasn’t forbidden; Coci and Thurion proved that. They seemed to have it all because they followed their heart and served their time and their duty together. Because they wanted to.

Connor looked at her now.

”I’m older than you, and I’m your Master, and…I’ve got things in my head holding me back. I’ve never…I’ve never followed through with anything like this. It’s pathetic, but I’m scared to admit things and accept them because I’m worried it will cause nothing but pain in the future."

Wrapping his hand around hers, Connor looked down to her small fingers. Her irritation was present in her aura, and he could feel the conflict of emotions in her.

”I’m not ashamed of you."

His blue eyes flicked up under the mask to meet hers.

”I’m ashamed of myself."

[member="Chastity Lunelle"]

 

[Chastity Lunelle]

Chastity felt herself teetering on the edge of fleeing in tears, just like she had in Connor’s bedroom when she had impulsively thrown herself at him. Connor was rejecting her again. Why couldn’t she have been attracted to a Padawan, or someone closer to her own age, like Tu’eb? Or even better, tried to stick to the stringent Jedi morals that her boarding school teachers instilled. No emotional attachments. Married to the Force. Ugh. Was that really going to be her life? To deny herself basic wants?

You wanted to be a Jedi, Chast. It goes with the territory. Self-reliance. The needs of the community over the needs of the individual. All that good stuff.

Her mouth twisted into a pout. “I see, Master Harrison,” she sighed, dropping her gaze to study the toe of one shimmering sandal.

“I understand where this is going.”

The party was in full swing. Laughter pierced the air. Guests around her carried on carefree conversations and danced with abandon. Chastity felt like an alien among them. She looked at him, her eyes angry and wet through her mask.

“I think I should probably go back to Voss. I can get a shuttle on my own.”

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

As if the previous song and kiss fuelled by a burning emotion had been days away already, Connor saw the hurt he had inflicted in record time. He had made Nima cry once, and then made Taeli punch him, and also caused Chastity to nearly cry at least three times.

Was she proving she was nothing more than…a child inside? Insecure and unsure of her emotion and how to control it?

Connor let his hands drop and exhaled, chest rising at her words and looking out over the guests.

”Stop calling me Master Harrsion!" He hissed out of tight teeth. ”It’s Connor."

The jaw muscles tensed under his skin and he pretty much wanted to get out of there. It was a stupid scenario and he knew he wasn’t going to be comfortable here, let alone with Chastity in tow. To top it off, their Twi’lek pilot was still on the ground level – try it, try and intervene. Go on.

There was more reason for Chastity to stay and form foundations than there was for Connor to pander to others. The laughter and commotion was starting to irk him.

”No," he looked at her and nodded, ”you stay. You’ve got a whole night ahead of you and need to be the good Padawan and it'd take a while to find a shuttle free here. I’m done with this façade."

Backing away, Connor kept his eyes up and moved to the side, watching the Twi’lek from behind his protective mask as he navigated the dance-floor to move to the other side and to get out of a world he knew he didn’t fit in with. Glamour, excess, romance and laughter - contentment – it wasn’t him.

[member="Chastity Lunelle"]

 

[Chastity Lunelle]

When Connor told her to stop calling him "Master," Chastity's mouth hung open in outrage. She clapped it shut and looked around the room in disbelief. What was wrong with him? She was only trying to be respectful, as she had been taught at boarding school. She had been having the time of her life a few minutes ago, and now, she felt like a fool. Speechless, she watched him back away, mentioning that he was done with the facade. Oh, he did not just leave her. Were all men this aggravating?

She wanted to tell him to wait, but the words stubbornly refused to come out.

Just as if it were his cue, Tu'eb came sidling up to her, small talk on his lips. She knew that he had been watching them and presumed his intentions were less than innocent, but she could hardly be bothered to care. She glared in the direction of her Master, making sure he was watching, and then slowly and deliberately brushed her hand against the Twi'lek's arm. Kark it, she was going to have fun, and dance with the flight instructor, and probably drink too much.

And there would be no Connor Harrison around to tell her to stop.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Pathetic.

Connor for looking back to see her, or Chastity for being spiteful. Probably both.

It wasn’t long before the Master had left the wing of the residence to tie up loose ends with the rest of the Silver Jedi. His friends were still here, and he spent a little more time with them, forgetting the events moments before.

As with all things in Connor’s life, he brought it swiftly to a polite end taking himself away back to Voss and his sanctuary. Thankfully not far from Lianna, he took his E-wing and burned the engines in a flight where his fingers clenched the yolk of the ship in anger all the way there.

[member="Chastity Lunelle"] continued to do what a carefree girl would do surrounded by admirers at a lavish ball– drink, dance and god know what else. Connor would make sure she was back in training first thing in the morning regardless of her state – it would serve her right.

