First Reply The Wounded Exile

[Braze]

Perched high above in a tall sequoia maple, Braze watched the waves crash endlessly along the shore. The sweet scent of flowers drifted on the evening winds, soft yet strange, carrying perfumes unlike any he had known in the Temple’s gardens.

The stars here looked so different from back home. He gazed at them as though they were strangers.... brighter perhaps, but colder, distant points of fire that did not recognize him. His white hair stirred against his face in the breeze, as he sat still, knees drawn up, letting the ache in his body settle against the branch.

Exile was supposed to feel like freedom. Yet perched in the dark canopy above an alien coast, he felt only the weight of being unmoored... adrift between what he had lost and what lay ahead, if anything did at all.

 

[Hwo]

Puffs of smoke curled into the air as the kindling caught fire. Hwo gently blew on the newborn flames, cupping his hands to funnel the oxygen needed to feed its life. After a couple of minutes, the smaller sticks and twigs began to burn, allowing the ranger to leave it be while he finished preparing his dinner.

Hwo made quick work of the freshly caught fish, gutting and cleaning each before tossing the white meat into the small pot. Next he chopped a small local root vegetable and added it to the concoction. He followed this with a mixture of saltwater from the sea and fresh water from the bladder in his pack, gathered from the spring a short ways into the forest. A humble meal, but it would do.

By now, the larger sticks and pieces of driftwood were beginning to catch, and the fire was fully alive. Hwo sat the pot on the makeshift tripod just above the flames. It would take some time to cook. Sitting with his legs crossed on the sand, he closed his eyes and began to breathe, deeper and deeper, letting himself go as the gentle wind blew across his face.

A moment of peace. A moment of solitude. But wait. Another presence. Maybe he was not alone after all.

Braze

 

[Braze]

Tags: Hwo ​

The savory scent of cooking melded with the smoky richness of campfire on the evening wind. Braze caught sight of a warm glow in the distance along the shore. Odd… most villagers didn't travel this far out into the untamed wilds.

He descended from the tall sequoia maple, making his way closer and closer until he came upon an ancient fishing ladder. Down he went along the weathered trail that wound its way down the cliffside. It was clear the path had been carved long ago.

Finally, he reached the soft, sandy shore and started toward the figure in the distance, listening to the gentle sound of waves crashing along the beach. His footsteps shifted through the sand as he trekked closer, stopping at the edge of the campfire's glow.

"Good evening…" he greeted, studying the man curiously as he tucked his hands into his pockets, feeling the chill of the night air. He paused to look out across the ocean, then let his gaze drift upward toward the star-strewn sky once more.

"Didn't expect to find anyone this far out. Didn't think the wilds had much company these days either. Smells good. Mind if I sit?"

 

[Hwo]

“Please,” Hwo replied, standing from his meditative position and motioning toward a log by the fire. He wiped the sand from his rear and took a seat on a second piece of driftwood. “You look like you could use a good meal. Why don’t you join me for dinner? It will be ready soon.”

The ranger of course had many questions for the young stranger, but he was confident answers would come in time. The Force was no doubt strong in this one; he had sensed the Jedi’s presence long before his physical approach. But he also sensed conflict. That was not unusual. No ill intent, no overt manifestations of evil. More of a struggle — a struggle to understand his purpose, his place, how to harness his gifts for good. These were conflicts Hwo himself had felt in his youth. He still felt them from time to time, although age and experience had assuaged those concerns to some extent.

“You’re right, many of the villagers don’t make it out this far these days.” Hwo’s gaze turned to the heavens, still able to find amazement and wonder in the simplistic beauty despite having traversed the corners of the known galaxy over the last few decades. He turned back to his companion. “But we’re not just villagers, are we?”

Braze

 

[Braze]

Tags: Hwo ​

"That's awfully kind of you," he said, moving to settle down. He removed his small leather pack and placed it in the sand before rummaging through it. A moment later, he pulled out several soft, breathable cloth bags and opened them, revealing a modest bounty of mushrooms, nuts, and a few berries he had gathered in the forest.

"I suppose you're right in that respect. Here...allow me to add to this shared meal," he said, offering the man the forest's bounty he had collected.

