There's a Strength in Letting Go (Siobhan)

[Coryth Elaris]

Coming home .... Sometimes it came with much fanfare and eager rejoicing. Others, you only hoped to tiptoe in without a sound, so not another soul noticed. For Coryth as her ship came in for it's landing upon Kaeshana, quiet, was what she was hoping for. This time, she just didn't want to be noticed. Because the look upon her face, the way she held her body .. It all screamed that she carried the weight of the galaxy upon her shoulder and no happiness at all could be seen. There simply wasn't a thing to be happy for. A dear friend had done something worse than anger her, he disappointed her. Which cut her deeper than any knife ever could have. But there was more than that.

She told him she loved him. He didn't say the words back. And her little heart split down the middle. The redhead had loved him for a long time, but he'd always loved Cira. She knew this. Always knew this. It was the reason she never told him before. She couldn't. Just couldn't when he loved another. In the end, she'd been the fool. This time, at least as she left him behind on Corella, Cory had told him what she never could. Told him she loved him, and walked away.

What hurts the most? Having so much to say, and walking away. Never knowing what could have been. My fault. Should have told him a long time ago. But where would that have gotten me? He'd still have chased after her, and left me behind. I loved him and he was never there. Always somewhere else. Always.

A heavy sigh came as she left the starport behind, and called for a cab driver to take her home to the villa. Since her home was filled with boxes from the move, she couldn't go there. So, the villa was it. Pulling in, grabbing her single small bag, she paid the driver before heading to the door. Another heavy sigh came as she quietly opened the door and headed inside. Trying to be as silent as possible she started to tiptoe up the stairs heading for her bedroom.

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Coryth Elaris"]


Night had fallen upon Kaeshana by the time the heartbroken short stack of fire arrived at the villa. As such by now Siobhan was in bed and, as a matter of fact, deeply in the realm of Morpheus. We shall not disclose what she was dreaming about because frankly it's not important for the plot. Suffice to say it featured Mirien, Tegaea and caramel. Why caramel? Because it's tasty. However, as she was sleeping peacefully, here and there muttering sweet nothings, she was suddenly...roused from her slumber.


It came most abruptly, for she was suddenly overcame by what felt like a wave of pain. Actually the sensation was more than that, for it felt like the stab of an icy knife to the gut. Startled she arose, rudely pulled out of her most pleasurable dream. She would have rubbed the sleep from her eyes, but those were mechanical. It took her a moment to compose herself and trace the source of the sensation. When you thought about it, it was fairly easy as she followed the threads through the Force.


Coryth. She was here. And...suffering. Not the sort of pain that was a physical wound, but an emotional one. Someone, somewhere had hurt her...Siobhan clamped down on the feeling of anger that threatened to overcome her and, still feeling rather wobbly on her legs, arose from her bed, making sure not to wake Harmony after she disentangled herself from the maiden. Having arisen Siobhan grabbed the first piece of clothing she could find, which happened to be a red satin robe. Putting on her slippers she walked out of her bedroom towards the stairs. "Goddess, Coryth, what happened to you? What's wrong?" she asked, concern and worry evident in her voice, as she, without waiting for a response, walked towards the little redhead and, bending down a bit, pulled her into a hug.

 

[Coryth Elaris]

Coryth looked up to Siobhan, unable to mask the pain she felt. For a moment the redhead said nothing, nothing at all as Sio wrapped her up in a hug. It took her a second before she could lift her arms to return the hug. Entangling her hands in the satin robe, she clutched at it and Siobhan for dear life. A few short breaths were taken as she tried to soothe herself. "I ..." She bit hard upon her lip unsure where to start. "I .. Sarge.. he .. I..." The redhead couldn't really speak. She'd had hours to go over the events in her head. Putting every word under a microscope. And now, she couldn't even string a sentence together. "Gods Sio, it's ... complicated." Understatement of the year for certain. "I ... I just ... want to sit.... Sit down." Said as she finally pulled away from the brunette. Clearly whatever had transpired had let the woman in a state of shock unsure how to handle things.

