Three Year Critique: The Kiwi

[WolfMortum]

Hello Chaos !

Come this November I would have been around here for a full three years. I found myself thinking earlier how I got started out on here way back when I first created my Zorathi Brothers (Karrus & Zarack), then moved to Veiere Arenais after they failed to take off. I've made a lot of friends around this wonderful place, but I feel I've rubbed a few the wrong way perhaps at times, and I was feeling like it'd be good to give everyone a shout out in the interest of a positive experience ahead.

Thus far I've really only asked for feedback for Veiere himself, but now I'm opening it up to me as a writer and member of Chaos. While I'm not sure whether I'll necessarily gain anything here and I'm well aware I tend to have more idea's than I do the time to put them into practice, I want to welcome people to give me feed back, whether good or bad, on how I might have come across and how I might improve both my writing and general presence on Chaos.

• What can I do better?
• What do I do well?
• What would you like to see more from me?
• What would you like to see less?

Please keep in mind that I'm both a Father and a Full-time Student so availability this year especially hasn't been in my favor what-so-ever. I do miss posting daily and spending hours online at a time.

Also, while I would like people to feel they can be honest with me, try not to be antagonizing please. I genuinely want to be able to mend some bridges that I've burned in the past; (I'm human, there's bound to be a few!).

Cheers guys.

Spoiler: Character List

[member="Veiere Arenais"] - Active (Commenor Systems Alliance).
[member="Caedyn Arenais"] - Active (The Je'daii Order / Commenor Systems Alliance).
[member="Ylva Solveig"] - Active (The Dawnguard / Midvinter).
[member="Brennan Cabrol"] (Caehl Ren) - Active (The First Order).

Zarack Zorathi - Removed.
Karrus Zorathi - Removed.

 

[Lief]

Mr Kiwi,

It is my biggest regret that we did not start writing sooner!

Sincerely, Tea-Drinker.


Okay, okay, seriously though. I've thoroughly enjoyed writing with you these past few months, the thread with Veiere was a wonderful journey of introspection and philosophical whimsy and writing with Cae is simply a pleasure. I wish we got to write a little more, though with your busy schedule it's understandable. Real life comes first.

I, personally, wish that you wouldn't be so hard on yourself. Nobody should be expected to dedicate 100% of their time, or even their free time, to a hobby, yet the number of times you've come and apologized for slow threads or a small presence is starting to get high now. I've been where you are (worse in fact, I spent a while without any internet/permanent housing at all), so please stop apologizing and know that we'll be here when you do have the time to write

Not the most constructive post, but what can I say? I enjoy writing with ya!

Keep it up, my friend.

 

[Coci Heavenshield]

​

It ends in tears.... ​

​

Firstly I have to say I agree with Miss Hex's comments here. Never apologise for putting life first.

I have had the pleasure of writing with you (mostly with Théo), and with a couple of your characters. I have to say that my favourite and I guess that is because I started off writing with you with V, is V. And I just hate what you have done with him ...

But seriously, his direction had taken a turn that I did not expect to see him go, which was a great surprise and very interesting and I suppose probably a true course for him considering how he came into the galaxy so very jaded. Although he still held onto the ideals of what he believed, they got worn away with experience in the greater and wider 'verse.

As for Ylva, well she is next on my list of great characters and she has still got so much to experience and develop I look forward to seeing where that goes.

On your writing side of things, I would only have one minor point, and that is that you sometimes repeat yourself in the descriptions of your characters and how they are in any given situation. But that is not really a big thing at all.

Your writing is very good and well structured, very detailed and vivid in imagery which I love in a post, and over all threading. You give a lot to your fellow writer to work with and it is easy to respond, so you are a generous writer.

That is all I can think of at the moment.

[member="WolfMortum"]

 

[WolfMortum]

[member="Coci Heavenshield"] | [member="Asha Hex"]

On the subject of Veiere Arenais' fall to the Darkside of the Force, that was perhaps the most difficult decision I've made for any of my characters thus far. I had at times teased the prospect of his fall, contemplated what it would be like and whether it would have that plot-twist factor to the turn, yet when I actually made the decision it was a very impulse driven move at the time where I was struggling immensely out-of-character. While I had all the reason to justify his turn, it was my want to express a darker side of his Character because I myself was in a darker place.

I do have moments of regret, and moments where I feel bad because I still absolutely adore the concept of the Canon Jedi Order and Veiere's story (while jaded from the collapse of the republic etc), he was still my prophet of the Light. The action, while supported by [member="Lady Kay"], affected her character and numerous others and is still being played out, still creating content yet still weighing heavy as the Dark Jedi Order idea of mine basically fell apart because of my lack of time and ability to commit.

While I would like to see a redemption story come into play in his future, [member="Caedyn Arenais"] is to be the future of the House and hopefully make up for his Father's mistakes. The boy was made after-all, with the intention and knowledge that I would eventually kill Veiere off. He does have an expiration date.

 

[Kay-Larr]

[member="WolfMortum"]

Hmmmm....

*looks on the calendar and notes that November is 6 months away*

Jumping the gun, aren't we? The end of this month (May 22) will mark my 3 years on Chaos, and you beat me to it already!

Lori will just have to kick Caedyn's butt now. Or take him out flying again.....

Seriously though, I don't know where my journey on Chaos would be without you. Because of you we have Commenor and the CSA. And even though life gets in the way, you're there for me to lend a helping hand when I need it most.

Even IRL you've been there for me through family tragedies, injury and my own...situation. I might not always follow (or seem to) your advice, but you've helped me a lot more than you realize. Without you, I wouldn't of taken steps to ensure my financial stability. Without you, I wouldn't of gotten the sense of having a choice. You've given me strength after it was taken from me, and I'll never forget that. You're a wonderful friend and I thank you for putting up with me

And as for Veiere having an expiry date...

"Noooooooooooo!!!!!!"

 

[Lief]

[member="Coci Heavenshield"]

That is without a doubt one of the saddest videos to ever grace the internet. How dare you, Miss Coci </3