The War and the Consequences

[Nima Tann]

LOCATION: Temple Garden

"No... no no no! Don't... eat... Don't eat me!" She screamed in pain as the insects ate her legs and this torture wasn't going to end any time soon. She felt her strength was slowly fading away as the insects continued to eat her, and she was starting to lose consciousness also. And then... the yellow eyes... Some kind of monster... Taking her slowly to its claws... No, no, no wake up! Her eyes opened to reality with a shout of "No!" and the sweat, and that made her realize she was in the reality again. Taking a big breath of her being released from the pain, she carried herself to her wheelchair and placed her hands to the buttons. Those nightmares were starting to bother her very much, since they were slowly taking her mind away from reality and making her feel real pain even though they were in her dreams. Maybe this was one of the Host Lord's games? She didn't know. It was becoming a routine for her to spend her mornings in the Garden smelling the flowers and meditating her way out of those nasty dreams. Well, it was going to be one of those days.

She made her way slowly towards the Gardens, without looking at anyone since she knew that they were going to look back at her with sadness. No matter how much she was trying to stay strong at her current situation, the others looked at her with pity, and even though they were denying that they do, she knew it wasn't the truth. Well, if one of the loved ones of hers was in the same situation maybe she would do the same thing, also. She had to stay strong, it was her duty to do that. Being a Master if she stood weak in front of the ones who was learning, it would be bad role-modeling. It was one of the many masks she was wearing, and she was not disturbed to wear them anymore. It was concealing the young, scared girl inside and making her think more of herself being the young girl she was. Well, the years were moving, there was no young Nima anymore.

Being lost in thought she didn't realize she was already at the Gardens, but somehow her wheelchair was stopped. Maybe being in the same routine for a long time the body was learning how to react at different things? It was a good possibility. She wasn't sure of anything anymore, reality, illusions, mentalism... Everything was mixed in together. Yet, she stopped thinking those and concentrated on the smell of flowers just like the all morning this week and started her meditation of emptiness, to stop the thoughts coming in, and getting the thoughts in her mind out. Only this way her mental health was still on, and she was still a Master in the Temple. But one more damage could make her walls completely broken. And if that happens she wondered what would happen. Would they hunt her like a rabid dog on the run? Or would they try to help her? Well, she was here to prevent that ever happening.

Close the eyes, open your mind...

[member="Syala Daivik"]

 

[Baalagor]

Eyes opened suddenly, a sharp inhale accompanying that minute change, her head turning slightly to regard her surroundings not with physical sight, but rather the Force. Milky white irises and scarring about her eyes betrayed the lack of sight that accompanied her, but oftentimes she was better for it, able to open her eyes in a manner most found difficult to achieve. It allowed the ethereal to encompass her more readily, granting her visions of what was to come and what may yet pass, though these sights themselves were ever-changing. A fickle thing, but one Syala had learned to manage through nothing more than trial and error. Now they were in a sense reliable, but that margin for error was always present.

By that it was safe to assume that what had alarmed her wasn't any sort of nightmare, but rather one of those same precognitions. One hand reached up to pinch the bridge of her nose, and she exhaled slowly, clearing her mind. Someone's in pain. There was no easy way to explain how she knew this, and before in her life she had experienced the disbelief that often accompanied her reveal of the visions she was privy to. But this gift was something she trusted above all else, and she knew better than to ignore something so serious. It was better to investigate and find that her concern had been for nothing than let this go unfounded with possibly dangerous consequences.

Pushing herself to her feet one hand habitually strayed to check that her saber still remained in its place at her side. Violence was never the first option, but she wouldn't hesitate to defend herself or others. However, something told her this infliction was one of the more internal sort. All she had was that instinct to guide her, and so she walked slowly through the Temple and the grounds beyond, giving herself nearly completely over to the Force as she allowed it to move her ever closer to her destination, one unknown even to her. It was a semi-meditative trance she found herself in, one reminiscent of those that granted her chances like these to help others in the first place.

It became apparent once the air about her changed that she had arrived at the gardens. A familiar venue, and one she oftentimes found herself in when she was in need of a quiet space to meditate that was far more open than her own quarters. It seemed that it inspired that same solace in others, for this time she wasn't the only one here. Slow steps led her through the peaceful scene until she neared the Jedi Master currently seated in a wheelchair, and it was then that web of thoughts ceased. Here was the one she had been sent to find, to perhaps help in some way to relieve the burden that was currently plaguing her. Softly she spoke, hoping not to disturb her too terribly, "May I be of assistance?"