--

The Temple was quieter than normal, but still populated with Jedi on business and Rangers. A number of the transports were on Lianna but the hangar was still teeming with activity as it seemed to be 24/7.

After a walk around the grounds, Connor retired to his quarters. His armour lay on the floor and he cracked open the window to let in cool air. A drink of water and a discarded mask on the table later, Connor spent a long in thought on his bunk, his torso free of clothing and without restriction.

Somebody else could take her on as a Padawan. She was the reason he never wanted to train anyone. Syala was a lucky one. She wouldn’t be his concern anymore.

He couldn’t be sure how long it took him to fall asleep, but an over-active mind sent him off sooner than expected.

​

 

[Chastity Lunelle]

With as much champagne as Chastity ended up drinking, it was a wonder that she made it to her shuttle. In fact, she didn't even remember how she got to her shuttle in the first place. One moment the Padawan was flirting with Tu'eb who had fully capitalized on her new-found solitude, and the next she was on Voss, with the in-between being lost behind a haze of inebriation. Did she really drink that much bubbly? It hardly mattered now. Her anger at Connor Harrison had flared up again at the sight of the Jedi Temple, and it sobered her up like smelling salts. She marched up the Temple steps, righting herself after a little stumble, and headed towards...now which way was Connor's efficiency again?

Her long, shapely legs on autopilot, Chastity made a beeline to Connor's quarters. She had undone her hair, which now fell in loose, messy waves around her shoulders. Her mask was gone. Possibly left back on Lianna. Possibly left on the shuttle. She wasn't quite sure.

Bang-bang-bang-bang!

With his words still ringing through her head, her fist slammed against the door to Connor's quarters. Truthfully, the hurt Padawan had no idea what she wanted to say to him. She just wanted to say something. Anything.

Let me in, blast you.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor's eyes snapped open with the dis-jointed banging on his door. Glancing to the window for signs of ships attacking outside or raging fires...there was nothing but the night sky and muted conversation in the garden below from Masters taking a stroll. Bringing the Force to him, Connor rubbed his eyes and sat up, looking to the door and knowing immediately who was there.

What an embarrassment - to herself, to the Order and to him as a Master.

Standing up with his warm orange light on above the bunk, he was angry and shook his head and he strode to the door and activated the lock to open it with a hiss. There, looking a little worse for wear, stood his Padawan, fresh from the ball. She'd come all the way back, alone? Or was the Twi'lek outside waiting. Was this her brattish farewell to live a life away from the Jedi Order.

”Chastity? What the hell are you doing? Keep it down!"

He looked her up and down, with that Master perfected knot in his brow.

”You have any idea what time is it? Not everyone can drink until the early morning y'know. This is a Temple of study and nobility, not a frathouse. Go and sleep it off."

[member="Chastity Lunelle"]

 

[Chastity Lunelle]

After banging on his door for a good couple of minutes, Chastity began to suspect that Connor was either a very heavy sleeper, or was unwilling to indulge her in her tantrum. Just when she was about to turn away in defeat, the door opened with a hiss. With heavy eyelids, he asked her what the hell she was doing, and she didn't answer. With a stormy look, she pushed past him and barged into his residence.

Chastity hadn't talked about her feelings that much, choosing instead to show him how she felt, with forward gestures. Right now she felt like she was swimming in a sea of words, and beginning to drown. She had to say them all, and say them now.

"No, I will not go," she challenged, an edge of razor-sharp spite in her usual soft tone. "I'm not leaving until I get an explanation from you."

She crossed to the sleeper and sat on it, crossing her arms in front of her defiantly. The Force was strongly gathering around her, filling the air with static and power.

"How did you think that would make me feel? Leaving me after we..."

She trailed off with a huff of air. Some words were harder to say than others.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

He was left looking at the chrome wall opposite his door as she barged past, the smell of faint spices and perfume tickling his nose as she did.

”Won't you come in," he muttered, shutting the door and turning to her.

Already making herself comfortable, he finally felt the breeze on his torso, and felt very conscious his scars were on show. He walked to the side of his bunk and picked up his black vest, slipping it on and over himself as she vented. She was spiking in the Force, and he could feel her honest emotion coming through.

Running a hand through his hair, and shot a glance to her.

”After we what?" Nothing. ”Kissed. Again. Well I'm sure you did that plenty with your Twi'lek."

Connor placed his hands on his hips and looked at her. What an effect on him she had.

"Chastity, I'm going to see about having another Master take you on as a Padawan. This isn't helping."

While it pained him to see it, it was for the best. For who. Him? Her? He swallowed and had to stand by his conviction. Jesus, it was the only thing he had left.

