Faction [THP] Among Rebels and Stars

[Shan]

Location: Odessan
Objective: 2 - Fireside Chats
Outfit: Suit
Tag: Lily Decoria


"I had a lot to try and think about. Whether or not it was selfish of me to want to have more fun...and I decided that even if it was selfish of me, that I don't care. I'd rather stay with you."

That was his belief at least. But then he listened to her talk once more. Listening to how Lily had offers that brought her comfort. Others that brought her joy. It was something that should have made Shan feel happy. After all, he wanted Lily to be happy. But he couldn't help the feeling of jealousy that he also had. Jealousy wasn't something he was entirely used to, after spending so much of his life being selfless and wanting very little. It was almost ironic in a way that it was how it ended up.

"...Don't worry Lily. We'll always be friends. You don't need to worry about that. I can't say for a moment that I understand your familial issues. So...I won't say I understand what's going through your mind. I don't. Just do what you need to do."

Of course he didn't understand the familial issues. Shan didn't have any family. Not anymore. He didn't fully understand anything about the expectations they had. He just knew he could never be what his father had wanted. His father had wanted him to be cruel. To leave those suffering to wallow in their own pity. That was something Shan couldn't have done. He couldn't leave those alone to suffer. And what had that gotten him? No family. Nothing. He was alone in his own way. He had his friends...but even that seemed like they had slipped through his fingers.

He wasn't going to dwell on it. At least he wasn't going to try and dwell on it. That was going to be a lot easier said than done if he was honest. Lily was happy. That's what he had to focus on. This is what he gets for trying to be selfish. To try and put his own wishes forward for once. It was something he was going to accept however. Did that mean he would revert back to normal? Back to being selfless? Timid? Who knows. He didn't know himself. Only time would tell.

"We can enjoy our time for as long as we can. Just...don't worry about it Lily."

 

[Lily Decoria]

Location: Odessan
Objective: 2 - Fireside Chats
Outfit: Dress
Tag: Shan

There was a clear feeling of desire to be selfish and disappointment in Lily's response to how Shan was feeling. It was an impossible situation since she deeply cared about Shan. More than she cared to admit. But that came with an uncertainty. Lily was on the path to self discovery, figuring out her place in the galaxy but it was still a learning process. It was still a lot of unknowns and she didn't want to drag Shan through that and hurt him. She didn't want to be like his last relationship where they discovered they were not right for one another.

Lily couldn't cope with that idea. It was selfish of her but she wanted to ensure that her friendship with Shan would always be there. No matter what happened. And she wanted to make sure she was the right woman for him. Lily didn't want to hurt him or break his heart years down the line because she realised too late that there were things she did not want that Shan didn't. And right now, she felt too unsure of what she wanted, of who she was. Hence the string of casual, short term relationships that Lily had been in since her first and last boyfriend.

"I want you to stay with me. I really do care about you, love you even. You were one of my first friends when joining the Jedi." Lily felt her eyes turn doe wide as she looked at Shan, "I just don't want to hurt you either and I am still figuring myself out. I am closer to fulfilling that, I am getting there and I still want you in my life beyond friendship. I just need a little more time before I am ready to commit."

Reaching forward, she tried to cup Shan's face in his hand, to bring him in closer to her. Wanting his presence in close. "Please don't think that this is anything about you. You are amazing, kind, handsome and brilliant. It's... It's just until recently, I was drowning. I had let myself spiral into darkness alone until I couldn't see a way out. And I refused to allow anyone in." Lily explained, knowing that Shan deserved a better explanation than she had given. That he needed to understand that it was merely her needing more time.

"Being lost and isolating myself for so long... I need to rediscover things, I need to know where I am in the galaxy before I jump into a big relationship. A big commitment." Looking Shan in the eyes, "because as soon as we go from a casual friends with benefits to dating... That's it. It won't be selfish because I will want to give you my all. Every part of me will be yours." Lily knew that once she shifted towards dating with Shan, that was it. It would be a full relationship, no one else. Nothing else would matter or be considered for even a moment.

So Lily had to make sure she was ready and she was deserving of that.