[member="Nima Tann"]

 

[Nima Tann]

She continued to close her mind to the outer world and clean the bad thoughts out of her mind as the seconds passed, at first she thought that the voice coming from the outside, a familiar and yet distant voice that she's not heard for a long time was coming from her mind, from her bad memories. But she could feel something that didn't belong to her mind, a presence, pure of light. That couldn't be her, she never had achieved to become pure of Light. And she thought that no one in this Temple would achieve that. Well, maybe someone but there was only a little chance that she would be here. Well, if there was someone near to her, it would be rude to just shut up trying to examine whose voice was that? So, as her back still turned to the presence she talked. "Thank you for asking, but I am okay." Was that rude?... Well, rejecting someone who came for help... Of course it was rude. "Well... uhh... I am..." So, she turned to the voice, to apologize, which made her shocked, seeing the girl after all those years. "Syala? Is that you?" She said, examining the girl. She was surprised that she remembered her name. It has been too long.

How many years had it been? 5? 6? Well, the girl, [member="Connor Harrison"] 's Padawan, grew up to be a beatiful one indeed. Both in spirit and the appearance. Looking at her first, she wouldn't recognise her, but her voice and wonderful aura made her remember. The girl never lost the spirit of an angel, that it seemed. But there was something different in her, her eyes were as white as snow, no iris or pupil visible. Hell, what was she talking about? She was the one in a wheelchair. "It has been so long..." She said, sighing afterwards. The years were indeed moving pretty fast, especially when you live in a world that every second had consequences.

It seemed like that the war taken from both of them, and the girl looked worn out even if her aura seemed very lively. But she would relate to her, since it was not that easy living in this galaxy, seeing wars, losing so much... Now now she was making it more depressive for herself. Typical Nima. She extended her arms for a hug, she didn't see the girl for a long time and hell it was great to see a different aura than the everyday wounded heroes. "Where have you been?" She asked, she had that big sister tone in her voice.

[member="Syala Daivik"]

 

[Baalagor]

Despite her blindness Syala was able to see well enough through other means to return the hug offered, pulling back after a moment with a smile. "It's been a few years, Nima. We shouldn't make a habit of not meeting like this. It isn't fair to either of us." Not after time had treated the two of them. From what she could sense or otherwise perceive the other was now confined to a wheelchair, likely the cause of this or that battle gone awry. Such was the case of her own disability, but neither of them seemed much worse for it. There was a certain weariness about each of them, but neither of their presences through the Force were entirely cowed or broken down. And that sometimes counted for far more than anything else.

The sisterly tone hadn't gone unnoticed, and she couldn't help but laugh quietly. "Recently I've just been on Voss, but I believe my Padawan would like to travel to Kashyyyk to obtain brylark wood so that he might construct his saber." That was telling of her standing within the Order while not quite revealing just how her sightlessness had come about. It was a subject she still wasn't sure how to touch on exactly with the others. The basics of it had been explained, she supposed, upon her return from Belgaroth, and no further inquiry had been put to her that wasn't from her Master. "But I suppose you're likely referring to something other than my whereabouts of late."

With one hand she gestured to her milky irises, "This came about rather differently. To spare you the exact details I was leading a peacekeeping mission on Belgaroth when the Sith landed there. I confronted a Sith Lord and was blinded for my trouble. Thankfully the Padawan that did accompany me was uninjured." That had been the one saving grace. Had the woman been wounded in a manner similar to her own, or worse, killed, she wasn't certain what she would have done. It was a small relief, but a recompense nonetheless. "Please, don't concern yourself with my ability to navigate the grounds or otherwise take care of myself, because I've found my own ways to manage." A slight smile. "Of course, Connor could inform you of that as well."

For a moment she studied her fellow Jedi as if she were physically sighted, when really it was the Force itself at work instead. This way of seeing went deeper than the physical realm, looking into the very core of one's being. "What of yourself? Have the years treated you well?" A part of her already knew the answer, but it was always more polite to ask than merely assume. After all, the other woman was her elder, and a Master as well if she had heard correctly. "I would ask that you don't omit anything just because you feel as if it's necessary. I'm willing to listen and help in any way I can. Such is the reason we're both Jedi." It was a point she had made before with Connor, and hopefully one that would suffice here as well.

[member="Nima Tann"]

 

[Nima Tann]

"You are absolutely right, we should definitely meet more. " She said to the girl, hell she missed her, and almost didn't recognise her if it wasn't for her perfect light aura. Years had been both cruel and giftful to each other, yet it meant it was the real life, so not everything had to be perfect. That was what made them strong. She didn't have the intention of asking her why she was blinded, yet the girl understood that way so she explained Nima the event. It caused a pain in her heart as she heard her story, she didn't deserve to be treated like this, not her. Yet Syala seemed completely fine with it, or she was very strong that she concealed that feelings from the outside world, the only thing she knew was she was still the Padawan Syala Nima knew, always finding the good in all that bad. And she talked about a Padawan, by the Force, they grow up so fast.