 

[Hwo]

Hwo nodded as his new friend offered his own contribution to the meal. He plucked a few of the nuts and berries and popped them into his mouth, smiling as he chewed, appreciative of the small appetizer.

The stew was beginning to boil, so Hwo removed it from the fire and set it on the sand. He then reached for his pack and withdrew two small, collapsible bowls and a makeshift ladle. “I hope you don’t mind,” he began, spooning out portions, “but we’ll be dining a little informally tonight.” No utensils, just drinking from the bowls and eating with their fingers. The simple life. He passed one to his dinner companion and cupped the other with both hands, bringing it to his mouth for a long sip of the briny broth. It would do.

“Do you have a name, stranger?”

Braze

 

[Braze]

Tags: Hwo ​

"I don't mind. " Braze offered. " Thank you for sharing your meal with me. " Braze offered softly.
"I do... My name is Braze. " He said taking the bowl he was offered and holding it up in a 'cheers' sort of motion before taking a sip.

He with drew a small blade and diced up one of the mushrooms and tossed the slice sin to his bowl and added a few nuts. " I'm looking for a new place to call home and I think this might be it for me.... far... far away from trouble. "

 

[Hwo]

The older Jedi let out a light chuckle, amused at the comment but certainly not intended to insult. “Good to meet you, Braze. I’m Hwo.” He paused to take another long pull from the bowl of briny stew, then sat it down by the campfire. He opened his arms wide, drawing attention to the beauty of the soft waves riding onto the shore, the large trees littering the cliff side, the clear sky with stars twinkling. “This would make a fine home for anyone.”

Then he brought his hands back to his lap and turned his gaze to the younger Jedi. “Well, for almost anyone.” Hwo examined his new acquaintance thoughtfully. “We’re not most people, Braze.” While his words hung in the air, Hwo reached for a small pipe, placed one end to his mouth, and lit the other end with a small twig from the edge of the fire. He gently inhaled the mild smoke and exhaled slowly, letting it roll from his mouth. He then placed it between the pair, offering to Braze should he wish to partake.

“There’s no need to hide who you are here. I sensed it before you ever stepped foot on this beach, and I am sure you sensed me, as well. We’re cut from the same cloth. Maybe from different orders . . . Definitely from different times . . . But we’re not so different. We can chase peace from one end of the galaxy to the other. But we will never escape trouble.”

Hwo soaked in the warmth of the fire as the setting sun invited a cool ocean breeze. “It is because we seek out trouble. And not because we seek confrontation. It’s because we want to help — because we want to protect.”


Braze

 

[Braze]

Tags: Hwo ​

Braze watched with baited breath as the man lit up a pipe. He was curious about the object. He'd never smoked before and wondered if it might have been some kind of herbal drug. Jasper Kai'el told him not to do drugs. Though he wondered what it might be like he didn't partake.

"I've learned that peace is fleeting. " He offered softly. "Every thing good or bad comes and goes with time. It's why we should appreciate the good and peace when we have it. It's not so easily won either. " Braze seemingly agreed with the man and let out a heavy sigh. "I do rather prefer to protect than to just sit idle when bad things happen right in front of me. But it is a little exhausting... "

 

[Hwo]

The herbal mixture in the pipe brought a bit of peace without significant intoxication. A way to calm the voices inside and better channel one’s connection to the living Force. At least from a certain point of view. Hwo had occasionally shared these experiences with his old friend Mak Manto on Naboo many moons ago. He had learned much from the older Master on those pleasant evenings outside the Temple Theed.

Hwo smiled at the astute young Jedi and soaked in his words. He was quite wise for his age, even if he did not know it yet. “Why are you running?” the ranger finally asked. “You have the fight of a guardian and the mind of a counselor. You do not strike me as someone lacking in bravery. So what has set you down this path of doubt?”

Braze

 

[Braze]

Tags: Hwo ​

Braze took a few sips slowly from his meal then set it aside considering what the man asked as his gaze shifted out across the ocean.
Braze watched the waves roll in, his voice soft against the rhythm of the surf considering what he tried to explain to Connel Vanagor and how to offer his views to Hwo .