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Coryth Elaris"]


Siobhan looked confused, puzzled and deeply concerned at the state her beloved friend was. "Sarge...what did that chauvinistic pig do to you?" She reckoned that it was not physical pain, because if something of that sort had happened, Coryth would have simply gone all Cory smash. Though for some reason many did not realise that, the short stack of fire was a little badass and not a delicate flower. So no...whatever had happened had to go far deeper.


She took a deep breath, trying to control herself. "Ok. Let's go to the kitchen, you can sit down there. I'll make you a cup of tea and a meal. You can tell me then. Whatever it is, I'm here, sweetie." Her anger could wait, she had to be there for Coryth. Being a friend was not just about having fun times together, it was about being there even when it was not convenient for you. Especially when it was not. And so she quickly took Coryth's hand into hers and led her down the stairs to the kitchen, indicating a comfortable chair for the redhead to sit on.


Then she put the kettle on and went about making Coryth a cup of Atrisian tea. One advantage of their...link was that Siobhan knew exactly how Coryth liked it. Then she took a ready meal out of the fridge and put it in the microwave, or whatever this Galaxy's equivalent is. Said ready meal contained sausages, potatoes and gravy. Tea and meal done, she took both and brought them to the table.

 

[Coryth Elaris]

Coryth sighed heavily, squeezing gently against Siobhan's hand as she followed alongside her down into the kitchen. From there she separated from Siobhan and took a seat in the chair. "Thank you, Sio. I appreciate it." Said as Siobhan set the kettle upon the stove.

A shrug of her shoulders happened as she waited for the tea and food. "He ... disappointed me." Taking in a deep breath, she sighed again. "Never been disappointed in anyone. Never. This is ... worse than being angry." Leaning forward she rubbed at her forehead slowly. "I mean ... he was never there when I needed him. I was dying, and he couldn't be there. He just, left my locket with me as a trinket, a sign he was there."

With the meal and tea before her, she slowly began to eat. "I don't know. I understand he had his own things going. I just ... I needed him there and he wasn't." It was complicated that was for sure. Complicated situations were the makings of all that was wrong in her life. Complicated when she needed simple. "Hurts that he wasn't. He was my friend ... He was ... someone I loved. But I couldn't tell him. I couldn't because he was always in love with her. Not me. He told me he loved me once. Now, when I needed to hear him say he loved me.... When I was walking out his door, after telling him I loved him, he didn't say back. I would have stopped. I wouldn't have left, if ..." She choked on her words there, tears starting to well up in her eyes. "I would stopped, would have stayed if he'd just have said those words. Three simple words, the lack of and he broke my heart." Now unable to hold back the tears the little redhead started crying in earnest.

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Coryth Elaris"]


"He...what? Yes, I remember. That selfish bastard," Siobhan said, barely able to contain the anger she was feeling, but she had to. For Coryth's sake, for she knew how much strong emotions affected the empath. Acting on impulse Siobhan pulled the redhead into a big hug, one hand reaching out to wipe the tears from her face. See, Siobhan had been there at the Temple when Phylis administered emergency treatments to Coryth, who had been on the brink of death. Siobhan had been a member of the party that accompanied Coryth to Tatooine, where the dying Jedi had faced the malicious Sith Lord Xerexes, who had brutally tortured, raped and infected her with poison.


Ultimately, after many perils, it had been Siobhan who killed the Sith by ripping his spine out. In the nick of time, they had found an antidote that kept Coryth from dying, though even more perils had awaited them on Malachor before the short stack of fire freed herself from the evil Sith spirit who was behind it all. Siobhan had been there, Sarge had not. "Coryth, I'm...so sorry. I never liked the arse, but I know how you felt...feel about him. It hurts to see that he treated you so poorly. I'd have expected better." There was a high degree of bitterness in her words.