"I am so proud of you, Syala. Not only because you are coping with your situation so well, but you also have a Padawan to train now. You've grown a lot." She placed a perfectly timed smile to her little speech so she didn't want to look like she was mocking her, because it sounded like to her, "situation"? Really? "I am sorry, Syala. Such a good girl like you don't deserve such a treatment. But you are strong, and you seem like you are handling yourself well. That's why I, and probably everyone in the Temple are proud of you. I am not going to ask about this subject anymore if you want." She smiled, a caring expression could be seen clearly in her face, she cared for the girl, no matter how many years that they didn't speak. Yet, she talking about Connor made her face to drop a bit. "I didn't have the chance to speak with Connor after the invasion. I think he's busy handling things probably. How's he? " She asked, and it was a sincere question, she wondered where the man was and what he was doing, they had quite a history together, and now... everything seemed like erased.

Have the years treated her well? "Ah, you know. Usual stuff, go there, do that, come back, really. I've become a Master, trained some padawans. Years haven't treated me that good, yet it could be worse." She said, trying to conceal the immense pain in her head and her back from being handicapped and stuck to a not-so-comfortable wheelchair for a long time until her legs started healing. Or her spines. She didn't know actually. "Don't bother yourself with my problems, please. I'll be okay." She was going to be okay, wasn't she? Yet the girl seemed persistent on hearing the story, and Nima needed to tell someone, since being all alone thinking herself to sleep wasn't helping either. She sighed as the seconds passed by, and decided to give it a go. "So... do you still want to hear the story of Nima's downfall?" She said, her tongue out as she was making fun of herself. Yet it was a sad and disturbing experience indeed.

[member="Syala Daivik"]

 

[Baalagor]

The words of praise didn't go unnoticed, but Syala merely smiled and shrugged, her humble attitude entirely genuine. Connor had said much of the same in regards to her seemingly never-ending positive outlook and willingness to mentor others despite still adjusting to new circumstances. Now that learning curve had passed, and just as before she saw nothing extraordinarily remarkable in her circumstances. This was just how her life had to be, and she had coped, as anyone would. Perhaps not exactly so, but she had nonetheless. "There isn't a need to apologize. You weren't responsible for anything that happened, just as much as I'm not. And I've only done what I believe is right after what's happened. Nothing more and nothing less."

A smile found its way to her lips. "It sounds as if you've accomplished just as much, if not more. I would like to congratulate you on becoming a Master. I'm certain that those Padawans you've trained will go on to become just as talented Jedi as yourself." While many would have viewed her comments as patronizing she meant every word of them, speaking just as honestly as she did with her own Master. Every sentence that passed her lips she meant, and she was never one to speak without being entirely true to her word. It was a facet of her personality that always surfaced no matter the occasion, and one that would never truly erase itself from her being, even if it was sometimes best to not speak things quite so plainly.

The corners of her mouth creased slightly, though her expression soon schooled itself into neutrality once more. "I've not spoken to him lately, no. Hopefully I'll be able to arrange something soon. We haven't had a chance to spend time together since just after Belgaroth." A short pause, and a tense sort of silence hung in the air between them. "Sometimes I worry about him, especially when he isolates himself so freely. I only wish it was easier for him to open up and speak to those that care about him." All too often his own thoughts got him in trouble, and she had to seek him out in order for the pair to reconvene. Perhaps Nima could talk some more sense into them next time the two of them were able to meet.

"You've not fallen in any manner." Her voice was quietly reassuring, serious and yet gentle all at once. "You're still you, a Jedi Master, and an amazing one nonetheless. If that is what it means to have failed, then none should ever wish to succeed." Sitting down next to the other woman she folded her legs beneath her, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "And, just as I've told Connor, whenever someone says not to worry that only suggests the opposite. You should know just as well as he that it's never a bother if you wish to talk." After all, the two were bonded just as closely as sisters of blood. If they weren't able to speak to each other about their problems then no one was.

[member="Nima Tann"]

 

[Nima Tann]

"You did good, Syala. No need to be humble about that, we both know it." She gave a sincere smile as the girl continued to say it's all her job and it was just a small thing, yet Nima knew that wasn't true, what she did, facing a Sith Lord and getting out there with wounds, yet still being so strong and humble about it, even this behaviour needed to be praised. As her voice turned to a big sister again, she talked. "We are Jedi, of course. With all the humbleness and all, we sometimes need to feel good about what we are doing. We are living beings besides of our job, right?" Syala was a great Jedi of course, yet in some way Nima was feeling that she wasn't living the life in full potential, no matter how a good Jedi she was, she was also a teen girl, and she had her own problems to conceal. She knew how difficult it could be sometimes to be with your own problems but concealing from everyone else. And a big smile was placed on her lips as the girl praised her methods.