[member="Chastity Lunelle"]

 

[Chastity Lunelle]

Chastity thought it might have been a trick of the light, but once inside, with a clearer view of Connor shirtless, she couldn't help but notice the massive scarring all along his torso, as well as a ripple of burns across his back. Blatantly, she stared at them, letting her eyes wander along the atlas of his battle history. Embarrassed, he shrugged on a vest.

The way that Connor talked about the kiss enraged her. As if it meant nothing to him! Her eyes widened when he mentioned Tu'eb. Well, what did you expect, Chast? You tried to make him jealous, why are you so surprised that it worked?

"What? The Twi'lek? No!" she stammered, wiping away a frustrated tear. Then, in a quieter, almost reluctant voice, she admitted something very personal.

"I-I- I've never kissed anyone before. Except for you."

When he told her that he was going to give her to another Master, she felt a fresh round of outrage. With a stubborn grunt, she reached out with the Force and knocked everything off of the top of a nearby shelf.

"I don't want another Master."

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

This was all reaction, and it was to be expected. Connor just stood and took in her -

- the bolt of Force energy shot forward from her with just a swipe of the arm, taking out his top bunk shelf and knocking two books and a battery pack to the floor. He looked at the items, and then back at the girl, sitting and fuming on the bed. He turned and pointed a finger.

”Ok knock it off - right now. You want to act like a kid, then get out and go join the Younglings."

For some reason, he had an urge to remind her how dangerous the Force was in the wrong hands, and acting on an emotional state. But, right now, he wasn't in the frame of mind to scare her. But he would if he had to make a point. No - he couldn't. Not to her.

”Chast, listen," he sighed, rubbing a hand over his jaw, ”I...". Nothing came out.

The words converged in his throat like jelly and he didn't know what to say. Dismissing it with his hands, he turned and picked the books from the floor and tossed them onto the dining table with the battery pack. He didn't look at her, instead losing himself in the outside view and cool breeze.

”I didn't want to take you as a Padawan in the first place. I'm not cut out for training - those I do always get hurt. You don't understand, and I accept that. You need to calm down and sleep off your drink."

[member="Chastity Lunelle"]

 

[Chastity Lunelle]

He thinks I'm a child? I'll show him childish. Chastity slowly and deliberately lifted her hand, and like a naughty kitten, swiped the battery pack off of the dining table using the Force. She had no regrets about it. It felt good to act out. To express the emotions that she herself had been bottling up since her first day on Voss.

Chastity's tears had dried, leaving only impotent rage on her angry red cheeks. "You're afraid," she stated with a haughty smile.

"You and I both know that we felt something when we kissed, but you're too scared to admit it. It's much easier to run away from things instead of facing them isn't it? To toy with my feelings until you've worked out what the 'proper Jedi' response would be."

Her chest rose and fell with agitation. The floodgates had opened and whether she wanted it or not, more of her candor came spilling out. Her silver eyes flashed at him. A hand slammed down on the sleeper, punctuating her frustration. With Connor. With the evening. With feeling like a fool again.

"Do you honestly want to give me to another Master? Why am I such a problem for you? Tell me the truth!"

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

He didn't look at the battery pack falling to the floor, he instead glared at Chastity - those eyes burning with something more than the innocent, eager Padawan who had come to his Temple weeks ago. He was now in the position he always found himself in - at the bottom, being mocked. And he hated that. And her mocking was the final straw.

He was scared, and it was frustrating to have it pointed out, but...that was just him. Always scared...a pathetic excuse for a man.

”The way you're acting I don't think anybody would want you - not even the Order."

With a narrowing of the eyes, he twisted his hand and wrapped the Force around Chastity's slender throat - not hard, but enough to put pressure on her airways. Fingers curled tightly and his heart thumped erratically, taking slow steps towards her.

”Your control of the Force isn't something to abuse - it's something to embrace! When you look death in the face and your attitude flares up, you'll be dead before your body hits the ground!"

And then his face dropped and his hand opened, cutting the Force connection immediately. He had done it again - he had hurt when his pride was mocked and his standing laughed at. Mouth open slightly, he held his hand up, palm outwards, as if to stop a repercussion.

”I'm...I'm sorry Chastity...I...please go...I can't do this."

He was close to something - vomiting, crying, collapsing, screaming - but instead he just looked up at the orange lights and wanted it all over.

[member="Chastity Lunelle"]

 

[Chastity Lunelle]

Connor’s words hit her right in the heart.

I don’t think anyone would want you- not even the Order.

To an inexperienced girl who was seriously lacking in confidence, what was probably just meant to be a minor verbal sting felt like a gut wound. If the two were sparring with words, his would be a violent finishing move.