"I'm not running... not really... at least not the way it might seem. I think I'm just… trying to find where I fit after everything that's happened. The New Jedi Order thought it best to exile me... Yet I have held the New Jedi Order in a... critical light for some time now, as I often found my self feeling as though the individuals that ran it lost sight of what the Jedi of the past sought to impart. They think I need to atone and to be redeemed. Redemption's not really what I'm after. I'm just trying to remember who I am beneath all that's been done to me."

He drew in a slow breath, eyes following the firelight's reflection on the water.
"There were times when I wasn't in control of myself. When I was used.... And after that, it's hard to know where the line is between choice and conditioning. I want to believe the Force still knows my intent, even when I doubt it myself. I did all I could with what I had and they would rather wash their hands of me than offer compassion or understanding."

He turned his hands over, palms open to the heat of the fire.
"I don't think I'm a coward, or that I've given up. I just... don't want to keep living through guilt or fear of myself. I'd rather learn how to live with what's left… and make something good of it. Not for anyone's approval either... just because I need to... No one comes to help a shadow. No one was going to save me when I was falsely imprisoned on Tatooine either... I feel like I learned quite abit about what the 'New Jedi Order' really is... and well... I don't like what I see. "

Braze paused, letting the words breathe before adding quietly, considering the likes of Jand Talo and the others that Jasper Kai'el had brought in search of him.

"The Order talks about peace as if it's something to reach and hold, but I think it's more like the tide. It comes and goes. Maybe what matters is learning to float when it pulls away.... To survive alone. I've come to understand that they speak of unity, yet when one of their own falters, they cast them out and call it justice. They mistake quiet for peace, when true peace isn't the absence of struggle. It's the strength to face that struggle, even when the outcome is uncertain.

The New Jedi Order isn't the Light itself ...only a lantern drifting on its surface. And somewhere along the way, they forgot that. Their flame dimmed because they tried to control what was meant to flow. The Force was never a leash to hold, but a river to move with. So I'll follow where it leads, even if that path takes me beyond their reach."

 

[Hwo]

Hwo let the young Jedi tell his story, listening intently throughout. He was careful not to interrupt, instead allowing Braze to open up and get his feelings off his chest. A Jedi must control his feelings, but history had taught them that full repression had severe consequences. Never being allowed to discuss what weighed heaviest was a dangerous path.

“The New Jedi Order isn’t the Light itself,” he repeated when Braze was finished. “Just like any other order of Jedi that exists now or that came before. It is only as good as the members who comprise it. And individuals are infinitely corruptible — even Jedi. Some by ambition, some by power, some by jealousy. This is only complicated by political entanglements, constant war, and shifting alliances. The realities of navigating this galaxy with the supreme and supernatural gifts with which we were born.”

“But that is not to say that the New Jedi Order is inherently corrupt. Many there walk a straight path. They are truly guided by the Light. Certainly your master, your friends, the Jedi you fought beside, sharing blood, sweat, tears. Not all may be completely pure of heart — no one is — but you fought for a common purpose and shared unbreakable bonds. There are those who would die for you, and those for whom you would graciously give your own life.”

“My young friend, you are correct. It is not redemption you seek. It is not atonement. Because you cannot be redeemed, you cannot be atoned, for sins you did not commit. The Jedi select us as children, take us from our families, raise us to be a force for good. Sometimes that means a force for change, sometimes that means a force for maintenance and continuity. They tell us it is a privilege, and in many ways it is, but the sacrifices are unknowable until you are so far in that there is no turning back. Some break. . .” The older Jedi’s mind wandered a moment, to friends long ago, “But others thrive. I have lost fellow Jedi — dear friends — to the darkness. I could not save them, no matter how I tried.”

“All Jedi reach a point where they question their place in the galaxy. This life weighs heavy on our tired backs. Reflection is necessary to understand why we are here, how we got here, how we wish to proceed. Understanding ourselves, our actions, this is necessary to stay on the path of Light, to fight back against the darkness that pulls on us. There will always be temptation to stray from the path.”

“You have reached a crossroads, Braze. Only you know the next step forward. I can offer you a little wisdom from decades of living these shared experiences. The Force can guide you. Indeed, the Force should guide you. You have that gift within you, far stronger than most. But only you can decide your path.”