"Thank you. I didn't take so many though. I had a Padawan, yet he suddenly vanished somewhere. I hope he's okay but to honest no news are worrying me." She sighed, he was talking about an ancestor and about finding him, and she hoped that he didn't wander that far without the protection of his Master. Yet, she got the impression that he did, since he was the adventurous type. "But I am planning to take Theodred as a Padawan soon. He and I have some discussions to do about leadership." Then she added. "He's a bright one, yet too idealistic. Unfortunately we are not living in a utopic world." She might have come a bit aggresive in her choice of words, yet Syala would get the idea. "I am going to try to teach him that not everything is in our control." She added, her expression has changed from happy to sad as she heard about Connor and his doings again and she sighed... He never stopped trying to hurt himself wih his thoughts, and never wanted any help.

"Don't worry about him, he's going to be okay, always has been. But don't try to help him. It doesn't work, I tried." She warned the girl in a concerned voice as she didn't want Syala to be hurt. "Just be there when he needs you, yet never try to correct him over his own beliefs. If you push his buttons, you'll see a completely different Connor from what he is." Then let out a small soft laugh. "I've seen that part of him, and you don't want to see it, trust me." She extended her hand to touch Syala's arm, as to say she was dead serious and didn't want anything to happen to her. "You are like a sister to me, and I don't want anything to happen to you. Stay away from the darkness within his mind." As making her last warning to the girl since she was the last person she could feel like a sister, since both of her sisters vanished too, she then put a smile on her face again. "Enough about Connor though."

"We all fall, Syala. No matter how strong, or how intelligent we are." She said, getting all philosophical. "The important thing is to stand again after the fall. It might be difficult, the fall may cripple our legs, but we need to keep trying and trying to stand on them again and show the galaxy that they couldn't make us stay down today." She winked, even in a serious scene she didn't stop being the girl she was, and also cripple our legs part wasn't planned. "If we give up trying, that's when we lose." Then, back to the subject they had, what happened to her. "It happened on Ziost." She finally started to explain. "I don't remember what happened that clearly, since my brain is good at its job to conceal bad memories from happening. Yet, I remember that I was in a very dark place. And suddenly I took an electric shock to my spines.... Healers said that's why I am like this now. But I...I think there was something else. Something much more painful."

[member="Syala Daivik"]

 

[Baalagor]

The smile on her face slowly shifted to become one that those far more average galactic teens would wear. Her attitude was far more carefree in that moment, entirely reminiscent of that a traditional younger sibling would demonstrate. It was plain the bond between the two was strong, not only within the physical realm but rooted within the ethereal as well. "Perhaps we should learn to appreciate the worth of our own actions as a whole. That itself could be the key to our greater success." What with the central focus being humility, it was rare that any of them them took the time to truly ascertain and acknowledge the value of their actions. Now was as good a time as any for them to learn some of the opposite.

"I'm certain he will benefit greatly from your teachings. You have much to offer, and even more that hasn't surfaced just yet. Of that I am certain." The wisdom Syala spoke with was that of a higher sort, but the manner in which her words were enunciated didn't place her above any one individual in the least. Her position as a warrior of light was in service to the other inhabitants of the galaxy, whoever and wherever they might be. "As I always tell Connor, there is no good reason to doubt yourself or your ability as a teacher and a Master. You were granted this title by the Order for a reason. I know the Grandmaster wouldn't have allowed it if you weren't ready."

Her brow furrowed slightly at Nima's assurances, but she nodded along with her regardless. It was sound advice, no matter what her habit and instinct told her otherwise. "I can't help but worry. His habits and the things he says sometimes raise concern. He doubts the Order even while he puts his own capabilities under scrutiny. That leaves him with nothing to rely on other than the others around him. It's that which worries me." For all of his unwillingness to invest in others for fear of hurting them, he did a fine job of inciting others' consternation. If there ever was an ironic set of talents for one to be possessed of, the galaxy at large had yet to witness them.

Throughout the entirety of the morbid tale woven she remained respectfully silent, her expression carefully neutral. Carefully through the Force she extended a calming aura, one meant to ease any distressing thoughts or memories that chanced to forcefully surface. At the same time she reached up to gently rest her hands on top of the other woman's, a physical act meant to have much of the same effect as her efforts through other means. "Don't force yourself to remember. That will only make things more painful." Her voice was quiet, audible only to Nima herself. This by itself was a sort of therapy session for the both of them, soothing in every facet.

"I don't want you to continue if these things are difficult for you to recall. The recovery process is delicate and not to be disturbed. I didn't come here today just to distress you further." If anything, her want was to help in any way possible. "Please, don't allow me to bother you. You need to heal first before you attempt to recall much of anything."

[member="Nima Tann"]