"That's not the way a friend acts. Frankly I don't think he ever really was one. Please...don't think I'm saying this to hurt you, but Sarge is a self-centred arse who's only been good for running after the 'great' Cira. He gets credit for bringing you into Omega, but that's about it. When you needed him most, when you were on the brink of death, he wasn't there and that's when it would've mattered," she took a very deep breath. Maybe she could make herself some tea as well. It was not just her own anger she was feeling, but the profound sorrow and disappointment of Coryth was bleeding over into her.


"Even if...he'd said he loved you, I doubt he would've understood the meaning of those words. If he'd claimed to love you after failing like that, that would've been insulting. Love's not just about being there and having good times when it's convenient. You're an amazing woman, Coryth. You're...beautiful, brave, kind, compassionate, honest...really good in bed. Anyone who does not see how great you are is just a fool. I'm sorry...I'm very sorry you have to go through such pain. But...there is strength in letting go. Letting go people who don't deserve you. I just want you to know that you're not alone. Far as I'm concerned you're part of the family...and you'll always have me...and Tegs."

 

[Coryth Elaris]

Coryth nodded sadly, her eyes on the table as she took a sip of her tea. Clearly not feeling all that great about the matter. The redhead tightly clung to Siobhan again, pulling her close against her. Closing her eyes she happily let Siobhan wipe away the tears.

The tiny woman gave a small shrug as she pulled away, going back to picking at her food. "I loved him. Never thought I'd feel like that again after Andreas passed away. But ... I did. He gave me butterflies. I was just the stupid idiot that wouldn't let myself love him, couldn't admit that I did love him until it was too late to do a damn thing about it." Reaching up she wiped away a stray tear as she sipped at her tea. "When I first came back from unknown space .. I didn't think that I'd feel like that again. Took him on my boat, and we talked for a long while. I think .. I think I started to fall for him then. Sure as hell didn't want to. It didn't feel right. It didn't feel like I was honoring Andreas' memory. So at first I really couldn't admit it. Not to me, not to anyone." She shrugged again. "Then I learned about Cira, felt how he loved her. Then I really couldn't say it. His heart was always with her. What chance did I stand?" Coryth also didn't mention how she felt about Sio, that Sio'd be one of the few that made her feel like she was the only one in the galaxy that matter, that gave her butterflies again. The relationship was too complicated for the little redhead to figure out where she fell. If she could even love Siobhan or not.

The tiny Jedi nodded, her eyes on the table again. "No," She choked back another sob, "He wasn't. And it hurts so damn much to be this disappointed in anyone. Like a knife through my heart. It hurts... Aches. So painful." She shook her head, "Gods I couldn't even be mad at him either. I just .. understood the reasons." Another shrug as she continued to cry. "I couldn't be mad at that. I just .. I didn't have it in me."

The tears fell freely now, "Maybe not. I told him I wasn't certain if he ever really loved me before I walked out." A sniffle as she wiped away more tears from her cheeks. "Thank you, Siobhan. Thank you for that." A small bit of a red hue spread across her cheeks at the mention of her talents with crochet.

"I guess, letting go is all I can do." A sigh fell from her lips as she leaned heavily upon her elbows on the table. With another sniffle she laid her head in her hands. "I don't know. I don't know at all. I've just .. never been this hurt by anyone. And never been disappointed like this. Never." Another sigh. "Thank you. You've always made me feel welcome, like I was family.... Never had family before really that I remember which made this, so wonderful."

One last sigh, "It just hurts so much, my heart physically aches."

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Coryth Elaris"]


Siobhan said nothing and listened, letting Coryth say her piece. There was a time and place to speak, just as there was one to let Coryth express her deep sorrow, her disappointment and hurt. "I know, sweetie, I know. I was there in your mind remember? I saw how you...felt...feel about him," she said at last. Prior to that Siobhan had not known how close Coryth had been to Sarge. Truth be told, she had some difficulty understanding how one could find anything remotely likeable in the man, but it was not her place to judge. More to the point, it was not about her feelings here.