Then to add insult to injury, Chastity suddenly felt like she couldn’t breathe. Was it an allergic reaction, or was she hyperventilating? No, it was coming from him. Her eyes seized on his as Connor held out his hand, curling his fingers inward. With each movement, he tightened an invisible vice-like grip on her delicate throat. Her hands rose to the ridge of her collarbone, fingers walking up to her throat, searching like the legs of a spider, trying in vain to stop the pressure.

When it stopped, she took a deep gulp of air that felt like sandpaper going down. Her hand still lingered on her throat as she spent the next minute gasping for air. Then, his eyes cast towards the ceiling, he told her to go. She was stunned.

Chastity didn’t understand. What happened to all those things he said? During that day in the Memorial Garden, when Connor had trained her mental defenses, or tried to anyway, he had told her that he would always protect her. That she was the future of the Silver Jedi. Now he wanted to wash his hands of her. How could his words be so hollow? She must have done something to to provoke this change of heart, but Force knew what is was. She hadn’t meant to abuse the Force. She had simply lost control of it in her desperation for answers.

Once she was capable of moving, the Padawan stood and straightened out her dress. If he was going to make her go, she would do it with her pride intact. No running out in tears. No more tantrums.

“As you wish, Master Harrison,” she said, with a respectful nod. Her hand pressed against the wall terminal, door opening with a hiss, and Chastity calmly walked out of his quarters, wondering how she would tell her parents that she couldn't hack it with the Silver Jedi.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

The worst, most painful reaction from her was the small ones - sorting her dress, composing herself - he fingers on her throat. He had crossed the line, and she dismissed him - he was now the stuff found on boots in dirty jungles.

She left. Her fragility, and innocence had seemingly just been abused by his carelessness and irrational outburst.

Connor spoke to himself - ”No..."

Moving forward, around the bunk, he ran to the door and leaned out, nearly knocking into a passing human, as he gripped the door frame to stop himself rolling into the opposite corridor - he couldn't lose her, not another one. His happiness was going down the drain, and this was NOT the Connor Harrison he returned to become.

Hand outstretched to grasp at air, to try and stop her, he shouted, ”Chastity, stop! Please!"

[member="Chastity Lunelle"]

 

[Chastity Lunelle]

As she made her way through the temple, Chastity realized that she was too stunned for tears. Oh, she was sure that they would come later, probably when she was back on Aduba III, tending to Nuna instead of practicing lightsaber velocities. She was sure she would be haunted by the experience, plagued by all the things she should have said or done, but didn't. Right now, she was simply numb. She didn't deserve to be physically hurt so that he could make a point. Or did she? Was she really acting that badly? Did she only have herself to blame?

Then, the Padawan heard Connor's deep baritone piercing through the halls of the temple, along with his footfalls on the marble floor. Chastity stopped in the corridor, let out a long sigh, and whirled around on her glittering heels. Her expression was one of someone who had just put up an impassive durasteel wall around her emotions, mouth tightly drawn with hurt and confusion around the edges.

"What?"

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Consequences had been something Connor had to live with for years. Wounds, physical and mental - emotions, good and bad - pain, self-inflicted and violently administered. There was little good left to balance the bad. He sidled through the corridor to the far end where Chastity thankfully stopped. At least she had done that. In bare feet, khakis and a training vest he was looking very much out of sorts compared to her elegant yet messy attire, but he didn't care who looked.

If anything, it was another bit of gossip for the Jedi about Master Connor Harrison and the other woman he had in his quarters he was kicking off with.

”Chastity," he reached her, devoid of anything but sincerity. ”Please don't leave. I need you."

He looked at her steeled face, tear stains gone but a natural beauty none the less. He moved to her and gently cupped his hands on both sides of her face, and leaned in to kiss her.

”I want you by my side."

[member="Chastity Lunelle"]

 

[Chastity Lunelle]

As she stood there before him, Chastity realized that Connor’s actions had shone him in a slightly different light. Since her first day on Voss, she thought of him as someone she could trust. Now, having telekinetically choked her a few moments before, he seemed unpredictable, erratic, and perhaps even cruel. He reminded her of a tom cat that she had as a little girl on Aduba III. Its name was Nova. The funny thing about Nova was that he would hop up on your lap and purr lovingly, leading you into thinking that it was safe to pet him, and then, without warning, he would turn around and bite you viciously for no reason.

She began to feel nagging self-doubts, chipping away at her defenses. Was she wrong to have gone to his room? Did she push him too far? She had been behaving horribly after all. No, no, no, Chast. You did not deserve that. You went to his room seeking answers. Answers that you were within every right to seek out. Without repercussions.

Chastity pulled away from his kiss, too confused by her feelings to yield to it.

“I thought that choking people with the Force was only something that the Sith did,” she said, crossing her arms across her chest, every muscle stiff with tension.

[member="Connor Harrison"]