Braze

 

[Braze]

Tags: Hwo ​

Braze let out a heavy sigh and shook his head. "I think… for now, I'm going to build a beautiful place to call home and recover a bit of myself. I've given a lot to others and to the Order. It's about time I did something a little more selfishly inclined," he said simply.

"I think that by doing something I can immerse myself in, reaching that meditative flow state with the Force, I'll be able to help heal what's been damaged by taking a step back and recentering this way. It might sound strange, I guess, but I think it'll help me. I want to be able to build and farm, to just make myself busy with smaller things I can control and let myself breathe, metaphorically speaking.

I've spent so long fighting... I don't really know what I am when I'm not doing those things. Maybe I'm afraid of what I'll find in the quiet. I used to think strength meant victory... that every lesson had to be earned through struggle. But lately I think there's more strength in building something that can outlast me. You've seen more years than I can imagine; how do you keep from hardening after everything? How do you stay open to the Light?"

 

[Hwo]

“That does not sound strange at all,” Hwo replied with a gentle smile. “Until now, most of your choices were made for you. A lifetime of service. The Jedi teach you to control your emotions, control your feelings, control the Force. But all the while, you find that you have little control over what matters most. You. Your life.”

The elder Jedi paused for a moment in thought, considering Braze’s words. He took another small puff from the pipe before responding. “There can be strength in victory. Just as there can be strength in building. I would never fault you for taking a step back, as you are doing now.”

“As for me . . .” Hwo let slip a light chuckle, then sighed. “It is not always easy. And I have hardened in many respects. You can only see so many lives taken — you can only take so many lives, regardless of the cause or intent — before the callouses form. But I remind myself that everything, every action, is aimed at protecting the galaxy, protecting those who cannot protect themselves.”

His smile returned as he continued, “Also, do not forget, young Braze. We are both sitting beside this campfire tonight, far away from any battle, from any Sith, from any authoritarian military. I, too, need a break from time to time. To refocus, to recharge, to reconnect. There is certainly no shame in that. No, the shame would be to fight past your breaking point and allow your spirit to wither away amidst the chaos and violence.”

“Yes, that would indeed be a waste.”



Braze [sorry, missed your reply!]

 

[Braze]

Tags: Hwo ​

"Yeah… isn't that the truth. I don't always find it easy to just… let go of my emotions or accept them. Sometimes it's a little too hard to act mature about it." Braze sighed softly and flopped back into the sand, eyes tracing the stars above. The sound of waves scratched gently along the shore, offering a soft, calm counterpoint to his thoughts.

"It is nice, though… to just get away from it all, to take care of yourself for a little while. It's so easy to get caught up in everything." His voice softened as he watched the night sky. "This… this feels like a breath of fresh air. When you say it like that, it sounds almost peaceful. I've never thought of peace as something you had to practice. But maybe that's what I've been missing all along." Braze let out a big heavy sigh relaxing in to the sand before rolling over on to his side looking over at Hwo once more.

 

[Hwo]

“Tonight has been quite peaceful.” It was hard not to give into the lull of the crashing waves, the light breeze, the night sky’s bouquet of distant stars. “I think you are already learning.”

Hwo stirred the fire and added a couple of small logs to ensure it would burn for a bit longer. “You can rest easy here. There is little danger to be found on this beach, despite the stories you may have heard in the village. And when the sun rises, you can begin your next journey — even if that journey is simply staying put and building a quiet life right here.”

“You are young still. There is plenty of time to figure out your place in this galaxy. Not everything needs to be solved in a single night.”


Braze

 

[Braze]

Tags: Hwo
​

Braze lay there for a while, listening to the low sounds of the tide drawing across the sand. The warmth of the fire carried only so far; beyond it, the world turned cold and endless. His fingers sifted a few grains of sand absently. He held up a handful of sand and watched as it slipped slowly through his fingers before he spoke again.

"You said there's no shame in resting," he murmured, eyes still fixed on the dark horizon. "What if rest feels like giving up?"

He asked glancing over, as he turned his head slightly toward Hwo. "And..How do you rebuild when the person you were doesn't fit anymore?" Braze asked another question perhaps wondering if the man had some insight in to such notions.

"When you said you've lost friends to the darkness… did any ever find their way back?"