No, it was about Coryth. Thinking for a moment, she then reached out to raise Coryth's chin, being gentle in the motion. "It hurts...being disappointed, abandoned like that. I wish I could...say something encouraging to close this wound and make you feel better, but love's too complicated for an instant cure. All I can say is that I'm here. Whether it's for you to have a shoulder to cry on or what else. You're a strong, amazing woman...letting go will hurt, but I believe you can do it. I know you can." One hand was gently stroking across Coryth's cheek and caressing it, wiping away tears that were dripping down.


"You are part of the family, Coryth. I've given up trying to figure out what exactly our relationship is, but you are. I've wanted this to be a home for you...a safe place, away from all the crap going in the Galaxy. You are special. You may not see it that way, you may look back at the time when you fell onto a dark path and believe you got a second chance you did not deserve, but believe me...you are," at that Siobhan took a deep breath. Clearly she was trying to work up the nerve to say something she considered important. Darn, she should have made herself a cup of tea as well. Or, hell, had some booze. "And...feth it, this is gonna make things even more sodding complicated...but, right now I don't care, I love you, Coryth." There, she had said it. Three words, eight letters. Then Siobhan kissed her.

 

[Coryth Elaris]

The redhead managed a nod. "I remember. Though, it's still strange that you know my memories as well as I do." It was a most strange thought to the redhead, but it was the reality that they both lived in. Coryth shared Siobhan's memories as well.

After first there was a slight bit of resistance against Siobhan's hand as she tried to lift Coryth's chin. Finally she let her lift it, as tears still stained her cheeks. "I don't know what to do. I don't know how to get through this. I mean ... It's not like Andreas. He was my first. My first boyfriend, first love, first .. everything in that regard. I still deeply regret my actions in the end. It is my fault he is dead." She said with little emotion. That something she had torn herself down for, for the millionth time. "But, he's gone. He isn't coming back and he won't enter into my life again. Sarge .." A sigh came, "Sarge will always be in and out of my life in some regard. I can't entirely escape that. And being so hurt, so .. horribly disappointed ... I .. I don't know how to get over this. How to put the pieces back together." Another nod came. "I appreciate that more than you know."

The red hue on her cheeks started to spread a little further. "Thank you." The redhead sighed, "Would you mind if I stayed at the Villa for a while? I don't really want to be alone right now. Not at all." For her part Coryth imagined there would be a lot of crying in her bed, eating icecream and ignoring the rest of the worlds. This time right now, was just for her to mend her heart and soul. "Don't know what else I need aside from time. Someway ... I'll work it out. I just haven't figured out the details of how yet but I will." She attempted to smile through her tears as Siobhan wiped them away but it just didn't follow to her eyes. How could it? Her heart was still breaking.

With her gaze now focused upon Sio, she listened as her dear friend went on. "You and me both, feth if I know what we are." The redhead just had to add that in. Her eyes dropped to the table at the mention of the second chance she still very much felt she never deserved.

The words .... The kiss, came as a shock to Coryth and for a moment she could do nothing at all as her mind just seemed to cease to function. No words. No movement just shock. In her heart, she'd suspected ... often wondered but now that the words were in the air and had been heard, Coryth wasn't sure how to react to them. Wasn't sure at all. She pulled away from the kiss, looking to Sio a bit like a deer in the headlights. "I uh ..." She stopped herself, and allowed for a moment for her to collect her thoughts so that she might be able to speak with some level of intelligence.

The redhead sighed for a moment, looking down at the table. In her heart she knew what she felt, but the words seemed so far away in that moment. For a long while the tiny woman just stared at the table. The words seemed impossible to say. A frown formed on her lips, frustrated that she couldn't speak yet. Finally she got bold, but her voice ... she kept it to a whisper .. So soft and meek. "I love you too."

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Coryth Elaris"]


Coryth had spoken in a whisper and it took a bit for Siobhan to fully comprehend what she had said. "You...you do...Coryth, I...that makes me so happy," she said at last, seemingly lost for words. She did not doubt the redhead's words for a moment. The operative question was: What now. Siobhan, truth be told, had no clue. "I have...the worst timing ever." Understatement of the year. On top of her apparently being in love with three women.


This may be the moment to say that Siobhan had not planned for this, but that would be a Captain Obvious moment because love was never planned. It was one of those areas in life where 'grand plans' did not work out! "Coryth, please, look at me." She slowly stretched out her hand to gently caress Coryth's cheek. "Goddess, this is fething complicated and messed up and I'll never want to come between you and someone who wins your heart and treats you as you deserve, but I love you." Complicated was a big understatement. Siobhan did not expect that she would be able to replace Andreas. Having absorbed Coryth's memories, she could not help like the man. She was a married woman and already had a complicated relationship with Mirien, but she could not let Coryth be so stricken with sorrow and disappointment without the redhead knowing that, yes, someone alive did love her.

 

[Coryth Elaris]

"Yes, Siobhan I do." She took in a deep breath, trying to find her words again. "I told you a while ago that I had an attraction for you but I didn't know how deep it went. And we've been more than friends for a while. It took me a long time to understand what that attraction for you meant exactly." The redhead nodded. "Yes, you do. Timing is bad as I sit here with a broken heart. At least it leaves me hope that I'll love again. As I know you are married and I'm not going to interfere with that." Such a complicated relationship and Coryth certainly wanted no part in being a homewrecker. She wouldn't allow for that to be on her conscience, never. Not if she could help it.

As Siobhan stroked her cheek, the tiny woman finally shifted her gaze to look at her. "Yeah, it is. All of this is so complicated, so strange." A sigh came as she rubbed slowly at her eyes, trying to push away the tears still. "Gods this is soo complicated. So much pain, with a little bit of joy mixed in."

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Coryth Elaris"]


"I...won't even try to find a label for us...whatever we are." Did Siobhan think she could replace Andreas? No, though one might question whether you can even 'replace' a love. More to the point, she did not want to. Nor did she expect Coryth to pursue her in such a way. Perhaps love was also about recognising that whilst you cared deeply about, you were not 'the one' for them.


"If there's anything I can do to make you feel better, to make you smile...forget the pain for a moment, just say."

 

[Coryth Elaris]

Coryth nodded slowly, "Yeah ... I'm not even sure a label exists for what we are anyway." Talk about messy, complicated and all sorts of confusing.

"I wish I knew what I needed." The redhead finally said. "Right now, I just .... I don't want to be alone. At the same time I just want to curl up in bed for a long while without a single care in the galaxy. I just want to hide in my bed for a while." A sigh came. "I think I need that. I think I just need that time to help deal with all of this and put the pieces back together." Leaning forward again she rested her head in her hands. "I just need time. Time and rest." If only she had a clue what was waiting for her soon. A promotion to a position of great power that would never let her out of the public eye again. There would be no hiding under the bedcovers then.

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Coryth Elaris"]


Sometimes love meant letting go. If anything, there were times when such an act was probably more powerful than holding on. "Ok. I can give you that. You can stay here for as long as you like. Bad movies, ice cream, and you know how much Grrbyrr likes you! Your room's ready if you want to go there now. If you want...you can share a bed with me," at that Siobhan held up a hand. "We don't have to do anything. I would not presume that. We can just cuddle."


As it happened, Siobhan really liked to cuddle. Moreover, her ample bossom made a magnficient pillow.

 

[Coryth Elaris]

Coryth managed the tiniest hints of a smile. "I'd like that... the bad movies, the ice cream." A small laugh came at the mention of Grrbyrr. Indeed he did like her a lot. "I think I would like to go there now. It's been a long tiring journey and laying down sounds so good to me right now." Though, she'd barely eaten her food. With all the emotional turmoil she didn't much feel like food but had at least tried. The redhead nodded, "Just cuddling... That sounds wonderful right now." Perhaps with Siobhan, she might get some rest and not be apt to cry herself to sleep. Which had been her plan until Siobhan had woken upon her arrival.

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Coryth Elaris"]


"Ok, honey, then come with me. This is your shelter...your safe place," Siobhan said. She noted that the redhead had eaten very little, but did not fee like pushing the point. That said, she would be extra focused on Coryth having a good breakfast on the next day. And so she took the redhead's tiny hand into hers, holding it most gently, and, after giving her a kiss on the cheek, led out of the kitchen up the stairs towards her room.