For a long moment, he fell silent again, "I guess I want to believe they can," he added at last, almost to himself.

 

[Hwo]

“A temporary break is never giving up,” Hwo replied, answering the first of the young Jedi’s series of questions. “But the corollary does not necessarily hold true. It is only giving up if you have found no greater purpose than the one you are letting go. If you have, then you are not giving up at all, but rather simply trading in one life for another worth living.”

“There are many paths you can walk, Jedi or not. You could be a farmer — trade in your lightsaber for a plow. That does not mean you have given up. Not every problem in the galaxy is solved with a glowing blade. It means you have transitioned. You are building and creating something new.”

“We all grow up, Braze. What you are feeling now, those are simply growing pains. It may be exceptionally hard for Jedi simply because of the burdens we carry and the mission we were given before we were old enough to think for ourselves. But it isn’t all that different from what every sentient being experiences. You do not stay young forever.” Hwo paused there and brought attention to his face as the firelight danced between them. “I wasn’t born with these weathered lines,” he joked, “I earned these through decades of lived experiences.”

“You aren’t even the same person you were when you made your way here from the forest to join me tonight. When you outgrow the person you were, you grow into the person you become.”

The final inquiry was perhaps the most difficult, although in some ways quite easy. “Some found their way back. Others did not.”

“I have rarely strayed from the light. My Master, on the other hand, was a much different story. Indeed, a cautionary tale that helped me stay strong. Master Fox trained as a Sith before he ever became a Jedi. An unusual journey, to say the least. He even achieved knighthood before turning his back to the dark. But what he found is that the Jedi Code actually permitted him to experience inner peace. To let go of the anger and hatred that had consumed him for so long. He found and helped build a stronger community, a stronger Council.”

“And in the end, Master Fox made the ultimate sacrifice. He stayed and fought so that my fellow Jedi — so that I — could live. I would not be sitting with you right now had it not been for his selfless courage and bravery in the face of the darkest of Sith Lords.”

“It is never too late to reverse course if you find yourself walking the wrong path. You may feel lost, you may feel defeated. But you are never gone.”


Braze

 

[Braze]

Tags: Hwo ​

He shifted slowly, pushing himself upright as he listened to the man speak. A heavy sigh slipped from him, carrying the weight of sleepless nights and quiet thoughts that never quite found rest. The tension in his shoulders eased, and for a moment, the air around him seemed to still.

"Do you ever just… feel so tired?" he murmured, his voice low and uncertain. His gaze drifted toward the dim light above, following the motes of dust that spun in slow circles. "And start to wonder what it's all for? We really are just… stardust."

He fell silent, his expression distant. "Sometimes I wonder if my existence really means anything," he continued softly. "In the grand scheme of it all… I'm just a speck of stardust, burning bright for a moment before the wind takes me."

He ran a hand through his hair, fingers gliding through the snowy white locks before coming to rest against his knee. "I try to believe the Force has some purpose for me. But lately… I can't always see it.... though perhaps... I wonder if it's arrogant to desire a purpose despite how small an truly insignificant my life may be. "

 

[Hwo]

The young Jedi was thoughtful, contemplative. After a life of nothing but the Order, he was finally learning to think for himself. Hwo could not help but smile, happy to stay up into the night pondering such questions with Braze.

“Both can be true, can it not? You are but a speck of stardust, a momentary flash of mass and energy that exists for only a second in the life of a galaxy. And at the same time, your existence means everything. It means everything to you, your friends, your family, every person you interact with. That’s simply the nature of life. Hell, that is nature itself.”

“The Force has a purpose for us all. It could be that you do not yet see it. Or it could be that the purpose has not yet manifested itself. It is not necessarily arrogant to contemplate a matter of such personal importance. But I must again remind you — you are young, still. You have much life to live.”

“You should also be wary of allowing this drive to find a purpose to consume you. Sometimes it is necessary to make sacrifices now to secure a better future. But do not let a singular focus on the future cause you to miss living your life now. It is important to be present.”

Hwo stretched his legs before him and crossed one foot over the other, leaning back to take in the present himself. “This galaxy existed long before you and will continue long after you are dead and lost from all memory. That is no reason to stop living. It may be the very reason to live.”



Braze