"Bathroom is around the corner. You got something to wear? Otherwise we should have some of your PJs here in the closet."

 

[Coryth Elaris]

Coryth happily let Siobhan take her hand, and heading upstairs right alongside her. "Thank you for that. I need a safe haven after all I've been through." Said quietly as they entered her room.

The redhead shook her head, she hadn't brought anything to wear with her. With a sigh she walked to the closet, sorting through it until she found a simple spaghetti-strapped shirt and a pair of old shorts. Both well worn as much of Coryth's clothing was. The redhead never cared much for shopping after all. Still being a little shy about her body, she stepped into the bathroom for a moment and quickly shed her clothes and slipped into what counted for PJ's for her. Glancing to the mirror with her eyes swollen from the amount of tears that had been shed, she fretfully tried to wipe away the last traces of tears from her face. With a sigh she finally returned to the bedroom crossing to her bed. "Never thought it would be like this, you know. Nor did I think it would have ended this way. Should have known it would have ended in tears no matter what I did." With one last sigh, she pulled back the covers, slipping into the bed. Just being between the sheets, off her feet after everything was a much needed relief.

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Coryth Elaris"]


"I know, sweetie, I know. It will hurt, it will be painful...but things will get better. And you'll find someone who sees the amazing woman you are...and can make you happy. There is strength in letting go," Siobhan said gently. Of course, words alone would not mean much at this stage, for there was no magic wand for heartbreak, but she still felt like saying them.


"Come here, honey," at that she slipped into the bed. Scooping over to Coryth she snuggled against her body, offering the little redhead what comfort and warmth she could. And obviously Siobhan's volutuptous chest would make an amazing pillow.

 

[Coryth Elaris]

Coryth nodded again. Somehow, she never really thought heartbreak with the living could be this painful. In truth, she'd never experienced it like this. Andreas was dead, and the heartbreak the loss was different. And no matter what he had died and still held her in his heart. This wasn't the same in that respect. The love never felt mutual even if he had spoken the words aloud. Her empathy had detected the feelings in Sarge but it was just different. Especially when her heart was in conflict with what she felt from her gifts. "Maybe. I don't know. I just hope after this I can still feel butterflies again. Right now, it doesn't feel like I can." She did wonder if it would make it harder now for her to open herself to another. "Usually I'm the one all hoping for a happy ending and better times, but I just can't muster up the strength for that. Not now." It wasn't often that the redhead was in a negative state of mind. Not at all, always trying to find the positive, looking to a better future but right now she just couldn't manage.

"You know .... Sometimes I wish that when I saw the future, I could see things like this. See the things that might actually help me prepare for what is to come. But gods, it seems I never can ever see anything that will help me out in any way." Sadly the gift of sight just didn't work like that for her. She had one instance where she saw something that could help her out. And that was it.

Coryth scooted as close to Siobhan as she could, resting her head against Sio's chest as she pulled the covers up around her. As much as Coryth didn't want to keep crying, it wasn't going to last and soon enough tears were falling again. "Gods, it's been a horrible day. Ending a little better, but still so damn horrible." She whispered softly.

[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]

 

[Siobhan Kerrigan]

[member="Coryth Elaris"]


What could Siobhan say? Saying that it would get better sounded so...trite. "It hurt like an icy knife to the gut when Adril...disappointed and cheated on me. It hurt like hell when she died, but...then I found Tegs...and now Mirien and you," she whispered softly, pulling Coryth closer to her and enveloping her in a loving embrace. One hand moved to Coryth's face to gently caress her cheek, wiping away tears before she placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.


Her beautiful Coryth. No, not hers. In as much as any lover was 'yours', but the short stack of fire would never be 'hers' in such a way. Siobhan was...perfectly fine with that. What she wanted was for the redhead to find happiness. "Rest, dear. I'm here to hold you. Tomorrow you'll have breakfast in bed, we'll watch bad movies, have ice cream and busty maidens will pamper us."